I have organization on my brain today, I dreamt about it last night and have just completed creating the handbook for my Parenting Workshop.
I have an upcoming over night trip this week to Moncton for a Personal and Professional Leadership Forum where Cathy Carmody will be one of the presenters. This is for a Middle Management Forum.
This past year I have had the opportunity to attend the Leadership Forum (Directors & Regional Managers) and hear about their visions and see their leadership styles. I chaired our regional departments Annual Women's Leadership Event and was able to share my vision and views on Leadership and introduce the WEL-Systems perspective on leadership and living to the women who attended (directors, managers and co-workers). Now I will be able to go to the Middle Managers Forum and see what their visions and views on leadership are.
For some reason there is still such a disconnect in communications felt and noticed within our department and I have a feeling I know where this disconnect is happening (for the most part). It will be interesting to be able to see it from all perspectives of "levels" throughout our department.
The week after February 26 - March 2nd, I will be in the Engaging program with Louise. And I am totally looking forward to my next step in my evolution. I will also be recording my CD Single Moms: Struggles and Strengths during this week. There is an article I wrote on the same subject in February's ChoicePoints newsletter or you can click here to read it.
I start my new job on March 5th, 2007. I am very excited about this change and I know it will be an invitation to learn new skills and make new discoveries about myself.
So I have 3 days left at my current job (after all the trips and training is said and done). And Organization is in the forefront of my thoughts. What do I have left to do that needs doing so I can easily move from my current job into my new one. I've already created a "How To" book, I've created a document with all of the links I use for the ease of my successor. I just have to clear up some backlog and finish packing my boxes.
Things are moving... Movement = Growth, Life is good.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
The Field
I just finished reading "The Field" by Lynne McTaggart. What an amazing compilation of a variety of scientific experiments and research about "the field", our collective consciousness and the power of our intentions.
I thoroughly enjoyed every discovery in this book, reading about distance healing, remote viewing, the experiments and successes.
I especially came to life when reading about how each and everyone one of us has the potential to do all of this ourselves... create our own futures, affect the health of ourselves and others, predict or sway the outcome of things just by focusing our intention and tapping into the Zero Point Field. The Field, the source, all that there is, that runs through and around everything, connecting us as one, supporting us all as individuals.
So we can truly stand alone and never be alone. Interesting notions.
It supports my belief that we all have the resources within our own selves to live a healthy, prosperous and happy life, as creators of our own futures.
The task is for us to wake up to this power we each have. To wake up to the more we are.
In our dreams we imagine we are immense, successful, happy, doing something that we are passionate about, that makes us feel alive.
Then we wake up.
Some of us are choosing to live our dreams, to work towards them, awake and conscious in our choices and seizing the chance to engage in things we are passionate about.
And the some of us are saying, "Oh what a nice dream... I know I couldn't never do that" telling yourself you are smaller than that, you can only do what you are doing now, you can always dream of more... but it will never be your reality.
This book has strengthened my belief, my deep knowing that we are god forces completely in control of the manifestation of our future.
Life is good... and there is always tomorrow.
I thoroughly enjoyed every discovery in this book, reading about distance healing, remote viewing, the experiments and successes.
I especially came to life when reading about how each and everyone one of us has the potential to do all of this ourselves... create our own futures, affect the health of ourselves and others, predict or sway the outcome of things just by focusing our intention and tapping into the Zero Point Field. The Field, the source, all that there is, that runs through and around everything, connecting us as one, supporting us all as individuals.
So we can truly stand alone and never be alone. Interesting notions.
It supports my belief that we all have the resources within our own selves to live a healthy, prosperous and happy life, as creators of our own futures.
The task is for us to wake up to this power we each have. To wake up to the more we are.
In our dreams we imagine we are immense, successful, happy, doing something that we are passionate about, that makes us feel alive.
Then we wake up.
Some of us are choosing to live our dreams, to work towards them, awake and conscious in our choices and seizing the chance to engage in things we are passionate about.
And the some of us are saying, "Oh what a nice dream... I know I couldn't never do that" telling yourself you are smaller than that, you can only do what you are doing now, you can always dream of more... but it will never be your reality.
This book has strengthened my belief, my deep knowing that we are god forces completely in control of the manifestation of our future.
Life is good... and there is always tomorrow.
Friday, February 16, 2007
No Harm... No Foul
My decision is made. I put myself out there... asked for it all... no harm, no foul.
I'm in sync with my friend Sarah lately (big time). Every time I engage with her it is a reflection of me (see Holy Holodecks - batman).
Last night Sarah & I were having a fantastic conversation and she asked me does my work support me and value my leadership qualities. My first thought was the people I engage with do... and the others have just fallen away (are no longer prominent in my day to day routines).
And I struggled a bit with the answer to that. It was almost like it didn't compute in my psyche. Why would I care if my work supported me or not? So that was my answer. I know that the "job" does not define me. It once did, that was one of the many things I used it to keep myself small.
What I now know is that I am resourceful enough to create my own future, regardless of which job I am in or not it. And of course during my telephone conversation with her last night, I knew that is just how I feel now, I'm very clear on that.
And yet I still didn't relate this conversation to my current situation (Duh, you'd think I'd learn... Holographic Universe)
So this morning I get to work and check my voice mail. It's my new manager calling wanting to discuss my e-mail I sent telling them I'd like to discuss options surrounding my assignment opportunity.
I met this morning with my new co-workers/managers (this is really cool, they seem to really work as a team). We had a conversation about the possibility of my going on the other assignment right from the start of my new job.
I am very excited to begin working with this group. The energy in the room was positive, they told me they were impressed with my leadership qualities in the interview and are hopeful those qualities will assist me into making the group run even more smoothly.
We all gave our points of view and in the end I agreed that although the assignment in Corporate would be a really great opportunity for me... I can create my own opportunities where ever I am.
And it was very clear to me during this meeting... my new manager hit the nail right on the head... "is it the exposure you think you'd miss if you didn't go on the assignment" (something like that) and I was very clear when I replied... I think I have the exposure and I know I can create it wherever I am. :o)
That felt really right. My wanting to take this assignment with the "big wigs" was mostly based on who I would get to know and exposure. My conversation last night with Sarah reminded me of my deep clarity that I am the one who creates my future.
There was no nagging feelings of disappointment when I said I would not go on the assignment.
I look forward to beginning my new position on March 5th, 2007. Yay me!
Who knows what tomorrow will bring, more growth that is certain. Life is good.
I'm in sync with my friend Sarah lately (big time). Every time I engage with her it is a reflection of me (see Holy Holodecks - batman).
Last night Sarah & I were having a fantastic conversation and she asked me does my work support me and value my leadership qualities. My first thought was the people I engage with do... and the others have just fallen away (are no longer prominent in my day to day routines).
And I struggled a bit with the answer to that. It was almost like it didn't compute in my psyche. Why would I care if my work supported me or not? So that was my answer. I know that the "job" does not define me. It once did, that was one of the many things I used it to keep myself small.
What I now know is that I am resourceful enough to create my own future, regardless of which job I am in or not it. And of course during my telephone conversation with her last night, I knew that is just how I feel now, I'm very clear on that.
And yet I still didn't relate this conversation to my current situation (Duh, you'd think I'd learn... Holographic Universe)
So this morning I get to work and check my voice mail. It's my new manager calling wanting to discuss my e-mail I sent telling them I'd like to discuss options surrounding my assignment opportunity.
