Tis the Season

Tis the season for hustle and bustle. Tis the season for lending and spending. Tis the season for laughing and singing. Tis the season for family.

So the whole holiday season, especailly Christmas is so commercialized isn't it? Kids who don't get as much (if anything) are made to feel by their peers that they are less than. Perhaps not with malice but it always was a competition in a way, what did you get for Christmas? That's it? Well I got... etc.etc. and so is the dance of I'm better than you. No more dances of the sugar plum fairy I'm afraid.

So yes, I dance this dance again this year for the sake of my 11 yr old who must have an MP3 player. My spouse and I do not exchange gifts anymore (not in any grand sense) a pair of slippers and a treat, a little something to unwrap and open. We realize that this year we have other priorities for our finances. My sister and I do not exchange gifts, we buy for eachothers kids and even then we need to start to put a price limit on that.

One recent conversation I have with my sister she asked me what I got my kids for Christmas. I told her (it was 2 gifts each), she asked what else I was getting them... I didn't have any intention of getting them anything else this year, it just wasn't in our budget. So last night after a family dinner, my sister told me what she got my 11 yr old... so much more than we usually buy for each others kids. She said it was because she knew we weren't able to go all out this year... sweet, generous and loving.

Yet up pops flashes of feelings that I know no longer serve me... guilt, inadequacy, shame, worry (dead horses). I worried that what her kids might feel upset because I only got small gifts for the 2 oldest ones, I worried about what the family would think of me not buying my kids lots of things and seeming to rely on the charity of others, totally not the case, however that is my filter and story of how others will react. Funny how the holiday season can make you feel like you thought you never would again. Everyone has their best intentions, yet someones filters or strategies will alway put a different spin on it.

So this year I choose. I choose not to let my filters, strategies, or dead horses stand in my way of the pure joy and magic of this season. As the majority of the world I interact with chooses to celebrate Christmas, I will do the same, as it is a tradition that still serves me... I will just be rid of the bullshit that comes along with it.

One more week until Christmas Eve... one more night of wrapping presents... 2 more Christmas parties... 15 more Christmas Cards... then over a week off to enjoy... to relax... to play with my girls... to write some more of my book... to just be.