Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a child was moving, nor the cat, nor the man. The presents were wrapped and all set under the tree, I have showered, I am comfy, I am writing, I am me.

What is different about this Christmas Eve? First and formost I am, instead of sitting here wondering if I have bought enough gifts I am sitting here anticipating the joy on the childrens faces in the morning.

Every year on Christmas Eve a man dressed up as Santa Claus drives around each street with a police escort. Santa rides in the back of a white pick up truck that is completely decked out with Christmas lights and he always has at least one elf helping him. Santa waves to the children who come out of their homes on wait on the side of the road for him to pass, he clangs his bell and he gives a hearty Ho, Ho, Ho. His elf makes sure to throw candy canes on the lawn so they don't break and away they go to continue to spread the cheer in the neighbourhood, to get the children just a little bit more excited for their special visitor during the night.

I remember a few years back there was one Christmas when Jessica and I were living at my mothers house. The Christmas before she got a Rudolf Reindeer toy that played music and had a nose that lit up to the tune. We had lost that reindeer in our latest move and being Christmas Jessica was upset about that.

I looked through all of our packed belongings and found him, however I held on to him and didn't tell Jessica I found him.... while we waited on the side of the road for Santa's drive by arrival that Christmas Eve at my mothers house, when Jessica was so excited and on the look out for Santa to drive by, very much distracted by the sirens and the anticipation of Santa's Pick Up coming around the corner, I slipped in the house and grabbed that reindeer and set him on the porch steps and returned to Jessica's side, waving at Santa as he drove by.

When we turned to go back into the house and Jessica started walking up the stairs she couldn't beleive her eyes. Right there at the top of the steps was Rudolf waiting for her. Well she thought it was a Christmas miracle, that Santa knew she lost her reindeer and he put him on the stairs for her to sleep with on Christmas Eve.

Tonight as we heard the sirens of the police escort in the distance, I got Sara dressed in her shoes and winter coat, we went outside and brought a few lawn chairs to the end of the driveway. Jessica came out to join us and we waited for Santa's arrival. Jessica kept talking to Sara about Santa coming and going to give them a treat, Sara was so excited to see him.

The sirens got louder and we began to see the lights of the police escort reflecting on the mini homes at the corner, and around came the police car... well Sara didn't like that too much, too noisy I suppose, up on my lap she goes.

And then what before my very eyes do I see, but a jolly old man in the back of a F150. And Sara looked in awe and Jessica was all smiles, a hearty Ho, Ho, Ho and away they go. Sara scrambled off my lap to get her candy cane off the lawn. Then she got brave and thanked Santa that was already turning off our street.

Jessica told me she remembered the time with the Reindeer and she still doesn't know for sure how it happened. She told me tonight that even though I said it was me who did it she doesn't beleive me. She swears in her memory that my mother and I were right there beside her the whole time and we couldn't have done it. And that makes me smile. Although this is Jessica's second Christmas not beleiving in Santa Claus... she still belives in magic. And that is pretty awesome.

So just what is different within me this year? I know that this year Christmas holds pure joy. The joy of my youngest child when she sees the tree and the gifts under it. The joy of my eldest child, who is still so excited for the morning, who belives in magic. The joy I have with Mike, to know we both did our best to provide a Christmas for the kids this year and knowing our love for each other is gift enough in our own lives. The joy I have deep within myself, the joy of knowing, the joy of living, the joy of unbounded freedom, the joy of simply being me.

So for each of you who are celebrating this holiday, my wish for you is Joy. And for those who are not celebrating this holiday, my wish for all of us is to find a place within ourselves, that sacred space, where we can remember the pure joy of walking in a warm summers thunderstorm dancing in the rain, or walking down a dark cold road, looking up and catching snowflakes on your tounge, or of watching the sun rise or set so beautifully on the horizen.

Joy within pure and unabashed.

Peace

Evolution by Intention

During lunch hour today I am browsing the local online newspaper and I come across this article about Komodo Dragons…

In this article they talk about how this female Komodo dragon, raised in captivity, has become pregnant. Fascinating… not so much however when you take into consideration that this female dragon has never come in contact with a male Komodo, it kicks it up a notch.

So this pregnant Komodo Dragon is the second known case of parthenogenesis in this species. The first female Komodo Dragon became pregnant (with out use of a male) earlier in the year in a different zoo.

So as I’m reading this there are thoughts of the 100th Monkey going through my head… how one day a monkey began to wash his food in the water and the next monkeys all around the world began doing so. Thoughts of the Evolution by Intention™ flood into my consciousness.

I can see now how we absolutely have the power to manifest our destinies as we see fit. I can see now how a shift in consciousness can change the world. The immense CLICK that has happened within me today is just getting my curiosity and energy levels back up, the excitement is again building.

And there is always more…

Still Whispering...

