Defining Your Path

So the holidays are upon us once again. And you are twisting inside wanting to do one thing and being expected to do something else.

At what point in your life do you Stop. and choose what is meaningful for you?

At what point in your life do you slow down enough to hear what your spirit is telling you would be meaningful for you and Listen?

Take out the noise, the worrying about what others might think. The wondering if you will disappoint someone or offend someone.

You are not only doing them a disservice for being there in body only (while your mind, heart and spirit may be elsewhere).

When does tradition become meaningless, only an act performed because that is how we ALWAYS do it?

Does it ever get to that point for you? Is it time for you to choose differently? How can you choose differently and enjoy it?

I don't have the answers to these questions, the answers are within you... you must take the time to breath and trust your self to be guided. Take the time to speak of what is meaningful to you at this time, and not feel the need to make excuses or ask permission for the decision you have come to.

Define your path. Figure out what works best for you. I look at so many families during the holidays who have 4 - 6 different Christmas Dinners to attend, they feel obligated to make the appearance, while at the same time are exhausted after so much preparation prior to Christmas.

Take it slow. Yes it might be nice to see all of the people you love in a day or two, but why only during this time? Spread it out. Make time for you. Enjoy the holidays.

Do what is meaningful to yourself... to do anything less would not be authentic... and when your heart, mind and soul isn't in it... what is the point anyway?

Happy Holidays... I wish for you to be at that place, with that special someone, perhaps your family, or even by yourself with a book and a fireplace... define your path during this time and for a lifetime. Feel free to change your mind. It really is liberating this power of choice we all have (and sometimes forget exists).

Be well. Live authentically. Give the gift of your SELF this year.

Hmmm more about the goddess

There is more here... I sketched a picture tonight, of a family of goddess'... my family. I want to paint it... big, bold, beautiful.

The sacred goddess that is in everyone woman, that place of power, of love, of joy that stays seeded deep within us even when we forget she IS us.

Do a google images search on Goddess and you will find thousands of images of powerful, strong, females, both fictitious, mythical and everyday people. All with one thing in common... they all have a knowing within.

Can you feel the goddess within? The crucible and the spear held at the same time, the femininity and strength, the fire and the love. All accessible to you.

Fantastic isn't it?

The Goddess Within

Life has a funny way of coming around when you don't even know you are ready for it. My last post was written the day I sold my house... and a week before my life changed forever.

Happiness, beyond imagining. Without looking. Without questioning... fell into my lap.

Finding myself at a place in my life where I was ready to move on and beyond the things that have been going on in the past year. Finding myself loving me again. Finding myself excited about life and the future. And along came another gift into my life.

Well I've always heard stories about "true love" and happiness with a partner.

I can remember in a particular coaching session with Louise when I was unhappily involved and in crisis about my weight, where she pointed out to me that when I turned to food most people would be in bed with their partner, cuddling & talking about their days.

I can remember being taken aback. And I said to her, people actually really do that? I heard about that before... I chalked it up to peoples ideals or fantasy of a fairy tale life. Certainly nothing that would be accessible to someone like me. That was a year ago.

I am so very happy to be experiencing it. To be experiencing a life where I can be who I am, talk about what I love and be not only heard but felt. To be experiencing my heart talking directly with another. My soul connecting in a way that I never thought was possible. My heart... it sings, there is no other way to put it.

There is no filling of "holes" because there was no hole to fill, but I never imagined such fullness, feeling of overflowing, of utter and total love... giving freely and recieving in turn. The goddess within... rejoicing, basking, living in a way I never have before.

Without a doubt.

Without a question.

Without hesitation.

It's simply is...

as I am...

Life has never been so good... and I know that there is always more... and I can't wait!

Going... Going... Found!

How often do you sit and wonder why things have to be so hard?

How much time do you spend thinking of all the things that can go wrong?

Do you run through a million possible what if scenarios in your head?

Think of all the time and energy you spend doing that.

You cannot expect an easy and quick outcome if you are dividing your attention and energy to two different spectrum's of the field.

The outcome will eventually manifest, but how it manifests depends on the type of thoughts and energy you bring it's way.

Think of it this way. All your conscious thought and energy is equal to 100%. There is something you really want to happen (i.e. selling a house) and you know this is your desired outcome. How long does it need to take? How easy will it be?

For me I divided my attention and energy more towards the What if's and I have to's of this process.

I'd say I spent 85% of my inner thoughts on a deal falling through, or maybe what would happen IF I didn't sell my place.

It took me along time to get to the point of letting it go. On the last day of my realtor's contract I had already decided that I was going to take my house off the market for a bit, that I was just going to forget about all the headache of having to prepare the house every week for showings or open houses.

I was done spending all of my energy in trying to make the house nice enough, good enough or right enough for someone to want to buy it (man that sounds alot like feeling unworthy).

And I let go. And an offer came that day, the last day of the contract. It took a bit of negotiating but at the end of it I was clear that if they didn't accept my conditions, then the deal would be null and void. I was not willing to play the game anymore.

During this time my thinking flipped to the other end of the spectrum. Maybe 5% of me worried. 10% of me got fired up. and the other 85% was willing to allow whatever would happen to happen.

And it happened. This morning, the buyers signed off on what I wasn't willing to budge on. It is done.

I wonder if I allowed myself to worry 15% of the time instead of 85% at the beginning how quickly the sale of my house would have manifested.

I had held so much "baggage" with this house that it weighed down my NEEDING to sell it.

A year ago when I first the thought of putting this house up for sale was an out to a relationship I had no desire of being in anymore.

Then I thought the sale of this house was going to be the salvation to my financial difficulties.

After that my thought was of financial security in creating a new beginning for my children and I.

Thoughts that followed soon after was of my despair and need to be away from the memories that this house held.

And finally after all of those burdens and baggage were tied into this event... it made me resentful that the house wasn't selling.

When I began to take charge of my life again (no longer willing to be victim), my experience with the house began to change. It could sell, or not, and it was going to be just fine. It wasn't going to make or break me.

As each day passes I become reacquainted with the strong woman I am. I remember that all of these things (listed above) do not define me. There is only one thing that defines me... MYSELF.

Pheonix Rising

I'm burning the ashes that remain of my past.

Emerging into the freedom of creating from a clean slate.

Not willing to focus any more attention on the what if's and worries.

Energy can be much better used for creating.

Need to read the Pheonix Rising again.

It is time.

Odd State of Suspension

Yes I am claiming my life back.

