Integration

Today was a day for integration. It seemed that my 3 differently themed blogs have combined... integrated.

I'm no longer feeling the need for seperation/compartmentalizing. I simply am me. All I've ever been, and the potential of my future me is very bright once again.

In speaking with a friend today I was explaining how I was having trouble making sense of the crisis event that happened in May. If everything happens to you for a reason (i.e. awareness or growth) and if I am aware of this "thing" in my life that it is somehow an aspect of me or of who I will be, how in the hell can something so unfathomable be in any way related to the person I am.

You see for the past few months I was only seeing this "crisis" as somehow a direct reflection of who I am. As my friend pointed out to me today I gives me the understanding and compassion and unique insight to help others cope who are in similar experiences.

Well OF COURSE... it resonated with me. I don't have to wear the baggage of this event, I can learn from myself and how I continue to move through this and transform that into something that is meaningful in my life.

So "crisis" is an invitation for me.

As well, tonight I had my appointment with a trainor at the gym. My whole healthy self blog is integrated today into who I am... Taking charge of my health. Focusing on my personal ideal and working towards manifesting that.

The trainor asked me tonight what my goal was. For me it isn't a magic number nor a specific size, it is all about how I wish to feel and to be able to have more energy to PLAY!

My "whole healthy self" is about my own personal leadership. Who I am, how I feel, what I say, what I do, it is all an invitation for me to take the reins and led my life instead of being lead by it.

I am a single mom. 24/7 full time. It is frustrating sometimes not having time to myself, time to think, time to decompress, time to breath... however I am (as my 4 yr old put it) a ROCKSTAR! lol, it is times like those, when my lively 4 yr old hugs me and says stuff like that or when my 13 yr old says she can finally understand how tiring it must be when I do it all, that make it more than worth it. See World of Singlemomdom blog.

A few weeks ago I took my kids (and a friends daughter) to Magic Mountain in Moncton, NB. What an amazing albeit short time we had there. On the way home we stopped at the Indian Handcraft Store outside of Truro, NS. I was looking at the wares and making a few purchases when my 13 yr old told me I should buy a certain necklace for myself. It is a polished green circle stone with a metal bear claw symbol ontop of it.

I looked at this necklace and thought of how protective and fierce a mother bear can be and I bought it.

A few nights later I was wearing it and Jessica asked if people at work commented on the necklace. I said they did, she then told me that the reason she thought it was fitting was because a mother bear is a very good mother and loves her cubs and is very protective of them, sometimes over protective.

I told her I thought that was very fitting and I had indeed thought of the same thing. Out of the mouth of babes eh? (If you can call 13 a baby).

So this is where it's at. This is all of me. The woman, the mother, strong, soft, loving, fierce all rolled into this package. The one who stuggled with the challenge of once again becoming a single mother. The one who struggled with body image and self esteem... this is the one stop shop.

Welcome back to you all... and thank you for your welcome back to me!