My thoughts have been caught up with preparing for the holiday season... yet somewhere deep within are the whispers to continue to write my book. "The Myth of the Intact Family"* still is demanding my attention.

Ever since leaving the Whispers from Within writing workshop I have been longing to be back at Oceanstone (or at least not having to worry about my "real life"). If only I could stay at home and write, whenever the urge came upon me.

Another reason why I can't wait for Christmas... I am going to be off for 11½ glorious days... my intention for this time is to write every time Sara is down for her naps. Make a nice hot tea and have me time... to remember... to explore... to discover... to grow, and to continue writing my book about my "family".

I will enjoy my time off. And I hope to accomplish much with my writing... and still enjoy my time with my girls and family.

My whispers are there, waiting for me to engage with them again, what wonderful things will come of it? Who knows! This is what I love most about this journey of my life, there is always more.

* "The Myth of the Intact Family" is my tentative title for my book.

Christmas time is here

Okay I must admit, I've got the Christmas bug. Although flat broke I am excited and happy inside. My 2½ yr old has picked up most of the words of "Jingle Bells" and breaks out into song unexpectedly. I love it!

My 11 yr old has bought gifts for many of her friends and family this year, on her own... this is the first year I don't have the slightest clue what she got for anyone. It will be fun to see. She is one happy girl too!

Friends are dropping in, we are getting together more, having lunch, brunch, or just coffee.

The work choir has been singing almost daily in the atrium so you can hear the sounds of Christmas ripple through the building.

Co-workers are bringing in baked goods and leaving them out for everyone to enjoy, taking time to talk and have a laugh together.

Life is grand. Tomorrow is our work Pot-Luck / Children's Party, 7 floors and over 400 employees = one heck of a lot of left overs. I've called a few of the local homeless shelters and soup kitchens to see if they will accept our left overs... and they were overjoyed a the possibility. I hope that many of the floors in the building follow suit and donate their left overs to those who will truly appreciate them.

Judgment...

Have you ever been told how to raise your kids? I have by my mother recently, did it ever get my fire moving. I let her know that I realize her intentions are good and I will let her know or ask her for her opinion/input if I want it.

I know within my self I am done dancing that dance with her. I have my own family, and I am making decisions on how I am going to raise them...

This brought up a very interesting topic for me to explore. Judgement.

I for one, judged single mothers / people on welfare and did not even want to think of them, this is because they were an aspect of my consciousness.

I was a single mother for a number of years... and I was on welfare for a very long time. I held shame for relying on others for so long and for asking for help from family.

I had to get rid of the shame, and when I did... I can look at the people I once judged and see their brilliance and potential.

In the new year I am going to create a space through a workshop where I will invite those who are experiencing difficulty in their lives to come to realize and explore their potential. I am very excited about this! :o)

So now I wonder... if find yourself judging someone... is a reflection of yourself?

Hmmm, interesting thoughts to ponder...

Always Question...

Another poem from my friend Sarah (posted below). Reading her words made me stop and consider... why do we still continue to dance these dances... these things only keep us small. And having the courage to question these things, creates a bigger space within for new insights and information to flow.

Let's continue to question everyday... and for things I think I am done with, I will continue to question within myself every once and a while, because they will now have a new context and new meaning... it will hold new answers and insights for me.

Questions to be Asked

by sarah witherell

What creates a need to hide behind a mask?
Pretending......does it really cover up a past?

At what point does fear come into a body to reside?
when does a person convince themselves it neccesary to hide?

Exactly who created each of societies set of rules?
That whether obeyed or disobeyed make us look like fools?

How long will it take, for all of us to engage?
Only then will we create the space to break down world rage.

Decloaking Signals

Decloaking... it can be as big as you want it to be. Or as small as you want it to be. You can decloak in increments or allow yourself to stand exposed in an instant.

Time is a nominalization... Timing is what is right for the individual... the way you decloak is what is right for the individual. For some it is to stand raw, totally exposed in their unabashed brilliance for all to witness. For others it is just to revel in the deep knowing within themselves of just who they authentically are.

My time is now, I prefer going big and doing it instantly. For myself I find when I have the insights that bring the deep knowing of my authentical self (Signal #1) I cannot kept that silent. If i choose to slience my Self.... I begin to get a sore throat. My bodies way of telling me I must decide... am I going to choose to be weeny and not let anyone see this True Self? Or am I going to let it fully take over my being, welcome it, create the space for it to remain... and engage?

When I am engaging from my signal # 1, I know I am powerful, I am brilliant, I feel as if I can take on the world. When engaging from my signal # 1 I feel glorious, I am happy, I am filled with love and compassion. When I am engaging from my signal # 1 I can see the brilliance in you. Everyone I meet, I recognize they are brought into my awareness for a reason and that reason is almost always an invitation for me to consider some aspect of myself.