I met this morning with my new co-workers/managers (this is really cool, they seem to really work as a team). We had a conversation about the possibility of my going on the other assignment right from the start of my new job.
I am very excited to begin working with this group. The energy in the room was positive, they told me they were impressed with my leadership qualities in the interview and are hopeful those qualities will assist me into making the group run even more smoothly.
We all gave our points of view and in the end I agreed that although the assignment in Corporate would be a really great opportunity for me... I can create my own opportunities where ever I am.
And it was very clear to me during this meeting... my new manager hit the nail right on the head... "is it the exposure you think you'd miss if you didn't go on the assignment" (something like that) and I was very clear when I replied... I think I have the exposure and I know I can create it wherever I am. :o)
That felt really right. My wanting to take this assignment with the "big wigs" was mostly based on who I would get to know and exposure. My conversation last night with Sarah reminded me of my deep clarity that I am the one who creates my future.
There was no nagging feelings of disappointment when I said I would not go on the assignment.
I look forward to beginning my new position on March 5th, 2007. Yay me!
Who knows what tomorrow will bring, more growth that is certain. Life is good.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Holy Holodecks... (batman)
As I engage with a friend over these past few days about “her issues” in “her work”… I don’t pay full attention to my holographic universe (meaning everything is an invitation for self discovery).
A lot has been moving on my job front over these past few weeks. And as time goes by and things don’t move as fast as I would like, I start to allow myself to slip back to the “old” me. I find myself falling into the victim role… “Joe blow won’t let me”. I was blaming another person for MY immediate future challenges (1-2mth time period). And I didn’t even recognize it.
I knew I felt shitty, angry, and mostly pissed off most of the time at work. I felt I was going to be wronged, whatever. I blamed these feelings on another person causing me to feel this way. What crap… I know better than this; however I was blinded to it.
This morning when engaging with my friend I wrote her an e-mail about simply choosing to honour herself in this transition period at work. That you could choose to continue to engage as a professional, with integrity, hard work and passion you always carry on your job. You don’t have to let the negative atmosphere rob that from you. You can choose to be happy until you leave the job.
And I hit the send button… as soon as I did it hit me!!!
This was all about me and my situation… on my holodeck.
I can choose to remain positive and up beat while going through this waiting period before changing jobs.
I can choose to continue to deliver excellence and professionalism in a POSITIVE and cheerful manner.
I can choose to take with me the positives of the last 6 years and let go of the negatives… (This is all dependant on the eye of the beholder anyway).
I can choose to really know that “what other people think of me is not my business” when it comes to MY career choices.
Funny that. Yet again, when I hit the snooze bar on my life; I allow myself to forget the most obvious point of all. If “it” is coming up in whatever way in my life, “it” holds meaning for me.
Life is good… and there is always more.
A lot has been moving on my job front over these past few weeks. And as time goes by and things don’t move as fast as I would like, I start to allow myself to slip back to the “old” me. I find myself falling into the victim role… “Joe blow won’t let me”. I was blaming another person for MY immediate future challenges (1-2mth time period). And I didn’t even recognize it.
I knew I felt shitty, angry, and mostly pissed off most of the time at work. I felt I was going to be wronged, whatever. I blamed these feelings on another person causing me to feel this way. What crap… I know better than this; however I was blinded to it.
This morning when engaging with my friend I wrote her an e-mail about simply choosing to honour herself in this transition period at work. That you could choose to continue to engage as a professional, with integrity, hard work and passion you always carry on your job. You don’t have to let the negative atmosphere rob that from you. You can choose to be happy until you leave the job.
And I hit the send button… as soon as I did it hit me!!!
This was all about me and my situation… on my holodeck.
I can choose to remain positive and up beat while going through this waiting period before changing jobs.
I can choose to continue to deliver excellence and professionalism in a POSITIVE and cheerful manner.
I can choose to take with me the positives of the last 6 years and let go of the negatives… (This is all dependant on the eye of the beholder anyway).
I can choose to really know that “what other people think of me is not my business” when it comes to MY career choices.
Funny that. Yet again, when I hit the snooze bar on my life; I allow myself to forget the most obvious point of all. If “it” is coming up in whatever way in my life, “it” holds meaning for me.
Life is good… and there is always more.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Who are our Children?
Do we know?
Do we care?
I am full of feelings today, rage & sadness. Far too easy is it to blame the child and ignore the adults behaviour.
I was at lunch today with some coworkers and one woman whom I just met. The conversation turned to an account of someone having their son & grandson over for dinner and how the child refused to eat something he had "spit out" on his plate. (a) who wants to eat regurgitated anything if you aren't a bird. (b) maybe something was wrong? The son took the grandson aside and spanked him for refusing to eat it. I was appalled, what a horrible thing to be beaten for.
And then the woman said "I wouldn't have waited so long to beat his bottom" - I assume she is talking about her own son… but no she was talking about her grandson!
The conversation at the table around me continued around horrific behaviour of these (generalization) horrible kids now a days, and how they are in desperate need of discipline (corporal punishment) by their parents.
I am sitting there silent… dumbfounded. Holy cow, do people still feel that spanking and abusing a child is the answer? I agree with the statement that their parents need to be responsible. I also whole heartedly DISAGREE with their suggestions of physical punishment to force submission.
This conversations totally reinforced my desire and urgent need to put on my Discovering Authentic Self and Consciously Parenting workshop.
If 4 out of the 5 women at our lunch table felt in some way that corporal punishment is acceptable and the "answer" to the problem with our children… how many others are out there thinking the same thing?
Have they taken the time to consider their own actions and explore other ways; such as consciously parenting?
And tonight as I am on the computer checking out what sites have been viewed in my home (by my eldest daughter). I am drawn to explore her web page. I recently asked her to put a password protection on her webpage because she has tons of pictures of herself and her friends online and I feel that there is enough on the web for someone to find her if they really wanted to. Now you cannot see her site unless you enter a password.
I am just amazed with the abilities of the 11 & 12 year olds I know to created these fantastic websites and keep them updated.
From Jessica's webpage I link to her friends web pages, all so fantastically done… and yet as you delve more deeply into the sites I am shocked and disturbed by the content.
The content on some of those sites are sexually explicit, expressions of sadness and depression, cries for help, horrific stories of abuse and bullying of others they know.
In one case I am torn… do I call this parent and suggest she reads her daughters website? So she can talk to her 12 year old about what is appropriate and what is not? So she can approach her about the "sad story" she has posted under reads that speaks of sexual abuse to find out if it is fiction or a truth that her daughter has experienced? My gut says yes… call the mother… And I will do this tonight.
And I wonder am I the only parent out of Jessica's group of friends that checks up on what she does online. On what information she is putting out there for the world to see? Try googling your child's name and see what comes up.
Why don’t' others take the time not only to talk to their kids about what's going on in their lives, but to check up on their child's activities that are available online for the world to see, friends, strangers and predators alike?
This concerns me greatly… Do we care about what our children are doing? I do… and I care about yours too!
Do we care?
I am full of feelings today, rage & sadness. Far too easy is it to blame the child and ignore the adults behaviour.