Yes I am starting fresh and new.

Yes I will have no limitations that I won't be able to work with.

And yet I notice, I'm in this odd state of suspension.

So many good things are happening so fast around me. In my life (for the good) and in the lives of those I love.

I want to celebrate. I want to rejoice. But I sit keeping a lid on my excitement in fear of the ass falling out of it.

I've had a bottle of champagne in my fridge since the spring, waiting for one of two events to happen. 1) Get the acting assignment I was wanting at work OR 2) Selling my house.

Well I got my acting assignment and started it in July, yet at that point there were enough other things going on in my world that I didn't feel much like celebrating.

Now just last week, I agreed upon an offer for my house and I put a deposit down on a flat that I absolutely adore. And I am in this freeze mode, a state of suspension... is it done? Do I celebrate? Or am I going to be disappointed? Today they buyers did their home inspection and again I'm wondering... did everything go okay? What if, what if, what if?

This is not a nice feeling for me. Someone who has learned what I have learned, know what I know and have trusted in my experience. Yet now, with the events of my recent past, I am waiting for my world to get turned upside down again.

I would love to be singing in the streets... yet if I do it and allow myself to feel the joy that is inside... what happens if it doesn't go through? Can I handle another disappointment?

The sale of my house truly signifies a new beginning for me. Letting go of the past. Not having a physical space where I have so many memories. It is the rebirth of a woman who has her whole future at her feet. A financial clean slate. Security for my girls, space for my girls. New beginnings.

Have you ever wanted something so badly you were afraid to breath in fear of losing it?

That is where I am right now... in this odd state of suspension.

We shall see what tomorrow brings...

Yehaw?~? Yipee!!! I'm so happy! Can it be? This is it? A breath above water!!! New Beginnings!!!

The Breaking Point

It's almost 11 p.m. on a school night and my beautiful 13 yr old just finished crying her eyes out on my shoulder.

I have been separated now since the end of January, and since the end of May my kids have had no contact with their father (other than a few text messages).

Much like I was as an adolescent (am in some ways still), Jessica has been pretty marvelous at putting up a front and hiding her emotions. Tonight she came into say "I love you" after she already had been in bed... that was an invitation for me.

As I held her and asked her what was going on, did she have things running through her head, she released her "sadness" and sobbed in my arms. "I miss him" she managed to get out. And as I held on to her, telling her I know, waiting for her to stabilize a bit until I can say to her that I honestly can't imagine what she is going though.

And I don't, for my parents, even though they divorced still had free access and contact to both my sister and I. And as she cried some more with that acknowledgement, I told her that there is really nothing I can tell her, other than I will always be there for her when she needs me.

I asked if she has been in contact with him through text, and she has, but she is still feeling the huge loss.

Another dam broke and she managed to get out that the last time she saw him she didn't want to be there. So of course I let her know that she should not feel guilty about that. It's not her fault, that all of this is F'd up (yes I swore) and that it is absolutely NORMAL for a teen aged girl not to want to have to go visit a parent if they'd rather go with their friends, and she should not hold that as something that is wrong.

I told her that her father loves her and that last time she saw him would not be the LAST TIME EVER (and as she sobbed tears of relief I silently hope and pray for the sake of my beautiful teenager that she has another opportunity to see him so her memories will not be that of "not wanting to be there").

And this is all I can do. Hold her. Let her cry. Allow her to feel whatever she is feeling and acknowledge those feelings. Yes it's shitty. Yes you miss him. And NO it's not your fault.

I am very thankful there seems to be an abundant amount of energy and strength for me to draw on during these times when I most need them.

Jess seems to have had her first breaking point. This movement will allow for more strength, love and the next stage to happen. Who knows what that will be? I can't say for sure, but I know that I will be here in whatever way she needs me to be when she does.

A Whole New World (yet again)

School starts tomorrow in Nova Scotia.

Jessica will be entering Grade 8... no longer the bottom of the totem pole, but not yet at the top. She is excited (has been for weeks now), although in typical teenager fashion she swears she is only excited to see her friends and not for "school".

Sara is starting school tomorrow too. They call it ELO (Early Learning Opportunities), her school is one of 6 in the city that offer this program. I feel fortunate that I am still here to take advantage of this. Sara just turned 4 yrs old this summer. She is so very excited for school. Although tonight when I tucked her in she asked if there would be boys there. LOL, oh they start young.

Once again the school year starts. It will hold plenty of learning, discovery and many firsts (and lasts too). My eldest will learn new skills (Family Studies & Woodworking) and is hoping to hone her organizational skills. My youngest will be learning to engage in a new environment.

Me? My life shifts once again. I change my working hours to accomodate Sara's school starting hours. My baby... is growing up. And my other baby... is rapidly showing me the ways she has matured in a woman. As Sara explores her independance (as every 4 yr old does), Jessica is there to offer an encouraging word to her exhausted mother.

Time slips by quickly. I know I am utterly blessed. Even though I seem to have my challenging times with myself & how I interact with my kids, I intend on taking a few minutes at the end of each day and writting down the gifts I recieved that day. The joke, the hug, the I love you's, the "You're a Rockstar"... and breath it all in exhaling the love I hold for my girls.

Intention + Action... is the key to manifesting a meaningful life. As you will it.

Puddle Jumping

The rain came long and hard at the end of the days work. Perfect for puddle jumping.

Sara couldn't wait until we were done supper to don her rubber boots and rain coat and get out in the promised puddles that she wanted to walk in on our drive home.

I think of Jessica when she was Sara's age and the "rules" I had about that. Never letting her expereince the freedom of playing in the gift that nature brought.

I remember how much fun I had as a child when I could go out and splash around in a mid summer down pour.

How many rules do I still hold that might redirect one of my children from having an unforgettable memory?

Sometimes it is good to let your hair down and go laugh and play in the mud.

I think of my friend Danielle, whom I have always envied in her carefree nature. Going out mud sliding in the valley, allowing her son to express himself with his artwork and never redirecting him to draw rainbows and puppies instead of decapitate people. LOL

And when you let one of your "rules" go... you get to experience a magical gift. The joy, laughter and delight that your child revels in when doing something that connects them to the essence of who and what they are. You also get to laugh and feel the sheer joy that comes to you when you join them!

Letting your hair down. Why do you hold the "rules" you hold? Are they because they are what society expects of you? Because of what you were taught as a child? Or are they there because of your own fears or insecurities of your past? Do those "forbidden" joys really pose a danger? No? They let the puddles fly!

p.s. Who made up the rule "i" before "e" except after "c"? That doesn't always work.