What I must work on for myself is to remain conscious of how it feels to be speaking and acting from my authentic self and choose in the "now" to create the space for me to live like that more and more often. As I write these words I know that if I choose to live this way my life will be immense, unlimited, unbounded and meaningful. As I choose to just BE.

Tis the Season

Tis the season for hustle and bustle. Tis the season for lending and spending. Tis the season for laughing and singing. Tis the season for family.

So the whole holiday season, especailly Christmas is so commercialized isn't it? Kids who don't get as much (if anything) are made to feel by their peers that they are less than. Perhaps not with malice but it always was a competition in a way, what did you get for Christmas? That's it? Well I got... etc.etc. and so is the dance of I'm better than you. No more dances of the sugar plum fairy I'm afraid.

So yes, I dance this dance again this year for the sake of my 11 yr old who must have an MP3 player. My spouse and I do not exchange gifts anymore (not in any grand sense) a pair of slippers and a treat, a little something to unwrap and open. We realize that this year we have other priorities for our finances. My sister and I do not exchange gifts, we buy for eachothers kids and even then we need to start to put a price limit on that.

One recent conversation I have with my sister she asked me what I got my kids for Christmas. I told her (it was 2 gifts each), she asked what else I was getting them... I didn't have any intention of getting them anything else this year, it just wasn't in our budget. So last night after a family dinner, my sister told me what she got my 11 yr old... so much more than we usually buy for each others kids. She said it was because she knew we weren't able to go all out this year... sweet, generous and loving.

Yet up pops flashes of feelings that I know no longer serve me... guilt, inadequacy, shame, worry (dead horses). I worried that what her kids might feel upset because I only got small gifts for the 2 oldest ones, I worried about what the family would think of me not buying my kids lots of things and seeming to rely on the charity of others, totally not the case, however that is my filter and story of how others will react. Funny how the holiday season can make you feel like you thought you never would again. Everyone has their best intentions, yet someones filters or strategies will alway put a different spin on it.

So this year I choose. I choose not to let my filters, strategies, or dead horses stand in my way of the pure joy and magic of this season. As the majority of the world I interact with chooses to celebrate Christmas, I will do the same, as it is a tradition that still serves me... I will just be rid of the bullshit that comes along with it.

One more week until Christmas Eve... one more night of wrapping presents... 2 more Christmas parties... 15 more Christmas Cards... then over a week off to enjoy... to relax... to play with my girls... to write some more of my book... to just be.

A Poem by a Friend

My very good friend wrote the following poem about her Awakening and her experiences with WEL-Systems, since taking ITS in November.

She gave me permission to share this powerful poem. Some of you have met her, some haven't yet. Enjoy her words as the ripple through your body.

I became....
By Sarah Witherell

Judgement has always been my life curse
Always questioning what others might think first

Tissue becomes hard
Rigid with fear
Motionless by rules
I BECAME.... SMALL

Searching for happiness was my life quest
Oblivious to the fact that I did know best

Angry at world
Powerless sets in
Desperate to find peace
I BECAME....SICK

Visiting the doctor not really knowing what to say
I came out with a diagnosis and pills, so she could get paid

Restlessness eases
Life force diminishes
Control over emotions
I BECAME.... STATIC

Continued to search everywhere for my identity
Couldn’t help but feel like a victim of our society

Searching intensified
Spirit woke up
Body shook
I BECAME... SCARED

In the midst of despair I opened a new door
To my surprise I found questions, friends and more

Movement vibrated
Tingling became intense
Processing created insights
I BECAME.... SARAH

Although I have known my life has been changed from this time last year through the Women's Leadership Program and subsequently the WEL-Systems programs. This one poem for me really spoke to the immense power we all have to claim back our lives if we just allow ourselves to consider.

Holographic Universe???

So this is very interesting. I've been feeling deprived and disconencted due to not being able to connect at home (see previous post re Dis...connected). Dissappointed that I can not continue writing my book right now because I don't have a working computer at home... and wait a minute... this is a holographic universe... I belive tht my thoughts, attitude and actions have a direct impact on my abilities to shape my future... I can make it happen damn it! LOL

So I am at work and thinking I am going to bring home the laptop again so I can continue writing and thought... I should check my blog (for whatever reason) I did and I discovered my work no longer has this blocked... I can post... from work.

I'm not sure how long this is going to last, but I thought I'd take the opportunity. I am posting and I will no longer allow myself to be limited by things I PERCIEVE as limiting me... boundless...

Art Workshop Wednesday

We are about to embark on a day of discovery through Art... I'm not sure what type of art we will be creating, what mediums, what context. I know that I am done with the horse, chapter, circles of guilt and of shame. They no longer serve a purpose for me. I will gladly go and let them fall away effortlessly. I am curious as to what creations will extend out of my hand onto the paper. Which expression of myself will emerge? Who have I become to date and who will I become in my future? I can feel something big happening in my body, something huge will be emerging today. I am excited, anxious and waiting with baited breath... just what will be created as I know have space, once again.

