Standing in the NOW

We talk about inviting and allowing.

We talk about welcoming the waves of information and simply breathing into them to create the space for movement and flow.

And I wonder, why is it very simple for some to move through this and so difficult for others? I think it has to do with the filters, strategies and even the representational systems (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, etc) that we use(d) in our lives up until this point.

For me I was always very "emotional" I would feel things and allow for the waves to come. At that point I would typically choose to stop them or to start playing a tape of past events in my head.

When I didn't stop them and allowed them to wash over my body I would stabilize much more quickly and move on.

When I stopped them I would start to recite the stories in my head to bring the emotions up again, then stop it again and repeat. It is during these times that I would experience "depression" or a long lasting "funk". I fully believe I chose to bring these on myself... I wanted to keep asking the why about a past event because it allowed me to stand at the victim side of the equation. By allowing myself to wallow in my misery that was always brought on by someone else, I received from others much desired attention, in some cases sympathy and/or empathy and a confirmation of my actions / reactions to the event. Rehashing the past served as a tool for me to bring on these strategies. I chose to remove my ownership and control of my life... I chose to live at effect.

There is no reason to ask why continually about something that has already happened.

You ask yourself why sometimes when you are going to engage in behaviours (prior to an event), but to dwell on the why of a historic event is crazy making stuff. It is in the past. It is static. I has already happened, you cannot erase it. Stand in your choice point of the NOW, and choose to accept that as something that has happened and move into what adventures now lie ahead in your life.

The Unknown... or the once known but long forgotten; is often perceived as a scary place to be. Yet if you allow yourself to move past that initial fear and embrace the adventure of discovery... your whole world will shift once again.

I'm not saying to forget about your past... your experiences... your relationships. I am merely suggesting you recognize what you have always known inside. The absolute brilliant beings we are in this world, living life, gaining experience and insights, making mistakes and learning from it all.

Standing int he NOW and choosing always to create new thoughts, insights and ideas. Not rehashing a past experiences that is history. Knowing that past experience served us at that time in our lives and recognizing the growth we have gained from it and moving on...if it is no longer meaningful for us.

It takes a great deal of courage and trust in your self to embrace the unknown. Remember the unique signal you are in this world, allow that to flood your body and stand in the NOW... celebrating your ability to create your own future.

Tomorrow is another day... there is (thankfully) always more.

One Woman Show...

Ever get that feeling that you were the star of a one woman show?

I've been feeling that alot at home lately.

Mike has been working L O N G hours... lots of hours... everyday for the past 3 weeks.

When he gets home he is exhausted. When he gets home I am on wind down & zone out mood.

The kids have barely seen him. And he has hardly had a chance to enjoy them.

All around we are missing out on each other and life.

Positive side... bills have gotten caught up once again.

Overall we are a little cranky. Overall we are alot tired. Overall we miss our time together.

- - And now I will go through this reading it and replace all the instances of "we" with "I"... because that is really what this is all about. --

So I am very much looking forward to my upcoming vacation.

2 weeks off, Mike has said he will take a few days as well, a family day trip or two is on the agenda, maybe some camping (although my saner side is beginning to question the logic of camping).

I will borrow a laptop and sit beside the kiddie pool in the shade and do some work on my summer project. 16 "traditional" leaders have been interviewed by me to date... and the ideas and words are starting to stream out of my pen into my journal. It will be a good time while I'm off to work on this.

I started also thinking of starting another book. One that has to do with parenting... conscious parenting. (mind you I still need to finish my first one, but I haven't been called to do any more on it since drafting my Single Moms article)

I need to put whats important in perspective for the next day or two... soon enough I'll be off with all the time in the world to worry about house work. I concentrate these next few last days before vacation to keeping cool and having fun with my girls.

Tomorrow is a new day... and there is always more.

Conscious Parenting Weekend ~ Personal Insights

It has been just over a week since my last Conscious Parenting Workshop. It was a very interesting one for me.

This was the first workshop I had where I was a stranger to the participants (save for one).

This was the first workshop I had where there was a man participating. (That was a huge awakening for me personally).

This was the first workshop where I advertised and where there was so much interest generated. (I have a list of people interested in my next one)

This was also a very unique workshop because of the people who entered the program room.

If you recall an earlier entry entitled Dreams & Energy ~ Men & Parenting I spoke of this woman who had e-mailed me and she and her husband wanted to take my workshop. This e-mail alone was a huge shift for me to realize the self limiting beliefs I held about men being up for a different kind of conversation. Her husband stayed home with the kids and she joined me for the weekend workshop.

(Note to self, arrange some kind of daycare/children’s program)

There also was a single Dad who participated in my workshop that weekend. He was a huge invitation for me to be rid of many things. To me this man is a seeker, he was continuously curious, always wondering, freely expressing, and it called up a filter in me very quickly.