I was at lunch today with some coworkers and one woman whom I just met. The conversation turned to an account of someone having their son & grandson over for dinner and how the child refused to eat something he had "spit out" on his plate. (a) who wants to eat regurgitated anything if you aren't a bird. (b) maybe something was wrong? The son took the grandson aside and spanked him for refusing to eat it. I was appalled, what a horrible thing to be beaten for.
And then the woman said "I wouldn't have waited so long to beat his bottom" - I assume she is talking about her own son… but no she was talking about her grandson!
The conversation at the table around me continued around horrific behaviour of these (generalization) horrible kids now a days, and how they are in desperate need of discipline (corporal punishment) by their parents.
I am sitting there silent… dumbfounded. Holy cow, do people still feel that spanking and abusing a child is the answer? I agree with the statement that their parents need to be responsible. I also whole heartedly DISAGREE with their suggestions of physical punishment to force submission.
This conversations totally reinforced my desire and urgent need to put on my Discovering Authentic Self and Consciously Parenting workshop.
If 4 out of the 5 women at our lunch table felt in some way that corporal punishment is acceptable and the "answer" to the problem with our children… how many others are out there thinking the same thing?
Have they taken the time to consider their own actions and explore other ways; such as consciously parenting?
And tonight as I am on the computer checking out what sites have been viewed in my home (by my eldest daughter). I am drawn to explore her web page. I recently asked her to put a password protection on her webpage because she has tons of pictures of herself and her friends online and I feel that there is enough on the web for someone to find her if they really wanted to. Now you cannot see her site unless you enter a password.
I am just amazed with the abilities of the 11 & 12 year olds I know to created these fantastic websites and keep them updated.
From Jessica's webpage I link to her friends web pages, all so fantastically done… and yet as you delve more deeply into the sites I am shocked and disturbed by the content.
The content on some of those sites are sexually explicit, expressions of sadness and depression, cries for help, horrific stories of abuse and bullying of others they know.
In one case I am torn… do I call this parent and suggest she reads her daughters website? So she can talk to her 12 year old about what is appropriate and what is not? So she can approach her about the "sad story" she has posted under reads that speaks of sexual abuse to find out if it is fiction or a truth that her daughter has experienced? My gut says yes… call the mother… And I will do this tonight.
And I wonder am I the only parent out of Jessica's group of friends that checks up on what she does online. On what information she is putting out there for the world to see? Try googling your child's name and see what comes up.
Why don’t' others take the time not only to talk to their kids about what's going on in their lives, but to check up on their child's activities that are available online for the world to see, friends, strangers and predators alike?
This concerns me greatly… Do we care about what our children are doing? I do… and I care about yours too!
Sunday, February 11, 2007
The Dilemma... or is it?
I was home from work Thursday and Friday of last week. I received a phone call telling me I have been successful on another job competition, this one permanent in the finance branch.
I want to permanently move into a job that is new and fresh (finance is a permanent one).
The greatest learning experience for me will be with the assignment that I already got a few days before this one(Corporate Services, Strategic Management & Communications Branch).
The dilemma... do I have to choose?
As I was successful in the assignment first, I would accept it first, could I do so in good faith knowing that I may not be allowed to continue on the assignment if I accept the indeterminate position with finance?
I suppose it is all about ask and you shall receive. Open dialogue and communications to both potential managers/directors and the solution just may not be as difficult as I am allowing myself to imagine.
My intention is to go in and ask the management at the finance job if they would still allow me to go on the assignment with CSSMC branch (corporate, strategic, communications).
I want to permanently move into a job that is new and fresh (finance is a permanent one).
The greatest learning experience for me will be with the assignment that I already got a few days before this one(Corporate Services, Strategic Management & Communications Branch).
The dilemma... do I have to choose?
As I was successful in the assignment first, I would accept it first, could I do so in good faith knowing that I may not be allowed to continue on the assignment if I accept the indeterminate position with finance?
I suppose it is all about ask and you shall receive. Open dialogue and communications to both potential managers/directors and the solution just may not be as difficult as I am allowing myself to imagine.
My intention is to go in and ask the management at the finance job if they would still allow me to go on the assignment with CSSMC branch (corporate, strategic, communications).
And I sarcastically say... what a dilemma to be faced with. :o)
Seeing as this is indeed a holographic universe, I know things will work out to my advantage, however that may be.
Life is indeed good, it will be interesting to see how it all happens this upcoming week.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Fever = sickness ... does it?
For the past 30 of my 31 years I "knew" that if I had a fever I needed to take something to bring my fever down. I'm wondering if that still holds meaning for me in the same way anymore.
All week Mike has been ill (he doesn't have a spleen so he typically gets hit hard). High Fever, Lungs hurting in pain, sinus pain and congestion. He has been laid up for most of the week. He has been pumping himself full of drugs and liquids to "treat" himself. (And yes all of these "symptoms" have other meaning too)
Sara (my 2 year old) has since developed a fever and a cough, minor sinus. She has a fever I give her something to bring it down (not that it seems to be working). I have also been giving her massages (which she loves) and physically having her with me by touch, by hugs, by holding hands, whatever she will let me do. I make sure my energy is positive and filled with love and feelings of healing.
Is it going to make the difference? I say it is definitely going to make her feel better, happier, and if it does more that is great.
And I'm aware that this is different, this is my daughter, this is outside of myself... What I may be allowing myself to explore regarding a new view on drugs and my body does not apply with my 2 year old, not yet anyway.
Now I have been getting some spiking temperatures myself. And it seems to pass fairly quickly. I relax, I breathe. And it passes me by. I have been experiencing no other "symptoms" like Mike & Sara have been. And I know, for me, it is because I am embracing it and allowing the information to move within me. I have control of my body, my intentions, and my health. And this is just me. This is something I have recently begun to explore and play with.
A few weeks ago I was sick, I had a chest cold that I just couldn't shake. Curiously enough as soon as I had a long awaited job interview it moved from my chest to my sinuses, then completed away after a day. So this made me thing hey, sickness really is linked to what is going on in your life... there may be something too this.
So now when the fever crept up on me, I welcomed it. I am finding that without drugs I am able to relax into myself and allow it to pass.
At what point does this work with those around me (i.e. Mike & Sara)? And I know that because it is so much about myself, it too is (in turn) about their selves, and I can only support that, I cannot control that. Can I? So much for me to still discover.
Shifting the way I've chosen to live my life and look at my world has allowed me to consider and become curious about all I have "held" to be true.
Is it really? Does it have to be that way? Why?
Most of the time the answer I find is that it isn't, it doesn't, just because someone said that was how it is, doesn't make it so.
I am finding what is working best for me as I choose to move through my world and create my future.
And I know that each one of us perceives life differently and so what works best for me may not work for you, and I challenge you not to resign yourself to settle for the "norm" if it isn't working for you... ask questions... get curious... can there really be another way? Only you will know the answer to that.
Life is good... and there is always more.
All week Mike has been ill (he doesn't have a spleen so he typically gets hit hard). High Fever, Lungs hurting in pain, sinus pain and congestion. He has been laid up for most of the week. He has been pumping himself full of drugs and liquids to "treat" himself. (And yes all of these "symptoms" have other meaning too)
Sara (my 2 year old) has since developed a fever and a cough, minor sinus. She has a fever I give her something to bring it down (not that it seems to be working). I have also been giving her massages (which she loves) and physically having her with me by touch, by hugs, by holding hands, whatever she will let me do. I make sure my energy is positive and filled with love and feelings of healing.
