Exploring our Potential

Breathing in... Space Opens

2009-03-23T22:35:00.002-03:00

I took the weekend to sit with the concept of me as published author, and space seemed to constrict as I thought about how and what would have to be done to achieve that.

Not the time for me to publish what is appearing on the pages as I write about mySELF as parent. Now if there wasn't others involved in MY story, no problem... but I wouldn't necessarily be a parent if the others were not there.

So I breath in... run the scenarios through my body. Produce a chapter that is me, but isn't necessarily the passionate authentic me that I live. Nope doesn't feel right.

Breath in... have published what I am living and have been in the past year, possible outcome, my children's sense of trust and safe haven with me being at stake. Not an option.

Breath in... choice point. Discovering this is not the time for THIS story.

And the space opens, for breath to flow, both in and out. My words once again begin to flow with the KNOWING with in, these words for now, are for me.

My time and place will come, when the space is right.

My sincere thanks to those who offer the writer I am opportunity, love, respect and encouragement.

The book is going to be amazing. And I am alright with being a reader this time around.

Birthright of Potential

2009-03-19T21:04:00.001-03:00

Birthright: any right or privilege to which a person is entitled by birth

As I get ready to engage in a teleconference with other authors who are writing for the Parenting book project, I find my self thinking about the Birthright of Potential and what that means to me as individual.

The Birthright of Potential, sometime so simple, so taken for granted, yet to some people they decide who has potential and who doesn’t. I think of the corporate world, you have the “leadership” of that corporation/organization who hand pick a chosen few for opportunities because that person has potential. And in the corporate world that equates to an individual in a leadership role dismissing the potential that we all hold and limiting opportunities for those who are not “chosen”.

Often times these individuals who are looked over have always felt they didn’t or don’t have potential. They have been brought up learning that they are nothing spectacular, nothing special and they should be content with where they are and what they have. They learn to settle, and that thought pattern will reflect into their relationships, careers and eventually parenting.

But if we all come to understand that we are born with unlimited potential, that Potential is a Birthright, the world will shift and change exponentially. Can you imagine a world where everyone believes they can achieve whatever goals they set for themselves, where they can be anything they want to be? The possibilities of a society that is evolved, progressive and supportive would be a reality.

And imagine if you will that this is a reality. Can you picture how many advances we would make in the medical, social, and science fields (to name but a few)? Amazing to think about.

So who would I have been had I known from birth that I had this bag of potential I carried with me always that would never deplete. I dare say that I am finding that out now. I work because I need to support my family but I find ways to make it meaningful and fun because I can. Now that I know I can be, do, see and say anything I feel I need to, because that brilliance is within me, I create experiences where I can express the passion I hold sacred to me and I can live that passion, and opportunities arrive. Opportunities present themselves effortlessly, because I am living authentically for myself, Voila! a new forum to express in arrives.

I no longer go out searching for things to make my life more meaningful, I know if I live a meaningful life (within myself, for myself) magic happens.

The Birthright of Potential… for my children, for my girls, to know now and no longer be limited by the parent I was because of the guardian of the vision I have now become… it excites me. At 30 years old I discovered the potential I had, at 33 years old I am experiencing life as it is unfolding… at 4 years old and 13 years old the possibilities are endless!

How magnificent for me to watch my children play, discover, experience and grow from a place without the old style dictatorship that was parenting in my past. The expressions of self they already are is awe inspiring.

Starting the Chapter - Getting rid of the baggage

2009-03-17T19:36:00.004-03:00

I have been invited to participate in a book project entitled Parenting: Guardians of the Vision - The Birthright of Potential. Today I sat down and reviewed what I had already written when I was initially invited to participate in this project.

What I noticed was I seemed to be writing from a victim standpoint. In trying to share my past parenting perspective I was not owning anything, I was saying things like, my ex did it this way, my ex expected me to parent that way.

While I read those words today, I noticed, this doesn't matter, the past is the past and started fresh.

So I began again, only to pick up from the self imposed hiatus I placed myself in in May of last year. And the words flowed, my story as mother in a difficult situation, protecting my girls, trusting their intelligence, allowing myself to be authentic and present to them... there is more to write there and I am uncertain as to if I will submit this chapter I am currently writing as part of this project or if I find another forum for it.

All I know is that the words flowed out with no stories... no tears... no waves of pent up emotion... it felt completed and matter of fact. If this story does eventually get published then I must write under a different name to preserve the anonymity of my children.

But the story... regardless of the forum, is needed to be told, to be shared and to be experienced.

Interesting to me to discover this... my writer, coming up, coming out, waiting to get back to the tap, tap, tap of the keys. Sharing the truth of my experience, knowing that it will ripple through and resonate with others who are drawn to it.

I have the feeling I will be starting many chapters. To continual new beginnings! Cheers.

Defining Your Path

2008-12-26T16:42:00.002-04:00

So the holidays are upon us once again. And you are twisting inside wanting to do one thing and being expected to do something else.

At what point in your life do you Stop. and choose what is meaningful for you?

At what point in your life do you slow down enough to hear what your spirit is telling you would be meaningful for you and Listen?

Take out the noise, the worrying about what others might think. The wondering if you will disappoint someone or offend someone.

You are not only doing them a disservice for being there in body only (while your mind, heart and spirit may be elsewhere).

When does tradition become meaningless, only an act performed because that is how we ALWAYS do it?

Does it ever get to that point for you? Is it time for you to choose differently? How can you choose differently and enjoy it?

I don't have the answers to these questions, the answers are within you... you must take the time to breath and trust your self to be guided. Take the time to speak of what is meaningful to you at this time, and not feel the need to make excuses or ask permission for the decision you have come to.

Define your path. Figure out what works best for you. I look at so many families during the holidays who have 4 - 6 different Christmas Dinners to attend, they feel obligated to make the appearance, while at the same time are exhausted after so much preparation prior to Christmas.

Take it slow. Yes it might be nice to see all of the people you love in a day or two, but why only during this time? Spread it out. Make time for you. Enjoy the holidays.

Do what is meaningful to yourself... to do anything less would not be authentic... and when your heart, mind and soul isn't in it... what is the point anyway?

Happy Holidays... I wish for you to be at that place, with that special someone, perhaps your family, or even by yourself with a book and a fireplace... define your path during this time and for a lifetime. Feel free to change your mind. It really is liberating this power of choice we all have (and sometimes forget exists).

Be well. Live authentically. Give the gift of your SELF this year.

Hmmm more about the goddess

2008-11-24T22:19:00.002-04:00

There is more here... I sketched a picture tonight, of a family of goddess'... my family. I want to paint it... big, bold, beautiful.

The sacred goddess that is in everyone woman, that place of power, of love, of joy that stays seeded deep within us even when we forget she IS us.

Do a google images search on Goddess and you will find thousands of images of powerful, strong, females, both fictitious, mythical and everyday people. All with one thing in common... they all have a knowing within.

Can you feel the goddess within? The crucible and the spear held at the same time, the femininity and strength, the fire and the love. All accessible to you.

Fantastic isn't it?

The Goddess Within

2008-11-24T21:58:00.003-04:00

Life has a funny way of coming around when you don't even know you are ready for it. My last post was written the day I sold my house... and a week before my life changed forever.

Happiness, beyond imagining. Without looking. Without questioning... fell into my lap.

Finding myself at a place in my life where I was ready to move on and beyond the things that have been going on in the past year. Finding myself loving me again. Finding myself excited about life and the future. And along came another gift into my life.

Well I've always heard stories about "true love" and happiness with a partner.

I can remember in a particular coaching session with Louise when I was unhappily involved and in crisis about my weight, where she pointed out to me that when I turned to food most people would be in bed with their partner, cuddling & talking about their days.

I can remember being taken aback. And I said to her, people actually really do that? I heard about that before... I chalked it up to peoples ideals or fantasy of a fairy tale life. Certainly nothing that would be accessible to someone like me. That was a year ago.

I am so very happy to be experiencing it. To be experiencing a life where I can be who I am, talk about what I love and be not only heard but felt. To be experiencing my heart talking directly with another. My soul connecting in a way that I never thought was possible. My heart... it sings, there is no other way to put it.

There is no filling of "holes" because there was no hole to fill, but I never imagined such fullness, feeling of overflowing, of utter and total love... giving freely and recieving in turn. The goddess within... rejoicing, basking, living in a way I never have before.

Without a doubt.

Without a question.

Without hesitation.

It's simply is...

as I am...

Life has never been so good... and I know that there is always more... and I can't wait!

Going... Going... Found!

2008-09-17T22:14:00.006-03:00

How often do you sit and wonder why things have to be so hard?

How much time do you spend thinking of all the things that can go wrong?

Do you run through a million possible what if scenarios in your head?

Think of all the time and energy you spend doing that.

You cannot expect an easy and quick outcome if you are dividing your attention and energy to two different spectrum's of the field.

The outcome will eventually manifest, but how it manifests depends on the type of thoughts and energy you bring it's way.

Think of it this way. All your conscious thought and energy is equal to 100%. There is something you really want to happen (i.e. selling a house) and you know this is your desired outcome. How long does it need to take? How easy will it be?

For me I divided my attention and energy more towards the What if's and I have to's of this process.

I'd say I spent 85% of my inner thoughts on a deal falling through, or maybe what would happen IF I didn't sell my place.

It took me along time to get to the point of letting it go. On the last day of my realtor's contract I had already decided that I was going to take my house off the market for a bit, that I was just going to forget about all the headache of having to prepare the house every week for showings or open houses.

I was done spending all of my energy in trying to make the house nice enough, good enough or right enough for someone to want to buy it (man that sounds alot like feeling unworthy).

And I let go. And an offer came that day, the last day of the contract. It took a bit of negotiating but at the end of it I was clear that if they didn't accept my conditions, then the deal would be null and void. I was not willing to play the game anymore.

During this time my thinking flipped to the other end of the spectrum. Maybe 5% of me worried. 10% of me got fired up. and the other 85% was willing to allow whatever would happen to happen.

And it happened. This morning, the buyers signed off on what I wasn't willing to budge on. It is done.

I wonder if I allowed myself to worry 15% of the time instead of 85% at the beginning how quickly the sale of my house would have manifested.

I had held so much "baggage" with this house that it weighed down my NEEDING to sell it.

A year ago when I first the thought of putting this house up for sale was an out to a relationship I had no desire of being in anymore.

Then I thought the sale of this house was going to be the salvation to my financial difficulties.

After that my thought was of financial security in creating a new beginning for my children and I.

Thoughts that followed soon after was of my despair and need to be away from the memories that this house held.

And finally after all of those burdens and baggage were tied into this event... it made me resentful that the house wasn't selling.

When I began to take charge of my life again (no longer willing to be victim), my experience with the house began to change. It could sell, or not, and it was going to be just fine. It wasn't going to make or break me.

As each day passes I become reacquainted with the strong woman I am. I remember that all of these things (listed above) do not define me. There is only one thing that defines me... MYSELF.

Pheonix Rising

2008-09-16T18:48:00.003-03:00

I'm burning the ashes that remain of my past.

Emerging into the freedom of creating from a clean slate.

Not willing to focus any more attention on the what if's and worries.

Energy can be much better used for creating.

Need to read the Pheonix Rising again.

It is time.

Odd State of Suspension

2008-09-10T19:53:00.003-03:00

Yes I am claiming my life back.

Yes I am starting fresh and new.

Yes I will have no limitations that I won't be able to work with.

And yet I notice, I'm in this odd state of suspension.

So many good things are happening so fast around me. In my life (for the good) and in the lives of those I love.

I want to celebrate. I want to rejoice. But I sit keeping a lid on my excitement in fear of the ass falling out of it.

I've had a bottle of champagne in my fridge since the spring, waiting for one of two events to happen. 1) Get the acting assignment I was wanting at work OR 2) Selling my house.

Well I got my acting assignment and started it in July, yet at that point there were enough other things going on in my world that I didn't feel much like celebrating.

Now just last week, I agreed upon an offer for my house and I put a deposit down on a flat that I absolutely adore. And I am in this freeze mode, a state of suspension... is it done? Do I celebrate? Or am I going to be disappointed? Today they buyers did their home inspection and again I'm wondering... did everything go okay? What if, what if, what if?

This is not a nice feeling for me. Someone who has learned what I have learned, know what I know and have trusted in my experience. Yet now, with the events of my recent past, I am waiting for my world to get turned upside down again.

I would love to be singing in the streets... yet if I do it and allow myself to feel the joy that is inside... what happens if it doesn't go through? Can I handle another disappointment?

The sale of my house truly signifies a new beginning for me. Letting go of the past. Not having a physical space where I have so many memories. It is the rebirth of a woman who has her whole future at her feet. A financial clean slate. Security for my girls, space for my girls. New beginnings.

Have you ever wanted something so badly you were afraid to breath in fear of losing it?

That is where I am right now... in this odd state of suspension.

We shall see what tomorrow brings...

Yehaw?~? Yipee!!! I'm so happy! Can it be? This is it? A breath above water!!! New Beginnings!!!

The Breaking Point

2008-09-07T22:50:00.002-03:00

It's almost 11 p.m. on a school night and my beautiful 13 yr old just finished crying her eyes out on my shoulder.

I have been separated now since the end of January, and since the end of May my kids have had no contact with their father (other than a few text messages).

Much like I was as an adolescent (am in some ways still), Jessica has been pretty marvelous at putting up a front and hiding her emotions. Tonight she came into say "I love you" after she already had been in bed... that was an invitation for me.

As I held her and asked her what was going on, did she have things running through her head, she released her "sadness" and sobbed in my arms. "I miss him" she managed to get out. And as I held on to her, telling her I know, waiting for her to stabilize a bit until I can say to her that I honestly can't imagine what she is going though.

And I don't, for my parents, even though they divorced still had free access and contact to both my sister and I. And as she cried some more with that acknowledgement, I told her that there is really nothing I can tell her, other than I will always be there for her when she needs me.

I asked if she has been in contact with him through text, and she has, but she is still feeling the huge loss.

Another dam broke and she managed to get out that the last time she saw him she didn't want to be there. So of course I let her know that she should not feel guilty about that. It's not her fault, that all of this is F'd up (yes I swore) and that it is absolutely NORMAL for a teen aged girl not to want to have to go visit a parent if they'd rather go with their friends, and she should not hold that as something that is wrong.

I told her that her father loves her and that last time she saw him would not be the LAST TIME EVER (and as she sobbed tears of relief I silently hope and pray for the sake of my beautiful teenager that she has another opportunity to see him so her memories will not be that of "not wanting to be there").

And this is all I can do. Hold her. Let her cry. Allow her to feel whatever she is feeling and acknowledge those feelings. Yes it's shitty. Yes you miss him. And NO it's not your fault.

I am very thankful there seems to be an abundant amount of energy and strength for me to draw on during these times when I most need them.

Jess seems to have had her first breaking point. This movement will allow for more strength, love and the next stage to happen. Who knows what that will be? I can't say for sure, but I know that I will be here in whatever way she needs me to be when she does.

A Whole New World (yet again)

2008-09-02T19:24:00.002-03:00

School starts tomorrow in Nova Scotia.

Jessica will be entering Grade 8... no longer the bottom of the totem pole, but not yet at the top. She is excited (has been for weeks now), although in typical teenager fashion she swears she is only excited to see her friends and not for "school".

Sara is starting school tomorrow too. They call it ELO (Early Learning Opportunities), her school is one of 6 in the city that offer this program. I feel fortunate that I am still here to take advantage of this. Sara just turned 4 yrs old this summer. She is so very excited for school. Although tonight when I tucked her in she asked if there would be boys there. LOL, oh they start young.

Once again the school year starts. It will hold plenty of learning, discovery and many firsts (and lasts too). My eldest will learn new skills (Family Studies & Woodworking) and is hoping to hone her organizational skills. My youngest will be learning to engage in a new environment.

Me? My life shifts once again. I change my working hours to accomodate Sara's school starting hours. My baby... is growing up. And my other baby... is rapidly showing me the ways she has matured in a woman. As Sara explores her independance (as every 4 yr old does), Jessica is there to offer an encouraging word to her exhausted mother.

Time slips by quickly. I know I am utterly blessed. Even though I seem to have my challenging times with myself & how I interact with my kids, I intend on taking a few minutes at the end of each day and writting down the gifts I recieved that day. The joke, the hug, the I love you's, the "You're a Rockstar"... and breath it all in exhaling the love I hold for my girls.

Intention + Action... is the key to manifesting a meaningful life. As you will it.

Puddle Jumping

2008-08-29T18:18:00.009-03:00

The rain came long and hard at the end of the days work. Perfect for puddle jumping.

Sara couldn't wait until we were done supper to don her rubber boots and rain coat and get out in the promised puddles that she wanted to walk in on our drive home.

I think of Jessica when she was Sara's age and the "rules" I had about that. Never letting her expereince the freedom of playing in the gift that nature brought.

I remember how much fun I had as a child when I could go out and splash around in a mid summer down pour.

How many rules do I still hold that might redirect one of my children from having an unforgettable memory?

Sometimes it is good to let your hair down and go laugh and play in the mud.

I think of my friend Danielle, whom I have always envied in her carefree nature. Going out mud sliding in the valley, allowing her son to express himself with his artwork and never redirecting him to draw rainbows and puppies instead of decapitate people. LOL

And when you let one of your "rules" go... you get to experience a magical gift. The joy, laughter and delight that your child revels in when doing something that connects them to the essence of who and what they are. You also get to laugh and feel the sheer joy that comes to you when you join them!

Letting your hair down. Why do you hold the "rules" you hold? Are they because they are what society expects of you? Because of what you were taught as a child? Or are they there because of your own fears or insecurities of your past? Do those "forbidden" joys really pose a danger? No? They let the puddles fly!

p.s. Who made up the rule "i" before "e" except after "c"? That doesn't always work.

Nurturing my Soul

2008-08-27T21:32:00.004-03:00

The need to get back into writing again is strong within me.

The excuses I provide myself to "not" do it were strong too, but they are no longer serving me.

I have decided that I will write at least every 2nd day.

I feel the need because allowing my words to flow out of me has always nurtured my soul.

I wonder sometimes what I have been holding onto lately... that is keeping me stagnent in my life. Things are moving, I'm doing things, but not like I used to, and perhaps it is because I am not allowing my creativity and light to flow. Time to switch gears, time to let it go.

Being a single mom 24/7 has it's ups and downs, such as everything else in life. I am tired, I am craving quiet at times... and I love that I get to be told that I'm a "Rockstar" by my 4 yr old Sara and get to know my eldest more deeply.

Jessica and I are still working on our relationship. I have to learn to trust and release. I have to learn when to let go of the small stuff and listen to the small stuff. It is definately a work in progress, yet I know it will always be evolving. I think of my relationship with my mother that still is and will always be a fluid one. Because each moment there is something new to discover.

I have been holding onto my house that I have been trying to sell since October of last year. And I am getting very weary and tired of it. I have almost (ALMOST) given in and resigned myself to the thought that I would never be able to sell it. Luckily I realized that this week and need to have a little discussion with my house. Maybe some Ho'oponopono to help me let go, instead of searching and trying to list the reasons why I need so badly for it to be sold.

Yes indeed, it is time for me to nurture my soul. Let go. Release. Open. Invite. Live. Celebrate.

Welcome into my life, I am here with open arms.

Canada Post - The last Great Canadian Institute?

