Cancer… What’s it all about?

An old friend of mine… not a close friend, but more than an acquaintance… was diagnosed with Leukemia on December 1st, 2006. She was 35 at the time. She was a childhood friend of my sisters, and I was her sister’s friend. That was in the 80’s.

A few years ago while visiting a good friend of mine I had the opportunity to meet her again in Jen’s living room. She apparently was a neighbour and friend of Jennifer’s. We had an opportunity to met again, catch up, reminisce. She has 2 daughters and a husband whom she loved. It was nice to see her again and get to know a bit about the woman she had become.

In December my friend Jen called me up to tell me about Carla’s illness. At that time I thought of my good friend Norm who has been diagnosed as having terminal cancer for 4 yrs now, and was still very much living and living large, so I was very optimistic when consoling Jen who was very distraught at the news.

Life went on. I heard when they found a “perfect” match for a bone marrow donor for Carla. Again I was very optimistic in my mind frame, she would come through they found a donor for her.

Yesterday morning Jen called me at work. Telling me she just heard from Carla’s husband. She was dying that day. A bit of denial when through me… are they taking her off life support? No she wasn’t on any… her kidneys are failing. Still I thought she can come through. Jen called me yesterday afternoon. She was gone.

Shock, I suppose. She was only 36 (although I thought she was 34). 2 girls 14 and 8 yrs old, husband, and family who loves her. She just had a transfusion… how can this be? This is wrong all the thoughts. Wanting to be there for my friends, wanting to be there is some way to comfort, offer my thoughts, and offer something.

And I couldn’t figure out why I was crying. After all, we weren’t close; we didn’t really talk like I do with most of my friends. Why did this resonate so much with me? Was it her age, her kids (both girls like me)? Who knows? It doesn’t matter.

Then all of the sudden I begin thinking of Norm again. And I am saddened. A man loved by many, and still very much alone when it comes to a family of his own. A man who created a bond with me at my first work Christmas Party, as a roll of my protector… who I didn’t need but it certainly endeared me to this man.

And he has terminal cancer, a slew of experimental drugs and new tumours have come and gone, he has had many ups and downs with his health, he has changed his way of living and his outlook on life in so many ways, taken down his shell and began to let people in more and more.

And I have danced around the sidelines, wanting to be there for him, do things with him, but not knowing what to do, what to say or if he even wants me to.

Yesterday I decided to stop dancing. I’ve left a message with Norm last night; I hope he is able to call me back. I am hoping to spend Sunday morning with him (and Coronations Street), and let him know just how much I think of him. How much he is loved by so many, including myself. How much I wish I could do more for him that just be there.

It’s time to get off my ass, Carla’s passing has brought an urgency to me to engage with Norm and let him know all of these things I think and feel about him while there is time.

The message I think that I will carry from this is the time is now. Say what you want to say to the people who are meaningful in your life. Don’t just sit around thinking about. Get up and DO SOMETHING…. Engage! And life will happen.

Believe it or not life is good, and there is always tomorrow, the question is where will you be?