Is it going to make the difference? I say it is definitely going to make her feel better, happier, and if it does more that is great.
And I'm aware that this is different, this is my daughter, this is outside of myself... What I may be allowing myself to explore regarding a new view on drugs and my body does not apply with my 2 year old, not yet anyway.
Now I have been getting some spiking temperatures myself. And it seems to pass fairly quickly. I relax, I breathe. And it passes me by. I have been experiencing no other "symptoms" like Mike & Sara have been. And I know, for me, it is because I am embracing it and allowing the information to move within me. I have control of my body, my intentions, and my health. And this is just me. This is something I have recently begun to explore and play with.
A few weeks ago I was sick, I had a chest cold that I just couldn't shake. Curiously enough as soon as I had a long awaited job interview it moved from my chest to my sinuses, then completed away after a day. So this made me thing hey, sickness really is linked to what is going on in your life... there may be something too this.
So now when the fever crept up on me, I welcomed it. I am finding that without drugs I am able to relax into myself and allow it to pass.
At what point does this work with those around me (i.e. Mike & Sara)? And I know that because it is so much about myself, it too is (in turn) about their selves, and I can only support that, I cannot control that. Can I? So much for me to still discover.
Shifting the way I've chosen to live my life and look at my world has allowed me to consider and become curious about all I have "held" to be true.
Is it really? Does it have to be that way? Why?
Most of the time the answer I find is that it isn't, it doesn't, just because someone said that was how it is, doesn't make it so.
I am finding what is working best for me as I choose to move through my world and create my future.
And I know that each one of us perceives life differently and so what works best for me may not work for you, and I challenge you not to resign yourself to settle for the "norm" if it isn't working for you... ask questions... get curious... can there really be another way? Only you will know the answer to that.
Life is good... and there is always more.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Fear
The fear of letting go.
The fear of completely trusting.
The fear of knowing.
The fear of feeling.
The fear of self.
I know I can be so much more than I am already if I just allow myself to let go of the fear.
Obviously if I haven't let it go yet it is still serving me a purpose to be hanging onto it. Or is it just such a habitual response of mine now that I am hanging on because it is now a habit.
Let's work this one through... Holding onto fear... why does it still serve me?
The fear of completely trusting.
The fear of knowing.
The fear of feeling.
The fear of self.
I know I can be so much more than I am already if I just allow myself to let go of the fear.
Obviously if I haven't let it go yet it is still serving me a purpose to be hanging onto it. Or is it just such a habitual response of mine now that I am hanging on because it is now a habit.
Let's work this one through... Holding onto fear... why does it still serve me?
- If I keep my self small (i.e. be afraid of just who I am) others won't think any differently of me
- If I don't acknowledge the full personal power I know I am capable of I won't freak myself out with acknowledging ALL of that (i.e. rage, fire, emotions, sadness)
- If I don't completely trust myself and I fail; I can be right with the others who doubted me
- If I hold on to my fear of becoming more... I won't expect more from others
- If I tap into my full on potential, my signal #1, I can be scary to others (one persons perception left an impression on me obviously)
And I think that final point is the point that is holding me back. In November of last year during a WEL-Systems program Resourcefulness in Action, I tapped into that signal #1 and when I realized the potential I had to manifest things in my reality, I was surprised and a bit afraid to try it again.
Soon after I claimed my "rage" back. I had always thought of the word Rage and felt that in no way described who I was. I never felt rage, I was such an easy going person, etc, etc. Who the heck was I fooling? Myself obviously, for years. And when that suppressed rage went through my body; my release of that emotion scared a dear friend of mine. And I didn't want that to happen again, so I stuffed it back in it's box.
So for me the experience of tapping into my full sense of potential, my signal #1, was closely followed by a release of long stored anger and frustration that frightened my friend. Let's cut out some words here and boil down where my fear is stemming from.
My fear of letting go and allowing myself to be fully present is when I did engage with my signal #1 I was a scary person to be around.
I also know this is a story I made up about someone else perception of me. This does not have to be a truth for me anymore because it is MY PERCEPTION of the events that happened. Reading Louise blog and speaking with some women I know, I am drawn back to that day, longing for the feeling I had. I was so in tuned with mySELF... my signal #1, I felt immense, I felt calm, I felt all encompassing, I felt heavy, I felt love, I felt light, and I don't want to hold fear with that anymore. While I was experiencing it there was no fear, there was no hate, there was no negative energy around me... why did I tack the label of fear to something that was so right?
And I pull "Masculine" from my Power Deck by Lynn Andrews. Interesting, in part it says:
So perhaps this is a metaphor for my fear of the rage that is part of me. And I should embrace that side of me, my masculine side as well as my feminine (spear and crucible) in order to feel the whole force that is me.Remember the power of the masculine explodes while the power of the feminine implodes, and a sacred spiral of life is set into motion. One cannot live without the other. The masculine God is in search of the feminine Goddess. He brings gifts of driving force to her powers of intuitive, creative receptivity. Both are equal warriors in the fight against ignorance.... This is your struggle in life and a great source of power for you.
And there is always tomorrow... life is good.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Consciously Choosing
Living as an optimist in a pessimistic family.
As I'm choosing to live each minute of each day knowing I create my future I find for the most part I am positive and aware of my words, attitude and energies. And I choose to live and share my life with a pessimist (he would say realist, which technically is accurate because that is the reality he chooses to create for himself).
At times Mike chooses to live in a victim state of mind, he will get excited and feel positive for something good that might happen and then waits for others to manifest this idea into a reality for him. When it doesn't happen right away the the negative speaking begins "it won't happen" or "with my luck it's not likely"... how frustrating it is for me to listen to this when I now know how easy it is to create the future you want by choosing in every moment. Choices that will support that future. And now I wonder why I keep silent.
Is it because he has made vocal his wishes not to "be" changed. I don't want to change him. I do wish he'd wake up to the real power that we all have... choice. Consciously choosing. It's much different than just choosing. By consciously choosing we can no longer be victim to circumstance... to shitty luck. Our choice is what is driving the outcome that becomes our reality and by being conscious while choosing we own it.
And I recognize now I am consciously choosing not to engage tonight with Mike about my insights... timing is also an important factor and Super Bowl Sunday just isn't the time.
Until tomorrow... there is always more... life is good.
As I'm choosing to live each minute of each day knowing I create my future I find for the most part I am positive and aware of my words, attitude and energies. And I choose to live and share my life with a pessimist (he would say realist, which technically is accurate because that is the reality he chooses to create for himself).
At times Mike chooses to live in a victim state of mind, he will get excited and feel positive for something good that might happen and then waits for others to manifest this idea into a reality for him. When it doesn't happen right away the the negative speaking begins "it won't happen" or "with my luck it's not likely"... how frustrating it is for me to listen to this when I now know how easy it is to create the future you want by choosing in every moment. Choices that will support that future. And now I wonder why I keep silent.
Is it because he has made vocal his wishes not to "be" changed. I don't want to change him. I do wish he'd wake up to the real power that we all have... choice. Consciously choosing. It's much different than just choosing. By consciously choosing we can no longer be victim to circumstance... to shitty luck. Our choice is what is driving the outcome that becomes our reality and by being conscious while choosing we own it.