2008-08-22T22:01:00.005-03:00

On Saturday, August 23rd (tomorrow), there is a "Save our Postal Service" rally in Halifax, Nova Scotia at the Grand Parade Square starting at noon.

The Canadian Government has begun a "Strategic Review" of your Post Office. This review will look at deregulating your Post Office. This can result in less service and higher prices to the public and small business, but better service and lower costs to big companies and large-volume mailers.

This is not the post office we want!

There will be no public hearings.

The public, the real owners of the Post Office, will not have their say.

They do not want your opinion.

Tell them anyway.

What you can do:

Come out to the Public Forum / Rally at the Grand Parade Square tomorrow.
Before September 2nd, 2008 write to the Review Panel chaired by Mr. Robert Campbell (e-mail info@cpcsr-esscp.gc.ca and cc your MP)
Write your MP today! Tell them you want deregulation off the table, demand public consultations on the future of Canada Post (http://www.upce.ca/en/pdf/Negotiations/stratReviewLetter_e.pdf)

If you are in anyway concerned about the future of Canada Post and in a way more importantly if you are outraged that the government is making these kinds of decisions behind closed doors, do something to stop them in their tracks!!!

I will be doing a short speech at tomorrows rally. If you are there because of what you have read here, come and say hi to me after the speeches.

I really believe in making a difference and taking a stand. Sometimes it is through personal discoveries, sometimes it is doing something like this talking about something I believe in.

One person, one voice... but it echos to many. Collective voices can THUNDER!

Tourists... laugh

2008-08-22T21:48:00.002-03:00

Yesterday I was outside talking with a friend on the corner and this little old lady with a "name tag" walks by a few steps behind her another elderly lady appears and says "I think we're lost".

Then she sees my friend and I and approaches us. She is from the southern U.S. she says "Do y'all speak English?"

I'm thinking um, you are in Canada and debate saying to her, no, we speak Canadian but hey, I'm all about helping people out so I tell her "Yes, of course, can I help you with something?"

She says "Can y'all tell me where the tourist information building is?"

I say "No problem, it's down a block and over a block right on the boardwalk on the water"

She says "No it's not, I was told it was up this way"

I said, "Nope, it's just back there in behind the Museum"

She gets agitated and says "NO, they told us when we got off the bus that the building was a block up this way"

I take a breath and say "The bus drop off is right in front of the museum and the information place is right in behind it"

She pretty near cuts me off and starts to walk away saying "No, you don't know what you are talking about it's not on the water I know, you're wrong."

As she is stalking off (as much as little old ladies do) she sees her bus drive down the next street and she's waving at it like a mad woman... "that's our bus, they'll know"

I shake my head and think, man, if you don't want my help, don't ask... lol

What an experience.

I hope that when I go to another country to travel I at least have enough sense to a) read up on the place and b) take the advice of the locals.

Do y'all speak English? I do.

I speak some french too.

And some polish (just the bad words my father & uncles taught me).

Why don't the tourist companies let them know what to expect? Might help get rid of the stereotypes we all hold if we educate ourselves on other countries & cultures.

Do we really get it?

2008-08-20T20:46:00.002-03:00

The other day I went to lunch with a colleague of mine and we go to talking about my past, of how I came to be, what I went through etc, etc.

So she got a really condensed version of the whole meal deal. She got the loneliness of an adolescent who wanted escape, she got the young woman who was homeless, the girl and woman who was on welfare, the single mother who left with her baby to leave for another province, the single mom who finally wanted a better life and scraped by to get into college (I'm still paying off the student loan)... everything.

As she was shocked and in awe over my story, not having expected me to come from a back ground like that. She said how strong I was, and look at me now you got your shit together. All those things and yes, this past of mine, has played a part in the woman I am today.

Today towards the end of the day, I hear her speaking on the phone. She is talking about someone she knows and being very judgemental about being on welfare, disability or whatever the case may be. And I tried to ignore the conversation and go about my business, but everything she was saying with a disgusted, better than thou, voice... was me. All of it.

I left work early today. I didn't want to listen to those words any longer as I allowed myself to think less of myself because of opinions like those for too long.

One day I education someone on something they may not have known about me, and they appear to be taken by my story. The next they forget I am right here, that all of those things I am/was, and they don't realize... that might have been the background history of the person they were talking to on the phone and they didn't even realize it.

It saddens me a great deal. Not so much for myself, but for the realization that although people can be made aware of things... they may choose not to make a connection. To consider that those of us who are not the same (different race, culture, class, gender, background, sex preference) are somehow inferior to you... less then the rest.

Wake up People!!!!

We all have our own personal "hells" in our lives which we have survived or will survive in our future. I hope to god that no one is sitting there looking down their nose at you when you are in the midst of it!

When I got home from the gym tonight I noticed my colleagues phone number on my phone. Perhaps she realized when she got home how much her words in her conversation to another had cut through me.

Do we really "get it"?

Will we ever "get it"?

Do you want to "get it"? That is what it boils down to. If you are happy with they way you live... in your words, judgements and actions... I guess there is nothing to "get".

Reflection or an Invitation

2008-08-17T11:14:00.003-03:00

I believe that things happen in your life for a reason.

I believe that what comes into your awareness is in someway a reflection of yourself.

I couldn't comprehend how something that was distasteful or horrific could enter into my life and not in someway be a reflection of myself.

I stuggled with my beliefs because I knew deep down inside that although this was my new reality THIS WAS NOT ME!

I remembered that in each moment we have the choice.

I remembered that in every awareness is an opportunity for more.

I remembered that with each discovery or awareness of something in your life isn't always a reflection it is also an invitation.

I can choose to make that invitation anything I want.

I have this in my life. I have a new insight on this particular situation. I am who I always have been, and one day I can speak of my expereinces and be the invitation for others with whom my story resonates to know they are not alone. It was not them. Nor was it their actions or inactions that brought this experience into their lives.

And the healing can begin. As it is with me. This invitation is also here for me to choose to define my life and not be defined by it.

An invitation to the more that is. Choosing along the way.

Integration

2008-08-12T21:08:00.002-03:00

Today was a day for integration. It seemed that my 3 differently themed blogs have combined... integrated.

I'm no longer feeling the need for seperation/compartmentalizing. I simply am me. All I've ever been, and the potential of my future me is very bright once again.

In speaking with a friend today I was explaining how I was having trouble making sense of the crisis event that happened in May. If everything happens to you for a reason (i.e. awareness or growth) and if I am aware of this "thing" in my life that it is somehow an aspect of me or of who I will be, how in the hell can something so unfathomable be in any way related to the person I am.

You see for the past few months I was only seeing this "crisis" as somehow a direct reflection of who I am. As my friend pointed out to me today I gives me the understanding and compassion and unique insight to help others cope who are in similar experiences.

Well OF COURSE... it resonated with me. I don't have to wear the baggage of this event, I can learn from myself and how I continue to move through this and transform that into something that is meaningful in my life.

So "crisis" is an invitation for me.

As well, tonight I had my appointment with a trainor at the gym. My whole healthy self blog is integrated today into who I am... Taking charge of my health. Focusing on my personal ideal and working towards manifesting that.

The trainor asked me tonight what my goal was. For me it isn't a magic number nor a specific size, it is all about how I wish to feel and to be able to have more energy to PLAY!

My "whole healthy self" is about my own personal leadership. Who I am, how I feel, what I say, what I do, it is all an invitation for me to take the reins and led my life instead of being lead by it.

I am a single mom. 24/7 full time. It is frustrating sometimes not having time to myself, time to think, time to decompress, time to breath... however I am (as my 4 yr old put it) a ROCKSTAR! lol, it is times like those, when my lively 4 yr old hugs me and says stuff like that or when my 13 yr old says she can finally understand how tiring it must be when I do it all, that make it more than worth it. See World of Singlemomdom blog.

A few weeks ago I took my kids (and a friends daughter) to Magic Mountain in Moncton, NB. What an amazing albeit short time we had there. On the way home we stopped at the Indian Handcraft Store outside of Truro, NS. I was looking at the wares and making a few purchases when my 13 yr old told me I should buy a certain necklace for myself. It is a polished green circle stone with a metal bear claw symbol ontop of it.

I looked at this necklace and thought of how protective and fierce a mother bear can be and I bought it.

A few nights later I was wearing it and Jessica asked if people at work commented on the necklace. I said they did, she then told me that the reason she thought it was fitting was because a mother bear is a very good mother and loves her cubs and is very protective of them, sometimes over protective.

I told her I thought that was very fitting and I had indeed thought of the same thing. Out of the mouth of babes eh? (If you can call 13 a baby).

So this is where it's at. This is all of me. The woman, the mother, strong, soft, loving, fierce all rolled into this package. The one who stuggled with the challenge of once again becoming a single mother. The one who struggled with body image and self esteem... this is the one stop shop.

Welcome back to you all... and thank you for your welcome back to me!

Forgotten but not Gone

2008-08-08T16:05:00.000-03:00

Here I write in my long neglected domain. What a crazy life I have been living lately.

In the midst of major family crisis I seem to be floundering on who I am. It is almost as if I lost my sense of self. The old me (the writer, the super mom, the me of a mere few months ago)… is not who I allow myself to be anymore. I have allowed doubt to enter back into my world.

And finally as I come up on the other side of the surface, I recognize that I allowed myself to be a victim to the circumstances. I allowed this crisis to define who I am and what I can do. I no longer own my business. I no longer life coach. I no longer give workshops. Oh don’t get me wrong here, I have the desire still inside of me yet I feel the doubt. Who am I to do this when I have such CRAP going on in my life? How can I stand up to be witnessed when I feel tainted by the acts and deeds of others who I chose at one point to be part of my life?

I feel an emptiness and sadness. I had resolved that my life would never be the same again. And now… here deep beneath the doubts is my soul, my spirit, my godforce, screaming and demanding to be recognized once again.

Last weekend I picked up a gift for a friend on my vacation with the kids. I don’t know why I picked it up, I did not plan on picking anything up for this friend, yet I did and I knew a trip to Oceanstone to search for myself was in my near future.

I went for coffee with Margot last week and I told her about my need and desire to do a day trip or an overnighter at Oceanstone. When we discussed my intention for going… waves of emotion began to arise. I need to reconnect with me… with who I know I am inside, unchanged, untainted, strong, beautiful, driven, open to life and connected.

So in the next week if you are there, you will find me by the ocean listening to the waves, wind and my spirit. Or under a tree on the moss laden ground listening to the song of my soul.

Life is good… I was just allowing myself to be blind to it.

Dandelion Fairies

2008-06-07T15:34:00.002-03:00

As I sit in my sadness in the sunshine and warmth
Dandelion Fairies float into my awareness.

The birds are chirping loudly and furiously
Demanding I pay attention to my surroundings.

I feel the breeze dance across my skin
And I remember who I am and why I am here.

Yet as those dandelion fairies dance in the wind
I wish I was them, flying on the breeze until I find my way home.

For the dandelion fairies know that when the breeze dies down
They will take root in their chosen place and transform and grow.

Eventually those fairies will become flowers, standing still rooted in the ground.
Until they give birth to dozens upon dozens of magical fairies just waiting to be released and find their joy, dancing upon the wind.

Bringing magic and joy to the children who add their breath to them to set them free,
Once again being release to fly, swoop, dance on the wind, play in the breeze and start a new.

Dandelion Fairies… reminding me of the magic and wonderment in my life
Letting my spirit soar on the wind, heeding the calls of my feathered friends.

Releasing… renewing… rejoicing.

It's seems like forever...

2008-04-29T20:44:00.003-03:00

It seems like forever since I have blogged. Forever since I have sat quietly and journaled. And yet I sat wondering why am I static?

I forgot how fast life moves when you are willing to engage authentically. To stand raw and be seen. To say things and be heard. To listen and to be listened to.

I have been going like the energizer bunny... yet hiding at the same time. Being busy for the sake of being busy.

Day Job, Coaching, Single Parenting, Home Owner Selling, Union President Helping, Friend listening and playing.

I was allowing myself to become so busy I didn't have time to think.

Ever since the end of January when I ended my relationship I have been occupying my time with other things so I didn't have to sit with what it is like to be me, here and now.

I busied myself so I did not have to grieve a ended relationship. So I wouldn't cry over something that I needed to do for me.

I kept myself occupied so others would not pity me. So my children wouldn't be upset. So others would know that I really did choose to be a single mother again. My choice. Yet I chose to ignore the feelings that come up with ending a part of your life.

It all came to a breaking point. One which I haven't fully allowed myself to process yet. I have still been fighting it back and stuffing it down. Being strong. Being in control. Not wanting anyone to have the satisfaction of saying...

Of saying what? That I'm human? That I hurt? That even though I chose it I can still grieve it?

So I have not fully moved through what I need to move through in order to move on.

And I begin. I'll journal specifically surrounding the end to this part of my life. After the fact (lord knows I've did enough before it).

And tomorrow... who will emerge? Me of course, one who remembers to be gentle with herself and allow herself to stop... breathe...and re-source.

Life is indeed good.

Open Letter to the Universe

2008-04-29T20:42:00.002-03:00

I am ready. I am open. I am love. I am you.

This house is ready to be bought.

This body is ready to be transformed.

This heart is ready to be loved.

This being is ready to engage.

The time isnow. My gift to you is trusting, loving & being myself.

Thoughts really do become things... if only you let them.

Victim or Creator - The Choice is Yours

2008-04-02T22:24:00.002-03:00

Right now in my life I have been attracting people who are at choice points.

Either they are sick and tired, knowing life isn't working for them... yet choosing to make excuses to stay in the same old rut they have been in for years now.

Or they are at a point in their lives where they know they can no longer go on living how they are and need a kick to begin to change their lives.

Or they are finding out the hard way that if you are not clear in who you are and what direction you are going EVERYONE (and their mother) has an opinion on how you should live your life.

All of these people are showing up in my life right now, at various stages of evolution in their own personal journey.

Some choose to remain in the victim role, because they can't afford not to (money does not equal happiness or good health for that matter).

Some choose to remain in the victim role because they can't see how not to live that way, it is scary to take ownership of your life.

And yet there are these others who have come into my life recently who are all about MOVING INTO themselves to move forward in life. To create the future they wish, but they just needed to be reminded how to do it.

Victim or Creator... either is a place to stand that is serving them (for whatever their reasons).

It takes strength and courage to move from victim to creator... and I know that the strength and courage needed is accessible to all of us.

We just need to remember it and take ownership of our own lives again.

The choice is always yours. If you are ready to move forward with your life I'd love to talk to you about that. If you choose to remain static... you are making that choice.

Evolution, transformation, change... it doesn't have to be hard... it does, however, usually take you out of your comfort zone.

Writing things down, making lists, saying things... it's all good, but change will only happen when you take those first few steps... forward motion, life unfolding, emerging, shaping your future.

Keeping Yourself, in the presence of another

2008-03-23T12:35:00.003-03:00

The funny thing about life is that it is organic... it grows, it thrives, it retreats, it ebbs, it flows.

I am once again in a place of transition. I've ended a major relationship with the father of my 2 children. My house is for sale. I'm coming to find out what it means for me to be a single woman again (as the person I am now). And there is a possible new job on my horizon.

As each week passes a little more freedom is found. As the weather warms each day a new song sings within my soul. This indeed is a time for transformation. A time for me to celebrate in the newly found freedom of what I have and have FUN doing so.

And I have been sick... curious that. It seems I got sick when I started to remember and explore the fun I used to have. It's been pretty steady I'm in my 3rd weekend of being sick. All my symptoms are on my left side of my body. Sore throat, Fever (all of me), rash, now my left eye has a cold in it. What am I not paying attention to?

As I pondered this last night soaking in my tub it came to my awareness that I need to make sure I do not lose myself in the freedom I am experiencing. I still need to nurture and grow who I am as I am engaging with others. I need to remember who I am and remember to check in with myself to see if the impulse to do or not do something is serving me. Is it my gut instinct? Or am I just going with the flow because it feels good? Does it matter?

Why is it that for 2 years I could be around sick people and not get sick, yet now I started this off on my own? It there more to it then viruses, infections and germs? I think so. Being run down, exhausted and not taking care of yourself generally makes you more susceptible to becoming sick.

Perhaps it is simply all I have been going through exhausting me. However I know that for me thrown into that mix, is keeping myself in the presence of another.

Whatever will tomorrow bring? Life, Love, Laughter... after all I can create it. Want to know a secret? So can you!

Power, Priviledge and Perception

2008-03-18T21:23:00.004-03:00

Today I went to see Jane Elliott speak at Pier 21 in Halifax. Her lecture was entitled Power, Privilege and Preception - The Anatomy of Prejudice.

Earlier this year I had the opportunity for the first time to see a video of an experiment Mrs. Elliott did with her Grade 3 school children in response to the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

This video made in the 1968 (40 yrs ago) holds such a lesson that still today it is relevant to recognize where in our soceity and personal lives we may be attempting to hold power over our fellow human beings. You can see a clip of the follow up Frontline report on it here.

Today some of the things that resonated with me were when Mrs. Elliott spoke how we should see each other for all the differences we have and how we should embrace that, not striving for us to all be the same.

"When I look at you I don't see a colour"... bullshit... that is one of the first things we notice... and there is nothing wrong with that. Kind of like being tall or short, a man or a woman, except we still choose not to talk about noticing the colour of ones skin... like it is a bad thing.

I see you! I see you as the black woman you are... I see the beautiful hues of all of us... and I notice that you are not me... and I am not you... that is why life is so amazing.

Each one of us... because of our colour, religion, creed, ethnicity, sexuality, social status, life expereinces is a very unique individual who can bring such richness, awareness and awakening to those who care to see us.

I want to see and be seen. I want to hear and be heard. I want to feel and be felt. I want to live in appreciation of all that is different about us... knowing that we all ultimately are connected.

As we go about our day to day life... accept what is there already in our filters and perceptions of the world and thing about how we can change that if we choose. By standing up and being counted... working on Eliminating Discrimination of all sorts.

In the Moment

2008-03-06T07:29:00.000-04:00

Life can go by in the blink of an eye, if you allow it to.

The pace of the rat race, of getting to the next step, can make you forget those moments in time. And all of the sudden 5 years have gone by.

Your babies are no longer your babies.

Your hopes and dreams did not get realized.

Your happiness seems to have been misplaced.

Live in the moment.

Forget for a while about the “should have”, “could have”, “would haves”.
Forget for a while about the “got to” and the “have to” and remember it’s all a choice.

Living in the Moment…

The feel of a warm breeze on a sunny day.

Your child’s breath on the side of your cheek.

The sensation of your heart opening and quickening around someone you love.

The beauty that nature shows us.

The comfort of knowing you are among loving friends.

Slowing down and allowing yourself to notice. Enjoy and be thankful in these gifts; moment to moment. Time will slow down along with you.

Enjoy living in the moment.

Seeing Yourself in Another

2008-02-26T20:49:00.003-04:00

Have you ever been to a workshop or seminar where the person talking is fully alive and radiant? You can see their passion through their eyes?

Have you ever walked down the street and been drawn to look into a strangers eyes only to see them looking at your soul with a smile and a hello?

Have you ever taken the time to be still and experience with every cell in your body a birds song, a warm breeze, a child's laugh?

Have you ever wondered what all that is?

Is is all of us. It is allowing yourself to show up fully, vulnerably, without stories. It is BEing.