Nurturing my Soul

The need to get back into writing again is strong within me.

The excuses I provide myself to "not" do it were strong too, but they are no longer serving me.

I have decided that I will write at least every 2nd day.

I feel the need because allowing my words to flow out of me has always nurtured my soul.

I wonder sometimes what I have been holding onto lately... that is keeping me stagnent in my life. Things are moving, I'm doing things, but not like I used to, and perhaps it is because I am not allowing my creativity and light to flow. Time to switch gears, time to let it go.

Being a single mom 24/7 has it's ups and downs, such as everything else in life. I am tired, I am craving quiet at times... and I love that I get to be told that I'm a "Rockstar" by my 4 yr old Sara and get to know my eldest more deeply.

Jessica and I are still working on our relationship. I have to learn to trust and release. I have to learn when to let go of the small stuff and listen to the small stuff. It is definately a work in progress, yet I know it will always be evolving. I think of my relationship with my mother that still is and will always be a fluid one. Because each moment there is something new to discover.

I have been holding onto my house that I have been trying to sell since October of last year. And I am getting very weary and tired of it. I have almost (ALMOST) given in and resigned myself to the thought that I would never be able to sell it. Luckily I realized that this week and need to have a little discussion with my house. Maybe some Ho'oponopono to help me let go, instead of searching and trying to list the reasons why I need so badly for it to be sold.

Yes indeed, it is time for me to nurture my soul. Let go. Release. Open. Invite. Live. Celebrate.

Welcome into my life, I am here with open arms.

Canada Post - The last Great Canadian Institute?

On Saturday, August 23rd (tomorrow), there is a "Save our Postal Service" rally in Halifax, Nova Scotia at the Grand Parade Square starting at noon.

The Canadian Government has begun a "Strategic Review" of your Post Office. This review will look at deregulating your Post Office. This can result in less service and higher prices to the public and small business, but better service and lower costs to big companies and large-volume mailers.

This is not the post office we want!

There will be no public hearings.

The public, the real owners of the Post Office, will not have their say.

They do not want your opinion.

Tell them anyway.

What you can do:

1. Come out to the Public Forum / Rally at the Grand Parade Square tomorrow.
2. Before September 2nd, 2008 write to the Review Panel chaired by Mr. Robert Campbell (e-mail info@cpcsr-esscp.gc.ca and cc your MP)
3. Write your MP today! Tell them you want deregulation off the table, demand public consultations on the future of Canada Post (http://www.upce.ca/en/pdf/Negotiations/stratReviewLetter_e.pdf)

If you are in anyway concerned about the future of Canada Post and in a way more importantly if you are outraged that the government is making these kinds of decisions behind closed doors, do something to stop them in their tracks!!!

I will be doing a short speech at tomorrows rally. If you are there because of what you have read here, come and say hi to me after the speeches.

I really believe in making a difference and taking a stand. Sometimes it is through personal discoveries, sometimes it is doing something like this talking about something I believe in.

One person, one voice... but it echos to many. Collective voices can THUNDER!

Tourists... laugh

Yesterday I was outside talking with a friend on the corner and this little old lady with a "name tag" walks by a few steps behind her another elderly lady appears and says "I think we're lost".

Then she sees my friend and I and approaches us. She is from the southern U.S. she says "Do y'all speak English?"

I'm thinking um, you are in Canada and debate saying to her, no, we speak Canadian but hey, I'm all about helping people out so I tell her "Yes, of course, can I help you with something?"

She says "Can y'all tell me where the tourist information building is?"

I say "No problem, it's down a block and over a block right on the boardwalk on the water"

She says "No it's not, I was told it was up this way"

I said, "Nope, it's just back there in behind the Museum"

She gets agitated and says "NO, they told us when we got off the bus that the building was a block up this way"

I take a breath and say "The bus drop off is right in front of the museum and the information place is right in behind it"

She pretty near cuts me off and starts to walk away saying "No, you don't know what you are talking about it's not on the water I know, you're wrong."

As she is stalking off (as much as little old ladies do) she sees her bus drive down the next street and she's waving at it like a mad woman... "that's our bus, they'll know"

I shake my head and think, man, if you don't want my help, don't ask... lol

What an experience.

I hope that when I go to another country to travel I at least have enough sense to a) read up on the place and b) take the advice of the locals.

Do y'all speak English? I do.

I speak some french too.

And some polish (just the bad words my father & uncles taught me).

Why don't the tourist companies let them know what to expect? Might help get rid of the stereotypes we all hold if we educate ourselves on other countries & cultures.

Do we really get it?

The other day I went to lunch with a colleague of mine and we go to talking about my past, of how I came to be, what I went through etc, etc.

So she got a really condensed version of the whole meal deal. She got the loneliness of an adolescent who wanted escape, she got the young woman who was homeless, the girl and woman who was on welfare, the single mother who left with her baby to leave for another province, the single mom who finally wanted a better life and scraped by to get into college (I'm still paying off the student loan)... everything.

As she was shocked and in awe over my story, not having expected me to come from a back ground like that. She said how strong I was, and look at me now you got your shit together. All those things and yes, this past of mine, has played a part in the woman I am today.

Today towards the end of the day, I hear her speaking on the phone. She is talking about someone she knows and being very judgemental about being on welfare, disability or whatever the case may be. And I tried to ignore the conversation and go about my business, but everything she was saying with a disgusted, better than thou, voice... was me. All of it.

I left work early today. I didn't want to listen to those words any longer as I allowed myself to think less of myself because of opinions like those for too long.

One day I education someone on something they may not have known about me, and they appear to be taken by my story. The next they forget I am right here, that all of those things I am/was, and they don't realize... that might have been the background history of the person they were talking to on the phone and they didn't even realize it.

It saddens me a great deal. Not so much for myself, but for the realization that although people can be made aware of things... they may choose not to make a connection. To consider that those of us who are not the same (different race, culture, class, gender, background, sex preference) are somehow inferior to you... less then the rest.

Wake up People!!!!

We all have our own personal "hells" in our lives which we have survived or will survive in our future. I hope to god that no one is sitting there looking down their nose at you when you are in the midst of it!

When I got home from the gym tonight I noticed my colleagues phone number on my phone. Perhaps she realized when she got home how much her words in her conversation to another had cut through me.

Do we really "get it"?