In my past when a man asked questions about what I was saying it was to prove me wrong or prove me incompetent. So when this single Dad became curious, I had to allow breath to come into my body and see it as simply that… curiosity. Curiosity is fantastic; to be genuinely curios is to be continually growing.

For me this was one of the most important things I allowed my self to be rid of this weekend… I no longer need this filter/strategy in place. I do not have to justify myself, my experience, my truth… I can simply state it as my own and stand in the knowledge that I no longer have to shrink (become small) in the presence of a man.

This workshop was a fantastic experience for me… the conversations were more inquisitive, the participants seemed to each have taken something different away from the weekend (of course as they were each there for their own reasons).

We talked a lot about being present for your children. Seeing your children and allowing them to feel whatever they may be feeling, not stopping their waves of emotions but simply inviting them (by modelling) to breath into them.

Not only seeing your children, but allowing yourself to be seen by your children… allowing yourself to take time for you, if you need a time out or a chance to breath. Allowing the information (disappointment, rage, frustration, anger, hurt, sadness) to process before engaging with your child… the experience will be much different, more powerful and less hurtful.

These are just some of the conversations that have stayed in my consciousness from this past workshop.

Another huge lesson for me… honour myself… allow time for myself to recuperate. Sleep… I did not do this after my last workshop and on Friday of last week I crashed. I was so physically exhausted, I was sick, I had a fever, I had a headache, and I had stomach problems… I eventually slept a long undisturbed sleep and woke up feeling like a million dollars.

My lesson for myself is to recharge after a weekend workshop.

Tomorrow is another day… and there is always more.

Desecration of Nature...

This week I noticed a few things happening around the place I live. Trees being cut down, stay off the grass signs being put up.

Okay I figured, the owners of this property are trying to tidy up the entrance to our court.

Trying to make it look nicer? Perhaps. Trying to get rid of a pest? Perhaps. Trying to make room for more homes? Perhaps.

I was sadden by the loss of the healthy trees, but moved on.

Today I am home on vacation. I hear chain saws buzzing and see a truck bearing the land owners name. And in the yard across from me there are two men with chain saws chopping up into biddy pieces a young tree in a neighbours yard.

I was outraged. How can they do this? I don't understand their reasoning behind this. So I called the number listed on the side of the truck and asked what was going on!!

Why are you cutting down all of our trees? The man on the phone said, I'm not sure what my father is doing. You will have to find him he is on site and ask him yourself. I think he is cutting the trees that will interfere with the power lines. I assured him the tree I just witness being chopped was not near any power lines and set off to get dressed to confront the owner of this land.

Can he not see what he is doing? Not only is his actions negatively affecting the environment he is taking away from the privacy and beauty we each enjoy with our monthly lot fee.

Alas, by the time I got outside his truck was pulling away and I thought to myself, perhaps this neighbour requested this tree be cut down. And left it at that.

Now it is afternoon and I just witnessed a beautiful, mature, birch tree falling over 3 doors down. From over the rooftops this beautiful tree toppled.

Now I am angry. What the hell are they doing? Why can't they see how damaging their actions are? Where is their foresight? They raise our land rent then destroy the beauty. I am appalled. I am distressed. I am angry. I am upset.

I can't wait for them to step on to my drive way so I can let them know to back off. Question the means behind their madness. And let them know we will take care of our own, trim the tops if you will, whatever. They will remain. And I choose lease this land... trees and all.

Wake UP! And see the bigger picture.

Breathing is good (yes I know this) and also expression of feelings is too... and now I'm done.

WARNING

I sit here this morning and am taking a few minute to look through the blogs on the WEL-Systems blogging community... there is a new one from Louise which starts off my morning well.





Then I notice... I haven't written here in quite some time either.





So I log on to write down some thoughts... particularly of last weekend's Conscious Parenting Workshop.





And when I bring up this screen there is a big read WARNING splashed across the top of the page. It says:

This blog has been locked by Blogger's spam-prevention robots. You will not be able to publish your posts, but you will be able to save them as drafts.






What the heck is this all about I am wondering. Perhaps the time and place now is not conducive to my writing about the weekend?





Or maybe, it's an easy fix. However what I do know is that this WARNING has caused me to not write about what I intended on. That will have to come at another time.





Until I figure this out...





There is always more... We just have to wait for blogger to review my entries and say that they aren't spam... Interesting.

Letting Kids be Kids

Do you let your child actually be a child? Or do you expect them to tote the barge and pick up your slack.

I often catch myself delegating so much onto my 11 yr old... however I have been learning to let things go. She will only be young once after all. She has her whole life to worry about the major responsibilities.

One fine day she will (if she chooses) have a family of her own. She doesn't need to be burdened with being totally responsible for her sister. I'm struggling with this one. She is almost of age where she can babysit.