When I think about that light that shines thorough someones eyes, when I see the passion and energy flow over a crowd listening to someone speak... I think of who I know I am (and who I know you are).

Connected... Mind, Body & Soul.

Living.

Breathing.

Experiencing.

Receiving.

Enlivening the essence of who I am... to stand up and be seen.

Mind, Body & Soul... what speaks to you?

Mind, Body & Soul

2008-02-24T17:38:00.003-04:00

As I think about my present and future... one thing keeps coming into my mind.

Passion = Engagement of Body+Mind+Soul combined

This is March's topic for Shaping Our Future - Women's Leadership Series Mind, Body & Soul. During these few hours I hope to explore this in the context of leadership.

Is engaging with Mind, Body and Soul the key to living a passionate and successful life?

Can one be an engaging leader with out all three?

How much more effective can it be?

What are some ways to ensure we are engaging the 3?

What are some of the ways we can stay connected in our day to day?

Please join me in exploring this topic further on Wednesday, March 5th beginning at 7 p.m.

Location: Growing Forward, 1153 Cole Harbour Road, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia

Cost: $10 / person

Please RSVP by Monday, March 3rd with your Name and Telephone Number at potential@eastlink.ca or calling Lori at (902) 461-9169

Seating is Limited, RSVP soon

Finding Myself

2008-02-20T20:31:00.002-04:00

Transition: Passage from one form, state, style, or place to another.

I find myself in a place that is foriegn to me, yet familiar. I am a single woman... and a single woman who knows who she is and what she wants. This feels different... new yet not.

I find myself slipping for split seconds into a place where I doubt who I am and what I can do.

This week in my course, I said something that screamed of confidence and I got 'ribbed' for it. We today, 3 days later, there was still comments happening and I caught myself, questioning who I was.

How dare I allow myself to forget who I am now? To be proud of the women I have become and to allow myself to remain silent for a few days, in front of these people I did not know last week.

It came to a point this morning, another remark was made and some asked "Do you feel Harrassed?" I said "Yes I definately am beginning to."

Before lunch, another comment... I spoke up and said, "there is nothing wrong with confidence." The response was, "there is a difference between confidence and cockiness."

This sent my wave on the move. Yes there is a difference between the two, but there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with confidence... and the difference for me comes down to EGO. However someones pereception may say different and that isn't about me.

Thankfully that happened prior to lunch, instead of hanging around I left and found a space to allow my emotions to flow in private. I went for a walk and returned to the session on time for a quick bite before workshop started.

The first activity after break was an icebreaker. It was a yarn toss, and we were to tell something personal about ourselves. I only had one thing on my mind and it was to put an end to this behaviour that was undesirable to me.

When the yarn was tossed to me, I said "One thing you may not know about me is that one of the reasons I started my consulting company was so others can be aware of the potential we all hold... (then the wave came and I continued)... I'm sorry, but I need to go here, 2.5 yrs ago I was not confident, I had no self esteem, self worth (I actually don't know if I managed to express all of that but I continued) and that is why confidence is so important to me and I really would appreciate if the comments would stop". And I tossed the ball.

The next hours was a blur, I was not in the room I left to find safety to allow myself to process what I needed to. I couldn't not find a safe private spot to be, so it took quite a while.

It was all I could muster to walk back into the room almost an hour later. And as I write this I am still very raw.

How can I create a safe environment where ever I go? As I write this I know that had I expressed what I felt on day one it wouldn't have gotten to the point it did. Needing to remember who I am....

Stop trying to make myself small in front of strangers to make them feel more comforatable with who they may be.

It's been quite intersting these past few weeks... and just because it's new... it doesn't mean I have to lose myself as I search out my new path.

Life is fully of surprises... self discoveries... and opportunities to shine.

Ottawa Trip - Winterlude Awaits...

2008-02-14T17:21:00.002-04:00

I'm going to Ottawa once again (Gatineau but I'll be able to do it all).

Business trip, but one that holds huge potential for who I am.

Over the past two years one of the things I have discovered that I can do is be a facilitator. I am a facilitator of conversations that invite others in their own personal growth.

I have created programs, workshops and facilitated conversations in my "spare" time with my home business. Now work is sending me on training to become a JLP (Joint Learning Program) Facilitator and ultimately deliver 1 or 4 different programs that are offered.

I am very excited to have this opportunity to be recognized for things I love to do IN my workplace.

My business is starting to pick up again... new clients... new expereicnes...

It's all coming together again. February has been a great month... new beginnings.

I am hoping to find some friends in Ottawa to spend some time exploring Winterlude (which I am told is going on).

I'm up for having some fun!

Life is indeed good.

Dancing Bubbles

2008-02-10T23:18:00.000-04:00

My first night as a truly single woman.

Thoughts were scattered, old worries flooded in and out of my mind.

Some tears shed for the closure.

Bumping around... not sure what to do.

Luxurious to bathe by candle light at 11 p.m. with music playing from my bedroom. Who knew?

Freedom to do what I feel as it moves me.

Becoming once again more familiar with the woman I am today... that I always was but have forgotten.

Breathing in the stillness.

Candle light reflecting off the bubbles, reminding me of the many facets that make up who I am.

Dancing with new found freedom...

Rejoicing...

Reconnecting...

The journey home.

Fear of Falling

2008-02-10T19:58:00.000-04:00

This weekend I spent the night at my sister's house with my kids... she needed a babysitter on Sunday and I thought it would be fun to sleep over the night before.

On Sunday Morning, Mike calls to my sister's house. "The washing machine is still broken, can you do some wash while you are at Julie's?"

"Yes, I can."

"Can I talk to Jessica?"

"Yes you can."

Jessica gets on the phone and then gets a big smile on her face says OKAY and hangs up the phone.

Turns out Mike found an apartment on Saturday night... not only did he find a place but he took possession of it already. Man when I want something I'm going to get it. I was shocked... I was excited for him and for Jessica... but shocked all the same. So quick... was he ready? Was I ready?

Jessica returned back to my sisters house, excited about her newest home... telling me the stuff Mike bought for the home already, what it looks like, etc... I'm excited again.

And then my mind starts to think... where did he get the money... holy crap I'm right back into the mindset I was the last time we broke up... he is going to do something stupid with my money, etc. etc. I jump to conclusions and call to bitch at him... only to be a moment later realizing it was me who mis-managed last weeks budget.

Old habits... old reality. This is not how it's going to be this time around. I needed to allow myself to let go. Let go of the control I thought I should be able to maintain over him. That is what it boils down to really.

I have to remember, he is a grown man... he is not my man... he can make his own decisions, choices and have control over his life... I can let go of that, he will not fall (and if he does it's not my responsibility)

I was walking out the steps at my sister's tonight, in the middle of a snowstorm to go home to... I didn't know what I was coming home to. I slipped down the stairs and fell on my ass. My right side is hurting pretty bad. I wanted to cry, but it wasn't because of the pain of falling. It was more for the fear of what I don't know... what was I coming home to?

As I walked into a dark house... not too much is different, other than Mike isn't here. Then I walk into my bedroom... There is no trace of Mike in my room.

I know I'm excited and happy about my choice of being free to live my life by my design... but tonight there is a sadness, that I don't want to express until Jessica is in bed. The sadness is right below the surface. It is a close to something I have had in my life since I was 17 yrs old... that is 15 years... almost half of my life.

And it comes into my awareness as I speak with Sarah tonight on the phone... my fall at my sister... my fear of falling on my ass... this was an old fear... one that doesn't serve me this time around... but was creeping up to see how it felt.

Don't need it... I am fully capable and free to be.

Living my life by my design...

Falling? eh, won't be happening again.

Tomorrow is the first day of this new chapter of my life.

Compelling Conversations

2008-02-06T14:47:00.000-04:00

Shaping our Future... this to me is a mark I wish to leave on this world.

Not only am I willing to shape my own future, but I want other women to realize that they too can shape whatever they will expreince in life.

Shaping our Future... this is very much about me, about me choosing to create the world I want, and what I want for my children.

Not willing to let others decide for me, speak for me, choose for me or plan my life for me, to create, to inspire, to be free to choose.

Shaping our Future... this is also about standing up for yourself, for what you know is right deep down within the very depths of your being.

Not willing to be silent and let others do things to you, to the people you love, taking control of all of that by finding and expressing voice.

Shaping our Future... it is something all of us wish to do. We all do it is small ways already, think about it.

Think about the ways you have already created things in your life, by choosing to speak or by choosing to remain silent.

Allow yourself to imagine just what kind of future we can shape, if we put our awareness and intention into it.

Mind boggling isn't it?

I'm looking forward to some really compelling conversations tonight at the first Shaping our Future - Women's Leadership Series being held tonight.

Can you feel the excitement?

Freedom in February - Living Authentically

2008-02-03T20:56:00.000-04:00

I have declared Freedom in February... freedom to allow the essence of who I am to flow, in all aspects of my life.

To no longer feel I have to be smaller that I am to try to fit my perception of someone elses belief of who I should be.

To stand up for what I know I need and deserve in life.

To be heard. To be listened to. To be loved for me not because of what role I play.

To have fun. To laugh. To talk. To share.

This is what I will have in my life, from day to day... because I choose it.

Freedom in February... I'm living large.

Calling all Strong, Confident Women (& those searching for that within)

2008-01-30T19:52:00.001-04:00

Life is passing by quickly... are you living the type of life you always wished you would?

Happiness is there for all of us... are you allowing yourself to live moment to moment and enjoy it?

The Lioness is within you... the ability to hold both crucible and spear, embracing both male and female energies... this is part of what makes up the powerful woman you are and the visionary and leader that resides within.

Being a leader does not mean you want followers.

Being a leader has nothing to do with what you do for a living, your title or your status.

Finding that place of truth within yourself, learning to express your authentic voice for you, through you, in a way that is meaningful to you; that attracts others to you like a magnet... being perceived by others as a leader because you are authentically you.

And knowing that which lies within yourself.

I'm calling all Strong Confident POWERFUL Women, to come out and play. Engage with others in conversations, once a month... or as often as you can make it.

Shaping Our Future is about you, about me, it is about those who came before us, about those around us and those who will come after us.

Come and see how we can make a difference in this world we live in.

First topic Fundamentals of Leadership is on Wednesday, February 6th, at 7:30 p.m.

Let's wake up the world together... to the potential we all hold inside.

Does it call to me?

2008-01-28T11:30:00.001-04:00

Does it call to me to be writing my words for the world to read?
Does it call to me to be engaging in certain conversations?
Does it call to me to speak about what is meaningful to me?
Does it call to me to be involved in these relationships?

Does it serve me to be writing my words for all to read?
Does it serve me to be engaging in these conversations?
Does it serve me to speak about what I need to say?
Does it serve me to continue to be in these relationship?

Listen. Hear the silence that we too often fill up.
What is that voice inside saying? Listen.

Feel it. Is my body trying to tell me something?
Am I full of aches and pains, do I need to pay attention? Feel it.

Pay attention. What feels right for you to do, inside of you?
Put aside ego and superficial wants... pay attention.

Yes, it serves me to write what I write, regardless of who may read it.

Yes, it is imperative to my happiness and growth to have these conversations.

Yes, to speak my truth in a way that is meaningful to me is the only way I know how to live now.

Check in with myself... does it remain meaningful to be in these relationships??? Recognize that relationships evolve and change as the people in them evolve and change... it doesn't have to be an end to anything, it just morphs into something new, different. Knowing I will not hang onto someone because they are a fall back. There is no turning back anymore.

Forward moving motion, directing and creating my life.

Shaping our Future – Women’s Leadership Series

2008-01-13T13:40:00.000-04:00

A new series of sessions being held once a month to be an invitation for conversations, mentoring and new relationships to be built.

Topic for February – Fundamentals of Leadership

This program is for women who are trying to discover their own leadership within and for women who are already in “leadership” positions.

The invitation is for women who are comfortable, confident and catalysts in their lives and careers to come and share stories, thoughts and ideas with the women who are there who have not yet discovered the leaders they already are in their lives. The benefit of these conversations will be felt by all who participate.

This group will meet the 1st Wednesday of every month at Growing Forward, 1153 Cole Harbour Road, in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. Approximately 2 hours from 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. beginning on February 6th, 2008.

Cost is $10 per session, RSVP your attendance by the Monday prior to the session to Lori Walton, 461-9169 or via e-mail at potential@eastlink.ca

Limited Seating please reserve your space soon.

* these sessions are open to any women interested in the topics offered *

Starving for Conversation

2008-01-12T16:25:00.000-04:00

So here I sit, in some kind of slow mode (for me it's slow), feeling kind of here and now what.

This is what I was waiting for the and now what, so it's time to begin to create again.

I have been trying to find a way to get my Conscious Parenting workshop out to a certain audience and I have been coming up against a blank there... or maybe I'm just not ready to go there yet.

I have been very busy again at work... my job is again changing into something else, different, same people, different challenges. I have been not engaging so much with people via e-mail, telephone... choosing just to move along in slow mo.

And now I'm ready, ready to re-enter into engaging with others... creating ideas for conversations that I would like to begin to have. Coffee Conversations and Catalysts the version I began with is about to re-emerge transformed. Looking different, a different conversation each time, a theme, a topic, those who are called to be there will be there because it is meaningful for them to come out and do so. Coffee Conversations and Catalysts will not be it's name, however what ever I create will be what CCC has become now.

I'm supposed to get together with Amy soon, hopefully she is available tomorrow for some coffee and conversations. Whatever I choose to create next it will be held at her space in Cole Harbour. Growing Forward offers comfort, privacy and a safe intimate setting for bigger, deeper conversations.

Let's see what emerges from this...

There is always more.

Living in a Bubble - New Year, New Vision

2008-01-08T21:47:00.000-04:00

I have been mulling around, moving from place to place, space to space, as I feel pulled to.

Since the Ideas Festival in early December I have been floating from place to place, moment to moment.

Spending time with my family, spending time with others who I feel I want to be with.

Becoming familiar and remember who I have always been, integrating things I have come to know about life, love and self in the past 2 years.

Finding meaning my way with many of it... How does it resonate for me? Do I choose to follow the "rules" or do I engage as it feels right to do so?

Christmas time was fantastic and so relaxing. There was no hustle and bustle within my body, so it reflected that calm, happy, content feeling into my holiday season. I spent time with family, I didn't stay longer than I wanted, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. I slowed down. I had time to connect with both my kids. Balance... no... Bliss Letting go of all I was holding, allowing myself the luxury of time, to simply be.

I went to yoga at Oceanstone a few times. In my perfect world I would go every week, but reality calls, it is a long journey for me to make every weekend. I have decided to treat myself to the first Sunday of each month, to go, to be, to move, to remember, to talk, to breath with Gabriella, Kim, Carole, Scott and whomever else shows up on that particular Sunday morning.

On New Years Day, the weather was warm and sunny, I was invited to participate in a Celtic Sweat Lodge at Earth Sea near the Ovens Park outside of Lunenburg, Nova Scotia. I brought Jessica my eldest daughter to experience it. What a unique way to bring in the new year, to celebrate by again remember who I am, who we all are, where I come from and thank all the blessings I have in my life.

My intention for the day was to build my connection with Jessica... for me to invite and allow conversations to flow easier between us, mother and daughter. When it came time to begin the sweat Jessica did not feel comfortable to do so, so she choose to sit out by the campfire or to wander the grounds or go to the house. After the first round I came out and choose to sit out the remaining rounds to be with Jessica, wrapped up sharing a blanket, sitting by the fire, talking.

Many of us who attended the sweat brought along our instruments, and there was a drum by the campfire that Jessica was able to show me some "African" drumming that she learned in her music classes. She tried to teach me and I think she was quite successful in doing so (she may disagree).

Sitting silent. Laughing. Contemplating. Enjoying. Playing. Being. Loving. Sharing. Connection. It couldn't have been more perfect of a day for me. I look forward to more times like this with Jessica out by a campfire in our future.

Now I find myself emerging back into the busy-ness of life and I reflected on how much I have been living in this bubble since early December. I have found that I love myself and I want to slow down and honor that... I am little afraid that as the busy-ness of my life begins again I will lose that.

I know it may sound silly and forgien to some of you... to others it may hit home hard... I am 32 years old and I am only now beginning to love who I am. I've liked my life. I have acknowledged things I have done and enjoyed them... but it was somehow disconnected... less than, still because I couldn't fully stand in that place within to see it.

Accessing love for myself has allowed me to really find the passion again... the love in the things I do. Remembering... back to basics... what was the impulse that moved through me the moment I choose to create that project? etc...

7 or 8 years ago there was this homeless man named Don who was always outside of my office building. I was a single mother at the time... and this was my first job since I was off of welfare. Well I gave something to him everyday... what little I had.

After a few months I would buy him lunch and sit with him on my lunch hour. In my office attire, sharing a lunch with a homeless man. I got to know him a little bit, found out he was from the hometown that my ex (now fiance) was from in Ontario.

A few more months went by and it was a cold winter. I needed some painting to be done in my house so I offered Don a job to come and paint my hallway in exchange for some money and a couch to sleep on that night.

Life went on and after I left that job I never saw him again.

On New Year's Day this year after the sweat experience at Earth Sea, Jessica and I went downtown Halifax to try to find something to eat. I look up at a man on the side walk and it is Don... I was so happy to see him, he also recognized me... I gave him a big hug and told him how happy I was to see that he was well.

He remembered my name (which is better than I did). He said he saw me on TV over the summer talking about my Conscious Parenting Workshops... he told me how surprised he was to see me and how often he thought of me and what I did for him.

He told me he now has a roof over his head and is doing very well, and I don't ever have to worry about him and how he is doing. He told me if there was ever anything he could do for me... that he is easy to find.

And the tears are in my eyes as I write... how little do we know. When you give from your heart because you are compelled to do so... you just never know who's life you will have an impact on.

Love and Light... it's not always a bad thing... I can have that with an edge I think. The crucible and spear. The lioness with her cubs.

This year is going to be amazing. Life is good.

Two Short Years of Knowing… With Thanks

2007-12-18T16:25:00.000-04:00

It’s been almost 2 years now since I woke up to my life.

Where I began to create and lead my life instead of sitting around being led by it.

Today is a day of reflection on my journey… removing my Self from the equation.

It began with a visionary… someone who displays true leadership… who gathered her courage to step out of the box and shape the type of thing she felt drawn to shape. In her brazenness, her courage to swim against stream regardless of any repercussions she may have faced, she provided the opportunity for many of us to step into remembering our self and finding our voice. Without Cheryl Flemming’s vision, I would not be the woman I am today.

After doubting that I belonged with that group I enter into a room with two dynamic women welcoming me from the front of the room.

One who was very present, outgoing yet insightful, who would push unabashed for you to see through the filters you have placed before your eyes… one that is passionate for awakening others to find their voice, to speak up and to speak out about what is meaningful to them. Encouraging me to connect with the power that is who I am. Cathy Carmody’s presence, power and insight was my invitation to begin to recognize I wasn’t who I had thought myself to be… I was so much more.

The other quiet, majestic, thoughtful, the lioness. Very clear with what she says, absorbing energy in with each breath, calibrating what messages might lye within, and speaking what needed to be said. Teaching me to pay attention to what my body is trying to tell me. Celine Levasseur-Burlock quiet stillness, thoughtfulness, silence, taught me to check in with my body and pay attention… am I moved to speak, or am I just trying to talk to distract myself. Celine chose to listen to her body, to know which words to speak to me, and those few words excelled the integration of information within me.