Will we ever "get it"?

Do you want to "get it"? That is what it boils down to. If you are happy with they way you live... in your words, judgements and actions... I guess there is nothing to "get".

Reflection or an Invitation

I believe that things happen in your life for a reason.

I believe that what comes into your awareness is in someway a reflection of yourself.

I couldn't comprehend how something that was distasteful or horrific could enter into my life and not in someway be a reflection of myself.

I stuggled with my beliefs because I knew deep down inside that although this was my new reality THIS WAS NOT ME!

I remembered that in each moment we have the choice.

I remembered that in every awareness is an opportunity for more.

I remembered that with each discovery or awareness of something in your life isn't always a reflection it is also an invitation.

I can choose to make that invitation anything I want.

I have this in my life. I have a new insight on this particular situation. I am who I always have been, and one day I can speak of my expereinces and be the invitation for others with whom my story resonates to know they are not alone. It was not them. Nor was it their actions or inactions that brought this experience into their lives.

And the healing can begin. As it is with me. This invitation is also here for me to choose to define my life and not be defined by it.

An invitation to the more that is. Choosing along the way.

Integration

Today was a day for integration. It seemed that my 3 differently themed blogs have combined... integrated.

I'm no longer feeling the need for seperation/compartmentalizing. I simply am me. All I've ever been, and the potential of my future me is very bright once again.

In speaking with a friend today I was explaining how I was having trouble making sense of the crisis event that happened in May. If everything happens to you for a reason (i.e. awareness or growth) and if I am aware of this "thing" in my life that it is somehow an aspect of me or of who I will be, how in the hell can something so unfathomable be in any way related to the person I am.

You see for the past few months I was only seeing this "crisis" as somehow a direct reflection of who I am. As my friend pointed out to me today I gives me the understanding and compassion and unique insight to help others cope who are in similar experiences.

Well OF COURSE... it resonated with me. I don't have to wear the baggage of this event, I can learn from myself and how I continue to move through this and transform that into something that is meaningful in my life.

So "crisis" is an invitation for me.

As well, tonight I had my appointment with a trainor at the gym. My whole healthy self blog is integrated today into who I am... Taking charge of my health. Focusing on my personal ideal and working towards manifesting that.

The trainor asked me tonight what my goal was. For me it isn't a magic number nor a specific size, it is all about how I wish to feel and to be able to have more energy to PLAY!

My "whole healthy self" is about my own personal leadership. Who I am, how I feel, what I say, what I do, it is all an invitation for me to take the reins and led my life instead of being lead by it.

I am a single mom. 24/7 full time. It is frustrating sometimes not having time to myself, time to think, time to decompress, time to breath... however I am (as my 4 yr old put it) a ROCKSTAR! lol, it is times like those, when my lively 4 yr old hugs me and says stuff like that or when my 13 yr old says she can finally understand how tiring it must be when I do it all, that make it more than worth it. See World of Singlemomdom blog.

A few weeks ago I took my kids (and a friends daughter) to Magic Mountain in Moncton, NB. What an amazing albeit short time we had there. On the way home we stopped at the Indian Handcraft Store outside of Truro, NS. I was looking at the wares and making a few purchases when my 13 yr old told me I should buy a certain necklace for myself. It is a polished green circle stone with a metal bear claw symbol ontop of it.

I looked at this necklace and thought of how protective and fierce a mother bear can be and I bought it.

A few nights later I was wearing it and Jessica asked if people at work commented on the necklace. I said they did, she then told me that the reason she thought it was fitting was because a mother bear is a very good mother and loves her cubs and is very protective of them, sometimes over protective.

I told her I thought that was very fitting and I had indeed thought of the same thing. Out of the mouth of babes eh? (If you can call 13 a baby).

So this is where it's at. This is all of me. The woman, the mother, strong, soft, loving, fierce all rolled into this package. The one who stuggled with the challenge of once again becoming a single mother. The one who struggled with body image and self esteem... this is the one stop shop.

Welcome back to you all... and thank you for your welcome back to me!

Forgotten but not Gone

Here I write in my long neglected domain. What a crazy life I have been living lately.

In the midst of major family crisis I seem to be floundering on who I am. It is almost as if I lost my sense of self. The old me (the writer, the super mom, the me of a mere few months ago)… is not who I allow myself to be anymore. I have allowed doubt to enter back into my world.

And finally as I come up on the other side of the surface, I recognize that I allowed myself to be a victim to the circumstances. I allowed this crisis to define who I am and what I can do. I no longer own my business. I no longer life coach. I no longer give workshops. Oh don’t get me wrong here, I have the desire still inside of me yet I feel the doubt. Who am I to do this when I have such CRAP going on in my life? How can I stand up to be witnessed when I feel tainted by the acts and deeds of others who I chose at one point to be part of my life?

I feel an emptiness and sadness. I had resolved that my life would never be the same again. And now… here deep beneath the doubts is my soul, my spirit, my godforce, screaming and demanding to be recognized once again.

Last weekend I picked up a gift for a friend on my vacation with the kids. I don’t know why I picked it up, I did not plan on picking anything up for this friend, yet I did and I knew a trip to Oceanstone to search for myself was in my near future.

I went for coffee with Margot last week and I told her about my need and desire to do a day trip or an overnighter at Oceanstone. When we discussed my intention for going… waves of emotion began to arise. I need to reconnect with me… with who I know I am inside, unchanged, untainted, strong, beautiful, driven, open to life and connected.

So in the next week if you are there, you will find me by the ocean listening to the waves, wind and my spirit. Or under a tree on the moss laden ground listening to the song of my soul.

Life is good… I was just allowing myself to be blind to it.

Dandelion Fairies

As I sit in my sadness in the sunshine and warmth
Dandelion Fairies float into my awareness.

The birds are chirping loudly and furiously
Demanding I pay attention to my surroundings.

I feel the breeze dance across my skin
And I remember who I am and why I am here.

Yet as those dandelion fairies dance in the wind
I wish I was them, flying on the breeze until I find my way home.

For the dandelion fairies know that when the breeze dies down
They will take root in their chosen place and transform and grow.

Eventually those fairies will become flowers, standing still rooted in the ground.
Until they give birth to dozens upon dozens of magical fairies just waiting to be released and find their joy, dancing upon the wind.

Bringing magic and joy to the children who add their breath to them to set them free,
Once again being release to fly, swoop, dance on the wind, play in the breeze and start a new.

