It's seems like forever...

It seems like forever since I have blogged. Forever since I have sat quietly and journaled. And yet I sat wondering why am I static?

I forgot how fast life moves when you are willing to engage authentically. To stand raw and be seen. To say things and be heard. To listen and to be listened to.

I have been going like the energizer bunny... yet hiding at the same time. Being busy for the sake of being busy.

Day Job, Coaching, Single Parenting, Home Owner Selling, Union President Helping, Friend listening and playing.

I was allowing myself to become so busy I didn't have time to think.

Ever since the end of January when I ended my relationship I have been occupying my time with other things so I didn't have to sit with what it is like to be me, here and now.

I busied myself so I did not have to grieve a ended relationship. So I wouldn't cry over something that I needed to do for me.

I kept myself occupied so others would not pity me. So my children wouldn't be upset. So others would know that I really did choose to be a single mother again. My choice. Yet I chose to ignore the feelings that come up with ending a part of your life.

It all came to a breaking point. One which I haven't fully allowed myself to process yet. I have still been fighting it back and stuffing it down. Being strong. Being in control. Not wanting anyone to have the satisfaction of saying...

Of saying what? That I'm human? That I hurt? That even though I chose it I can still grieve it?

So I have not fully moved through what I need to move through in order to move on.

And I begin. I'll journal specifically surrounding the end to this part of my life. After the fact (lord knows I've did enough before it).

And tomorrow... who will emerge? Me of course, one who remembers to be gentle with herself and allow herself to stop... breathe...and re-source.

Life is indeed good.