And my life changed, in a few short months… I knew I could not go back to sleep. I knew I would not be small again. I knew… there was no turning back.

I was impacted so much by these women that I knew I wanted more… I wanted to continue to grow, to unfold, to find out who I was and who I could be.

I stepped in the WEL-Systems certification stream. I met Louise LeBrun who doesn’t engage in “frivolous” conversation. She doesn’t dance around the edges; she is a goddess, spear and crucible combined. She has called out to me… and my godforce responds. In each encounter, conversation, e-mail, book or blog entry, she is able to tease out the brilliance that lies within. My continued growth lies intertwined in engaging with Louise. My SELF… is enlivened in her presence.

Along the road of my journey many women have been in my awareness on similar paths… each contributing to my growth and awakening by simply decloaking and sharing the truth of their experience. Sometimes by being a reflection of something I need to pay attention to within myself offers the freedom for the wave to move and for that insight to come.

Reconnecting in a new way with my old insurance broker, Angela Reid, gifted me with sharing her knowledge surrounding shamanism and the connections and journeys to the more that there is outside of ourselves. Remembering to honor and thank all that is. Teaching me some of what she knows… and being there to share in my learning and growth as I feel it is meaningful for me to do so. Offering another view for me to consider and share… in a way that feels right.

To all those WEL-Woman who are out there, who are able to see my intention and vision and have contributed to manifesting that by virtue of connections, assistance, ideas or simply unconditional support.

To the woman who showed up for my first Conscious Parenting Workshop, being willing and engaging with me in the program room as I cut my teeth. Donna, Amy, Sarah, Elizabeth and Robyn (bless your family) for being present and willing to expose yourselves and take the ride.

To the first man in my Conscious Parenting workshop, Rick; through your presence and continuous curiosity I was able to recognize and dismiss old beliefs I held about the woman I am when engaging with men while facilitating a workshop. I also learned from you that I had judged men in general as not being up for the deeper more emotional (energetic) conversations, you were the first to prove this to be a belief that no longer served me.

When you are on a journey of a life that you are creating your intentions change and shift as you learn and grow. Sometimes your intentions compliment another; such was the case with Anne Thibeault-Berube. Anne & Celine created a Redefining Education family retreat and Anne invited me to come and help with the Children for the weekend. That weekend I learned to see life again through the eyes of a child, I was also able to tie in what I learned from Angela about shamanism and integrate it within myself, while playing with the children out in the elements. Anne was an invitation for me that weekend to take what I learned from Angela and feel it within myself.

Through it all, I continued to grow with each encounter, with each conversation, in very profound ways… and recently at the 1st Annual Idea’s Festival I took yet another Quantum Leap. Those who gathered in that room were willing and there for Anne’s “Vision of Oneness”, the energy was palatable. Love was very much a presence on its own. Scott MacInnis’ willingness to be present and freely express the truth of his experience, exuding the pure love for everyone and everything he feels called to my spirit to remember that love which I also am. I came home to look at everyone with new eyes… most importantly to look at myself with those new eyes. For that awakening to something I wasn’t even aware of missing in my life… I will be forever thankful.

And to those who have been quietly supporting me from the wings, family, friends, co-workers… my cheerleaders, my sounding boards, those who believe in me and see what I want to offer to others… my gratitude and thanks to all of you… Laura Beaton in particular, who has witnessed me as I have gone thorough my transformation cheering me on every step of the way.

A good way to end a year… remembering with gratitude… loving thanks for your part of my Two Short Years of Knowing…

Awakening the Sun…

2007-12-10T07:08:00.000-04:00

I just returned from the 1st Annual Idea’s Festival at Oceanstone. A diverse gathering of beautiful people with something in common; the desire to talk about the connection that ties us all draws us together as well as the attractor and provider of the space, Anne.

For me this weekend was a blur of time, listening to everyone with my body not my intellect. I had a great deal of movement this weekend. Engaging my body, my self and mind into the presentations as they called for me to do.

Seeing the essence of everyone… the core of what we all are, really… for the first time staying present to that.

Come to be where I felt home… does that make sense? It doesn’t matter it does to me. Feeling free to allow myself to stay grounded, to remain visible, to speak and be heard, to arrive and be seen… not only for what I have said and for who I am, but also for the unspoken and what I have not yet discovered about myself.

Anne is the Sun… and she has truly provided this space for me to awaken to the essence of who she is.

Now filled for the first time I can recall (yet is seems so familiar) with undeniable love for life and everything I see…

I can remember having conversations with friends in the past where they said “I love… love” (typically talking about being in love with a person) and I would laugh a giddy little laugh but not really know what they were talking about. I now know on a grander scale… I’ve felt it… it resides with in me.

I did not want to leave Oceanstone last night yet at the same time I wanted to just be home with Mike and my girls… when I finally managed to get myself out the door I was impatiently waiting for Keri to say her goodbyes so I could get home to my family.

The weekend was so much more that I had ever imagined. I found part of myself that I had not connected to for a long, long time.

I arrived home and didn’t even unpack the car (I still haven’t) bursting through the door to lay eyes on my family. Jessica on the couch under a blanket watching her show; Mike had Sara in the tub just finishing up her bath… each of they so fantastic to see through these different eyes…

A thought just crossed my mind… I wonder what I look like now with these eyes... what I look like, to myself… I think I’ll see.

Off to look and see who is mirroring me.

Thank you seems so small to say… and I know for all of you there, you know what I want to express.

Mahalo – Hawaiian for Thanks, Gratitude – (May you be) in (Divine) Breath

Opening the Gate

2007-11-29T20:10:00.000-04:00

Have you ever known you have to have a difficult conversation and you walk around dreading it for days, weeks, months... maybe you haven't allowed yourself to have that conversation yet?

Perhaps keeping that idea of having that conversation locked up inside of you so long you become numb to it, forget it's even there waiting to be had.

You mind and habitual behavior create inner turmoil. If I have this conversation my life will forever change... do I want to go there? More importantly what will happen to me if I don't?

You need find that place of clarity in yourself and open that gate... once the conversation has begun you are through and walking into the unknown on the other side.

The unknown... it isn't a scary place... it can be a very creative place... designing your life differently... in a way that is meaningful for you.

Coming Together

2007-11-19T12:17:00.000-04:00

Something last week just clicked for me. May have been the conversation Louise and I had in a coaching session (probably had a lot to do with it).

My shoulders are a little lighter, my mind a little clearer, my vision a little bigger.

I feel like I'm back to who I know I am. Who I've come to be, after being 'away' let's say. I think we all can get caught up at times, being pulled in many directions from many different people.

It isn't about other people doing it to you, it is about learning where to draw the line in the sand... Where to say No.

Or having the power and clarity to change your mind when you no longer feel you can do what you are doing, in a healthy manner.

Knowing that saying No does not mean I am not good enough to do it. Saying No, does not make me a bitch or lazy.

Saying No means, I want to do the quality of work I know I can do. Saying No is how I know how to do it... I need space and room for my creativity to happen, taking on another task compromises this.

Allowing yourself to know they truth that lies deep within yourself. Truth that may be difficult or scary to consider let alone accept, because of the implications you have imagined are attached to them.

Knowing that truth, having it in your awareness, and knowing there is nothing you have to do about it, if you don't want to... simply know it.

That in itself provides a different type of clarity and vision.

It's all coming together. Piece by piece, insight by insight, awareness and thoughts, allowing me to come together and be.

Life is good... there is always more.

December Conscious Parenting Workshop

2007-11-08T15:48:00.000-04:00

This 2 day weekend workshop is being offered to parents or parents-to-be to consider a different way of living and nurturing their children’s brilliance and individual expression.

Through these sessions Lori will be inviting participants to discover a new perspective on parenting. Inviting them to find their authentic self and to consider how they can co-create meaningful family relationships with their children.

It is an invitation for participants to recognize their programmed behaviours (unconscious parenting) and to become more actively aware in the parenting behaviours (conscious parenting).

Date: December 1st and 2nd, 2007 (Sat & Sun)

Location: Growing Foward, Personal Growth Services
1153 Cole Harbour Road, Dartmouth

Time: 10:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. (Sat & Sun)

Price: $85.00 for complete workshop, breaks, workshop manual, 1 CD from the Living WELness Series.

Your workshop guide is Lori Walton, certified WEL-Systems® Master Facilitator and Quantum TLC™ Facilitator.

To find out more please contact Lori Walton at (902) 461-9169 or e-mail mailto:potential@eastlink.ca

Exploring Our Potential Consulting 2007

Silencing ourselves is usless

2007-11-08T07:12:00.000-04:00

I read Sarah's Blog today and felt the outrage inside of me, felt the tears come to my eyes, felt my face getting hot.

What strikes me is how often we take some "experts" word on something, knowing that it might not feel right inside, yet saying "what can I do about it?"... washing their hands of the situation.

Without even questioning it.

Not listening to our inner voice.

Not even going for another opinion.

So nothing changes.

Silence is our own worst enemy.

Remaining silent causes illness. Remaining silent causes conflict. Remaining silent causes stress and breakdown. Remaining silent allows atrocities that are happening in our world to continue to happen.

All it takes is for you to open your mouth. Express how you feel. Speak from the truth of your own experience.

The world changes, one by one.

Your truth will find that which is the truth in another's experience. And their truth is awakened to the possibility of being expressed as well.

In other words by speaking your truth you inspire others to speak theirs.

As we each go about speaking our truths, not willing to be silent anymore, society can no longer ignore the things we have stopped talking about because it is unpleasant or sad to think about.

The world will change... it takes courage, clarity, connection and voice.

Speaking Up... Speaking Out

2007-11-01T20:25:00.001-03:00

It is as simple as that.

Generally we tend to make assumptions that things are all our own and we just have to learn to suck it up and deal with it.

Rarely (as women) do we voice what we want. Actually put words to what we would like to happen.

Men do not seem to have as much of a problem saying no as women do? Why is that?

Is it because it has only been in the last 50 yrs that we have been given a chance in the work place? Is it because when we were "allowed" to go to work in the corporate environment (other than secretarial positions) that we had to prove ourselves? That we could handle it?

Why is it that I felt (internalized) that I would be looked at as a failure if I couldn't do it all?

And the answers don't matter.

What matters is that I remembered. I remembered who I am, that yes I am in charge of the design of my own life (like you are yours).

I spoke up. I expressed what I was feeling and was clear that I would not be able to continue doing it all.

The outcome?

The weight of it all is lifted from my shoulders and temporary help is being hired to assist me.

My input and background on this major project is to valued to put someone else on it... however all of the other tasks I was concerning myself with wanting to get done because I know they needed to get done... the things that will take forever to do but would be such a great asset to our unit... will now get done by someone else, at my direction (with input from others).

Sometimes all you need to do to release pressure you may be feeling is to express it... speak up and speak out about your "enough is enough" point. Be clear and be proactive.

You might be surprised with the outcome... I was.

Life is good... there is always more.

Somethings Got To Give

2007-10-30T20:05:00.000-03:00

So after my week of feeling stretched to the limit pre-Huna; I once again find myself tense and short tempered. Somethings got to give.

I know I have been doing two jobs right now at work... and also working on a major project, I am finding that I don't have time to leave my desk to get a glass of water or go to the bathroom because I am too busy. Somethings got to give.

I come home and I am a mother of 2 children, I am a spouse who is in the middle of selling a home and searching for a new one. I am involved with the School Advisory Council and I have a demanding and sick 3 year old and a independent and moody 12 year old. Both bring me great joy... but when I am already worn out... somethings got to give.

I am the President of my union local, I know I contribute greatly, I am interested in the work I do and what I can offer... it is just one more thing on my work schedule... somethings got to give.

I volunteer... no kidding... I have alot to say and I care about the way I want my world, workplace and community to be shaped... this is not an issue... merely another thing I am trying to fit into my work schedule... somethings got to give.

What's got to give? What can't I handle? Why do I beat myself up or think I am less then if I feel I cannot handle all of this? Why does speaking up and saying this isn't working for me still feel like I'm failing something or someone??? Somethings got to give.

Here is what I know now. Nothing is going to give unless I give it up for someone else to do. I need to speak with some people at work and discuss some of my workload, because as I write the most tenseness in my body is when I write about the project or 2 jobs. I know what's got to give... my stubbornness.

To stand in myself and speak up to what is meaningful to me. Not taking on a task or pushing back does not make me less then or a failure. What it is doing is setting an example of knowing when to say know and that it is okay to do so.

I am exhausted. I need some sleep. Taking a nice bath and curling up in bed for the night.

Tomorrow.. what is it going to bring me? Some relief as I am going to express myself.

There is always more.

"Is there anybody out there?"

2007-10-28T18:45:00.000-03:00

It is so amazing to me when I receive e-mails from total strangers who have read or listened to something I have done.

In the past 3 weeks I have received 2 e-mails from 2 different women who have read Single Moms: Struggles and Strengths and were touched by my story in some way they felt they wanted to reach out to me.

The first one I received I wasn't sure if it was really meant for me or not. It was from a young woman named Lori who was a single mom at the age of 17. It was such a close reflection of my circumstance I wasn't sure if it was from a real person or not. It took me a while but I responded all the same.

Today I received another e-mail from a single mom in Ontario. I have not yet responded but I am in awe that my words have found their way out to the women I intended to read them. Many months after my articles were published.

It reaffirms to me that although I have no clue who reads my words and how many are touched by my words... they are being heard and my honesty and truth are finding their way into another's life.

Pretty freaking amazing... As I continue to sit with this... enjoy this feeling of knowing I have touched someone with my words, allowing someone to see that they are not alone.

And here is what I know, as we each speak up and speak our truths for others to hear, something in our story will resonate with another person on this earth, reassuring them that they too are not alone.

Tomorrow is another day... and there is always more.

Leading Without Losing

2007-10-26T07:39:00.000-03:00

It's been one week since I was at Oceanstone for the Huna Retreat. That in it's own experience as amazing and almost indescribable. (Almost... I will go into it, but not in this entry).

Today the notion of Leading Without Losing is playing in my head. This may be the title of my leadership article or it may be the title of the next Women's Leadership Event at work... I'm not sure yet what it is, but I know it is important.

Leading without Losing is not about who wins. It isn't about never being wrong. It is about standing in your place of power and not losing yourself. Standing up as your authentic self and saying what needs to be said, listening closely to your Signal #1 (instinct, impulse) and allowing yourself to lead from that place.

Leading without Losing is about staying connected to who you are and what you value. It is about knowing where passion and power comes from... in the truth of your experience.

Leading without Losing is about knowing who you are, remembering that as you move through your world.

I'm not sure what Leading without Losing will be, but I know I am called to play with this notion right now.

Life is good... there is always more.

Duality of Living

2007-10-19T08:02:00.000-03:00

While having a conversation with Sarah last night the notion of duality came into my consciousness.

Knowing something and thinking something is very different from stepping into it fully and living it. An integration needs to happen there, or your will remain sick or tired or find yourself having the same conversations over and over again (the words may be different but the context is the same).

Since Louise and I discussed our next project together, engaging in those conversations with me surrounding health I have been on the edge. I have been at the brink of tears during my days and nights for no reason in particular.

At work I am feeling spread really thin. Functioning in 2 job roles with a significant project on the side that others come to me for information or assistance on. The things I love to do are becoming interruptions almost. I am not leaving my desk to wander to the water bottle because that is a few minutes of tasks I can be completing.

A colleague and friend called me to discuss some future planning surrounding our Union Local, and it burst. That was my breaking point, my point of release.

At first I attempted to regain control of my emotions and then in a second I decided to honour them. My friend and mentor whom I was on the phone with asked if I was still there, I of course said yes and I am taking a few minutes here. He sat patiently and quietly as I allowed my tears to flow and my release to escape... if only such a little bit.

See Bob has read my blogs... we have had many wonderful conversations about life and philosophy. I was not uncomfortable honouring what came up for me with him on the other line, and he (I believe) in turn was not uncomfortable with me doing so.

Its not about him, it's not about the work, it's not about the tasks or the major project. It is about me. It is how my body has known over the past week or so that there is so much more just bubbling under the surface.

It is about how I thought I went through everything already in my journey to becoming who I am now (and as I wrote that I wanted to delete it as I know that is not a reality). Over coming the feelings of shame, unworthiness, guilt, anger, rage, uselessness and so much more over the past year was simply on the exterior.

As I come closer and closer to engaging with my health and lifestyle with Louise, I know all of those words will come up like they have never done before in the conversation regarding my body image and the emotions tied to that.

I suppose it is almost as if I am afraid. I am afraid of what might come up. Most of all I am afraid that I will not succeed, and these things I know are inside of me will be proved true on some level.

Can you see the duality? I thought I had this all gone, all of these feelings when it comes to conversation of leadership and exploring our potential... yet it is just lying beneath the surface when I take the time to notice it in my body image, weight, control, etc...

I'm off to Huna this weekend with Louise and many others who will be coming together at Oceanstone.

For me this weekend is to become really familiar with the force I am in this world and stand clearly from that point as I begin to engage in the next 6 weeks having those difficult conversations.

Tomorrow I will be at Oceanstone... and there will be more.

Putting Myself Out There

2007-10-14T20:10:00.000-03:00

Wow, what an experience and invitation last weeks interview as for me. I think I emailed it to everyone I can think of... family, friends or coworkers (with exception to my Uncle Ken whom recently changed his e-mail address - don't worry you will get it too).

I sat and listened to part of it with my mother-in-law who was down visiting... it was a long interview, she didn't stay to finish listening to it (perhaps she will if she wants to in the privacy of her own home). I haven't listened to it in it's entirety yet... I intend on doing so tonight.

By the sounds of Louise's entry entitled The power of contagion it is being downloaded quite a bit, so this is a good thing. I also think that is because we are not afraid to talk about what is meaningful to us, about what we are doing, we are not afraid to let people know what we are involved in.

For those of you whom I have not met yet I have been struggling for years about my weight. About matching the inside me to the outside me and I have been blogging about that in a second blog entitled A Whole Healthy Me. Over the next few months I will be posting there quite a bit. Louise and I are going to be engaging in conversations surrounding food (and what it is really about).

I would encourage you if you feel you are interested to explore that blog. I also want to assure those who I know that I am not ashamed about what I say there, don't feel you are prying if you wish to read or know more. If I did not want people to read about my experiences I would not put them here.

If you know me well and you wish to talk with me about anything I have written there do not back off if tears may come to my eyes as I speak to you, the tears are a good thing and I know that by staying in those tough conversations will accelerated the things I need to process to make the outside me match the inside me.

For tonight, I am exhausted. I am done for now. Tomorrow is another day... and there is always more.

Time Flys By

2007-10-12T08:48:00.000-03:00

The hour long interview last night flew by like it was simply a few minutes. That is what happens when you are engaging in interesting conversations with women who have so much to offer each other.

One thing that I noticed was how I can't really recall what I spoke about. I believe it was alot to do about my background and not so much what lies ahead. This was a good conversation for me to look back on just how far I have come in such a short period of time. And I also feel it has created sufficient space for the next quantum leap in my journey.

On the home front we are finishing up final cosmetic details in order to list our house for next Monday. We have outgrown it.

What is really interesting to me is that the houses we seem to be looking at are in the St. Margaret's Bay area. What strikes me about that is a) we had never thought about living on that side of the city. and b) it is close to Oceanstone... who knows what that means and I'll just have to wait and see where we end up moving to.