Dandelion Fairies… reminding me of the magic and wonderment in my life
Letting my spirit soar on the wind, heeding the calls of my feathered friends.

Releasing… renewing… rejoicing.

It's seems like forever...

It seems like forever since I have blogged. Forever since I have sat quietly and journaled. And yet I sat wondering why am I static?

I forgot how fast life moves when you are willing to engage authentically. To stand raw and be seen. To say things and be heard. To listen and to be listened to.

I have been going like the energizer bunny... yet hiding at the same time. Being busy for the sake of being busy.

Day Job, Coaching, Single Parenting, Home Owner Selling, Union President Helping, Friend listening and playing.

I was allowing myself to become so busy I didn't have time to think.

Ever since the end of January when I ended my relationship I have been occupying my time with other things so I didn't have to sit with what it is like to be me, here and now.

I busied myself so I did not have to grieve a ended relationship. So I wouldn't cry over something that I needed to do for me.

I kept myself occupied so others would not pity me. So my children wouldn't be upset. So others would know that I really did choose to be a single mother again. My choice. Yet I chose to ignore the feelings that come up with ending a part of your life.

It all came to a breaking point. One which I haven't fully allowed myself to process yet. I have still been fighting it back and stuffing it down. Being strong. Being in control. Not wanting anyone to have the satisfaction of saying...

Of saying what? That I'm human? That I hurt? That even though I chose it I can still grieve it?

So I have not fully moved through what I need to move through in order to move on.

And I begin. I'll journal specifically surrounding the end to this part of my life. After the fact (lord knows I've did enough before it).

And tomorrow... who will emerge? Me of course, one who remembers to be gentle with herself and allow herself to stop... breathe...and re-source.

Life is indeed good.

Open Letter to the Universe

I am ready. I am open. I am love. I am you.

This house is ready to be bought.

This body is ready to be transformed.

This heart is ready to be loved.

This being is ready to engage.

The time isnow. My gift to you is trusting, loving & being myself.

Thoughts really do become things... if only you let them.

Victim or Creator - The Choice is Yours

Right now in my life I have been attracting people who are at choice points.

Either they are sick and tired, knowing life isn't working for them... yet choosing to make excuses to stay in the same old rut they have been in for years now.

Or they are at a point in their lives where they know they can no longer go on living how they are and need a kick to begin to change their lives.

Or they are finding out the hard way that if you are not clear in who you are and what direction you are going EVERYONE (and their mother) has an opinion on how you should live your life.

All of these people are showing up in my life right now, at various stages of evolution in their own personal journey.

Some choose to remain in the victim role, because they can't afford not to (money does not equal happiness or good health for that matter).

Some choose to remain in the victim role because they can't see how not to live that way, it is scary to take ownership of your life.

And yet there are these others who have come into my life recently who are all about MOVING INTO themselves to move forward in life. To create the future they wish, but they just needed to be reminded how to do it.

Victim or Creator... either is a place to stand that is serving them (for whatever their reasons).

It takes strength and courage to move from victim to creator... and I know that the strength and courage needed is accessible to all of us.

We just need to remember it and take ownership of our own lives again.

The choice is always yours. If you are ready to move forward with your life I'd love to talk to you about that. If you choose to remain static... you are making that choice.

Evolution, transformation, change... it doesn't have to be hard... it does, however, usually take you out of your comfort zone.

Writing things down, making lists, saying things... it's all good, but change will only happen when you take those first few steps... forward motion, life unfolding, emerging, shaping your future.

Keeping Yourself, in the presence of another

The funny thing about life is that it is organic... it grows, it thrives, it retreats, it ebbs, it flows.

I am once again in a place of transition. I've ended a major relationship with the father of my 2 children. My house is for sale. I'm coming to find out what it means for me to be a single woman again (as the person I am now). And there is a possible new job on my horizon.

As each week passes a little more freedom is found. As the weather warms each day a new song sings within my soul. This indeed is a time for transformation. A time for me to celebrate in the newly found freedom of what I have and have FUN doing so.

And I have been sick... curious that. It seems I got sick when I started to remember and explore the fun I used to have. It's been pretty steady I'm in my 3rd weekend of being sick. All my symptoms are on my left side of my body. Sore throat, Fever (all of me), rash, now my left eye has a cold in it. What am I not paying attention to?

As I pondered this last night soaking in my tub it came to my awareness that I need to make sure I do not lose myself in the freedom I am experiencing. I still need to nurture and grow who I am as I am engaging with others. I need to remember who I am and remember to check in with myself to see if the impulse to do or not do something is serving me. Is it my gut instinct? Or am I just going with the flow because it feels good? Does it matter?

Why is it that for 2 years I could be around sick people and not get sick, yet now I started this off on my own? It there more to it then viruses, infections and germs? I think so. Being run down, exhausted and not taking care of yourself generally makes you more susceptible to becoming sick.

Perhaps it is simply all I have been going through exhausting me. However I know that for me thrown into that mix, is keeping myself in the presence of another.

Whatever will tomorrow bring? Life, Love, Laughter... after all I can create it. Want to know a secret? So can you!

Power, Priviledge and Perception

Today I went to see Jane Elliott speak at Pier 21 in Halifax. Her lecture was entitled Power, Privilege and Preception - The Anatomy of Prejudice.

Earlier this year I had the opportunity for the first time to see a video of an experiment Mrs. Elliott did with her Grade 3 school children in response to the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

This video made in the 1968 (40 yrs ago) holds such a lesson that still today it is relevant to recognize where in our soceity and personal lives we may be attempting to hold power over our fellow human beings. You can see a clip of the follow up Frontline report on it here.

Today some of the things that resonated with me were when Mrs. Elliott spoke how we should see each other for all the differences we have and how we should embrace that, not striving for us to all be the same.

"When I look at you I don't see a colour"... bullshit... that is one of the first things we notice... and there is nothing wrong with that. Kind of like being tall or short, a man or a woman, except we still choose not to talk about noticing the colour of ones skin... like it is a bad thing.

I see you! I see you as the black woman you are... I see the beautiful hues of all of us... and I notice that you are not me... and I am not you... that is why life is so amazing.

Each one of us... because of our colour, religion, creed, ethnicity, sexuality, social status, life expereinces is a very unique individual who can bring such richness, awareness and awakening to those who care to see us.

I want to see and be seen. I want to hear and be heard. I want to feel and be felt. I want to live in appreciation of all that is different about us... knowing that we all ultimately are connected.

