Breathing in... Space Opens

I took the weekend to sit with the concept of me as published author, and space seemed to constrict as I thought about how and what would have to be done to achieve that.

Not the time for me to publish what is appearing on the pages as I write about mySELF as parent. Now if there wasn't others involved in MY story, no problem... but I wouldn't necessarily be a parent if the others were not there.

So I breath in... run the scenarios through my body. Produce a chapter that is me, but isn't necessarily the passionate authentic me that I live. Nope doesn't feel right.

Breath in... have published what I am living and have been in the past year, possible outcome, my children's sense of trust and safe haven with me being at stake. Not an option.

Breath in... choice point. Discovering this is not the time for THIS story.

And the space opens, for breath to flow, both in and out. My words once again begin to flow with the KNOWING with in, these words for now, are for me.

My time and place will come, when the space is right.

My sincere thanks to those who offer the writer I am opportunity, love, respect and encouragement.

The book is going to be amazing. And I am alright with being a reader this time around.

Birthright of Potential

Birthright: any right or privilege to which a person is entitled by birth

As I get ready to engage in a teleconference with other authors who are writing for the Parenting book project, I find my self thinking about the Birthright of Potential and what that means to me as individual.

The Birthright of Potential, sometime so simple, so taken for granted, yet to some people they decide who has potential and who doesn’t. I think of the corporate world, you have the “leadership” of that corporation/organization who hand pick a chosen few for opportunities because that person has potential. And in the corporate world that equates to an individual in a leadership role dismissing the potential that we all hold and limiting opportunities for those who are not “chosen”.

Often times these individuals who are looked over have always felt they didn’t or don’t have potential. They have been brought up learning that they are nothing spectacular, nothing special and they should be content with where they are and what they have. They learn to settle, and that thought pattern will reflect into their relationships, careers and eventually parenting.

But if we all come to understand that we are born with unlimited potential, that Potential is a Birthright, the world will shift and change exponentially. Can you imagine a world where everyone believes they can achieve whatever goals they set for themselves, where they can be anything they want to be? The possibilities of a society that is evolved, progressive and supportive would be a reality.

And imagine if you will that this is a reality. Can you picture how many advances we would make in the medical, social, and science fields (to name but a few)? Amazing to think about.

So who would I have been had I known from birth that I had this bag of potential I carried with me always that would never deplete. I dare say that I am finding that out now. I work because I need to support my family but I find ways to make it meaningful and fun because I can. Now that I know I can be, do, see and say anything I feel I need to, because that brilliance is within me, I create experiences where I can express the passion I hold sacred to me and I can live that passion, and opportunities arrive. Opportunities present themselves effortlessly, because I am living authentically for myself, Voila! a new forum to express in arrives.

I no longer go out searching for things to make my life more meaningful, I know if I live a meaningful life (within myself, for myself) magic happens.

The Birthright of Potential… for my children, for my girls, to know now and no longer be limited by the parent I was because of the guardian of the vision I have now become… it excites me. At 30 years old I discovered the potential I had, at 33 years old I am experiencing life as it is unfolding… at 4 years old and 13 years old the possibilities are endless!

How magnificent for me to watch my children play, discover, experience and grow from a place without the old style dictatorship that was parenting in my past. The expressions of self they already are is awe inspiring.

Starting the Chapter - Getting rid of the baggage

I have been invited to participate in a book project entitled Parenting: Guardians of the Vision - The Birthright of Potential. Today I sat down and reviewed what I had already written when I was initially invited to participate in this project.

What I noticed was I seemed to be writing from a victim standpoint. In trying to share my past parenting perspective I was not owning anything, I was saying things like, my ex did it this way, my ex expected me to parent that way.

While I read those words today, I noticed, this doesn't matter, the past is the past and started fresh.

So I began again, only to pick up from the self imposed hiatus I placed myself in in May of last year. And the words flowed, my story as mother in a difficult situation, protecting my girls, trusting their intelligence, allowing myself to be authentic and present to them... there is more to write there and I am uncertain as to if I will submit this chapter I am currently writing as part of this project or if I find another forum for it.

All I know is that the words flowed out with no stories... no tears... no waves of pent up emotion... it felt completed and matter of fact. If this story does eventually get published then I must write under a different name to preserve the anonymity of my children.

But the story... regardless of the forum, is needed to be told, to be shared and to be experienced.

Interesting to me to discover this... my writer, coming up, coming out, waiting to get back to the tap, tap, tap of the keys. Sharing the truth of my experience, knowing that it will ripple through and resonate with others who are drawn to it.

I have the feeling I will be starting many chapters. To continual new beginnings! Cheers.

Defining Your Path

So the holidays are upon us once again. And you are twisting inside wanting to do one thing and being expected to do something else.

At what point in your life do you Stop. and choose what is meaningful for you?

At what point in your life do you slow down enough to hear what your spirit is telling you would be meaningful for you and Listen?

Take out the noise, the worrying about what others might think. The wondering if you will disappoint someone or offend someone.

You are not only doing them a disservice for being there in body only (while your mind, heart and spirit may be elsewhere).

When does tradition become meaningless, only an act performed because that is how we ALWAYS do it?

Does it ever get to that point for you? Is it time for you to choose differently? How can you choose differently and enjoy it?

I don't have the answers to these questions, the answers are within you... you must take the time to breath and trust your self to be guided. Take the time to speak of what is meaningful to you at this time, and not feel the need to make excuses or ask permission for the decision you have come to.

