Living in a Bubble - New Year, New Vision

I have been mulling around, moving from place to place, space to space, as I feel pulled to.

Since the Ideas Festival in early December I have been floating from place to place, moment to moment.

Spending time with my family, spending time with others who I feel I want to be with.

Becoming familiar and remember who I have always been, integrating things I have come to know about life, love and self in the past 2 years.

Finding meaning my way with many of it... How does it resonate for me? Do I choose to follow the "rules" or do I engage as it feels right to do so?

Christmas time was fantastic and so relaxing. There was no hustle and bustle within my body, so it reflected that calm, happy, content feeling into my holiday season. I spent time with family, I didn't stay longer than I wanted, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. I slowed down. I had time to connect with both my kids. Balance... no... Bliss Letting go of all I was holding, allowing myself the luxury of time, to simply be.

I went to yoga at Oceanstone a few times. In my perfect world I would go every week, but reality calls, it is a long journey for me to make every weekend. I have decided to treat myself to the first Sunday of each month, to go, to be, to move, to remember, to talk, to breath with Gabriella, Kim, Carole, Scott and whomever else shows up on that particular Sunday morning.

On New Years Day, the weather was warm and sunny, I was invited to participate in a Celtic Sweat Lodge at Earth Sea near the Ovens Park outside of Lunenburg, Nova Scotia. I brought Jessica my eldest daughter to experience it. What a unique way to bring in the new year, to celebrate by again remember who I am, who we all are, where I come from and thank all the blessings I have in my life.

My intention for the day was to build my connection with Jessica... for me to invite and allow conversations to flow easier between us, mother and daughter. When it came time to begin the sweat Jessica did not feel comfortable to do so, so she choose to sit out by the campfire or to wander the grounds or go to the house. After the first round I came out and choose to sit out the remaining rounds to be with Jessica, wrapped up sharing a blanket, sitting by the fire, talking.

Many of us who attended the sweat brought along our instruments, and there was a drum by the campfire that Jessica was able to show me some "African" drumming that she learned in her music classes. She tried to teach me and I think she was quite successful in doing so (she may disagree).

Sitting silent. Laughing. Contemplating. Enjoying. Playing. Being. Loving. Sharing. Connection. It couldn't have been more perfect of a day for me. I look forward to more times like this with Jessica out by a campfire in our future.

Now I find myself emerging back into the busy-ness of life and I reflected on how much I have been living in this bubble since early December. I have found that I love myself and I want to slow down and honor that... I am little afraid that as the busy-ness of my life begins again I will lose that.

I know it may sound silly and forgien to some of you... to others it may hit home hard... I am 32 years old and I am only now beginning to love who I am. I've liked my life. I have acknowledged things I have done and enjoyed them... but it was somehow disconnected... less than, still because I couldn't fully stand in that place within to see it.

Accessing love for myself has allowed me to really find the passion again... the love in the things I do. Remembering... back to basics... what was the impulse that moved through me the moment I choose to create that project? etc...

7 or 8 years ago there was this homeless man named Don who was always outside of my office building. I was a single mother at the time... and this was my first job since I was off of welfare. Well I gave something to him everyday... what little I had.

After a few months I would buy him lunch and sit with him on my lunch hour. In my office attire, sharing a lunch with a homeless man. I got to know him a little bit, found out he was from the hometown that my ex (now fiance) was from in Ontario.

A few more months went by and it was a cold winter. I needed some painting to be done in my house so I offered Don a job to come and paint my hallway in exchange for some money and a couch to sleep on that night.

Life went on and after I left that job I never saw him again.

On New Year's Day this year after the sweat experience at Earth Sea, Jessica and I went downtown Halifax to try to find something to eat. I look up at a man on the side walk and it is Don... I was so happy to see him, he also recognized me... I gave him a big hug and told him how happy I was to see that he was well.

He remembered my name (which is better than I did). He said he saw me on TV over the summer talking about my Conscious Parenting Workshops... he told me how surprised he was to see me and how often he thought of me and what I did for him.

He told me he now has a roof over his head and is doing very well, and I don't ever have to worry about him and how he is doing. He told me if there was ever anything he could do for me... that he is easy to find.

And the tears are in my eyes as I write... how little do we know. When you give from your heart because you are compelled to do so... you just never know who's life you will have an impact on.

Love and Light... it's not always a bad thing... I can have that with an edge I think. The crucible and spear. The lioness with her cubs.

This year is going to be amazing. Life is good.