I will be participating in Huna next weekend with Louise and several others (who exactly I don't know). What I do know is I am very excited to connect to myself again, in a setting like this. I have not yet experienced Huna and I can't wait to engage with those who show up there.

I am working away at my article on Leadership. I have made a few grand discoveries about myself and perceptions that people hold about leaders and leadership. I look forward to having it ready for people to read and for publishing in the next month or so.

I am also looking forward to getting another Conscious Parenting workshop happening over the next 2 month period. I am ready and raring to go into whatever the next phase may be.

A parting thought for this entry....

If you don't declare yourself, your intentions, it is but a secret desire. When you speak it to others it is a declaration of manifestation and will become your reality.

Mission Unstoppable

2007-10-09T21:12:00.000-03:00

On Thursday, October 11th, 2007 at 6 p.m. (Halifax Time) I have been invited to participate in an Internet radio interview.

The name of the program is Mission Unstoppable and the host will be interviewing Louise LeBrun on leadership. Myself, Amy & Anne have also been invited to participate having taken Louise's Leadership Redefined - Reclaimed.

Who knows what the actual content of the interview will be for sure. My guess is my part in this interview will be about my experience taking this program, what I have discovered surrounding myself and leadership and what I have chosen to do with it (how I choose to design my life).

I am looking forward to participating in this interview, and if you are so inclined to listen I would suggest you get familiar with the site at this Mission Unstoppable link above and mark your calendar. It should be an interesting hour!

Tomorrow is another day... there is always more.

Can Boil Down to RESPECT

2007-10-09T08:11:00.000-03:00

What is the difference? Where is the disconnect? Why is the culture in Ottawa different from our Region? Is it?

At a recent meeting in Ottawa I was presented with an awareness of disrespect and (yes) immaturity by a handful of the participants, both from the management as well as from the union side.

Speaking your truth is one t hing (although some may want to consider doing it in a constructive manner). Dismissing and disregarding someone else's truth is quite another thing.

There were people who I felt were in a position to set the tone, to lead by example, who simply shocked me. They blew my perception of them out of the water by being blatantly disrespectful, making snide comments or even rolling their eyes when another individual was speaking... and doing so helps to create an environment that does not feel safe for others to express their opinions and thoughts (don't worry that didn't stop me).

I wonder if those people who behaved that way are aware of their actions? Or is it done out of fear of what they may be ignoring? Of ignorance of someone else's truth that is making them uncomfortable?

And in the next breath those same people express that they do not see any issues with communication when it comes to union and management relations. This all seems absurd and unreal to me and I am extremely curious as to why those individuals are choosing to be so sound asleep to another persons reality?

Tomorrow is another day... there is always more.

Noticing – When Opportunity Knocks

2007-10-04T14:05:00.001-03:00

What I have come to notice is that when you are actively involved in creating the type of world you want to live in (i.e. choosing, speaking your truth, living authentically) opportunities arise out of day to day living.

I of course and speaking in part with my invitation that was extended to my a few weeks ago at the Local Presidents Conference to be here in Ottawa for the Informal Conflict Management System (ICMS Program) Workshop.

When I originally received the invitation I was honoured and elated with the opportunity, for two reasons:

a) The offer was not an offer to sneeze at; in that meeting are people who are major ‘stakeholders’ in our department (although I would challenge that every employee is a stakeholder).

b) The topic, the departmental ICMS program. Informal Conflict Management for me means Conflict Resolution, which is basically looking at productive ways to “hear” each other’s stories and points of view. It starts with being aware of the people you are interacting with, not only their language but also the other indicators that may be displayed. Being approachable, non confrontational and sincere, it will help ease a stress filled situation if someone knows they can simply talk to you and you will listen. So much of the time people just need to be heard… conflicts arise when people don’t know how to listen.

There are so many nuances that could be thrown into the mix when dealing with active listening and effective communicating, however it can be simplified by realizing everyone has something important to say whether you agree with it or not. By listening to them express them selves. Respecting them as individuals who have something valid and valuable to say. And remaining true to your self and your experiences you will be able to accomplish a lot.

Three very productive days spent in the National Capital Area, although I wasn’t worried that I would have anything to contribute during this workshop I was a little bit concerned with if people would hear me. I have left the sessions knowing that I have been heard and also perhaps opened up people’s views on who might have valuable input in the ‘decision making’ areas of our workplace.

I am sitting in the airport leaving Ottawa, with the promise of there being more. I’ll be having conversations next week with the National President to talk about other opportunities for me to sit on National Committees.

Life is good. There is always more, if you only allow yourself to be open and aware of it.

Opening Up to New Ideas / Concepts

2007-10-02T20:07:00.000-03:00

I'll start this blog with a little sushi analogy (as that is what I am enjoying right now).

I'm thinking to myself, I'm here in another city, in another province, in another culture. I don't have to worry about feeding anyone by myself, so why not go get some sushi.

Now I am only a beginner when it comes to the sushi world, but I have come to discover some things I really like and a few that I don't when it comes to sushi. Well I walk into this Fuji Sushi and I start looking at things that I already know I like, and I notice, they have a summer sushi special it has mango, strawberries and cheese in it!!! That's sushi? So I think to myself, what the heck and I get some (I'm going to try my first bite now). It's amazing!! Who would have thunk that something so out of the box would taste so good?

Today during the workshop I was attending, filled with an ADM, RD's, EOAP's & LR's.... (the more money you make the more often you are referred to by acronym) we went around the room introducing ourselves. Well an hour into the introductions my table comes around and I introduce myself as "a GSU Local President from Halifax".

Some whispering from person to person happens, people wondering what in the Hell a measly 'local president' is doing at this workshop among the upper echelons of our organization (my interpretation of this).

LOL, perfect, I'm already taken them out of their comfort zone and opened them up to something new.

Who would have thought that someone who is a 'front line' employee might have anything pertinent to offer to this National Recommendation Workshop process... well at least one person did, this is why I am here.

This makes me think of my whole leadership summer project, where along the lines of 'success' does one forget that they also once had good ideas and thoughts when they were on the front line? And why in the world would they think they were the exception and not the norm?

I can see where diversity comes into play here too. As soon as people found out who I was (i.e. my status) they made assumptions about me and about my validity of being at this table. Little did they know that I don't look at the status and rank of an individual, I look at the individual (just like me) as having something equally valid to say.

So I carefully chose my words when I introduced myself. I made sure everyone knew where I was coming from and who I represent, I personally paid no mind to what others were doing and thinking, yet it was brought to my attention by some of my colleagues after the session, and I am truly happy to have been that invitation for them to open their eyes to the little bit more they may have ignored before.

I spoke my truth of the perception and disconnect that is still prevalent in our workplace. About how those involved in the union/management relations on a day to day basis know the good relationship we have, but the majority of the culture in our workplace still views union involvement and activism as a bad thing. For me I spoke of being told it wouldn't look good on me if I was involved in the union, that it would be a career stopper.

More recently how when I approached someone to recruit into the local executive after that person expression an interest, she is all of the sudden concerned with what that might mean for her career. She was told that it wouldn't be a good thing to get involved with the union. It is still happening and going on, yet we choose to be blind to what we don't think we can fix.

I have written numerous articles for our departments regional newsletter surrounding the theme of how times have changed, how our region has a great relationship with management, not agreeing all the time yet always respecting each other and where we are coming from. (in my experience). Yet still that lingering perception exists.

How can we change that? By breaking down the barriers and expanding peoples perceptions. Opening them up to other peoples views (not having to agree, but listening). Being open to new ideas and concepts (not necessarily meaning adopting them for your own).

You just might be surprised. Someone you may have perceived as being beneath you might have some cutting edge and innovative ideas if you would just stop and listen. GASP.

For those who know me, you know I am not shy (not anymore). I will speak in front of a crowd, I will put forward my ideas and let them hang there, you choose... hear them or not. But remember by hearing them you don't need to agree or disagree. It's not good or bad, it simply is.

We can learn so much from each other if we just allow each other the time to listen and not feel the need to judge.

Tomorrow is yet another day... there is always (thankfully) more.

A Day Playing Tourist

2007-10-01T18:08:00.000-03:00

I walked to my meetings this morning over at the union office on Gilmour Street. It turned out that they were not all day meetings and I found myself with practically a whole day on my hands.

I walked through town to the Rideau Centre, spent some time BRIEFLY exploring the shops, come to think... why go shopping when I can be exploring the city?!?!

I left the building and was about to pull out my map to find my bearings when a colleague greeted me and kindly pointed me in the right direction. How is that for luck, in the middle of a city finding a face I know to guide me (thanks Randy)

I made my way to the Byward Market. What a fantastic place, carts and stalls lined the streets, vegetables, fruits, hand made wares, native crafts, oriental shawls, it was definitely a feast for the eyes. I picked up a bunch of ground cherries and a bottle of water and continued along.

I sat for a moment at a peace monument. I noticed the irony of the new United States Embassy being built right beside it. Across the street from where I sat was the National Art Gallery, standing outside of it on the corner of the road is a monstrous wrought iron spider sculpture.

I walked across the Alexandra Bridge to the Canadian Museum of Civilization. Before I entered I thought it would be best to find a place to eat.

As I waited, I wrote:

Lunch at the Cafe de Musee next to the museum of Civilization, a window next to the Ottawa River overlooking the back of the Parliament Buildings.

This region is so beautiful and rich in it's history. My feet are welcoming the break as I have been walking all day.

I have ordered a lovely lunch and have even decided to enjoy a glass of wine with my meal. After lunch I plan on spending the afternoon in the museum, maybe walk back through Gatineau Park to my hotel along the river.

I wish I had my journal with me on this day trip, it would be nice to find a bench under a tree and write.

The museum was immense and amazing. The first floor is dedicated to the First People of Canada, the first nations from one shore to the other. I spent a lot of time at that exhibit. I wish I could touch some of the artifacts that were on display, yet all I could do was look and listen.

I didn't spend as much time in the other exhibits, preferring to linger only when something really spoke to me. I spend the whole afternoon at the museum.

Instead of walking through what I earlier called Gatineau Park (it was just a little park behind the museum I wouldn't have gotten far). I decided to be proactive and walk down Place de Portages so I could locate the building where I was going to be in meetings tomorrow. Yes, sometimes details are important.

Now back in my room I kicked off my shoes and I am debating what to do this evening. I think a swim is called for then perhaps a shower and dinner... who knows. My feet are aching, my shoulders are sore (why I decided to bring my laptop with me all day I don't know). A nice soak would do me good and then I will move on from there.

Tomorrow is a new day, and there is always more.

Ottawa - The Place of My Birth

2007-09-30T20:58:00.000-03:00

I arrived at the Airport and was about to disembark the plane when I notice a co-worker who sat in the aisle next to me, middle seat (like me - mirrored image of where I was sitting) getting up to leave her aisle at the same time as me. I greeted her and let her in front of me, she was in the original Women's Leadership pilot program I was in in January 2006.

We are both arriving to Ottawa earlier than our meetings and departing on the same day (I believe). As I approached the baggage area I offered to introduce her to Louise and did so, leaving her as the baggage came out on the carousel. Curious that... the mirroring that come to mind when I am writing about bumping into her.

Louise and I had the opportunity to have dinner together tonight, it was really great to see her. Of course our conversations has sent my mind forward again. Just what am I creating, have I already created but not birthed and will I find meaningful for me to create upon my return.

I know I did not talk about my Reconnection Retreat at all. Also because I know I haven't fully laid it out there. I will do that this week during my stay in Ottawa/Gatineau.

I was born here, almost 32 years ago, yet this place seems very foreign to me (perhaps because I'm actually staying in Gatineau across the river from downtown Ottawa). Perhaps this is going to be another beginning for me, my birthplace, for the birth of new opportunities, perhaps a new path in my journey?

Why am I here? Well a few weeks ago at the President's Conference in Moncton I was invited to come here to participate in an Informal Conflict Management System Workshop along with some Union Colleagues and some Directors (and I would guess Labour Relations Officers) from my department.

Informal Conflict Management / Resolution... I know there is a huge reason why I am here and have been invited to this... it isn't about anything anyone knows about me, it is about how much I know I can offer TO this workshop, and how much I will gain FROM this workshop.

I am all about communicating, expressing your truth to another, allowing yourself to be heard and in turn hearing what another person has to or wants to say. Receiving that, releasing that, then engaging differently, as it is meaningful to you.

Yes, I have definitely manifested this trip, especially surrounding these conversations. I have no idea how it will unfold and I know I will leave Ottawa Airport on Thursday with new discoveries about myself, more clear on my voice and where I stand in my world.

That point where I stand... is a choice point, and by standing and engaging in choice constantly I will continue to emerge towards the future I create.

Amy has new space!! This has in turn created space for me and Exploring Our Potential Consulting... ideas are coming quickly and the possibilities are endless. Thank you Amy for inviting me to call you prior to my plane ride, I have space here to play with my creations.

Who knows what tomorrow is going to birth? I am looking forward to it... there is always more.

Able to connect yet the “Signal is Low”

2007-09-30T14:41:00.000-03:00

I’m sitting at the Halifax International Airport right now waiting for my flight to Ottawa. I’ve been on the go for a few weeks now, away from home and very busy when I am home or in the office. I am tired (probably because I was up late with my Finance Colleagues last week).

I was physically and emotionally exhausted when I woke up on Saturday. I had big plans to do something with my kids while I was home as I was only going to be home one and a half days before this trip. When I woke up Saturday morning (at 6:15 a.m. thank you Sara) I knew I was exhausted. As I started to do my laundry, clean the house, plan for my in-laws arrival the day after I return home from Ottawa, I began to notice my emotional exhaustion. This is not what I wanted for my day home with the girls. I wanted to spend some quality time not cleaning or worrying about getting the house in order for company.

Mike’s Mom called and I overheard her ask Jessica what we were going to have for Thanksgiving Dinner… crap, now I have to plan that too. I know this is not something I “need to” do, but my culturally conditioned self is one of a gracious hostess, my mother taught me well (thank you mom :o) ), and there is a little part of me that feels it would be HORRIBLE if I wasn’t the hostess with the mostest. Ah, Swiss Chalet here I come!

So I began to worry, cry, get angry, frustrated… none of it having to do with Thanksgiving, Cleaning or anything of the sort. ALL having to do with my decision to clean, worry, be miserable instead of DOING WHAT I WANTED TO!

I was so exhausted I couldn’t see my choice in any of this. Mike was the invitation I needed. He asked what I needed to do, I told him I really wanted to do something with the kids and he stated the obvious… “So go then I will take care of things”. DUH, how simple was that. It was a huge relief to my body, mind and spirit just to hear those words and to say yes to myself.

It’s funny when you are at that point of exhaustion within yourself that you start to forget how easy it can be just to choose and make deacons according to what is meaningful for you. How easy it is to fall into the old patterns of needing to have a clean house for company etc… forgetting previous conversations with my Mother and Father in-law that they don’t care what the house looks like, they just want to see us and the kids.

Knowing what I know, yet allowing myself to come to a point where it made sense to make things difficult and seem impossible. Slipping into the victim stance, feeling I had no control, yet in that moment realizing yes, I CAN choose to do or not do, to say or not say, as I feel it. Remembering, designing the type of world I live in takes my moving forward, constantly consciously choosing, creating situations and accepting opportunities that are meaningful to me.

Taking time to recharge myself, on my own terms, everyday, not just when I am almost drained.

When I arrive at the airport in Ottawa I will be greeted by a dear friend. Dinner with her I’m sure is going to awaken something more in me I have been unconscious to.

Look out Louise, here I come!!!
Tonight I will get some uninterrupted sleep. Tomorrow is another day, there is always more!

Moonlight Reconnection

2007-09-27T01:44:00.000-03:00

The embers are smoldering from tonight's campfire.

The moon rose eerily and orange this evening and it is so full and bright it casts a shadow on my page.

It's 12:45 a.m. I am sitting out in a lawn chair in my pyjama's towel wrapped around my recently washed hair. The air is warm, the moon is so amazing I can't possible go to sleep without coming out to bask in the moonlight.

Bathing in the moonlight, the Autumn Equinox just past. It is warm and clear. Save for the traffic in the distance there are night songs to be heard.

The embers crackle every now and then, the bats making noises during their moonlight dance. A duck is quacking on the ocean in front of me. The constant son of the crickets and slight sound of something in the water. I am fully awake, fully enlivened and at peace!

The moon is brilliant tonight like the sun during the day, Shadows are cast all around me.

I saw a heron twice today. This evening while doing all those card readings on keep drawing my attention to it... the Feminine. Connecting back and embracing Mother Earth. Celebrating all she has to offer and listening to her wisdom.

How quickly and easily it is to let these moments slip by. Moments like this, sitting solitaire in the moonlight.

A splash on the waters edge, grabbing my attention away from these words...

Moonscape... in its incomparable beauty, Oak Island in the Autumn Moon.

The godforce in Flow

2007-09-20T08:33:00.000-03:00

I have had an interesting series of events in the past 10 days that have rejuvenated and refocused my intentions.

Last week at the union event in Moncton I remembered my deeply ingrained desire to make this world a better place, this is what first drew me towards becoming active in the union. Taking action in someway instead of sitting by and complaining about the injustices in the world. I spent much of my free time last week trying to figure out why I was there, in the end it was to renew my sense shaping the type of world I will see (see Blog Entry).

Mike & my girls picked me up from the train station and I was off right away to the ReDefining Education Family Retreat at Oceanstone. I was able to keep my girls with me for this workshop. What an amazing and magical weekend. Anne incorporated Huna into the children's program, there was alot of talk of connections with the elements (nature) and listening to you instincts.

Seeing an eleven year old sitting on the ocean's edge on a rock in a lotus position for 10 - 15 minutes listening to himself, seeing 3 - 4 year olds running out in the middle of a rainstorm to yell and dance in the rain, to seeing some 7 - 8 year old girls exploring the forest.

Sitting on the lush floor of the forest with all of the children, listening to the secrets that could be revealed to us. One child heard "rain" and it began to rain almost immediately afterwards. Playing tag on a grassy knoll overlooking the ocean. Exploring the beach and the gifts it had to offer. Teaching a sun salutation to a 4 year old who then helped me teach others, welcoming breath, welcoming the sun, embracing the elements.

Ages ranging from 3 to 14, boys and girls both well represented. Learning to slow down and notice their surroundings and their breath. It was pretty amazing.

This weekend reminded me of the godforces in flow, without having their spirit squashed.

Then my first day back from Oceanstone I have my first School Advisory Committee meeting of the year. I am presented with a grant application from the principal who encouraged me to consider my parenting workshop in association with the grant application. This brought it all back for me... my original intention, what began my business Conscious Parenting was initiated and inspired by my sitting on the School Advisory Committee and hearing of some disconnects, wondering if something could be done about it... realizing I could do something about it.

My original intention and inspiration has come back full circle and presented itself in quite a marvelous way.

In the words of Louise, breathing is good... and there is always more.

Observing Behavior in a Holographic Universe…

2007-09-12T13:27:00.000-03:00

After the official conference I participated in this week as an Atlantic President I was invited to stay and observe the National Council meetings.

Content is irrelevant for the context of what I will be speaking on here, what I find most fascinating is the language used, the passion that surfaced, the conviction of one’s beliefs, truths and sense of justice. The body language that is being displayed. The side bar conversations and groups that conjugate during breaks of the meetings.