And I recognize now I am consciously choosing not to engage tonight with Mike about my insights... timing is also an important factor and Super Bowl Sunday just isn't the time.
Until tomorrow... there is always more... life is good.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Written Intentions
It seems this past year that when I have an insight or idea of the direction I should go I write it down. Even though I might have a zillion ideas running through my mind or even be talking about different things, the only ones that I manifest are the ones I write down.
Earlier this week I was have coffee and cupcake with a friend and I began to tell her how everything I write down, manifests. Obviously this is the way I prefer to work, if it holds great meaning for me I write down I am going to do "blah". And it just ends up happening. Sometimes it seems to happen without much interference from me, sometimes I need to put more energy into it to make it come to light. However so far it has always happened.
"Energy Flows where Intention Goes" ~ Louise has said I'm sure many times in the past. And I am truly realizing how effortless it can be, as each day goes on, as one intention is created from thought to physical, from dream to reality.
Last night I wrote about the "snails pace" I was experiencing on my work front. And much like writing down my intentions it seems that my writing about my work "competitions" created an avenue for my energy to go.
Today I found out I was successful in an Assignment I was really interested in. I am very happy has happened as I know that working on this assignment will provide me with several growth opportunities. Job wise it will give me a challenge working in a different kind of environment, I will have the opportunity to learn about the "macro" workings of our department (big picture), I will get to know some new people a lot better, and I will have the opportunity to engage with other people, many who already are aware of my journey this past year and who want to "play" too.
I joked that the things I write down tend to happen so I wrote that I would win the lottery... but I suppose you have to actually play it in order to win it. :o)
Life is good... each day unfolds as I create it... and there is always more!
Earlier this week I was have coffee and cupcake with a friend and I began to tell her how everything I write down, manifests. Obviously this is the way I prefer to work, if it holds great meaning for me I write down I am going to do "blah". And it just ends up happening. Sometimes it seems to happen without much interference from me, sometimes I need to put more energy into it to make it come to light. However so far it has always happened.
"Energy Flows where Intention Goes" ~ Louise has said I'm sure many times in the past. And I am truly realizing how effortless it can be, as each day goes on, as one intention is created from thought to physical, from dream to reality.
Last night I wrote about the "snails pace" I was experiencing on my work front. And much like writing down my intentions it seems that my writing about my work "competitions" created an avenue for my energy to go.
Today I found out I was successful in an Assignment I was really interested in. I am very happy has happened as I know that working on this assignment will provide me with several growth opportunities. Job wise it will give me a challenge working in a different kind of environment, I will have the opportunity to learn about the "macro" workings of our department (big picture), I will get to know some new people a lot better, and I will have the opportunity to engage with other people, many who already are aware of my journey this past year and who want to "play" too.
I joked that the things I write down tend to happen so I wrote that I would win the lottery... but I suppose you have to actually play it in order to win it. :o)
Life is good... each day unfolds as I create it... and there is always more!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
The Blink of an Eye
I can't believe how quickly time is going. The past year has been intense, this past month went poof. Things are happening so quickly with my engagement in life, and at the same time some things are just moving at a snails pace.
The things I am passionate about, learning, growing, leadership, parenting, creating, engaging, etc. are here and gone in a blink of an eye... on to the next step, the next program, the newest workshop, article, book. It has kept my life interesting and exciting and moving forward.
In the meantime back in my workplace I have been waiting for numerous job "competitions" to complete themselves so I can have some movement in my job.
Last June a competitive process was set into place, they were hoping to have it completed quickly. It is now 6 months later and we are all still hopeful that the stalled process will begin to move again. And I wonder is this how it is meant to happen for me? Perhaps it isn't the right time. Who knows?
Another one for another job was posted and I was screened in (which means I'm eligible to compete) and there has been nothing more on it since.
An assignment I've applied in December seems to be moving along more quickly... but another stall. We were supposed to find out last Friday and there has been a delay. I hoped to hear today... now I'm hopeful to find out tomorrow.
Hmm, just what is going on here? What is all of this a metaphor for in my life? Because as I know (and if you read my blog often you know) it is a holographic universe and things happen in it for a reason, always an invitation for me to discover something more.
Life is good... I'm off to a school meeting... there is always more.
The things I am passionate about, learning, growing, leadership, parenting, creating, engaging, etc. are here and gone in a blink of an eye... on to the next step, the next program, the newest workshop, article, book. It has kept my life interesting and exciting and moving forward.
In the meantime back in my workplace I have been waiting for numerous job "competitions" to complete themselves so I can have some movement in my job.
Last June a competitive process was set into place, they were hoping to have it completed quickly. It is now 6 months later and we are all still hopeful that the stalled process will begin to move again. And I wonder is this how it is meant to happen for me? Perhaps it isn't the right time. Who knows?
Another one for another job was posted and I was screened in (which means I'm eligible to compete) and there has been nothing more on it since.
An assignment I've applied in December seems to be moving along more quickly... but another stall. We were supposed to find out last Friday and there has been a delay. I hoped to hear today... now I'm hopeful to find out tomorrow.
Hmm, just what is going on here? What is all of this a metaphor for in my life? Because as I know (and if you read my blog often you know) it is a holographic universe and things happen in it for a reason, always an invitation for me to discover something more.
Life is good... I'm off to a school meeting... there is always more.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
One Year Ago Today
One year ago today was the first day of considering I was worth more.
One year ago today was the first day of considering I had potential.
One year ago today was the first day of realizing I didn’t have to settle for less.
One year ago today I began my journey. My journey to remembering my authentic self.
I am going to write now what I wrote about in my journal 1 year ago today.
~~~
06/01/30 – The beginning
Vulnerability – throat closing up
Moving through the chakra’s made me feel aware of the location of each. I felt tingling in my sixth chakra. I feel that this process is really going to aid me in my journey to becoming. The feather moving through my spine opened it up further. I need to take the time to really feel where things are at in my being as they happen. That will provide me with indicators on what and how I work on and react to situations.
Be aware of…
• My tone of voice with Jessica – Remember how tone affects how someone feels as much as hurtful words would
• My fear of sounding stupid – This is a behaviour I was taught. Don’t be afraid to share my feelings with Mike. He loves me and will not react to me as I expect.
• I have my own definition of self – I am not the person defined by my father’s words and actions. I am not a pig as my sister made me believe. I can redefine me.
My imposed definition of self is based on what was bored into my being. Imposed upon me by early life experiences.
Feeling un-worthy my dad made me feel that way by actions and words. Actions like not being worth him spending money on. Him always making sure he had and us not having.
Feeling stupid I don’t know if I was ever called stupid but certainly when I shared a thought or idea those were deemed stupid, therefore I feel stupid for saying them. This may lead into my thinking that my ideas I have now are stupid and my perception that others see me as less than themselves.
Fat pig; this one I never even realized until today. I go this one in actions and “concern” from my parents and in words while suffering physical blows form my sister. I heard it from my peers on the school yard, from strangers in the mall, from boys I had a crush on. I never realized how much I used this to define me until I started writing earlier in the day. Maybe this is why I’ve always failed at changing that… because deep down that who I hold myself to be.
My new definition of self will be amazing. We will see just how much will be in that definition and how much more that I haven’t known that I don’t know.