SO what does this mornings creation mean? It began as my "name", as my "courage"... and it transformed into this fantastic powerful flow of movement. Courage is sourced by something more, the blend into the field coming through the core into the word "Courage" feeding it and allowing it to flow through the body of my work and back out into the universe, fed from the dark strength that is transforming into light as it returns to the field. Lots of movement with the sea, It takes me back to one of my first experiences of being in the field during a white feather induction I think with Celine & Cathy, I lost myself and was looking at a fish floating in a body of water, it was a bright fish the surrounding water was dark and isolated.

Today the first image I was drawn to was that of a fish, immense and colourful in the dark water, however along the edges of the water there was other fishes, much smaller, camouflaged almost, and ever present. For me it meant I could be large, immense and colourful, I can be seen as standing alone, yet remain mindful that there is others who are around me, with whom I am ever connected with.

The second image I choose still had the sea around it although I didn't recognize this until recently. It is that of a raven on top of a rock outcropping, majestic and standing alone as a beacon for others to see.

The rock I chose, I chose from afar because of the attractiveness of the out croppings, the nooks and crannies... and as I came close enough I come to see Shit... it is actually a piece of coral... again with the sea.
The sea. The sea represents immensity, fluidity, movement, the field. It represents all of that and more. The sea can be loud and rough, the sea can be calm and quiet. The sea supports life, the sea can also take it. The sea has continual movement, the endless ebb and flow of the tide, the waves crashing upon the shore, or lapping on the shore at times. But always moving, never the same yet is always familiar.

I have come to really love the pencil sketch that has come out of Lori's Courage... and the other art I created during the day. As a good friend of mine has been known to say..."Who Knew?".

Leona was very present this week through out the Whispers from Within Women's Writing Retreat, on my holodeck and that of others. Her beautiful poetry, songs and stories she shared with many of us on Sunday evening before this retreat began still are rippling through my consciousness. So as she once intended to be here this week... although not physically present, her essence has definitely been popping up through this week.

Today was a day of discovery. A day to feel the energy move though my hands and manifest as beautiful creations on the page in front of me... Creations that I am definitely going to hang up for display at home. After today I feel that there is creativity in all of us, and one of the tricks to bring it out is to focus on one word that holds deep meaning for you and expand on it. It was truly amazing to see the magnificent pieces all of the women created, I look forward to continuing with this medium as well as with words.

Today I found the creative me, the me that reveled in the sound of the graphite on the paper, the me that smudged and blended with my fingers, the me that used my nails to remove excess wax. I played, I created, I expressed, I enjoyed, I laughed, I felt, I moved, I am.
Tomorrow is unknown. And I am again so excited to see who I will become tomorrow.

Mortality and Chapters

Guilt is a chapter in my life that is closed and done with. It no longer serves me any purpose. It just keeps me small and casts doubt within myself. Most of the guilt I had was based on learned behaviors, church (Catholic upbringing), ties in with the family guilt based on catholic values. The other guilt stemmed from knowing now, what I didn't know before and seeing how I could have been doing things differently. And that is the past, not the present or the future so again this is something that no longer serves me. I know by being rid of this chapter (or dead horse), I will create the space to be truly present to what is going on and to truly be awake when I am with my children, spouse, family, co-worker. I can dance a different dance with them, one that is lighter (a dead horse is quite cumbersome you know).

Shame is a chapter of my life that has recently come into my consciousness. And all be it a short visit with Shame this is one chapter that I know I do not need around as it truly holds nothing for me that will take me into my future. To close this chapter I can visit these things that I hold as shameful, let them rumble through my being and metabolize the messages they hold for me. This is a chapter I want to close, this is also homework for me tonight. To allow Shame to rumble through my cells, each of the points I listed under the title. And see how each feels in each Chakra. Let my body do the work, be done with it, claim it, own it, and complete that chapter of my life. Shame is a powerful word for me, one that I don't want to listen to anymore.

As I am tasked to think about Mortality, I think about the ebb and flow of all that is energetic life. I reflect on the ebb and flow in the context of mortality. How one chapter must end for the next chapter to begin. A chapter must end... or a new one can not begin. They story can never get told if we get stuck in chapter one.

So already I can reflect on different chapters in my life that have completed themselves. The old Lori Walton from a year ago is no longer present in this body as I do not and never will hold myself to be that person anymore. That was a person who didn't have a voice, no self esteem, was unhappy, unworthy and stupid (to name but a few), some new words that I would use for my old self are lost, asleep, comatose at times. This is definitely not who I am now, nor who I will ever be in my emerging future.