As an observer this is very interesting. To see how like minds gravitated towards like minds, people are very comfortable with people who share the same viewpoints. Yet when faced with a differing opinion they begin to feel almost personally attached and they go on the defensive and protective mode. When this happens you tend to become deaf to others words. Which was an invitation for me to consider where in my life do I stop listening because someone else’s truth is not aligned with my own?

Where do I still tune people out when I have no resonance with their words?

Where do I fail to see someone for who they are because I don’t understand their language?

Do I have my own body reactions that I display when someone speaks about something that is not my truth?

My body is telling me yes, I do these things still. Now I need to be aware of this and I really belive that I need to remain grounded, connected in my body, fully present when engaging with others (everyone, all the time).

How can I do this? I am wondering. Perhaps it comes with more practice?

I find the connecting with myself takes a conscious effort. Prior to engaging in a workshop, participating in a WEL-Systems program, or talking with people conscious I take time to breathe, focus on the base of my spine, and create the space for whatever comes up to move and create space for others.

What I find I’m noticing lately is I choose to be involved in work, union and other activities, and in choosing to do so I am engaging with other people whom I may not resonate with and I find it difficult to focus on seeing their godforce. This week is providing me with the opportunity to recognize that within myself, noticing that yes I am choosing to remain here with these people, and I see how I choose to spend my time.

Talking with people I choose to speak to, engaging in after hour activities if my spirit moves me to do so.

Noticing how much of the time I am preoccupied with thoughts of my children, my finance and how much they mean to me. Missing just being able to see their faces, wondering what they are up to, thinking of the little things they do that make me smile, missing conversations with Mike.

And I wonder why I choose to stay here for the full week… what kind of opportunity will present itself to me by my remaining her for the “optional” days to observe the National Council meetings.

Is it simply for me to recognise within others, things I need to pay attention to within myself?

Is it to become connected to the part of me that is pulled to want to help out and make a difference in the world we live in (that I had originally identified as an activist)?

To get back to seeing the injustices in the world and wondering where and what I can do to make a difference.

Yes that resonates with me.
Life is good and tomorrow is another day.

Whirlwind Tour, Remembering...

2007-09-11T19:41:00.000-03:00

I'm in Moncton for a whole week on a Union related conference, learning lots and opening my eyes to so many things that can be simply fixed if people just start taking responsibility for their own lives, their own futures, standing at cause in the world.

Ah but there will be many articles stemming from this week. I began to write one last night yet I had so much to write about a whole different subject emerged and I don't yet know if that piece that presented itself last night is another article or a blog entry.

Tonight I managed to write the article I wanted to do on this conference, and again in that piece came another piece that I am not sure where it will end up going.

I am almost done compiling all my interviews from my summer project I should be able to officially begin my article by the end of the week (perhaps the train ride home).

What I have come to notice this trip is that after 2½ days away from my family I am missing them like crazy. Not an hour passes that I don't think about them and wonder how they are doing.

I am so looking forward to this weekend Redefining Education Retreat at Oceanstone. To be able to see my girls experience something that is totally out of the box and see how they as individual choose to move throughout their weekend is going to be absolutely amazing.

I had lunch with Anne on Friday and she shared with me her vision for the weekend and I was moved profoundly by the excitement of the possibilities that are going to be out there... and endless when it comes to our children expressing themselves in this safe and free environment. It will truly be an amazing weekend.

As I`m sitting in the lobby at the Delta Beausejour in Moncton, New Brunswick I think I shall sign off now.

Sinus Cold & Making Space

2007-09-06T17:52:00.000-03:00

I'm walking around in a bit of a fog the past few days, exhausted from all the renovations, now stuffy with this silly sinus thing.

I feel I am heading towards the end of a major spiral however I am not sure what will manifest itself. I have been worrying about details (so not me) and have literally cleared my desk off of all miscellaneous junk, followed up on outstanding issues, and created game plans for future movement.

I even did a "To Do List" and have all but 2 items checked off already. New opportunities lie ahead in all aspects of my life. I can feel it, just right there, waiting for me to wake up and walk into it.

I'm ready for the craziness that will be my next 2 - 3 weeks. Off to Moncton for a week returning just to turn around and head out to Oceanstone for Anne & Celine's ReDefining Education Workshop. Followed by a week of work planning a few workshops and events that are entirely work related, right into my next Conscious Parenting Workshop which is being held at Balance Naturopathic Health Centre September 24 & 25, 2007. (To register for this, please contact Balance Health Centre directly)

The final week of this month I will be off to a workshop at Oak Island, then some serenity?

LOL... who knows, I really feel you have to find serenity in your everyday movements, as you remain centred within yourself to move through your days in an authentic way.

All in all, I am ready for the upcoming month, looking forward to spending time with my girls at Oceanstone... and any other moment I can steal.

Life is indeed good... and there is always more.

Restless when Static

2007-08-31T11:45:00.000-03:00

Breaks, rests, vacation... Although I had so much fun with my girls, friends and family, part of me felt that all of this time was making things static. I began to worry and had a lack of trust in the process of allowing things to happen with out needing to be constantly pushing them.

As I kicked back and enjoyed my time with my kids, my friends and my family there was a little nagging voice in the back of my mind..."But you are not DOING anything". I began to get really restless in the past few weeks, needing to see the status of upcoming workshops & retreats that are coming up in the fall and trying to nail down the details.

I had to go very quickly from being the detail and doer person to having 2 of my workshops arranged and organized by others. All there is for me to do is be present and who up.

There is a control issue here fro me. It is difficult to sit back and take my hands off of something that I have become very passionate about. 75% or the time I am enjoying the notion of just having to show up and the other 25% rears it's head and says "make sure it's on track"!

Letting go... in those times I fell restless I really just need to... Stop... Breathe.. and let go. Knowing the manifestation spiral is already in motion, trusting in the process, trusting in myself.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? There is always more.

Position and Title don't make a Leader

2007-08-29T17:01:00.000-03:00

My thoughts are riddled today with leaders and leadership; power and power trips. With what is beneath decisions and actions that seen cold hearted, malicious and 'personal'.

What lies beneath it all? The individual in their full majesty. Along with all the filters from their past experiences, sometimes clouded with preconceived notions of others, judgments and assumptions about that other individual or collective.

Through this project a good proportion of the leaders I have been speaking with have said how important it is to engage with your team in an equitable way (this does not mean equal). This is about seeing each person as an individual, finding out about them and working with them how it works for them.

What is important to an individual isn't always the same for the whole collective.

What makes one person's needs, goals and objectives matter more than another? Perhaps a lack of respect, empathy, understanding and compassion? Perhaps ego or fear of losing control? May it's the need to keep up pretences and appear to be running a tight ship? Forgetting that the individual people are what makes the ship run, maintaining it, making repairs and keeping it moving forward.

If you take the focus off the people your ship will eventually sink. Especially when the sense of personal power turns to a power trip and the 'captain' begins to dictate and micromanage others lives and styles of getting the job done. When it begins to become important to make an employee a carbon copy of yourself or of what you think they should be, instead off harnessing their individuality, strengths and ideas.

Remembering that any collective, business or organization is only that because of the individual people who do the work.

Diversity... embracing and recognizing it in the individuals of the collective. Working towards a creative workplace, where ideas, thoughts and different viewpoints are celebrated and valued.

Having a position and title indeed does not make a leader. There is so much more to it than that.

Life is good... and there is always more.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

2007-08-26T19:43:00.000-03:00

Somethings I noticed this weekend.

I need to take more time to listen to my kids when they want my attention, in that moment if possible.
When Mike would tell me I ignore the kids (and him) the first few times they try to get my attention he was telling the truth (who knew).
My children are brilliant (as are all of our children) if only we took the time to hear what they are saying.
It's fun to let loose and dance in a field when nobody is around.
Kids like to run, even when they fall and you are comforting them, they sob out they want to run again.
Running with my 3 year old makes me feel like a child again.
Remember to always let Jessica be a child and have fun... she is only twelve (oh my god she is twelve already?!?!?)
Running into the ocean in your underwear in the middle of nowhere is invigorating!
I have more courage than I thought (mice nests, spiders, big ass bugs I can handle it).
I have discovered that when life gives me lemons I am automatically choosing to make lemonade. :o) Me an optimist? When did that happen? (maybe in Jan 2006)

Renos on my house are in full swing, I'm exhausted and am looking forward to lying down tonight.

Until tomorrow... when there is always more.

A personal ah-ha in a WEL-System context

2007-08-22T13:20:00.000-03:00

As I was engaging in a coaching session last night and moving through the "White Feather" meditation I made some connections that were not yet in my conscious awareness.

As we move through the crown chakra, imagining your spine as a hollow tube (your core), and down through each of the other 7 major chakra's down to the base of your spine.

I noticed that as we are creating the space to get grounded or connected if you will to the base of your spine, we need to move through each of those areas and every thing they represent.

So as the base of your spine is where many cultures and people believe spirit touches tissue, or where your Chi or Ki resides. It is also below the 1st chakra centre.

In the WEL-Systems context we need to allow our signal to flow through each of the 7 centres, which each represent or often correlate to different things in our lives. Like Spirituality, Identity, Voice/Choice, Beliefs/Values/Attitudes, Ability to take action on your own behalf, Early Childhood/Culturally Conditioned Self, and Safety Issues.

We need to CUT through all of those held beliefs that we may have held about ourselves in order to truly connect with SELF, authentic self, your godforce, spirit, soul, whatever you want to name it.

This isn't to say we don't honour the waves that come up while opening up and creating space for the information to present. Ride each of them out, notice them, allow them to move you in whatever direction they may need to with each passing breath, remembering that where spirit touches tissue is the driver of it all.

When you are truly grounded in your body... you are more apt to listen to your Signal # 1, your authentic self.

All of this was in my awareness in one form or another... but last night they just fell into a totally different light for me. It has been a very interesting insight to notice.

Those who don't know what the heck I'm talking about... but are curious... drop me a line we can talk.

Tomorrow is another day... and there is always more.

Monday, Monday...

2007-08-20T07:44:00.000-03:00

Although I have to work, today is all about Jessica. For the first time I am trusting her implicitly...

No that isn't correct, it isn't about trusting her, it is about me letting go and releasing "control" over my daughter.

Today I am letting go of my fears and my story about Jessica being too young. My gorgeous twelve year old will be walking down to catch the 9:37 ferry this morning and she will be joining me at work for the day.

While there she will probably be planning her "End of Summer Yard Sale".

Although I have lots of work today it will be nice to have her around. We will be able to go for a walk during lunch, enjoy the ferry ride home tonight and our walk home.

At 6 p.m. we have reservations to enjoy a tasters night with some friends of mine, Sarah & Christa. Jessica has been looking forward to doing this with us (although she is very afraid of Sushi)!

As Jessica is getting older, and as I see her more as the individual she is, I am more and more comfortable and happy to be able to share things like this from my life, with her.

I am in constant awe of the young woman she is.

Change is Inevitable

2007-08-16T21:20:00.000-03:00

The winds of change are continuously blowing. As each day passes, with each new piece of knowledge, with each experience... we change.

Every corporation, organization or association goes through changes, re-organizing, shuffling, transition, whatever. Some organizations are constantly changing, in others you only notice it happening every once and a while.

Truth be told we all, individuals and organizations, are constantly changing. It's a part of life... like each breath. So why are so many so strongly affected by change? Is it the fear of the unknown or the loss of comfort of what you are used to?

Change or the prospect of change effects ever person differently. Some people get stressed out about it. Others are consumed by it, try to find out how it will affect them. Some others still will sit back and be shaped by it, feeling they have no control over it, that there is nothing they can say to make a difference.

Some people will feel they have no control over it, that they are victims to other peoples decisions. There are those who are resistant to change. Those who are unhappy with it and those who will do nothing but bitch and complain. Cynicism breeds around those people.

Where is the power? Within yourself! You can't always change the way things go, but you can choose to make your voice heard.

You can choose to get involved to help shape the way things will go. Or at the very least you can choose not to dwell on the outcome if you truly feel it is out of your hands... you can choose to educate yourself and make the best of the situation, whatever it may be.

You can choose to remove yourself from the conversations of people who are sitting around bitching and complaining, who are not willing to do anything about it but bitch and moan. You can even choose to have a different type of conversation during those times inviting that person (people) to get out of the static cycle of complaining and move forward into making a difference.

We all can effect change. Yet most of us don't realize our own personal power... voice, opinion, unique view points.

Change is inevitable... so realize that we all have the power to shape it.

Tomorrow is another day... there is always more.

Back to the Grind

2007-08-13T10:30:00.000-03:00

I spent much of yesterday dreading coming back to work today.

It is supposed to rain.

I am once again down to 1 vehicle (I had use of my mothers car for the past week).

I'd have to get up and mobile early (to leave the house before 7 a.m.)

All and all I had assumed I knew how today would unfold.

So as I woke up this morning I got ready for work, had breakfast and gathered up Sara's meals for the sitters house, thinking how cranky she is going to be that I have to wake her up this early... when in walks Sara.

Not only is she up, but she is in a good mood. A sign of the day ahead.

I got her dressed and we left the house 10 minutes early, providing us time to enjoy our walk to the babysitters house.

I dropped her off without any grief and off I went plugged into Jessica's MP3 Player to catch the Ferry to work.

Upon my arrival to the office I was greeted with silence... no one was here. It turns out that a whole lot of people are out of the office, on course or on vacation... today is going to be quiet, a good day to ease back in after a few weeks vacation.

It took me 2 hours to read through my e-mails I missed. I have even managed to reply to some.

I interviewed the Regional Director from Newfoundland & Labrador for my Summer Project this morning. The words that came out of this man's mouth during a town hall I attended in St. John's last year inspired my article Ripples...Waves...Tsunami. I really looked forward to speaking with him this morning about his views on Leadership and I was not disappointed.

Now it is lunchtime already. Time to run some errands. Back to the grind of "scheduled" life.

Tomorrow is another day. There is always more.

Celebrating 3 years of Sara!

2007-08-07T23:35:00.000-03:00

3 years ago today at this time of night I was in labour fully engaged with the immanent arrival of Sara.

Now 3 years later Sara is spending her first night (tonight) sleeping in panties for the first time! Those of you with children will appreciate this accomplishment.

Tomorrow is Sara's Birthday. Breakfast, bath, shopping, soccer, lunch, nap... what ever else we choose to do to let Sara's signal lead us for the day. This day that marks her first breath in this physical world.

Tomorrow I must be aware of being conscious to recognize her godforce and follow her impulse for the day. Can I do it?

Of course, if I choose to. I will have to be very present in myself tomorrow.

Consciously Choosing Connectedness.

Tomorrow is another day, and there is always more.

Hurry Up and Wait

2007-08-06T09:08:00.000-03:00

As I sat at the computer this morning with my coffee Hurry Up and Wait comes to my mind.

See Sara & I already have been to the grocery store this morning only to find out it wasn't open yet. Hurry up and wait.

She was devastated. And I suppose looking back I can see why. She and I always go to the grocery store together.

She walks beside the cart, always promising to "not run away" until temptation proves to great and she runs off to hide from me.

She kisses the items she likes on the shelves and has been seen hugging yogurt in the dairy case on numerous occasions.

She bats her eyes and asks for a piece of lunch meat while at the deli and cookies from the bakery. Of course she is upset when we were right at the front doors only to have to turn around and come back home because the store was closed.

It is Natal Day here in Nova Scotia, I suppose the stores are on holiday hours. Funny how when you are on vacation you don't think of the actual holidays that might lie within that time.

Hurry up and wait.

Yesterday we brought Jessica to her Choir Camp in Berwick. She will be there for a whole week. We arrived a whole hour early. Hurry up and wait.

We were first in line and one of the first to leave the campgrounds. Hurry up and wait.

And I wonder why I am so concerned with getting things done and out of the way so I can say they are done?

Is it to create space for whatever might lie next?

Is it because I am impatient?

Is it simply because I am acting as "the spirit" moves me?

Or is it because I'm anal about being late? LOL

Who knows? However it seems in my life I am always in the mode of Hurry Up and Wait.

What will tomorrow bring? Another Day... there is always more.

Vacation

2007-08-03T09:30:00.000-03:00

Here I am completing my first week of vacation... already it feels pretty good, my sense is that it will be hard to get back to work on the 13th or will it? Who can really say? I will just have to wait and see how it all goes.

I have been enjoying my time with my girls; shopping, cuddling, reading, cleaning or not cleaning (as the spirit moves).

Mike took a few days off of work this week. On Wednesday we went to Upper Clements Park (about 2 hr drive). We brought enough money for admission and meals then we packed some drinks, some snacks, some toys for the car and headed out.

It turns out Sara is quite a good traveller (who knew). She was quite content with watching the scenery as we passed by, getting excited about cows and horses she might see, singing away to Pink Floyd in the back seat as Mike and I sang in the front. Jessica plugged into her MP3 enjoying her own music.

We arrived just prior to the 11 a.m. park opening. We got out and stretched, had a little snack and some drinks then headed over to the line up. Walking through the park there was little shops and a gazebo. As we walked down a the path we came across 2 towers at the base of one was a slide, the catch was you had to climb up the stairs in one of the tower then walk across a rope bridge to get to the other side. Mike took her of course (I have an aversion to heights). She loved it.

While they climbed the tower, Jessica went off to get an airbrush tattoo of a butterfly that "should last up to 30 days". It really was a beautiful butterfly (while it lasted). We all had a very good time. Going on Rides, driving antique cars (all of us), wandering around the grounds, taking a train ride, sitting in the shade under a tree. Taking time to slow down and enjoy each other.

It really was a great day. We arrived home around 7 or 7:30 p.m. Tuckered out from a wonderful day in the fresh air and sunshine.

Yesterday I took the girls to Conrad's Beach (just before Lawrencetown). It is a very sandy beach right on the Atlantic Ocean. Which would normally be too cold to swim in, but the heat we have been experiencing lately made the ocean a welcome relief.

Jessica and her friend went off to brave the cold waves, skrieking as each one would come and crash over them. They would shriek at the onslaught of seaweed that some of the waves carried into the shore. They would shriek at the deer flies as they would come to buzz around them. Overall those twelve-year-old girls were very noisy... but they had lots of fun.

Sara and I sat right on the edge of the ocean digging in the sand, sometimes the waves would make it to our building site and we would get wet bums, but mostly we built a huge "castle" (pile of sand) and picked up and felt different types of seaweed. Sara was content to dig by herself for some time while I sat back in my chair and watched the scenery and enjoyed the sounds.

After a while I went back to ask Sara if she wanted to go swimming; she and I braved the cold waves. She would jump right out of the water (with some help from Mom) as each wave approached, she would clear each one. At times her hat would get carried away with a wave but that just added to the adventure.

When I had enough and turned to go back to shore Sara was quick to let me know she was not yet done. Hmm, she will be 3 in a few days, and still very much expressing the godforce she is, wanting to remain frolicking in the waves a while longer. I relented... after all this is vacation.

As we came onto shore to warm up she and I laid on the blanket under the umbrella. I managed to half convince her that all the people laying on the beach were taking a nap, so she amused me for all of 3 minutes, pretending to sleep then played in the shade for another 20 before heading back down to her castle in the sand.

Jessica and her friend barely left the water, they were having a blast riding the waves. As I looked out at them I chuckled to myself to see that they were now picking up that dreaded seaweed and tossing it at each other. What a fantastic day.