Define myself. Get rid of what is not serving me to become what I need to be. Be worthy, am worthy. Know that I am not who I’ve held myself to be. I am so much more than that. In order to be a true leader I need to define myself as one. I am in charge of my own future; I am strong enough and courageous enough to achieve it!
~~~
One year later I can see how far I have come. I no longer hold any of those things true for me anymore. I know as I read the words that at the time I wrote them they were “lofty expectations”; yet living it and engaging in it over the past year has really been easy for me.
I am fully engaged. I know that we are all brilliant beyond our imaginations. I know that by tapping into it and trusting that I am the one who creates and shapes my future it can be effortless.
We are culturally conditioned to “know our place” in the world and it often isn’t where we know we can make a huge impact.
There is such a fear of the unknown. There is such a fear of what will others think? There is such fear of failure. Why keep yourself in the box?
What are you passionate about? Why don’t you actually engage in creating something meaningful to you that incorporates that passion?
If not me, then who?
Lot’s has happened with in the last year, and my future is abundant.
Let’s see where I am a year from now; I’ll be looking back and reflection saying… and there is always more…
Life is good.
One year ago today was the first day of considering I had potential.
One year ago today was the first day of realizing I didn’t have to settle for less.
One year ago today I began my journey. My journey to remembering my authentic self.
I am going to write now what I wrote about in my journal 1 year ago today.
~~~
06/01/30 – The beginning
Vulnerability – throat closing up
Moving through the chakra’s made me feel aware of the location of each. I felt tingling in my sixth chakra. I feel that this process is really going to aid me in my journey to becoming. The feather moving through my spine opened it up further. I need to take the time to really feel where things are at in my being as they happen. That will provide me with indicators on what and how I work on and react to situations.
Be aware of…
• My tone of voice with Jessica – Remember how tone affects how someone feels as much as hurtful words would
• My fear of sounding stupid – This is a behaviour I was taught. Don’t be afraid to share my feelings with Mike. He loves me and will not react to me as I expect.
• I have my own definition of self – I am not the person defined by my father’s words and actions. I am not a pig as my sister made me believe. I can redefine me.
My imposed definition of self is based on what was bored into my being. Imposed upon me by early life experiences.
Feeling un-worthy my dad made me feel that way by actions and words. Actions like not being worth him spending money on. Him always making sure he had and us not having.
Feeling stupid I don’t know if I was ever called stupid but certainly when I shared a thought or idea those were deemed stupid, therefore I feel stupid for saying them. This may lead into my thinking that my ideas I have now are stupid and my perception that others see me as less than themselves.
Fat pig; this one I never even realized until today. I go this one in actions and “concern” from my parents and in words while suffering physical blows form my sister. I heard it from my peers on the school yard, from strangers in the mall, from boys I had a crush on. I never realized how much I used this to define me until I started writing earlier in the day. Maybe this is why I’ve always failed at changing that… because deep down that who I hold myself to be.
My new definition of self will be amazing. We will see just how much will be in that definition and how much more that I haven’t known that I don’t know.
Define myself. Get rid of what is not serving me to become what I need to be. Be worthy, am worthy. Know that I am not who I’ve held myself to be. I am so much more than that. In order to be a true leader I need to define myself as one. I am in charge of my own future; I am strong enough and courageous enough to achieve it!
~~~
One year later I can see how far I have come. I no longer hold any of those things true for me anymore. I know as I read the words that at the time I wrote them they were “lofty expectations”; yet living it and engaging in it over the past year has really been easy for me.
I am fully engaged. I know that we are all brilliant beyond our imaginations. I know that by tapping into it and trusting that I am the one who creates and shapes my future it can be effortless.
We are culturally conditioned to “know our place” in the world and it often isn’t where we know we can make a huge impact.
There is such a fear of the unknown. There is such a fear of what will others think? There is such fear of failure. Why keep yourself in the box?
What are you passionate about? Why don’t you actually engage in creating something meaningful to you that incorporates that passion?
If not me, then who?
Lot’s has happened with in the last year, and my future is abundant.
Let’s see where I am a year from now; I’ll be looking back and reflection saying… and there is always more…
Life is good.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
All around me...
I create my last post and publish it then check out others blogs to see what is going on...
Louise's Blog entry today "Women Awakening: How Can We Tell?" was (on my holodeck) speaking directly to me... speaking to me of my need for others to believe in me... and why should I allow that to be a concern... I am the only one that matters, if I believe in myself that is all I need.
And then I flip over to Anne's Blog entry of today "My Beautiful Chaos", holy crap, the words she wrote... we completely in my voice, words I had not even noticed were mine "when I feel someone doesn't believe in me 100%, I can see now that it is because I don't believe in myself 100%" Bang. This is it.
So now I have to consider, how was my not believing 100% in myself serving me? It no longer is and I guess that is all that really matters. Knowing that it is not serving me well and choosing to live it differently.
Man this was a fantastic day of growth for me. And I am thankful for the invitations that are around me from Louise's words and from Anne's.
Tomorrow is a new day... have I said it before? Life is good... and there is always more.
Louise's Blog entry today "Women Awakening: How Can We Tell?" was (on my holodeck) speaking directly to me... speaking to me of my need for others to believe in me... and why should I allow that to be a concern... I am the only one that matters, if I believe in myself that is all I need.
And then I flip over to Anne's Blog entry of today "My Beautiful Chaos", holy crap, the words she wrote... we completely in my voice, words I had not even noticed were mine "when I feel someone doesn't believe in me 100%, I can see now that it is because I don't believe in myself 100%" Bang. This is it.
So now I have to consider, how was my not believing 100% in myself serving me? It no longer is and I guess that is all that really matters. Knowing that it is not serving me well and choosing to live it differently.
Man this was a fantastic day of growth for me. And I am thankful for the invitations that are around me from Louise's words and from Anne's.
Tomorrow is a new day... have I said it before? Life is good... and there is always more.
Energy flows where intention goes...
I'm almost done reading "Molecules of Emotions" by Dr. Candace Pert. I began reading it in the fall of 2006 and I (having nothing more than Grade 10 science under my belt) struggled with the terminology and jargon.
I stopped reading it for a while and read Dr. Bruce Lipton's "Biology of Belief" and viewed his video "Nature, Nurture and the Power of Love" many times over the Christmas holidays. After reading and watching Lipton's work I had a better understanding of Cells, Proteins, DNA, Ligands, and Receptors... I felt drawn to pick up Molecules of Emotions again.
Although I have to admit while I struggled reading the first 3/4 of the book, I am thoroughly engaged in the final chapters.
The first 3/4 of the book is very science based reading, about Pert's history and discoveries, milestones and successes in the scientific community and to the untrained reader (like me) it was difficult to get through. Pert researched in different area of science then Lipton did, so I was unfamiliar with alot of the details.
Although when she spoke of her personal analogies, I was right there with her. Outraged at the "Old Boys School" she had to overcome, saddened by the sickness of her father and filled with hope and love with her drive to try to find a cure before it was to late, joyous with the major discoveries and successes she faced and found along the way. And then the science would come back in and I'd begin struggling again.
These final chapters... they begin to tie it all together for me... I can see why this book is so important for me to read. As I read about Pert's discovery with the BodyMind notions of healing, being and living, I am reminded of a phrase I've heard Louise say in the past "Energy Flows where Intention Goes" and it makes sense to me.