As we go about our day to day life... accept what is there already in our filters and perceptions of the world and thing about how we can change that if we choose. By standing up and being counted... working on Eliminating Discrimination of all sorts.

In the Moment

Life can go by in the blink of an eye, if you allow it to.

The pace of the rat race, of getting to the next step, can make you forget those moments in time. And all of the sudden 5 years have gone by.

Your babies are no longer your babies.

Your hopes and dreams did not get realized.

Your happiness seems to have been misplaced.

Live in the moment.

Forget for a while about the “should have”, “could have”, “would haves”.
Forget for a while about the “got to” and the “have to” and remember it’s all a choice.

Living in the Moment…

The feel of a warm breeze on a sunny day.

Your child’s breath on the side of your cheek.

The sensation of your heart opening and quickening around someone you love.

The beauty that nature shows us.

The comfort of knowing you are among loving friends.

Slowing down and allowing yourself to notice. Enjoy and be thankful in these gifts; moment to moment. Time will slow down along with you.

Enjoy living in the moment.

Seeing Yourself in Another

Have you ever been to a workshop or seminar where the person talking is fully alive and radiant? You can see their passion through their eyes?

Have you ever walked down the street and been drawn to look into a strangers eyes only to see them looking at your soul with a smile and a hello?

Have you ever taken the time to be still and experience with every cell in your body a birds song, a warm breeze, a child's laugh?

Have you ever wondered what all that is?

Is is all of us. It is allowing yourself to show up fully, vulnerably, without stories. It is BEing.

When I think about that light that shines thorough someones eyes, when I see the passion and energy flow over a crowd listening to someone speak... I think of who I know I am (and who I know you are).

Connected... Mind, Body & Soul.

Living.

Breathing.

Experiencing.

Receiving.

Enlivening the essence of who I am... to stand up and be seen.

Mind, Body & Soul... what speaks to you?

Mind, Body & Soul

As I think about my present and future... one thing keeps coming into my mind.

Passion = Engagement of Body+Mind+Soul combined

This is March's topic for Shaping Our Future - Women's Leadership Series Mind, Body & Soul. During these few hours I hope to explore this in the context of leadership.

• Is engaging with Mind, Body and Soul the key to living a passionate and successful life?

• Can one be an engaging leader with out all three?

• How much more effective can it be?

• What are some ways to ensure we are engaging the 3?

• What are some of the ways we can stay connected in our day to day?

Please join me in exploring this topic further on Wednesday, March 5th beginning at 7 p.m.

Location: Growing Forward, 1153 Cole Harbour Road, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia

Cost: $10 / person

Please RSVP by Monday, March 3rd with your Name and Telephone Number at potential@eastlink.ca or calling Lori at (902) 461-9169

Seating is Limited, RSVP soon

Finding Myself

Transition: Passage from one form, state, style, or place to another.

I find myself in a place that is foriegn to me, yet familiar. I am a single woman... and a single woman who knows who she is and what she wants. This feels different... new yet not.

I find myself slipping for split seconds into a place where I doubt who I am and what I can do.

This week in my course, I said something that screamed of confidence and I got 'ribbed' for it. We today, 3 days later, there was still comments happening and I caught myself, questioning who I was.

How dare I allow myself to forget who I am now? To be proud of the women I have become and to allow myself to remain silent for a few days, in front of these people I did not know last week.

It came to a point this morning, another remark was made and some asked "Do you feel Harrassed?" I said "Yes I definately am beginning to."

Before lunch, another comment... I spoke up and said, "there is nothing wrong with confidence." The response was, "there is a difference between confidence and cockiness."

This sent my wave on the move. Yes there is a difference between the two, but there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with confidence... and the difference for me comes down to EGO. However someones pereception may say different and that isn't about me.

Thankfully that happened prior to lunch, instead of hanging around I left and found a space to allow my emotions to flow in private. I went for a walk and returned to the session on time for a quick bite before workshop started.

The first activity after break was an icebreaker. It was a yarn toss, and we were to tell something personal about ourselves. I only had one thing on my mind and it was to put an end to this behaviour that was undesirable to me.

When the yarn was tossed to me, I said "One thing you may not know about me is that one of the reasons I started my consulting company was so others can be aware of the potential we all hold... (then the wave came and I continued)... I'm sorry, but I need to go here, 2.5 yrs ago I was not confident, I had no self esteem, self worth (I actually don't know if I managed to express all of that but I continued) and that is why confidence is so important to me and I really would appreciate if the comments would stop". And I tossed the ball.

The next hours was a blur, I was not in the room I left to find safety to allow myself to process what I needed to. I couldn't not find a safe private spot to be, so it took quite a while.

It was all I could muster to walk back into the room almost an hour later. And as I write this I am still very raw.

How can I create a safe environment where ever I go? As I write this I know that had I expressed what I felt on day one it wouldn't have gotten to the point it did. Needing to remember who I am....

Stop trying to make myself small in front of strangers to make them feel more comforatable with who they may be.

It's been quite intersting these past few weeks... and just because it's new... it doesn't mean I have to lose myself as I search out my new path.

Life is fully of surprises... self discoveries... and opportunities to shine.

Ottawa Trip - Winterlude Awaits...

I'm going to Ottawa once again (Gatineau but I'll be able to do it all).

Business trip, but one that holds huge potential for who I am.

Over the past two years one of the things I have discovered that I can do is be a facilitator. I am a facilitator of conversations that invite others in their own personal growth.

I have created programs, workshops and facilitated conversations in my "spare" time with my home business. Now work is sending me on training to become a JLP (Joint Learning Program) Facilitator and ultimately deliver 1 or 4 different programs that are offered.

I am very excited to have this opportunity to be recognized for things I love to do IN my workplace.

My business is starting to pick up again... new clients... new expereicnes...

It's all coming together again. February has been a great month... new beginnings.

I am hoping to find some friends in Ottawa to spend some time exploring Winterlude (which I am told is going on).

I'm up for having some fun!

Life is indeed good.

Dancing Bubbles

My first night as a truly single woman.

Thoughts were scattered, old worries flooded in and out of my mind.

Some tears shed for the closure.

Bumping around... not sure what to do.

Luxurious to bathe by candle light at 11 p.m. with music playing from my bedroom. Who knew?

Freedom to do what I feel as it moves me.

Becoming once again more familiar with the woman I am today... that I always was but have forgotten.

Breathing in the stillness.