When you close a chapter of your life, much like revealing a secret, you feel lighter, more at ease, more powerful, more free. I keep saying own it, claim it, engage. I can see how these phrases can relate in so much of my unfolding self.

So a song has just come into my consciousness called "The Power of Goodbye" by Madonna and the words that jumped out at me were "Freedom comes when you learn to let go, Creation comes when you learn to say no... you were my lesson, I had to learn... I was your fortress you had to burn, pain is a warning that somethings wrong" Now if that is not a metaphor for Mortality, for closing chapters in your life, what the fuck is? Freedom comes as you complete a chapter, story or journey, creation comes when you say no to dancing that same dance. The chapter once served a purpose it was my lesson, I was the vessel for the fire to burn, and the pain is a warning that we need to pay attention!

Well I must say that summed it up beautifully for me. So now I rumble around with shame... and as I close these two chapters Guilt & Shame tonight, who knows who I will wake up as tomorrow?

Boundless - Bounded Edition

If I were to leave this body today, what I am, who I have become and who I know I have not yet revealed.

I am huge. I am immense. I am god. I have the capacity to become anything I wish. I am a woman (which was the vessel of my choice). Being a woman has given me my own unique sound. I have a unique power, with passion and spirit. I shape my world, I manifest my future.

I am a force to be reckoned with... yet I will not be swayed by your opinions of me.

I want others to know they have all of this within themselves. I want them to know they are able to shape their own models of the world. If they awaken to the power of their personal potential, "Just who can I become"?

I know as each day passes by, each hour, each minute, I am more than I was.

The Whispers from Within need only to be claimed in your consciousness to own. They will no longer be a nagging feeling somewhere in the pit of your soul. When you claim it into your consciousness you become very clear on it if it truly resonates for you.

As I struggled with decloaking to my spouse... what I was really struggling with was a Whisper from Within.

What I knew I had to say to him, was something I hadn't yet said to myself... and by wanting to decloak to my spouse I would actually have to own it and claim it for me... scary stuff.

whisper... whisper...

The clarity of claiming it in my body... well at least silently by writing it down on paper. Speaking it out loud is a whole different ball game. I gathered my strength and stepped out of my box and told him what I needed him to hear. And lo and behold, my relationship did not fall apart, the world did not crumble as I feared it would. And now it leads me to consider, how important I felt it was for us to be married. For 12 years I have thought this is something I needed from him to prove himself to me... really it was all about my insecurities.

Marriage... marriage is not what I need where I had held a belief for so long this is what I wanted this is what I needed to be complete. This belief does not serve me any longer. Marriage may not be where I want to go right now.

What does marriage (a nominalization) mean to me? Commitment, love, safety & security (in companionship), makes it difficult to leave, bound, not free... yet free. Co-parent, co-create, live, love, free to travel, without guilt. I love him, I am enveloped by his presence, I am comfortable with him... and does that mean we need to be Married???

Can we go along with a marriage respecting each other fully and not losing ourselves? I will not again lose myself, become less than, be small... because I am immense, I am huge, and you can NOT change me. I will not allow myself to be anything but my authentic, evolving self.

I want people (me) to know the bounds they hold true for themselves (myself) are only "held" there by themselves (myself). We are boundless... (I am boundless...) We are limitless... (I am limitless...) I can be free, if I choose to be.

I inspire others, much like I am inspired by others.

I engage in life fully, in a life that holds passion and meaning for me.

I speak my truth, unabashed and unapologetically, as I know my voice can make a difference.

I take up space, I am huge, I am immense, my energy is big and I love it!

I break the thin ice on the puddle just to hear that sound of pure joy from my past.

I stuck out my tongue and tasted the first snowfall of the year, and sang, and smiled in the dark, cold night.

The sound of the fire crackling and popping is inviting. The warmth from the hearth is soothing. I feel so comfortable, I am home. I am god. I am me. I am free.

Are you being served?

My stomach was knotting up, my throat was dry like it has never been before in the past... right from the back of my mouth down into my chest into my power chakra. I knew I needed to read "Boundless" out loud to the women in this room, to decloak.

I can't believe it... yes I can. I revealed my most deepest, darkest, secret to this group of women... and it wasn't so bad.

I didn't get laughed at, they didn't get up and leave appalled and disgusted, I didn't die from shame and humiliation. Again, this is a boundary that I imposed upon myself with my worry and concern over society's hang ups. What other people think of me is not my business... except for when I make it my business...bounds...limitations... boundaries... boxes.

Man, I talk a good talk and I still have / created boxes in my life. Boxes I built to keep in and control the shame and humiliation I imagined there would be, if I really decloaked and let everyone see the real me.
I don't need boxes in my life. I don't want, won't allow myself to be bound any longer. Just get over myself and get on with it. Live it. Claim it. Own it. Engage.

Where else in my life am I hanging onto something, box, bound, strategy, label... that is taking up space and not allowing room for growth?