I can see just how easily things can happen if you just set your intention and keep it in your consciousness... I know... I have been living this over the past year.
In setting my intention and engaging as my authentic self, I am more aware of the invitations that are around me and life has been just falling into place... effortlessly.
I am excited to finish reading Dr. Pert's book and to find out how this chapter ends for her... and in doing so leaving myself open to any new insights or invitations to consider how I am living my life.
Yes indeed... life is good.
Tuesday is my 1 year anniversary of the beginning of my journey home to self... I intend on writing a reflection of the roller coaster ride that has been this past year... full of excitement in discovering my new way of being... continuously growing, unfolding into more...
I stopped reading it for a while and read Dr. Bruce Lipton's "Biology of Belief" and viewed his video "Nature, Nurture and the Power of Love" many times over the Christmas holidays. After reading and watching Lipton's work I had a better understanding of Cells, Proteins, DNA, Ligands, and Receptors... I felt drawn to pick up Molecules of Emotions again.
Although I have to admit while I struggled reading the first 3/4 of the book, I am thoroughly engaged in the final chapters.
The first 3/4 of the book is very science based reading, about Pert's history and discoveries, milestones and successes in the scientific community and to the untrained reader (like me) it was difficult to get through. Pert researched in different area of science then Lipton did, so I was unfamiliar with alot of the details.
Although when she spoke of her personal analogies, I was right there with her. Outraged at the "Old Boys School" she had to overcome, saddened by the sickness of her father and filled with hope and love with her drive to try to find a cure before it was to late, joyous with the major discoveries and successes she faced and found along the way. And then the science would come back in and I'd begin struggling again.
These final chapters... they begin to tie it all together for me... I can see why this book is so important for me to read. As I read about Pert's discovery with the BodyMind notions of healing, being and living, I am reminded of a phrase I've heard Louise say in the past "Energy Flows where Intention Goes" and it makes sense to me.
I can see just how easily things can happen if you just set your intention and keep it in your consciousness... I know... I have been living this over the past year.
In setting my intention and engaging as my authentic self, I am more aware of the invitations that are around me and life has been just falling into place... effortlessly.
I am excited to finish reading Dr. Pert's book and to find out how this chapter ends for her... and in doing so leaving myself open to any new insights or invitations to consider how I am living my life.
Yes indeed... life is good.
Tuesday is my 1 year anniversary of the beginning of my journey home to self... I intend on writing a reflection of the roller coaster ride that has been this past year... full of excitement in discovering my new way of being... continuously growing, unfolding into more...
Support you 100% Yes... Believe in you 100%... mabey 80%
Why is it so important to have the support and acceptance of your loved ones?
Why don't we unconditionally give it to those who we love?
Why is it so important to have that person in your corner no matter what?
Why is it so devastating to find out they also don't believe in you 100%?
My spouse has shown he supports me in whatever I am doing... and I just found out he doesn't 100% believe in me.
As I'm expressing to him my frustration and sadness over my mother not supporting me and criticizing me in what I am trying to do in my world, in my community, in my life, he listens with a sympathetic ear.
When I express to him my insight that it isn't about my mother it is about a fear I have that what if she is right and I fail. He says "I understand, when you are done with it (meaning what I have created) you are afraid to see she is right".
What? What did you just say? I ask him and he says, "You aren't going to change peoples lives"... and I say "I already have".
"Well don't be surprised if you don't change any more" he says.
And here I am... waves of emotions from my past coming up to say "see... he's right you know, you were taught that as a child... you aren't good enough, your mother knows it, and in some way Mike must believe it too".
And my 11 year old just came into the room and I automatically tried to push her away, she is concerned with what is upsetting me... so she put her arms around me and I breathed. I let her know the feelings I was experiencing and told her much of it is from my past. I made sure I was clear that if I ever made her feel like she couldn't do something I was so sorry.
This wave will pass. I won't be surprised if "anger" comes to me.
Anger at how we as a society tell our children "no, you can't do that"... "this isn't the way a good girl behaves"... "that is stupid, why would you say that"... "be quite unless you are spoken too"... "think before you speak"... "think before you act"... etc, etc. Anger because as we are told this time and time again through our formative years this finds a home in our bodies and can effect the way we engage as adults, still seeking approval at the age of 31.
There is always more... and I know that after today this won't hold me down the same way any longer.
The clairty came quickly now. In reading what I have written. I know I have made a difference in some women's lives already and I know that I will make a difference in many others that I meet. I believe in myself. I know I am fully capable, we all are, if we just dare to let ourselves.
And perhaps this is why our world is in the state it is... not enough people believe that they can make an impact on their world... that they truely can shape the world they live in... one at a time... ripple to wave...
Life is good... every day I discover something more...
Why don't we unconditionally give it to those who we love?
Why is it so important to have that person in your corner no matter what?
Why is it so devastating to find out they also don't believe in you 100%?
My spouse has shown he supports me in whatever I am doing... and I just found out he doesn't 100% believe in me.
As I'm expressing to him my frustration and sadness over my mother not supporting me and criticizing me in what I am trying to do in my world, in my community, in my life, he listens with a sympathetic ear.
When I express to him my insight that it isn't about my mother it is about a fear I have that what if she is right and I fail. He says "I understand, when you are done with it (meaning what I have created) you are afraid to see she is right".
What? What did you just say? I ask him and he says, "You aren't going to change peoples lives"... and I say "I already have".
"Well don't be surprised if you don't change any more" he says.
And here I am... waves of emotions from my past coming up to say "see... he's right you know, you were taught that as a child... you aren't good enough, your mother knows it, and in some way Mike must believe it too".
And my 11 year old just came into the room and I automatically tried to push her away, she is concerned with what is upsetting me... so she put her arms around me and I breathed. I let her know the feelings I was experiencing and told her much of it is from my past. I made sure I was clear that if I ever made her feel like she couldn't do something I was so sorry.
This wave will pass. I won't be surprised if "anger" comes to me.
Anger at how we as a society tell our children "no, you can't do that"... "this isn't the way a good girl behaves"... "that is stupid, why would you say that"... "be quite unless you are spoken too"... "think before you speak"... "think before you act"... etc, etc. Anger because as we are told this time and time again through our formative years this finds a home in our bodies and can effect the way we engage as adults, still seeking approval at the age of 31.
There is always more... and I know that after today this won't hold me down the same way any longer.
The clairty came quickly now. In reading what I have written. I know I have made a difference in some women's lives already and I know that I will make a difference in many others that I meet. I believe in myself. I know I am fully capable, we all are, if we just dare to let ourselves.
And perhaps this is why our world is in the state it is... not enough people believe that they can make an impact on their world... that they truely can shape the world they live in... one at a time... ripple to wave...
Life is good... every day I discover something more...
Saturday, January 27, 2007
A Dream... by Jessica Wickens
I’ll live this life,
Complete this dream,
Then start a new life,
And achieve the new dream.
Complete this dream,
Then start a new life,
And achieve the new dream.
By my daughter Jessica Age 11
Friday, January 26, 2007
Global Community
Every day I check my clustermap on my blog to see just where in the world people are reading from.
My first blip outside of North America was from the Rio De Janeiro area of Brazil. How exciting I think to myself.
As days go by more and more dots appear on the map. Starting in Canada, to the United States, to Brazil, to Germany, to France, to Indonesia, to Norway (or Finland), to China, to England; all little blips representing at least on person reading my words in each of these countries.