Candle light reflecting off the bubbles, reminding me of the many facets that make up who I am.

Dancing with new found freedom...

Rejoicing...

Reconnecting...

The journey home.

Fear of Falling

This weekend I spent the night at my sister's house with my kids... she needed a babysitter on Sunday and I thought it would be fun to sleep over the night before.

On Sunday Morning, Mike calls to my sister's house. "The washing machine is still broken, can you do some wash while you are at Julie's?"

"Yes, I can."

"Can I talk to Jessica?"

"Yes you can."

Jessica gets on the phone and then gets a big smile on her face says OKAY and hangs up the phone.

Turns out Mike found an apartment on Saturday night... not only did he find a place but he took possession of it already. Man when I want something I'm going to get it. I was shocked... I was excited for him and for Jessica... but shocked all the same. So quick... was he ready? Was I ready?

Jessica returned back to my sisters house, excited about her newest home... telling me the stuff Mike bought for the home already, what it looks like, etc... I'm excited again.

And then my mind starts to think... where did he get the money... holy crap I'm right back into the mindset I was the last time we broke up... he is going to do something stupid with my money, etc. etc. I jump to conclusions and call to bitch at him... only to be a moment later realizing it was me who mis-managed last weeks budget.

Old habits... old reality. This is not how it's going to be this time around. I needed to allow myself to let go. Let go of the control I thought I should be able to maintain over him. That is what it boils down to really.

I have to remember, he is a grown man... he is not my man... he can make his own decisions, choices and have control over his life... I can let go of that, he will not fall (and if he does it's not my responsibility)

I was walking out the steps at my sister's tonight, in the middle of a snowstorm to go home to... I didn't know what I was coming home to. I slipped down the stairs and fell on my ass. My right side is hurting pretty bad. I wanted to cry, but it wasn't because of the pain of falling. It was more for the fear of what I don't know... what was I coming home to?

As I walked into a dark house... not too much is different, other than Mike isn't here. Then I walk into my bedroom... There is no trace of Mike in my room.

I know I'm excited and happy about my choice of being free to live my life by my design... but tonight there is a sadness, that I don't want to express until Jessica is in bed. The sadness is right below the surface. It is a close to something I have had in my life since I was 17 yrs old... that is 15 years... almost half of my life.

And it comes into my awareness as I speak with Sarah tonight on the phone... my fall at my sister... my fear of falling on my ass... this was an old fear... one that doesn't serve me this time around... but was creeping up to see how it felt.

Don't need it... I am fully capable and free to be.

Living my life by my design...

Falling? eh, won't be happening again.

Tomorrow is the first day of this new chapter of my life.

Compelling Conversations

Shaping our Future... this to me is a mark I wish to leave on this world.

Not only am I willing to shape my own future, but I want other women to realize that they too can shape whatever they will expreince in life.

Shaping our Future... this is very much about me, about me choosing to create the world I want, and what I want for my children.

Not willing to let others decide for me, speak for me, choose for me or plan my life for me, to create, to inspire, to be free to choose.

Shaping our Future... this is also about standing up for yourself, for what you know is right deep down within the very depths of your being.

Not willing to be silent and let others do things to you, to the people you love, taking control of all of that by finding and expressing voice.

Shaping our Future... it is something all of us wish to do. We all do it is small ways already, think about it.

Think about the ways you have already created things in your life, by choosing to speak or by choosing to remain silent.

Allow yourself to imagine just what kind of future we can shape, if we put our awareness and intention into it.

Mind boggling isn't it?

I'm looking forward to some really compelling conversations tonight at the first Shaping our Future - Women's Leadership Series being held tonight.

Can you feel the excitement?

Freedom in February - Living Authentically

I have declared Freedom in February... freedom to allow the essence of who I am to flow, in all aspects of my life.

To no longer feel I have to be smaller that I am to try to fit my perception of someone elses belief of who I should be.

To stand up for what I know I need and deserve in life.

To be heard. To be listened to. To be loved for me not because of what role I play.

To have fun. To laugh. To talk. To share.

This is what I will have in my life, from day to day... because I choose it.

Freedom in February... I'm living large.

Calling all Strong, Confident Women (& those searching for that within)

Life is passing by quickly... are you living the type of life you always wished you would?

Happiness is there for all of us... are you allowing yourself to live moment to moment and enjoy it?

The Lioness is within you... the ability to hold both crucible and spear, embracing both male and female energies... this is part of what makes up the powerful woman you are and the visionary and leader that resides within.

Being a leader does not mean you want followers.

Being a leader has nothing to do with what you do for a living, your title or your status.

Finding that place of truth within yourself, learning to express your authentic voice for you, through you, in a way that is meaningful to you; that attracts others to you like a magnet... being perceived by others as a leader because you are authentically you.

And knowing that which lies within yourself.

I'm calling all Strong Confident POWERFUL Women, to come out and play. Engage with others in conversations, once a month... or as often as you can make it.

Shaping Our Future is about you, about me, it is about those who came before us, about those around us and those who will come after us.

Come and see how we can make a difference in this world we live in.

First topic Fundamentals of Leadership is on Wednesday, February 6th, at 7:30 p.m.

Let's wake up the world together... to the potential we all hold inside.

Does it call to me?

Does it call to me to be writing my words for the world to read?
Does it call to me to be engaging in certain conversations?
Does it call to me to speak about what is meaningful to me?
Does it call to me to be involved in these relationships?

Does it serve me to be writing my words for all to read?
Does it serve me to be engaging in these conversations?
Does it serve me to speak about what I need to say?
Does it serve me to continue to be in these relationship?

Listen. Hear the silence that we too often fill up.
What is that voice inside saying? Listen.

Feel it. Is my body trying to tell me something?
Am I full of aches and pains, do I need to pay attention? Feel it.

Pay attention. What feels right for you to do, inside of you?
Put aside ego and superficial wants... pay attention.

Yes, it serves me to write what I write, regardless of who may read it.

Yes, it is imperative to my happiness and growth to have these conversations.

Yes, to speak my truth in a way that is meaningful to me is the only way I know how to live now.

Check in with myself... does it remain meaningful to be in these relationships??? Recognize that relationships evolve and change as the people in them evolve and change... it doesn't have to be an end to anything, it just morphs into something new, different. Knowing I will not hang onto someone because they are a fall back. There is no turning back anymore.

Forward moving motion, directing and creating my life.

Shaping our Future – Women’s Leadership Series

A new series of sessions being held once a month to be an invitation for conversations, mentoring and new relationships to be built.