She wants to babysit, to have that responsibility (when she is 12 and has her babysitting course) I might have to let go of my fears of my baby, watching my baby. And when that time comes I will have to be oh so aware not to use her... to allow her to still be a child and remain myself the parent.

It is so important to laugh, have fun, play, act silly, be carefree. Let's to burden our children too soon with adult responsibilities.

Let's let our kids be kids for as long as possible.

Tomorrow is a new day and there is always more.

Invitations, Space and Authentic Voice

Today was going to be a big day for me. Having the opportunity to go on a regional newscast to talk about my workshop. I was full of nervous energy.

I spent most of my day excited, nervous yet overwhelmed with a sense of happiness that I would have the opportunity to speak to so many; that perhaps something would stir within them; that something I said would resonate and they would become curious about more in their lives.

I was taken out to lunch by some of my favorite women and tears came down when I thought about how lucky I was to have these opportunities and how many more people my voice will be able to get to. They of course shared in my joy and in my excitement. Laura without fail is always there in my corner.

I left work early today to run some errands. I went to the Shambhala Meditation Centre to look at the space I would be using this weekend for my workshop and to pick up the key.

As I stepped out of my car in the back parking lot I noticed the huge old trees that surrounded the parking spaces. I noticed the birds singing in the trees and I noticed how my nervous energy I was experiencing at work began to dissipate.

The space I have for this weekends workshop The Snow Lion Room is amazing. The whole building is amazing. There is such beautiful things in it. Such a sense of peace. Joyousness. It was very much like my dream the other night.

I explored some of the other rooms, looking at the art on the wall, the tapestries, the quotes, the statues. It truly is a calming space.

After I was done officially securing the space, I went for a bit of a pamper and got my make up done for my interview. I noticed many times during this treat how often I held my breath. I was afraid I was going to "mess things up".

What a metaphor that was... as I thought about it and breathed, this was also where my nervousness came from earlier in the day... I was afraid I was going to "mess things up".

I left with plenty of time to get to the studio, I was greeted by the anchor who was going to interview me and we just talked about what Conscious Parenting meant to me. We talked about the importance of also taking time for yourself as a parent to rejuvenate. In my opinion this has many benefits, not only does it allow the parent to recharge, stay sane, and breathe, but it also models very important behaviour to the children... it is okay to take a few minutes to yourself to relax, cry and breathe. I was told about how my interview would work and who would come and get me when it was time.

I really was surprised with the ease that everyone in that studio moved through a live broadcast. It was much calmer than I had imagined it. I took time to write in my journal and take some grounding breaths before it was time for my piece.

And it was done. It was done with relative ease, I didn't swear (thank goodness) and I didn't stammer or stall. Looking back on the recording I was quite pleased with the message I managed to get across in 4 minutes.

Who knows what this opportunity will bring? I don't, but I'm ready for it.

My hope for this weekend's workshop is that many will be awakened to the unending potential they hold, when parenting, when working, when loving and when living!

Find the fun, find the passion, find the laughter, embrace in the love.

Life is indeed good, and who knows what tomorrow will bring? There is always more.

Conscious Parenting and Moving at Warp Speed

I did things a little differently with this workshop, I advertised in an independent newspaper.



Like much of the Emerging Futures conversations that were happening at Oceanstone a few weeks back I declared my intention and let things be.



I looked for space to hold my workshop and came across the Shambhala Meditation Centre and booked it sight unseen (it felt right). And that choice generated more e-mails and conversations for future workshops, meetings, interviews that I could ever imagine. This choice also allowed me to make huge self discoveries about a judgment I held about men being able to "go there" and understand when I speak of energy and emotions.



By advertising in that independent paper I generated a lot of interest. A reporter from the Daily News did an article about my workshop in today's newspaper, which then triggered a phone call from the TV station asking if I'd do an interview on Live @ Five tomorrow night.

The interest and publicity isn't what is so exciting to me (although it is nice) what is so exciting to me is that by simply putting myself out there all of this has happened and is continuing to happen.

I can't wait to engage with the people who show up for my program on Saturday morning.

Who would have thunk it could be effortless (many of you I know...).

Life is indeed good and there is always more.

Dreams & Energy ~ Men & Parenting

I experienced a headache last night and earlier in the evening. For those who know me this is not a common occurrence. The 'headache' was just on my forehead, then a bit at the very top of my head.

I woke up around 5 a.m. this morning still experiencing the 'headache' sensation... then went back to dreamland.

I dreamt I was in this wonderful place, there was a group of us and we were meditating. Afterwards I was exploring this building that was full of beautiful and ancient things. The rooms were interesting and a treat for the eyes and other senses.

I dreamt that my kids were with me and I was trying to get them to settle down to sleep so I could go to the room next door and learn something. I walked into the room and my father was there, with others I did not know. And then I heard my 2 yr old so I left and went back to her.