Wow, I think to myself, that is pretty huge.
And then today rolls along... today I realized I was not believing in my self, not trusting in my own god force.
Today one of those blips in the world grew. Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. And I stopped and took a breath... was this right? Surely there is an error.
You see although I felt good about seeing all these readers pop up in the world, deep down inside of me I heard my parents telling me not to get too big for my britches. So deep inside I chalked all of this map activity up to people just randomly browsing... not really reading my words.
This growth in Brazil tells me different. This tells me that there really are people out there reading my words, perhaps of like mind, perhaps knowing there is more to our lives then we are let to believe.
And it still amazes me how deeply the words of our family, church, school, daycare providers whoever, stick with us well into adulthood. Rearing it's ugly head up at the most in opportune times. Until we wake up to the brilliance we know is us... the real authentic us... and we can begin to shed those imposed belief, values and attitudes, those imposed definitions of self and pause... take a breath... and become curious... is there more? Am I more?
The answer is deep inside of us, we know it is yes... we are so much more than we will ever dream of believing...
Life is good... life is grand... this weekend is going to hold alot of movement... Emerging Futures... in an instant... Much, much more coming on this over the weekend... keep reading.
My first blip outside of North America was from the Rio De Janeiro area of Brazil. How exciting I think to myself.
As days go by more and more dots appear on the map. Starting in Canada, to the United States, to Brazil, to Germany, to France, to Indonesia, to Norway (or Finland), to China, to England; all little blips representing at least on person reading my words in each of these countries.
Wow, I think to myself, that is pretty huge.
And then today rolls along... today I realized I was not believing in my self, not trusting in my own god force.
Today one of those blips in the world grew. Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. And I stopped and took a breath... was this right? Surely there is an error.
You see although I felt good about seeing all these readers pop up in the world, deep down inside of me I heard my parents telling me not to get too big for my britches. So deep inside I chalked all of this map activity up to people just randomly browsing... not really reading my words.
This growth in Brazil tells me different. This tells me that there really are people out there reading my words, perhaps of like mind, perhaps knowing there is more to our lives then we are let to believe.
And it still amazes me how deeply the words of our family, church, school, daycare providers whoever, stick with us well into adulthood. Rearing it's ugly head up at the most in opportune times. Until we wake up to the brilliance we know is us... the real authentic us... and we can begin to shed those imposed belief, values and attitudes, those imposed definitions of self and pause... take a breath... and become curious... is there more? Am I more?
The answer is deep inside of us, we know it is yes... we are so much more than we will ever dream of believing...
Life is good... life is grand... this weekend is going to hold alot of movement... Emerging Futures... in an instant... Much, much more coming on this over the weekend... keep reading.
Calling All Women... so to speak
Today I was scheduled to have lunch with a dear friend of mine and I put out an e-mail to another 3 women, subject line "Calling all McKelvies Sluts" as some of them have dubbed themselves for eating there too often.
All of the women decided to come out today to lunch. And what deep conversations emerged from out table today. There were many invitations for me to consider different aspects of my life. Some conversations I would have found too horrific to even listen to before now. Yet I was able to listen and see the energy in everyone/thing the women around me were speaking of.
When I started my journey this past year of reclaiming my voice and finding my authentic self, I would listen to those who were guiding / facilitating a program I was going through. I can remember one time (and I'm not sure who it was with) I was presented with the notion to call up the most "horrific" or "disgusting" thing we could fathom. Then to imagine working with a client who revealed that they partook in whatever it was you found "horrific"… would you still be able to see their brilliance?
I didn't think I would have ever been able to, not at the time the question was posed. After today's lunch I feel inside I could very well engage with someone if they came up on my holodeck in a coaching experience. I feel inside I would still be able to see their brilliance, although they may not even know it exists.
One of the women at the table commented on the energy at our table, she said she could stay here for hours on end and just continue this conversation in this energy. I leaned over an whispered to her, this is what my coffees are like, you are welcome anytime.
The power of choice is amazing...
Man, Life is Good!!!
All of the women decided to come out today to lunch. And what deep conversations emerged from out table today. There were many invitations for me to consider different aspects of my life. Some conversations I would have found too horrific to even listen to before now. Yet I was able to listen and see the energy in everyone/thing the women around me were speaking of.
When I started my journey this past year of reclaiming my voice and finding my authentic self, I would listen to those who were guiding / facilitating a program I was going through. I can remember one time (and I'm not sure who it was with) I was presented with the notion to call up the most "horrific" or "disgusting" thing we could fathom. Then to imagine working with a client who revealed that they partook in whatever it was you found "horrific"… would you still be able to see their brilliance?
I didn't think I would have ever been able to, not at the time the question was posed. After today's lunch I feel inside I could very well engage with someone if they came up on my holodeck in a coaching experience. I feel inside I would still be able to see their brilliance, although they may not even know it exists.
One of the women at the table commented on the energy at our table, she said she could stay here for hours on end and just continue this conversation in this energy. I leaned over an whispered to her, this is what my coffees are like, you are welcome anytime.
The power of choice is amazing...
Man, Life is Good!!!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Invitations are Everywhere
Seeing as the information from last nights incident is still processing through me and seeing as I know that everything that happens in my life is an invitation for me to learn something about myself, I keep going back and reading about the emotions I was going through during last nights incident.
I know I have evolved as a parent this past year, being more conscious of how I engage with my daughters, I am also aware that I will continue to evolve as a parent until I no longer have to "parent" my adult children.
I am very aware of a huge invitation for me as I once again reread my entry "The Lioness Emerges". The very last statement I made: "My tears are flowing now as I think the thing that is resonating the most is how we doubt our children's truth... yet it is often the most clear out of all the "truths" out there."
And now I reflect on just how many times I doubt my daughters truth, that I question her word, or say "I don't think that's the whole story".
And I am going to be more conscious of just how I engage in conversations with her now. So she will know that I will take her for her word and support her in her actions.
I know I have evolved as a parent this past year, being more conscious of how I engage with my daughters, I am also aware that I will continue to evolve as a parent until I no longer have to "parent" my adult children.
I am very aware of a huge invitation for me as I once again reread my entry "The Lioness Emerges". The very last statement I made: "My tears are flowing now as I think the thing that is resonating the most is how we doubt our children's truth... yet it is often the most clear out of all the "truths" out there."
And now I reflect on just how many times I doubt my daughters truth, that I question her word, or say "I don't think that's the whole story".
And I am going to be more conscious of just how I engage in conversations with her now. So she will know that I will take her for her word and support her in her actions.
My Personal Invitation
So as I re-read my blog entry from last night and notice the part that still holds resonance in my body; it is not the part about the officer asking Jessica her story over and over again, giving her the opportunity to change it.
The part that is striking me is that I sat there "biting my tongue" while allowing this "authority figure" to sit in my house at my kitchen table and engage in this dance with my 11 yr old.
Very interesting. I will definately have to sit with this insight for a bit.
It's never about what you think its about. And there is always more...
The part that is striking me is that I sat there "biting my tongue" while allowing this "authority figure" to sit in my house at my kitchen table and engage in this dance with my 11 yr old.
Very interesting. I will definately have to sit with this insight for a bit.
It's never about what you think its about. And there is always more...
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