Odd State of Suspension

Yes I am claiming my life back.

Yes I am starting fresh and new.

Yes I will have no limitations that I won't be able to work with.

And yet I notice, I'm in this odd state of suspension.

So many good things are happening so fast around me. In my life (for the good) and in the lives of those I love.

I want to celebrate. I want to rejoice. But I sit keeping a lid on my excitement in fear of the ass falling out of it.

I've had a bottle of champagne in my fridge since the spring, waiting for one of two events to happen. 1) Get the acting assignment I was wanting at work OR 2) Selling my house.

Well I got my acting assignment and started it in July, yet at that point there were enough other things going on in my world that I didn't feel much like celebrating.

Now just last week, I agreed upon an offer for my house and I put a deposit down on a flat that I absolutely adore. And I am in this freeze mode, a state of suspension... is it done? Do I celebrate? Or am I going to be disappointed? Today they buyers did their home inspection and again I'm wondering... did everything go okay? What if, what if, what if?

This is not a nice feeling for me. Someone who has learned what I have learned, know what I know and have trusted in my experience. Yet now, with the events of my recent past, I am waiting for my world to get turned upside down again.

I would love to be singing in the streets... yet if I do it and allow myself to feel the joy that is inside... what happens if it doesn't go through? Can I handle another disappointment?

The sale of my house truly signifies a new beginning for me. Letting go of the past. Not having a physical space where I have so many memories. It is the rebirth of a woman who has her whole future at her feet. A financial clean slate. Security for my girls, space for my girls. New beginnings.

Have you ever wanted something so badly you were afraid to breath in fear of losing it?

That is where I am right now... in this odd state of suspension.

We shall see what tomorrow brings...

Yehaw?~? Yipee!!! I'm so happy! Can it be? This is it? A breath above water!!! New Beginnings!!!