Topic for February – Fundamentals of Leadership

This program is for women who are trying to discover their own leadership within and for women who are already in “leadership” positions.

The invitation is for women who are comfortable, confident and catalysts in their lives and careers to come and share stories, thoughts and ideas with the women who are there who have not yet discovered the leaders they already are in their lives. The benefit of these conversations will be felt by all who participate.

This group will meet the 1st Wednesday of every month at Growing Forward, 1153 Cole Harbour Road, in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. Approximately 2 hours from 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. beginning on February 6th, 2008.

Cost is $10 per session, RSVP your attendance by the Monday prior to the session to Lori Walton, 461-9169 or via e-mail at potential@eastlink.ca

Limited Seating please reserve your space soon.


* these sessions are open to any women interested in the topics offered *

Starving for Conversation

So here I sit, in some kind of slow mode (for me it's slow), feeling kind of here and now what.

This is what I was waiting for the and now what, so it's time to begin to create again.

I have been trying to find a way to get my Conscious Parenting workshop out to a certain audience and I have been coming up against a blank there... or maybe I'm just not ready to go there yet.

I have been very busy again at work... my job is again changing into something else, different, same people, different challenges. I have been not engaging so much with people via e-mail, telephone... choosing just to move along in slow mo.

And now I'm ready, ready to re-enter into engaging with others... creating ideas for conversations that I would like to begin to have. Coffee Conversations and Catalysts the version I began with is about to re-emerge transformed. Looking different, a different conversation each time, a theme, a topic, those who are called to be there will be there because it is meaningful for them to come out and do so. Coffee Conversations and Catalysts will not be it's name, however what ever I create will be what CCC has become now.

I'm supposed to get together with Amy soon, hopefully she is available tomorrow for some coffee and conversations. Whatever I choose to create next it will be held at her space in Cole Harbour. Growing Forward offers comfort, privacy and a safe intimate setting for bigger, deeper conversations.

Let's see what emerges from this...

There is always more.

Living in a Bubble - New Year, New Vision

I have been mulling around, moving from place to place, space to space, as I feel pulled to.

Since the Ideas Festival in early December I have been floating from place to place, moment to moment.

Spending time with my family, spending time with others who I feel I want to be with.

Becoming familiar and remember who I have always been, integrating things I have come to know about life, love and self in the past 2 years.

Finding meaning my way with many of it... How does it resonate for me? Do I choose to follow the "rules" or do I engage as it feels right to do so?

Christmas time was fantastic and so relaxing. There was no hustle and bustle within my body, so it reflected that calm, happy, content feeling into my holiday season. I spent time with family, I didn't stay longer than I wanted, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. I slowed down. I had time to connect with both my kids. Balance... no... Bliss Letting go of all I was holding, allowing myself the luxury of time, to simply be.

I went to yoga at Oceanstone a few times. In my perfect world I would go every week, but reality calls, it is a long journey for me to make every weekend. I have decided to treat myself to the first Sunday of each month, to go, to be, to move, to remember, to talk, to breath with Gabriella, Kim, Carole, Scott and whomever else shows up on that particular Sunday morning.

On New Years Day, the weather was warm and sunny, I was invited to participate in a Celtic Sweat Lodge at Earth Sea near the Ovens Park outside of Lunenburg, Nova Scotia. I brought Jessica my eldest daughter to experience it. What a unique way to bring in the new year, to celebrate by again remember who I am, who we all are, where I come from and thank all the blessings I have in my life.

My intention for the day was to build my connection with Jessica... for me to invite and allow conversations to flow easier between us, mother and daughter. When it came time to begin the sweat Jessica did not feel comfortable to do so, so she choose to sit out by the campfire or to wander the grounds or go to the house. After the first round I came out and choose to sit out the remaining rounds to be with Jessica, wrapped up sharing a blanket, sitting by the fire, talking.

Many of us who attended the sweat brought along our instruments, and there was a drum by the campfire that Jessica was able to show me some "African" drumming that she learned in her music classes. She tried to teach me and I think she was quite successful in doing so (she may disagree).

Sitting silent. Laughing. Contemplating. Enjoying. Playing. Being. Loving. Sharing. Connection. It couldn't have been more perfect of a day for me. I look forward to more times like this with Jessica out by a campfire in our future.

Now I find myself emerging back into the busy-ness of life and I reflected on how much I have been living in this bubble since early December. I have found that I love myself and I want to slow down and honor that... I am little afraid that as the busy-ness of my life begins again I will lose that.

I know it may sound silly and forgien to some of you... to others it may hit home hard... I am 32 years old and I am only now beginning to love who I am. I've liked my life. I have acknowledged things I have done and enjoyed them... but it was somehow disconnected... less than, still because I couldn't fully stand in that place within to see it.

Accessing love for myself has allowed me to really find the passion again... the love in the things I do. Remembering... back to basics... what was the impulse that moved through me the moment I choose to create that project? etc...

7 or 8 years ago there was this homeless man named Don who was always outside of my office building. I was a single mother at the time... and this was my first job since I was off of welfare. Well I gave something to him everyday... what little I had.

After a few months I would buy him lunch and sit with him on my lunch hour. In my office attire, sharing a lunch with a homeless man. I got to know him a little bit, found out he was from the hometown that my ex (now fiance) was from in Ontario.

A few more months went by and it was a cold winter. I needed some painting to be done in my house so I offered Don a job to come and paint my hallway in exchange for some money and a couch to sleep on that night.

Life went on and after I left that job I never saw him again.

On New Year's Day this year after the sweat experience at Earth Sea, Jessica and I went downtown Halifax to try to find something to eat. I look up at a man on the side walk and it is Don... I was so happy to see him, he also recognized me... I gave him a big hug and told him how happy I was to see that he was well.

He remembered my name (which is better than I did). He said he saw me on TV over the summer talking about my Conscious Parenting Workshops... he told me how surprised he was to see me and how often he thought of me and what I did for him.

He told me he now has a roof over his head and is doing very well, and I don't ever have to worry about him and how he is doing. He told me if there was ever anything he could do for me... that he is easy to find.

And the tears are in my eyes as I write... how little do we know. When you give from your heart because you are compelled to do so... you just never know who's life you will have an impact on.

Love and Light... it's not always a bad thing... I can have that with an edge I think. The crucible and spear. The lioness with her cubs.

This year is going to be amazing. Life is good.