This morning I am sitting out on the deck with a laptop I borrowed from work. Sara decided she wanted to play outside this morning. My cats are on each side of me grooming themselves. The birds are chirping and I can feel that it is going to be another scorcher today (thank goodness we invested in an air conditioner a few years ago).

Sara is playing in the tent on the deck with a dollhouse. Jessica and her friend were supposed to sleep out here last night however at about 11 p.m. the unmistakable scent of a skunk drifted into the living room window and I knew the girls would be wanting to come inside. I popped my head to the window and before I could ask the girls if they heard anything they were freaking out over the stench they smelled.

I turned on the lights and made sure it was safe for them to exit the tent and they were in the house like a shot. Leaving behind some blankets, a dollhouse and some dolls that Sara is now happily enjoying as I sip my coffee and write these words. (Yuck... cold coffee now)

On Sunday Jessica goes off to Choir Camp for a whole week. Last night I promised her 26 letters from home. I will seal 26 envelopes each with a letter from the alphabet. LOL, she will love me next week!

My intention for next week is to get up when Mike leaves for work (6 a.m.) and spend some alone time working on compiling my thoughts from each interview I have conducted so far for my Summer Project. I am very excited with what my final product will look like because I just don't know. With each interview I have new thoughts and insights on leadership. What I have been noticing is the qualities and traits each individual identify as recognising in others are in fact traits and qualities that the person already possesses and demonstrates themselves. What I am now getting curious about is can one recognize something in another that they don't already have somewhere within themselves?

Vacation... spending my days by my own design (and that of my children of course).

Life is good; tomorrow is a new day (and I'll still be on vacation so there is always more!)

Standing in the NOW

2007-07-28T14:32:00.000-03:00

We talk about inviting and allowing.

We talk about welcoming the waves of information and simply breathing into them to create the space for movement and flow.

And I wonder, why is it very simple for some to move through this and so difficult for others? I think it has to do with the filters, strategies and even the representational systems (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, etc) that we use(d) in our lives up until this point.

For me I was always very "emotional" I would feel things and allow for the waves to come. At that point I would typically choose to stop them or to start playing a tape of past events in my head.

When I didn't stop them and allowed them to wash over my body I would stabilize much more quickly and move on.

When I stopped them I would start to recite the stories in my head to bring the emotions up again, then stop it again and repeat. It is during these times that I would experience "depression" or a long lasting "funk". I fully believe I chose to bring these on myself... I wanted to keep asking the why about a past event because it allowed me to stand at the victim side of the equation. By allowing myself to wallow in my misery that was always brought on by someone else, I received from others much desired attention, in some cases sympathy and/or empathy and a confirmation of my actions / reactions to the event. Rehashing the past served as a tool for me to bring on these strategies. I chose to remove my ownership and control of my life... I chose to live at effect.

There is no reason to ask why continually about something that has already happened.

You ask yourself why sometimes when you are going to engage in behaviours (prior to an event), but to dwell on the why of a historic event is crazy making stuff. It is in the past. It is static. I has already happened, you cannot erase it. Stand in your choice point of the NOW, and choose to accept that as something that has happened and move into what adventures now lie ahead in your life.

The Unknown... or the once known but long forgotten; is often perceived as a scary place to be. Yet if you allow yourself to move past that initial fear and embrace the adventure of discovery... your whole world will shift once again.

I'm not saying to forget about your past... your experiences... your relationships. I am merely suggesting you recognize what you have always known inside. The absolute brilliant beings we are in this world, living life, gaining experience and insights, making mistakes and learning from it all.

Standing int he NOW and choosing always to create new thoughts, insights and ideas. Not rehashing a past experiences that is history. Knowing that past experience served us at that time in our lives and recognizing the growth we have gained from it and moving on...if it is no longer meaningful for us.

It takes a great deal of courage and trust in your self to embrace the unknown. Remember the unique signal you are in this world, allow that to flood your body and stand in the NOW... celebrating your ability to create your own future.

Tomorrow is another day... there is (thankfully) always more.

One Woman Show...

2007-07-26T20:07:00.000-03:00

Ever get that feeling that you were the star of a one woman show?

I've been feeling that alot at home lately.

Mike has been working L O N G hours... lots of hours... everyday for the past 3 weeks.

When he gets home he is exhausted. When he gets home I am on wind down & zone out mood.

The kids have barely seen him. And he has hardly had a chance to enjoy them.

All around we are missing out on each other and life.

Positive side... bills have gotten caught up once again.

Overall we are a little cranky. Overall we are alot tired. Overall we miss our time together.

- - And now I will go through this reading it and replace all the instances of "we" with "I"... because that is really what this is all about. --

So I am very much looking forward to my upcoming vacation.

2 weeks off, Mike has said he will take a few days as well, a family day trip or two is on the agenda, maybe some camping (although my saner side is beginning to question the logic of camping).

I will borrow a laptop and sit beside the kiddie pool in the shade and do some work on my summer project. 16 "traditional" leaders have been interviewed by me to date... and the ideas and words are starting to stream out of my pen into my journal. It will be a good time while I'm off to work on this.

I started also thinking of starting another book. One that has to do with parenting... conscious parenting. (mind you I still need to finish my first one, but I haven't been called to do any more on it since drafting my Single Moms article)

I need to put whats important in perspective for the next day or two... soon enough I'll be off with all the time in the world to worry about house work. I concentrate these next few last days before vacation to keeping cool and having fun with my girls.

Tomorrow is a new day... and there is always more.

Conscious Parenting Weekend ~ Personal Insights

2007-07-23T08:57:00.000-03:00

It has been just over a week since my last Conscious Parenting Workshop. It was a very interesting one for me.

This was the first workshop I had where I was a stranger to the participants (save for one).

This was the first workshop I had where there was a man participating. (That was a huge awakening for me personally).

This was the first workshop where I advertised and where there was so much interest generated. (I have a list of people interested in my next one)

This was also a very unique workshop because of the people who entered the program room.

If you recall an earlier entry entitled Dreams & Energy ~ Men & Parenting I spoke of this woman who had e-mailed me and she and her husband wanted to take my workshop. This e-mail alone was a huge shift for me to realize the self limiting beliefs I held about men being up for a different kind of conversation. Her husband stayed home with the kids and she joined me for the weekend workshop.

(Note to self, arrange some kind of daycare/children’s program)

There also was a single Dad who participated in my workshop that weekend. He was a huge invitation for me to be rid of many things. To me this man is a seeker, he was continuously curious, always wondering, freely expressing, and it called up a filter in me very quickly.

In my past when a man asked questions about what I was saying it was to prove me wrong or prove me incompetent. So when this single Dad became curious, I had to allow breath to come into my body and see it as simply that… curiosity. Curiosity is fantastic; to be genuinely curios is to be continually growing.

For me this was one of the most important things I allowed my self to be rid of this weekend… I no longer need this filter/strategy in place. I do not have to justify myself, my experience, my truth… I can simply state it as my own and stand in the knowledge that I no longer have to shrink (become small) in the presence of a man.

This workshop was a fantastic experience for me… the conversations were more inquisitive, the participants seemed to each have taken something different away from the weekend (of course as they were each there for their own reasons).

We talked a lot about being present for your children. Seeing your children and allowing them to feel whatever they may be feeling, not stopping their waves of emotions but simply inviting them (by modelling) to breath into them.

Not only seeing your children, but allowing yourself to be seen by your children… allowing yourself to take time for you, if you need a time out or a chance to breath. Allowing the information (disappointment, rage, frustration, anger, hurt, sadness) to process before engaging with your child… the experience will be much different, more powerful and less hurtful.

These are just some of the conversations that have stayed in my consciousness from this past workshop.

Another huge lesson for me… honour myself… allow time for myself to recuperate. Sleep… I did not do this after my last workshop and on Friday of last week I crashed. I was so physically exhausted, I was sick, I had a fever, I had a headache, and I had stomach problems… I eventually slept a long undisturbed sleep and woke up feeling like a million dollars.

My lesson for myself is to recharge after a weekend workshop.

Tomorrow is another day… and there is always more.

Desecration of Nature...

2007-07-19T13:49:00.000-03:00

This week I noticed a few things happening around the place I live. Trees being cut down, stay off the grass signs being put up.

Okay I figured, the owners of this property are trying to tidy up the entrance to our court.

Trying to make it look nicer? Perhaps. Trying to get rid of a pest? Perhaps. Trying to make room for more homes? Perhaps.

I was sadden by the loss of the healthy trees, but moved on.

Today I am home on vacation. I hear chain saws buzzing and see a truck bearing the land owners name. And in the yard across from me there are two men with chain saws chopping up into biddy pieces a young tree in a neighbours yard.

I was outraged. How can they do this? I don't understand their reasoning behind this. So I called the number listed on the side of the truck and asked what was going on!!

Why are you cutting down all of our trees? The man on the phone said, I'm not sure what my father is doing. You will have to find him he is on site and ask him yourself. I think he is cutting the trees that will interfere with the power lines. I assured him the tree I just witness being chopped was not near any power lines and set off to get dressed to confront the owner of this land.

Can he not see what he is doing? Not only is his actions negatively affecting the environment he is taking away from the privacy and beauty we each enjoy with our monthly lot fee.

Alas, by the time I got outside his truck was pulling away and I thought to myself, perhaps this neighbour requested this tree be cut down. And left it at that.

Now it is afternoon and I just witnessed a beautiful, mature, birch tree falling over 3 doors down. From over the rooftops this beautiful tree toppled.

Now I am angry. What the hell are they doing? Why can't they see how damaging their actions are? Where is their foresight? They raise our land rent then destroy the beauty. I am appalled. I am distressed. I am angry. I am upset.

I can't wait for them to step on to my drive way so I can let them know to back off. Question the means behind their madness. And let them know we will take care of our own, trim the tops if you will, whatever. They will remain. And I choose lease this land... trees and all.

Wake UP! And see the bigger picture.

Breathing is good (yes I know this) and also expression of feelings is too... and now I'm done.

WARNING

2007-07-18T07:27:00.000-03:00

I sit here this morning and am taking a few minute to look through the blogs on the WEL-Systems blogging community... there is a new one from Louise which starts off my morning well.

Then I notice... I haven't written here in quite some time either.

So I log on to write down some thoughts... particularly of last weekend's Conscious Parenting Workshop.

And when I bring up this screen there is a big read WARNING splashed across the top of the page. It says:

This blog has been locked by Blogger's spam-prevention robots. You will not be able to publish your posts, but you will be able to save them as drafts.

What the heck is this all about I am wondering. Perhaps the time and place now is not conducive to my writing about the weekend?

Or maybe, it's an easy fix. However what I do know is that this WARNING has caused me to not write about what I intended on. That will have to come at another time.

Until I figure this out...

There is always more... We just have to wait for blogger to review my entries and say that they aren't spam... Interesting.

Letting Kids be Kids

2007-07-13T21:28:00.000-03:00

Do you let your child actually be a child? Or do you expect them to tote the barge and pick up your slack.

I often catch myself delegating so much onto my 11 yr old... however I have been learning to let things go. She will only be young once after all. She has her whole life to worry about the major responsibilities.

One fine day she will (if she chooses) have a family of her own. She doesn't need to be burdened with being totally responsible for her sister. I'm struggling with this one. She is almost of age where she can babysit.

She wants to babysit, to have that responsibility (when she is 12 and has her babysitting course) I might have to let go of my fears of my baby, watching my baby. And when that time comes I will have to be oh so aware not to use her... to allow her to still be a child and remain myself the parent.

It is so important to laugh, have fun, play, act silly, be carefree. Let's to burden our children too soon with adult responsibilities.

Let's let our kids be kids for as long as possible.

Tomorrow is a new day and there is always more.

Invitations, Space and Authentic Voice

2007-07-11T20:03:00.000-03:00

Today was going to be a big day for me. Having the opportunity to go on a regional newscast to talk about my workshop. I was full of nervous energy.

I spent most of my day excited, nervous yet overwhelmed with a sense of happiness that I would have the opportunity to speak to so many; that perhaps something would stir within them; that something I said would resonate and they would become curious about more in their lives.

I was taken out to lunch by some of my favorite women and tears came down when I thought about how lucky I was to have these opportunities and how many more people my voice will be able to get to. They of course shared in my joy and in my excitement. Laura without fail is always there in my corner.

I left work early today to run some errands. I went to the Shambhala Meditation Centre to look at the space I would be using this weekend for my workshop and to pick up the key.

As I stepped out of my car in the back parking lot I noticed the huge old trees that surrounded the parking spaces. I noticed the birds singing in the trees and I noticed how my nervous energy I was experiencing at work began to dissipate.

The space I have for this weekends workshop The Snow Lion Room is amazing. The whole building is amazing. There is such beautiful things in it. Such a sense of peace. Joyousness. It was very much like my dream the other night.

I explored some of the other rooms, looking at the art on the wall, the tapestries, the quotes, the statues. It truly is a calming space.

After I was done officially securing the space, I went for a bit of a pamper and got my make up done for my interview. I noticed many times during this treat how often I held my breath. I was afraid I was going to "mess things up".

What a metaphor that was... as I thought about it and breathed, this was also where my nervousness came from earlier in the day... I was afraid I was going to "mess things up".

I left with plenty of time to get to the studio, I was greeted by the anchor who was going to interview me and we just talked about what Conscious Parenting meant to me. We talked about the importance of also taking time for yourself as a parent to rejuvenate. In my opinion this has many benefits, not only does it allow the parent to recharge, stay sane, and breathe, but it also models very important behaviour to the children... it is okay to take a few minutes to yourself to relax, cry and breathe. I was told about how my interview would work and who would come and get me when it was time.

I really was surprised with the ease that everyone in that studio moved through a live broadcast. It was much calmer than I had imagined it. I took time to write in my journal and take some grounding breaths before it was time for my piece.

And it was done. It was done with relative ease, I didn't swear (thank goodness) and I didn't stammer or stall. Looking back on the recording I was quite pleased with the message I managed to get across in 4 minutes.

Who knows what this opportunity will bring? I don't, but I'm ready for it.

My hope for this weekend's workshop is that many will be awakened to the unending potential they hold, when parenting, when working, when loving and when living!

Find the fun, find the passion, find the laughter, embrace in the love.

Life is indeed good, and who knows what tomorrow will bring? There is always more.

Conscious Parenting and Moving at Warp Speed

2007-07-10T17:58:00.000-03:00

I did things a little differently with this workshop, I advertised in an independent newspaper.

Like much of the Emerging Futures conversations that were happening at Oceanstone a few weeks back I declared my intention and let things be.

I looked for space to hold my workshop and came across the Shambhala Meditation Centre and booked it sight unseen (it felt right). And that choice generated more e-mails and conversations for future workshops, meetings, interviews that I could ever imagine. This choice also allowed me to make huge self discoveries about a judgment I held about men being able to "go there" and understand when I speak of energy and emotions.

By advertising in that independent paper I generated a lot of interest. A reporter from the Daily News did an article about my workshop in today's newspaper, which then triggered a phone call from the TV station asking if I'd do an interview on Live @ Five tomorrow night.

The interest and publicity isn't what is so exciting to me (although it is nice) what is so exciting to me is that by simply putting myself out there all of this has happened and is continuing to happen.

I can't wait to engage with the people who show up for my program on Saturday morning.

Who would have thunk it could be effortless (many of you I know...).

Life is indeed good and there is always more.

Dreams & Energy ~ Men & Parenting

2007-07-08T14:03:00.000-03:00

I experienced a headache last night and earlier in the evening. For those who know me this is not a common occurrence. The 'headache' was just on my forehead, then a bit at the very top of my head.

I woke up around 5 a.m. this morning still experiencing the 'headache' sensation... then went back to dreamland.

I dreamt I was in this wonderful place, there was a group of us and we were meditating. Afterwards I was exploring this building that was full of beautiful and ancient things. The rooms were interesting and a treat for the eyes and other senses.

I dreamt that my kids were with me and I was trying to get them to settle down to sleep so I could go to the room next door and learn something. I walked into the room and my father was there, with others I did not know. And then I heard my 2 yr old so I left and went back to her.

Then all of the sudden I was laying down with my eyes closed and my 6th chakra (3rd eye) opening and releasing energy (and receiving it). Huge energy flow in and out, a feeling of warmth and release. I woke up (no headache) and begun my day with this dream very much still detailed in my minds eye...

It is quite a few hours later and I can still feel the remnants of that feeling now. My future self continuing to unfold.

This past week has been really interesting for me. I have started my summer project "Leaders on Leadership" and I am still preparing for next weekends "Conscious Parenting Workshop". I am discovering there is still so much for me to learn about myself and I welcome each feeling that brings new information into my awareness.

On Friday when I arrived home I had an e-mail in my inbox. It was from a woman who was interested in my parenting workshop... she and her husband. When I read those words a wave overcame my body. I felt anxiety in my solarplex. I was nervous and didn't know what to think. What I also notice now is that I forgot to breath into it.

When Mike came home from work I told him about my anxiety over the possibility of a Father coming to my workshop. Mike being Mike said "Why do you man bash in them?" and I said "No, of course not. All of the sudden I am experiencing feelings of worthlessness and being incapable of providing anything that may be of use to this man" BINGO... I still held filters within myself that told me I would be dismissed in the presence of a man in my program. I was preparing to make myself smaller... to dumb it all down.

And then Mike said the perfect thing to me "If he wasn't open to what you have to offer, he wouldn't be interested in coming at all." And I welcomed breath right down to the base of my spine in that moment. All the uncertainties I was experiencing vanished when I breathed into the truth of his words.

SO how fantastic is it that a father is wanting to consider a different way of co-creating his family with his children and wife? I now will welcome men too, to come and become curious about your children's brilliance.

And my lesson, I don't have to make myself small because of my preconceived notions (that no longer serve me) of what men would or would not "get".

We really do all have it within us... regardless of sex... some are just more awake then others.

I welcome what tomorrow brings... there is always more.

Noticing Thoughts...

2007-07-06T12:22:00.001-03:00

Noticing when people are spewing out a line and when they are decloaking their truths
Noticing when someone is in a deep slumber and when someone is restlessly sleeping or very much awake
Noticing how some people are genuinely surprised when being identified as a leader, where perhaps they may have still held doubts within themselves or with how others perceive them
Noticing how vulnerability comes into play in the least expected places
Noticing how I still hold my own filters and perceptions about people before I even speak to them
Noticing how becoming genuinely curious about someone breaks down those barriers that I had prematurely put in place
Noticing how my outlook on reality shifts a little bit more with each discovery

Life is good and there is always more.

Seeing our Children

2007-07-05T20:27:00.000-03:00

As I am preparing for my next Conscious Parenting Workshop; talking with a reporter who is doing a story about it; talking with a woman on the phone who saw my advertisement and sees the great need for this type of workshop... who also has that desire within herself to make a difference and impact in some way but does not yet know how; speaking with prospective partners for creating something like this workshop in their centre or community... I know there is something huge here.

I know that I can make a difference, I know that we all can make a difference if we take action in whatever way we can, if we speak our truths and learn from each other.

And I read Louise's blog entry today Cries in the Dark and my tears flowed, my rage surfaced and my determination came forth... this is what it is all about for me, this is one of my main messages in my workshop... take ownership for your lives and for the relationships you have with your children.