What can I get rid of that no longer serves me?

Shame...

Guilt...

Silence...

An Inconvenient Truth

Wow, just finished Watching An Inconvenient Truth. What an eye opener. The Density and Intensity of the whole world is just tangible... waiting for people to wake up! And engage!

This is a metaphor for how I feel about women in leadership... this journey I am on now. I know that we need to awaken. Awaken to our own potential, awaken to our own brilliance, awaken the possibility, inevitability's really of more.

Come to know the real true magnificent being I truly am and by claiming, owning it, living it, the world shifts.

If enough of us become awake and hear our authentic sound, and live it... the world as we know it will cease to be and a whole new future will unfold before our very eyes.


This shift of consciousness has occurred in the past, Al Gore depicted many examples of it in our history in this film... it will occur again. I know it needs to occur "now" and I know I can play a role in manifesting this.

As I was watching this film the notes I jotted down as important enough for me to jot down were when Al Gore was talking about all of the natural disasters happening in the world recently, floods, droughts, fires, Hurricanes, Tsunamis... he made a statement that I wrote down, "...nature hike through the book of revelations" That statement stuck with me. It was very profound and really served to convey the sense of intensity and seriousness of the issue.

The one major statement that keeps drifting in my consciousness is from the Declaration of Intention... "If not me, who?"

This has always attracted me. In my journey this past year in particular. If I wait around for my future to happen, it is going to happen to me... If I get up and act, in whatever way is meaningful to me, I will shape my future.


The other thing Al Gore said that resonated with me was when he was talking about being a boy before he knew the difference between fun and work... I wrote "There doesn't need to be a difference between fun and work". This leads to a whole other conversation that I have recently begun to explore... how much would it suck if you defined yourself by your work?

As I have come to "know" my own self... my authentic self, I have also come to know, my work does not define me... I define my work. I know that I can do wonderful things in my department, things I am passionate about, engaging in shaping my model of the world. I am also mindful of if there is ever a time when my department no longer creates space to sustain me moving through my world authentically, I know my story will continue elsewhere.


Who knows where my future leads... for now I know it is within the department I am, I have something unique to offer, me. The decloaked me, standing alone, stepped out of my box never to be put back in, fully aware of the power of my unlimited potential and I can see, the brilliance within you... I am calling on it, looking for some more playmates who will awaken and discover their authentic voices and call back "I'm here, I'm awake, I'm shaping my life not allowing others to shape it for me".

My journey is still very young... the excitement I felt at the beginning of it is still very prevalent... it is just bigger now. There is always more, and thank god for that...

Create the Space, Invite... Allow... Awaken

Koffi Annan, recent Secretary General, United Nations said "The future of the world depends on Woman"

I know this to be true. For me I realize that women have a unique voice, a unique style of moving through the world. When a woman speaks with her authentic voice, speaking her truth, from signal # 1... there is passion and powerin her message. People see this... People hear this... People stop and listen... The message that woman is conveying will resonate with many... and in an instant the world begins to shift.

"The future of the world depends on woman" I know this, Koffi Annan knows this... Do you?

Over the past 10 months I have spent a lot of time with women's leadership... exploring leadership in general, I have become very passionate about Woman's Leadership and inviting others to awaken and become curious to the potential they too hold. This is what has driven me to speak at events, create the space to let my voice be heard, to write my articles.

For me, leadership is not about money, status, rank or position. I know you don't need any of these things to be a leaders. I don't have any of these things and I know I am a leader. To me, leading is not about being superior or having followers. Leading is about Igniting... Engaging... and Inspiring others to claim their unique sound, to know their truth and speak their authentic voice, to make a mark in their own world, however they choose.

I invite you to consider, not only your unique style of leading... but consider how much space do you create for those around you to claim their voice, to co-create with you and to grow?

This is part of my speech I gave at the Women's Leadership Learning Event I chaired for my department. On Friday Morning approximately 45 women gathered for this learning event "Developing our Leadership - Exploring our Potential". I had Cathy Carmody & Celine Burlock come into facilitate a morning of exploration based from a WEL-Systems perspective. I think everytime I listen to women engage in this context, or I read over the material, something new clicks for me. I get a clearer and better understanding of one of the models or a different way in which I can apply it.

I would have loved to have positioned myself in a different way in the room to really watch the women as some of them began to awaken. When I got back to the office in the afternoon I had 3 people stop me to talk about WEL-Systems, Huna or my expierence in all of this. I received 7 e-mails in the 2 hrs I was at my computer that followed the event. The ripples have turned to waves... the Tsunami is coming.

I am off to Oceanstone again tomorrow for another week (this time vacation/Writing Retreat), purely for pleasure, and another week with Louise LeBrun. I wonder who I will be when I return this time?

Hoping I will have to ability to post while I am there.