Define your path. Figure out what works best for you. I look at so many families during the holidays who have 4 - 6 different Christmas Dinners to attend, they feel obligated to make the appearance, while at the same time are exhausted after so much preparation prior to Christmas.

Take it slow. Yes it might be nice to see all of the people you love in a day or two, but why only during this time? Spread it out. Make time for you. Enjoy the holidays.

Do what is meaningful to yourself... to do anything less would not be authentic... and when your heart, mind and soul isn't in it... what is the point anyway?

Happy Holidays... I wish for you to be at that place, with that special someone, perhaps your family, or even by yourself with a book and a fireplace... define your path during this time and for a lifetime. Feel free to change your mind. It really is liberating this power of choice we all have (and sometimes forget exists).

Be well. Live authentically. Give the gift of your SELF this year.

Hmmm more about the goddess

There is more here... I sketched a picture tonight, of a family of goddess'... my family. I want to paint it... big, bold, beautiful.

The sacred goddess that is in everyone woman, that place of power, of love, of joy that stays seeded deep within us even when we forget she IS us.

Do a google images search on Goddess and you will find thousands of images of powerful, strong, females, both fictitious, mythical and everyday people. All with one thing in common... they all have a knowing within.

Can you feel the goddess within? The crucible and the spear held at the same time, the femininity and strength, the fire and the love. All accessible to you.

Fantastic isn't it?

The Goddess Within

Life has a funny way of coming around when you don't even know you are ready for it. My last post was written the day I sold my house... and a week before my life changed forever.

Happiness, beyond imagining. Without looking. Without questioning... fell into my lap.

Finding myself at a place in my life where I was ready to move on and beyond the things that have been going on in the past year. Finding myself loving me again. Finding myself excited about life and the future. And along came another gift into my life.

Well I've always heard stories about "true love" and happiness with a partner.

I can remember in a particular coaching session with Louise when I was unhappily involved and in crisis about my weight, where she pointed out to me that when I turned to food most people would be in bed with their partner, cuddling & talking about their days.

I can remember being taken aback. And I said to her, people actually really do that? I heard about that before... I chalked it up to peoples ideals or fantasy of a fairy tale life. Certainly nothing that would be accessible to someone like me. That was a year ago.

I am so very happy to be experiencing it. To be experiencing a life where I can be who I am, talk about what I love and be not only heard but felt. To be experiencing my heart talking directly with another. My soul connecting in a way that I never thought was possible. My heart... it sings, there is no other way to put it.

There is no filling of "holes" because there was no hole to fill, but I never imagined such fullness, feeling of overflowing, of utter and total love... giving freely and recieving in turn. The goddess within... rejoicing, basking, living in a way I never have before.

Without a doubt.

Without a question.

Without hesitation.

It's simply is...

as I am...

Life has never been so good... and I know that there is always more... and I can't wait!

Going... Going... Found!

How often do you sit and wonder why things have to be so hard?

How much time do you spend thinking of all the things that can go wrong?

Do you run through a million possible what if scenarios in your head?

Think of all the time and energy you spend doing that.

You cannot expect an easy and quick outcome if you are dividing your attention and energy to two different spectrum's of the field.

The outcome will eventually manifest, but how it manifests depends on the type of thoughts and energy you bring it's way.

Think of it this way. All your conscious thought and energy is equal to 100%. There is something you really want to happen (i.e. selling a house) and you know this is your desired outcome. How long does it need to take? How easy will it be?

For me I divided my attention and energy more towards the What if's and I have to's of this process.

I'd say I spent 85% of my inner thoughts on a deal falling through, or maybe what would happen IF I didn't sell my place.

It took me along time to get to the point of letting it go. On the last day of my realtor's contract I had already decided that I was going to take my house off the market for a bit, that I was just going to forget about all the headache of having to prepare the house every week for showings or open houses.

I was done spending all of my energy in trying to make the house nice enough, good enough or right enough for someone to want to buy it (man that sounds alot like feeling unworthy).

And I let go. And an offer came that day, the last day of the contract. It took a bit of negotiating but at the end of it I was clear that if they didn't accept my conditions, then the deal would be null and void. I was not willing to play the game anymore.

During this time my thinking flipped to the other end of the spectrum. Maybe 5% of me worried. 10% of me got fired up. and the other 85% was willing to allow whatever would happen to happen.

And it happened. This morning, the buyers signed off on what I wasn't willing to budge on. It is done.

I wonder if I allowed myself to worry 15% of the time instead of 85% at the beginning how quickly the sale of my house would have manifested.

I had held so much "baggage" with this house that it weighed down my NEEDING to sell it.

A year ago when I first the thought of putting this house up for sale was an out to a relationship I had no desire of being in anymore.

Then I thought the sale of this house was going to be the salvation to my financial difficulties.

After that my thought was of financial security in creating a new beginning for my children and I.

Thoughts that followed soon after was of my despair and need to be away from the memories that this house held.

And finally after all of those burdens and baggage were tied into this event... it made me resentful that the house wasn't selling.

When I began to take charge of my life again (no longer willing to be victim), my experience with the house began to change. It could sell, or not, and it was going to be just fine. It wasn't going to make or break me.

As each day passes I become reacquainted with the strong woman I am. I remember that all of these things (listed above) do not define me. There is only one thing that defines me... MYSELF.

Pheonix Rising

I'm burning the ashes that remain of my past.

Emerging into the freedom of creating from a clean slate.

Not willing to focus any more attention on the what if's and worries.

Energy can be much better used for creating.

Need to read the Pheonix Rising again.

It is time.