See them for who they are, for what they are doing. Witness their tears, their rage, their laughter, and acknowledge them.... without judgment or condemning them. It validates their feelings... they come to know they are worth it. And they feel they are someone.

There is so much we can offer our children by teaching them they are valuable to us as individuals. By also showing our human side to them and letting them know it is all okay.

I'm very interested to see how my next workshop will unfold. As I said many times before, each program experience shapes itself in a unique way because it is all about the women who show up and the energy and experiences they bring into the room.

Life is good... and there is always more.

Leaders on Leading ~ Exploring the Nominalizations

2007-07-04T12:21:00.000-03:00

As I embark on my summer project I am contacting those people in “leadership” positions to invite them to sit down with me so I can interview them.

With the early replies I have received it sounds like there are many who will be interested in participating

I think that simply by doing this project I will open a lot of people up to considering how they are moving through their world. By writing this article it will allow others to see how we don’t always do things the way we would like to, and to perhaps question why they are not living all aspects of their lives in a way that is meaningful to them.

My intention is to de-nominalize the word leadership and find out what it really means to the individuals who are in senior positions within my organization. My intention is to also find out from those who are considered leaders and are not in senior or even supervisory positions… just what does it all mean to you?

I hope to shake things up a bit, have people reflect on the way they are currently “leading” and consider within themselves, is it serving me? My hope is for my own self as well, is the road truly paved with good intentions? And if everyone hold a very similar vision…where is the disconnect happening?

Yes indeed it will be an interesting summer.

Life is good and there is always more.

Power of Voice

2007-06-29T17:29:00.000-03:00

It never ceases to amaze me; the profound changes that happen in the body when we find our voice.

When we no longer are willing to remain silent, when we are freed by the bounds that we put ourselves in and can express the words that are our authentic truth.

In that moment, in that declaration of your story, your truth; Power Resides.

As I've had the opportunity to hear women in the past year form words to their truth, they claim part of their power back.

As I listen to women tell the stories of where they have come from, about what the believe in, and how they choose to live, I see the light shining in their eyes.

As I see a woman brazenly stand before an audience of many and unabashedly tell her truth, her story, in a way that is deeply meaningful to her, unashamed of the tears, demanding to be seen.... I am profoundly moved, the power in that is felt by the room.

Eyes open up. People awaken. The world changes.

Remaining True to MySELF

2007-06-27T13:58:00.001-03:00

Did I make the right decision?

In the past few weeks I was getting curious on my involvement with the Union and if I continue to serve as President of my local with out bias in all situations.

I was wondering within myself if I would be able to stand by and keep silent about a persons choice to stand on the victim side of the equation.

I choose in my life to live at cause. No longer willing to stay on the victim side for more that a moment. I choose to take ownership for my actions, my voice and my emotions and choose to engage from that side. If the situation ever arose... would I be able to stay true to myself... and still act on behalf of the members wishes?

I met with a my Regional Vice President today to discuss a number of things and he asked me how if I was happy with my choice to take on the presidency in the fall. I talked about some of the things I was disillusioned with, some things I wanted to do differently, then I went big. I talked about my values and authentic self and how I was questioning if I would be able to "serve" a member... no, it was more would I stay silent in order to serve as president.

We had a really big conversation about who he is and holds himself to be, his values and how he still chooses to serve at times when it is not agreeing with his values (i.e. integrity). I spoke about how I was not willing to enable people to remain on the victim side of life (the why me side).

And the outcome of our discussion was... I don't have to remain silent. I need not put myself in any situation where my body is telling me not to go.

So here is my declaration.

By being my authentic self and not compromising or keeping myself small, I will be a BIGGER invitation for these people to step into themselves and not to compromise their power (i.e. to also stand at cause).

This works for me, I choose to remain President of my local, and serve differently. By simply inviting them to consider something more, perhaps that they didn't see or realize before, life changes once again.

Tomorrow is another day... there is always more.

Leaders on Leading ~ My Summer Project

2007-06-25T17:31:00.000-03:00

This morning I engaged in a conversation with Cheryl Flemming about my week at Emerging Futures and Women - Redefining Leadership Reclaimed and her week at the PWGSC Leadership event in Cape Breton. Something different happened during our conversation, one of my Emerging Futures... I opened my mouth and talked about my summer project.

I apparently have given myself a summer project. The words just fell out of my mouth in the the air. Over the next month or so I plan on interviewing the "leaders" in our organization about their views on leadership.

I plan on asking the following questions:

What do you thing being a leader is.
What is leadership?
As leaders what is the one thing they would like to be remembered for?
If you had the freedom to be a leader, however you wanted without fear of judgment, would you do things differently?

Participants will remain anonymous and at the end of the project I will write an article on what I found.

The Regional Director General has already agreed to participate. I am confident that I will be able to interview everyone I approach.

Life is indeed good, another future is unfolding.

Tomorrow is a new day, and there is always more.

Meaningful Conversations

2007-06-24T21:21:00.000-03:00

It was nice to come home after my time last week at Oceanstone for the Emerging Futures experience. More than a few thoughts and insights entered my consciousness during these 3 days with a few surprises for me.

When considering the WEL-Systems Catalyst and CODE Model Coaching programs for my future growth, I felt a bubbling up of excitement from my solarplex up through my chest to my throat. I also experienced a small sense of fear... am I capable of this?

Yes I am. I am more than capable of standing alone, decloaked for all to see. I have expressed this time and time again in the past year at work, in workshops and facilitation workshops or speeches. I am up for my SELF.

Jessica and I went to the salon early on Saturday morning then picked up Sara and ventured forth to a community barbecue at her school. It struck me that for the amount of children that were there, only a handful of adults were on hand. It definitely saddened me to see that parents are too busy to come down with their children to a FREE BBQ and enjoy 2 hours as a family with others in the community.

For me that speaks loudly of the need for parenting workshops and family events. There is a definite need for families to reconnect with one another. Parents need to make a commitment to take some time out to make time for their families away from the TV and computer, interacting, talking, growing together.

I had a challenge with Jessica on Saturday night. It was a big one which I will not discuss the details (in order to respect my daughter). However the consequences to her actions had to be discussed and understood.

What I also decided to do was to post a few posters on her wall in her room. I have invited her over the next 2 weeks to add to the posters as she sees fit, then at the end of two weeks I will help her for a pledge to honour her SELF.

There are 4 posters on her wall. I can't remember the exact words but they are as follows.

What are some words or feelings that describe who the "real" Jessica is?
What are some of the things you want to be remembered by? (things you have already done and/or things you will do in your future)
What are some things you can do to contribute (or offer) to our community?
What are some ways you can make our family have more fun together?

When discussing this with her I told her I don't want anything negative on the wall, I want everything that is positive about her, things that make her feel good, things that may make those around her feel good. I explained to her how we will create a pledge (her emerging future of sorts) afterwards so she can have a nice reminder of the brilliant person she is full of love and compassion to look at on those days where she may not remember it.

Life is good... tomorrow is a new day... there is always more.

Reconnection Retreat ~ November

2007-06-22T14:55:00.000-03:00

Need a weekend to reconnect with yourself and have meaningful conversations with others?

This weekend experience will be an invitation for you to slow down, breathe and reflect on just who you are in this world you have created.

Begin your experience with a fine dining experience at Rhubarbs, followed by conversations and entertainment in the Great Room at Oceanstone. Engage in a day of guided conversations with plenty of time for self guided reconnection time, if you choose.

This is a space for you to feel comfortable bringing in those aspects of your self that you are passionate about, bring your art, your song, your practice, your passion... the space will be made for you to display or engage in these things with the others who have gathered.

On the second evening you will experience something you may have only held curiosity about. This experience will be an invitation for someone else to come in and share their passion and knowledge with the participants and will be different for each retreat experience.

On your final morning as you awaken in the comfort of your room, take the time to breath in and allow the energy that is prevalent to flow through you. This final morning we will come together for a final guided conversation and sharing of insights. A buffet lunch and a fond farewell.

Reconnection Retreat

Date: November 23rd to 25th, 2007
Location: Oceanstone Inn and Cottages, Indian Harbour, NS
Registration Fee: $600.00 + tax

Price includes: 2 nights accommodations* and all meals; The book Sekhment Rising ~ The Restlessness of Women's Genius; A 3 hr Introduction to Shamanism experience (participation optional)

* accommodations = room in the inn. If you wish an upgrade it will be reflected in the price

To Register: Contact Lori at potential@eastlink.ca or call 1-902-461-9169 with payment details for your non-refundable deposit of $250. Full payment due 2 weeks before the program begins.

Exploring Our Potential Consulting 2007

Happy Feet...Sheer Joy Being

2007-06-21T21:37:00.000-03:00

Tonight we gathered in the great room to watch the movie Happy Feet.

What a HUGE metaphor this movie is for showing up and being the unique expressions we all individually are.

The "brethren" represented for me both dogma and as well the pressure from society to conform to the status quo. If you do not you are not normal, if you are not like us, you are different and in society different is deemed a bad thing.

This talks very much to me, to my journey through WEL-Systems in choosing to stand alone, as my authentic self, decloaking and standing raw for all to see, as I really do believe we all have our unique stories to tell and by each of us gathering the courage to actually speak our truths, to put sound to our unique signal... the world changes.

This also is represented in my belief that celebration our diversity is the pathway to growth, understanding and being able to live in harmony. I'll refer you to my past post entitled Diversity & Respect. There are so many people still out there who think Diversity has nothing to do with them. Yet they just don't understand the terminology.

The definition of Diversity is:
1. the state or fact of being diverse; difference; unlikeness.
2. variety; multiformity.
3. a point of difference

This is each and every one of us. We are all completely different as it is our histories, life experiences, upbringings, current lives, hopes, dreams and intentions for our futures that make us so different.

So it is time to really celebrate this in us all. The sheer joy of being yourself, unique and unabashed. Celebrating in your own sound and rejoicing in the sound of others.

Today in the program room, to hear the voice of other unique signals as they spoke of their vision enlivened me... it is a contagion. The excitement of hearing a woman form words and declare what is meaningful to her and feeling the excitement within yourself knowing that you too are going to have this same impact on those around you when you speak of your vision.

It creates a sacred space for others to make declarations of their own and for others to ponder the bigger pictures within themselves. What if I choose to live my dreams and manifest them into reality? If I dare to allow myself to go big, stay big and see what unfolds?

I'll tell you it is my experience when you do this... even within the quite stillness of yourself... your soul will absolutely sing with the joyousness of the unlimited potential you hold. Go ahead and let it infect your thoughts... become giddy with the sheer joy of knowing you are much more that you were taught to believe...

Life is good and tomorrow is a new day. There is always more...

Exploring Nominalizations of Leadership

2007-06-21T21:09:00.000-03:00

It is almost time to go... there is still a half a day left for growth, conversations, and discoveries.

This week we were invited to redefine leadership. That leadership as we know it (for the most part) does not work. That as women step into "leadership" roles, often times they lose themselves.

How each of us have our very own notions and definitions (as we each have are own unique
view of reality).

When you ponder the notions of leader and leadership what comes to mind for you? Does it imply that a leader demands followers? That only one person or a select group of people can have a voice, a valid voice that people actually listen to? Or is your notion of leadership something very different?

When I think of a leader and leadership, women in leadership, I think of a woman who is very clear on her intention and vision. A woman who is strong in herself, in her truth and is quite willing to stand in that, brazenly, unapologeticly. A woman who recognizes this in every person and who encourages and values growth, not only in herself but in those around her.

Leaders are every where, they are in every facet of society. Leaders can work, or not work, can be entrepreneurs or directors, they can be "wet behind the ears" or the can be "long in the tooth".

You see it isn't time and experience that makes a leader. You don't have to pay your dues or be high on the totem pole, you just have to be willing to be. To be and to be seen. To speak and to be willing to allow others to hear your voice, of your truth. To move forward, not to keep regurgitating to past. To stand in the moment and engage in an unfolding future... and Emerging Future.

I have learned that Emerging Futures can happen simply by choosing in the now to engage in a way that is very meaningful to me. Already intentions and ideas for Exploring Our Potential Consulting have formed into time and space. All that it required of me was to talk about my vision... and engage... as it crossed paths with the unique intention and vision of others new opportunities are forged for co-creation. It just is, as I just am.

Not losing myself, my sight, my vision, my voice. Never settling for less that the huge big intention I hold for myself and Exploring Our Potential Consulting.

And in my J-O-B, I see how this conversation of Emerging Futures - Redefining Leadership will make a real impact on the women I work with who are in these "official leadership" positions. How quite simply our world as we know it will shift, once again... creating space to allow for the unique expression we all are to shine as brilliantly as our selves.

Emerging Futures... Women & Leadership

2007-06-18T18:53:00.001-03:00

I wonder what this week will bring? Another program with Louise and a group of fantastic women (who knows who will be there?).

I am absolutely bubbling inside as I know that each time I step into a program with Louise, I step more and more into my SELF.

I am thrilled to be a part of this program this week. Emerging Futures... who knows what I will create for myself tomorrow?

Life is good, there is always tomorrow (and it's only 1 more sleep away!).

Family Visits

2007-06-17T13:53:00.000-03:00

Since the 4th of the month I have had family visiting in one way or another.

My uncle came to visit from the 4th to the 12th. We had a really nice visit, spent alot of nice time together, he stayed at my sisters, it was nice.

My father came down on the 13th and will be leaving early morning on the 20th. Also a nice visit but much different when the guests are staying at your house.

I've discovered alot of things about me so far with his visit.

There is also a lesson for me here that is out of my awareness. My lower back is KILLING me, I have had to take Advil a few times... which is not normal for me. I have been very emotional these past few days as well, Mike says I'm cranky. I agree. I am tired, I am on an emotional roller coaster, and I have back pain. Very interesting and not surprising if I look at this from a Code Model perspective.

The good thing about all of this is that on Tuesday I'm off to Oceanstone for an Emerging Futures program experience with Louise. I think I'll take some time this afternoon (while my father has taken Jessica out for a movie, mini golf & dinner) to relax, breath and create space within myself for my upcoming week.

Emerging once again in an accelerated fashion to my next destination in my journey of self.

Tomorrow is another day... there is always more.

Vacation... tomorrow

2007-06-12T21:40:00.000-03:00

Breath...

In and out...

Half day of the finance conference left, by 1 p.m. tomorrow I will officially be on vacation.

A volunteer appreciation tea at my daughters school tomorrow. My father arrives from Florida tomorrow evening.

My plan for the next few days that I have off? Get my posters out to advertise my upcoming Parenting Workshop . Work on different advertising ideas, officially book a great space, and devote some time to nurturing my business... and visiting with my dad!

Again I'm ending this with a deep breath in... and out...

Tomorrow is a new day, and there is always more.

Celebration of Life...

2007-06-10T19:36:00.000-03:00

What a beautiful celebration we had today in memory of Norman Smythe.

Pictures, stories, memories, wishes were shared and laughter was readily exchanged (as well as tears).

It strikes me that one man, who passed away at 52, could hold such an impact on so many.

There were people there who worked with Norm back in 1977 (When I wasn't even 2 yrs old) and there were people like my friend Kim who is in her 20's whom send words of the impact Norm had on her life and what his friendship meant to her.

Those who knew him, loved him... (unless of course he didn't like you then you were screwed... LOL)

Betty and Olive who tended to this wonderful man throughout his illness, taking him to appointments so he wouldn't have to be alone, co-workers be damned... they were defiantly family to Norman.

Donna who made a point to come see him on a regular basis, along with other of the "retired" group who kept in contact.

The "Boys" his co-workers, friends, brothers. The back corner of the office who always kept him in the loop of what was going on at work. Who kept him in their coffee club, who would lunch with him, who stood by him.

All those in the office who would invite this man time and time again to join them in the holidays because the loved him and wanted him to be a part of their table.

Rhéa who loved this man for the goodness she always saw in him... whom he held love for after many many years.

My dear friend Laura... who is always there for us all. Who loved this man with all her heart, whom tries to keep strong for those around her... who needs to remember to honor herself and her own hurts.

There are so many who were there whom Norm impacted in such a strong way. For me Norm taught me loyalty, friendship, and loving ferociously.

He appointed himself my protector at my first work Christmas party in 2001, he defended me to someone he perceived had done me wrong and that endeared me to him.

Norm was well respected in the office, and to know that he though highly of me and my work ethic made me so proud.

Getting to know Norm more personally through his friendship with Kim and during his illness I saw a man who loved deeply, who had fears, who had tears and who appreciated the friends he had in his life.

Here is to you Norman. I will remember you with fondness. I will think of you often. My heart is filled with thoughts of your voice, I will not forget holding your hand in the hospital the day before you left us.

And I will remember you each Sunday morning when I watch Coronation Street, it was you after all who let me know about Tracy killing Charlie (and it hasn't even happened in Canada yet).

Tomorrow is a new day... your light will keep moving on.

Passing of a Friend

2007-06-07T09:35:00.000-03:00

Just recieved the phone call.

Norm passed away this morning... age 52.

Nothing else to be said.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Until next time.

Lori

The last days...

2007-06-06T22:01:00.000-03:00

How do you act when someone you know and love is dying?

What do you do? What do you say?

I received a call today that my friend Norman was being moved into palliative care. I was told that if I wanted to see him I should really go and do it soon, within the next few days.

Somewhere deep down I knew it was going to come to this... eventually. Terminal cancer was always the diagnosis... yet Norm kept holding on, he kept persevering, not giving up, and the cancer moved from place to place, and it spread from organ to organ, eventually tumors in the brain... but still he was not giving up. Until now.

I went this afternoon to visit Norm, he is definitely done his battle, I can sense it (I'm sure others can too). He has fought so masterfully up until now... but fighting drains the energy. He is exhausted. He is in pain. I can't do anything to help him.

I simply went to his room. I held his hand. I asked if there was anything I could do for him. And I was there. That was all that was needed. Simply to be there. Offer some comfort by way of love and compassion.

And now the tears will come to me. Finally. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm wanting to help, to comfort more... yet I know I can only do what I can... simply be there.

I hope my day allows me to visit tomorrow. It's a choice on my part I know. Will I be brave enough to choose it?

Tomorrow is a new day... there is always more.

Have Self Will Travel

2007-06-03T14:50:00.000-03:00

I’ve been getting into the swing of creating things that are meaningful for me. As I create a selection of programs and services I can offer through my new business, travel continues to enter my awareness.

Have Self will Travel.

Creating a staple set of workshops, programs, retreats and other services for me here in Nova Scotia is one thing, but I am not going to limit myself to that. If someone is interested in having me come to their community, city or province, whatever the case might be, I will go to them.

And why not?

In the past I have not made much movement in my own evolution because I did think I had anything to offer. I kept myself so small. Now as I move through my world I do so respectful to others yet unapologetic. I am not small, I am not quiet, I am not worthless and I am not meek. I am huge, I am loud, I have so much potential and I have a voice to talk about it.

Each time I trust in myself and what I have learned and discovered about who I am and what I can offer, I am truly amazed at the resonance it has in the women I am working with. 2 years ago I wouldn’t have imagined that I would be able to have an impact like I have in these woman’s lives. And all I have done was show up, get curious and become that invitation for their brilliance to come flooding back into their awareness.

These words are not said with any ego involved, these words are said with awe and amazement.

I have what I need and the beauty of it is that I can carry it all with me.

Have Self Will Travel… that resonates with me.

Keeping me boundless, no opportunity will be wasted.

Tomorrow is a new day… and there is always more.