Dis... Connected... No more

So for the past week I have been not able to tap into the internet at home. Meaning... I have not been able to post to my blog... I have felt so disconnected. Since beginning this blog, I have come to enjoy posting my thoughts on different subjects, talking about events and activities I have been learning about and engaging in. And now I'm back.

Fortunately my supervisor has lent me a laptop (mainly for a Women's Writing Retreat I am going on next week at Oceanstone), so now I can reconnect. I'm here... I still have alot to say...

Unfortunately time is not on my side, it's late, I'm tired, I need to relax, sleep and put some thoughts together for tomorrows speech at the Greg Vaughan Women's Leadership Learning Event that I have the honor to chair! More on that this weekend...

There will always be more...

Women Leading by Example

I had the opportunity today to go to a luncheon with a keynote speaker talking about Public Service Renewal. The speakers name was Karen Ellis, Vice President Public Service Renewal and Diversity Branch of Public Service Human Resource Management Agency of Canada.

I had the opportunity to introduce myself to Karen prior to her talk. I could see they power, spirit, and immense being in her eyes. She is a very experienced woman who held many positions in the Federal Government, and she is a warm, genuine and passionate individual. She spoke with great passion on leadership, diversity and renewal. She seemed genuinely interested in the work I have done in the past year and is interested in reading my articles. Karen’s flight was late so it seemed she jetted in and out in a hurry, yet her presence was so powerful no body really felt she “wasn’t there”.

One of the questions asked at the end of Karen’s speech was about employees feeling they must “suffer in silence” and will end up leaving without ever feeling they had a voice (my interpretation of the question). My solution to this is to create a safe environment for employees to voice their thoughts, ideas and opinions (and environment of respect and value). When people feel they have a safe open space for them to speak their truths and know their voice is not landing on “deaf” ears, it will create an innovated, creative, proactive and motivated workforce filled with employees who are ignited and willing to engage

When you come across someone like Karen, she really ignites the room. She made me personally want to learn more about her initiatives, what she is working on, and who she is working with. The passion and conviction she spoke with were contagious (to me). I intend on learning more about what she does and try to figure out a way to incorporate it in what I intend on doing in my Department.

One thing I have come to know is that regardless of title and position I can make a difference. I hear people talking about it all the time, people like Karen Ellis today. Leaders inspire and ignite people and invite them to engage. It is important for the employees to remain engaged, communicate and interact with each other so the momentum is never lost. Continually evolving, always learning, striving for more, and becoming more.

I pulled this card today to reflect on and see how it would manifest as a metaphor for my day. I feel in retrospect it was very fitting. The contagiousness I felt while listening to this woman, the immense sense of incorporating what I heard and what I will learn into aspects of my life…

Excerpt(s) from the Power Deck – By Lynn Andrews

Quickening

You can never teach a warrior with words about the unknown; you must use experience. But if you look into the eyes of a woman of power, you may catch up with her a little. She has years of truth ahead of you. Her eyes can quicken you like a river heading toward the rapids…. …This is how power works. Don’t learn everything with your mind. Quicken your spirit by letting go of attachments and move to a stronger vibration of power.

The Power of Knowing

What a fantastic 7 days at Oceanstone The weather warmed up considerably for the week (although we were in our course for 12 hours a day) the evenings were fantastic.

On Saturday the 11th of November, at 11 p.m. I was outside on the deck of my cottage writing in my journal, listening to the waves of the ocean crashing on the rocks, looking up in wonder at all of the stars in the sky. Have you ever had the opportunity to look at the sky on a clear night away from city lights? It is truly an amazing sight to see.

The last day I was there (November 17th) the sun was shining around noon. I took some time when we broke for lunch and sat on a rock in the middle of a brook by the ocean, and just enjoyed all the sensations. I managed to catch that place and time in my journal. "Sitting in the middle of the brook, by the ocean, the sun shining, the mild November wind blowing, the bubbling of the brook, the crashing of the waves, the smell of the sea and the sound in the distance of a buoy bell. I took off my shoes to walk through the water. To feel I am alive. I have created all of this for my self. I am home. I am free. I am me."

I came into this course "Resourcefulness in Action", not knowing exactly what to expect. I was sure I had it all figured out. I still knew there was more and that I can learn from experiences daily. And yet I still thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about myself and I most definitely know how to deal with difficult situations. And yet... I should have known better.

What I discovered about me during this past week is more than I expected. I came into it thinking I knew, I left with a deep sense of knowing that all I ever need is me. After all it is all about me, just like for you it is all about you, and you, and you.

When I deal with my kids and they are crying, upset, or even enraged. All I need to do is sit with them, in the same room as them, and look at them. So they know I see them, I recognize they are upset/angry/sad, I am there for them, they are legitimate. How often do we send them off to their room to cry in isolation?

