I find myself compelled to write tonight and I don't have the slightest clue what about yet, so as I often do, I will let my fingers do the talking.
I've been finding at times I am exhausted. I don't feel burnt out... just tired. It is almost as if I am trying to pack too much into my days, trying to be there for everyone who asks, and getting back into the dance of wanting to please.
I just started a new job, the people I am working with are fantastic yet I am feeling inside myself that I should be doing more for the group. I don't have the slightest clue what that "more" is yet because I haven't yet claimed my space in the group. This feeling of in am I enough for them still plagues me although I thought that was the old me... things still creep up. Oh how the old culturally conditioned / early childhood systems stick with you.
The good thing is I can now recognize these as habit or strategies I used in my past, and choose to move through my world differently.
At work it's Year End, so my co-workers at my old position are going crazy with the additional workload I used to take care of for them (year end was mostly my job). My replacement is a temp who has not mastered the financial systems, so I have offered to help see them through year end. Well time is ticking and I'm still waiting...
Each time I would go to show the temp how to do something (to assist them) I would get bombarded with requests and questions from the 3 project managers.
1. Overwhelming
2. Where is the respect when someone is working with someone else?
3. I have allotted my time for a specific purpose, I have a full time job and you need to respect that.
I asked my old boss the other day to talk with the other 2 project managers and make a list of the things they would like me to work on for them this year end (and also to make sure it is not something either they or the temp can do) and I would come in on the weekend to complete the tasks. To help ease their work load.
Tomorrow I go to meet with my old boss to go over his projects, I have allotted an hour of time and I also asked that he get that list and that I not be bombarded with the other stuff when I am meeting with him. I told him my work load in my current job and that I would appreciate it if we could keep on task.
This post is way too much like bitching and complaining... it is making me feel blah!
I'm going to start a new post right now on some of the more important things going on in my world right now!
Stay tuned...
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2 comments:
Hi Lori,
M.J. has often used the term E/B overload when we chat about the exhaustion that comes when moving through the density of details. Sounds like perhaps you are suffering from this affliction :)
If tired, heavy and blah are the order of the day - I have to wonder about what all this earth energy might mean for you.
When I find myself in a similar situation, it often has to do with my overwhelming need for security and safety in a new situation ... and more often than not, my reluctance to either let go of something or someone.
Sending psychic hugs...
Anita
Thank you Anita!!
Thank you for the invitation to get curious about my holographic self with my other post...
And thank you for the E/B overlad analogy. I was actually going to write that in there about how low on the levels all of this was and how frustrating it was that I was there!
And ick.. I will be glad to get rid of this crap.
It seems almost a deja vu. I was in a funk like this a few months back... felt like I was getting buried in the details. Then kapoof... it created space for some pretty huge realizations and connections to be made...
Just what will tomorrow bring?
Big Hugs,
Lori
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