Then all of the sudden I was laying down with my eyes closed and my 6th chakra (3rd eye) opening and releasing energy (and receiving it). Huge energy flow in and out, a feeling of warmth and release. I woke up (no headache) and begun my day with this dream very much still detailed in my minds eye...

It is quite a few hours later and I can still feel the remnants of that feeling now. My future self continuing to unfold.

This past week has been really interesting for me. I have started my summer project "Leaders on Leadership" and I am still preparing for next weekends "Conscious Parenting Workshop". I am discovering there is still so much for me to learn about myself and I welcome each feeling that brings new information into my awareness.

On Friday when I arrived home I had an e-mail in my inbox. It was from a woman who was interested in my parenting workshop... she and her husband. When I read those words a wave overcame my body. I felt anxiety in my solarplex. I was nervous and didn't know what to think. What I also notice now is that I forgot to breath into it.

When Mike came home from work I told him about my anxiety over the possibility of a Father coming to my workshop. Mike being Mike said "Why do you man bash in them?" and I said "No, of course not. All of the sudden I am experiencing feelings of worthlessness and being incapable of providing anything that may be of use to this man" BINGO... I still held filters within myself that told me I would be dismissed in the presence of a man in my program. I was preparing to make myself smaller... to dumb it all down.

And then Mike said the perfect thing to me "If he wasn't open to what you have to offer, he wouldn't be interested in coming at all." And I welcomed breath right down to the base of my spine in that moment. All the uncertainties I was experiencing vanished when I breathed into the truth of his words.

SO how fantastic is it that a father is wanting to consider a different way of co-creating his family with his children and wife? I now will welcome men too, to come and become curious about your children's brilliance.

And my lesson, I don't have to make myself small because of my preconceived notions (that no longer serve me) of what men would or would not "get".

We really do all have it within us... regardless of sex... some are just more awake then others.

I welcome what tomorrow brings... there is always more.

Noticing Thoughts...

• Noticing when people are spewing out a line and when they are decloaking their truths
• Noticing when someone is in a deep slumber and when someone is restlessly sleeping or very much awake
• Noticing how some people are genuinely surprised when being identified as a leader, where perhaps they may have still held doubts within themselves or with how others perceive them
• Noticing how vulnerability comes into play in the least expected places
• Noticing how I still hold my own filters and perceptions about people before I even speak to them
• Noticing how becoming genuinely curious about someone breaks down those barriers that I had prematurely put in place
• Noticing how my outlook on reality shifts a little bit more with each discovery

Life is good and there is always more.

Seeing our Children

As I am preparing for my next Conscious Parenting Workshop; talking with a reporter who is doing a story about it; talking with a woman on the phone who saw my advertisement and sees the great need for this type of workshop... who also has that desire within herself to make a difference and impact in some way but does not yet know how; speaking with prospective partners for creating something like this workshop in their centre or community... I know there is something huge here.

I know that I can make a difference, I know that we all can make a difference if we take action in whatever way we can, if we speak our truths and learn from each other.

And I read Louise's blog entry today Cries in the Dark and my tears flowed, my rage surfaced and my determination came forth... this is what it is all about for me, this is one of my main messages in my workshop... take ownership for your lives and for the relationships you have with your children.

See them for who they are, for what they are doing. Witness their tears, their rage, their laughter, and acknowledge them.... without judgment or condemning them. It validates their feelings... they come to know they are worth it. And they feel they are someone.

There is so much we can offer our children by teaching them they are valuable to us as individuals. By also showing our human side to them and letting them know it is all okay.

I'm very interested to see how my next workshop will unfold. As I said many times before, each program experience shapes itself in a unique way because it is all about the women who show up and the energy and experiences they bring into the room.

Life is good... and there is always more.

Leaders on Leading ~ Exploring the Nominalizations

As I embark on my summer project I am contacting those people in “leadership” positions to invite them to sit down with me so I can interview them.

With the early replies I have received it sounds like there are many who will be interested in participating

I think that simply by doing this project I will open a lot of people up to considering how they are moving through their world. By writing this article it will allow others to see how we don’t always do things the way we would like to, and to perhaps question why they are not living all aspects of their lives in a way that is meaningful to them.

My intention is to de-nominalize the word leadership and find out what it really means to the individuals who are in senior positions within my organization. My intention is to also find out from those who are considered leaders and are not in senior or even supervisory positions… just what does it all mean to you?

I hope to shake things up a bit, have people reflect on the way they are currently “leading” and consider within themselves, is it serving me? My hope is for my own self as well, is the road truly paved with good intentions? And if everyone hold a very similar vision…where is the disconnect happening?

Yes indeed it will be an interesting summer.

Life is good and there is always more.