I discovered that although I have Decloaked in the workplace I have not done so with my family. I discovered that it is much harder to reveal myself and the changes I have made in my life to the ones I love most. It is difficult to make a transition from cynic, non-confident, smart ass to this wonderfully, motivated, engaging, and ignited leader.

When your family is worried that you may be overstepping your "bounds". I have discovered that "bounds" only exist if you believe they are there to limit you.

When you are so worried about what people in your life will say, you make up stories about how they will react without even knowing that is in fact the case. How many times in our lives to we assume someone will shut us down before we even open our mouths to ask?

Some other words, labels I discovered I still needed to claim or work through came in and out as the days passed. Words I didn't not think were related to me at all. Yet each time one of these 14 magnificent women spoke, their words would evoke something deep within me that I needed to claim to become whole. Many times during this week I witnessed women claim back the power they once lost sometime in their past. There is nothing more amazing and phenomenal then being witness to that.

I have learned that by claiming every experience for myself, I was claiming back some power to make me whole and more connected with my authentic self. That each person I come in contact with is equally as brilliant and full of potential as I am. I have learned that even people I bump up against hold a huge lesson about me some how. We manifest mirror images of our self in this way.

I have claimed the ability to fully engage on by behalf in whichever way I choose. To create my future and design my own destiny. To know that by being exactly who I am will shape the world I live in. My ability. My future. I can just be. And by being, openly, I become a beacon for others to do so as well.

Knowing, deeply knowing, I am all I will need to make it in this world. Knowing that I can claim it. Knowing that I can shape it. Knowing I am me. The power of knowing.

My Journey Part II - Resourcefulness in Action

Tomorrow is my first day of Resourcefulness in Action at Oceanstone, close to Peggy's Cove, NS. I am really looking forward to moving into this next level through the WEL-Systems Institute.

When I did my first level Igniting the Self this past June, I became very clear on the direction I was going to take in my life. I am excited to see what discoveries Resourcefulness in Action will hold for me.

By continuiously learning, I am ever evolving, and will continue to engage fully in life... recognizing there will always be more, the potential is unlimited.

I will be away from this blog for at least 7 days, and I know upon my return there will be many entries and stories to share of my newest discoveries and thoughts.

Beautifully Simple

In recent conversations with a friend we were discussing our vision of the future of our work place. Reflecting on the changes that have already occurred and those that still need to happen.

Recognizing if we were all to be clear about our authentic self and listen to Signal #1 (our personal truth), the work place would be amazing. It would be an organization who created space for all employees to grow and become more. How fantastic would that be?

With so many changes happening and going to happen in our workplace, how smoothly can that transition occur? Imagine how it could be if we are all clear on who we are and supportive of others awakening to their authentic selves?

Some thoughts that came up during our conversation were...

What must we overcome to move to the next level of change? Surely there should be some obstacle, someone/something we have to butt heads with.

Or can it be a simple and smooth transition?

It has been my experience that if you are living authentically, doing what you feel you should be doing, remaining clear on your intention, that change (or life in general) can just be.

You see there is a fantastic thing we each have and it is choice. We can choose how we are going to act or react to every given situation. If in our journeys of leadership, discovery or change we come up against an "obstacle" or someone who thinks we are overstepping our bounds... we can choose to let that stop us, let that deter us from reaching our goal, or allow their opinions to cause us to second guess ourselves... or we can choose not to engage in that way, to remain clear about your intention, and stay true to your authentic self.

If you consciously make your choice, whichever one serves you best at that time, recognize that it is your choice... own it.

No one can stop you from reaching your intention, the only possible obstacles or hurdles in your way are within you.

How do you choose to live your life? Fully authentically you? Or you do still allow others to shape your world?

I know the way I intend on living, I am loving every minute of it... and there is always more.

Countdown to Resourcefulness in Action

3 more sleeps until my next milestone in my journey of self discovery and my personal leadership... Resourcefulness in Action, just what is this going to reveal to me? Who more will I become after this next week? I will be evolving yet again, and as always I am up for the ride.

My article Decloaking is out in my departmental newsletter (Breakers), Choice Points & Spirit Crossings right now. It feels good to know people from each of these audiences are reading and perhaps asking similar questions I had asked myself as I was writing this article. My article Reflections of Self is about my experience having Decloaking published in Breakers. And too, re-reading Decloaking as it is published in these various forums, I can see how much more I know now, than I did when I was writing it. How much more clarity I have on the path & direction of my life.

And there is always more, life is good.

Coffee, Coversations & Catalysts

Had a lovely afternoon with some of my favourite people. Lots messages come up for me to pay attention to.

Celine was talking about something this afternoon and a big wave came up in me. I am being my authentic self at work and this is good. Yet at home I am not fully engaging in my life, not yet fully stepping into my SELF.

And what am I waiting for? What if I wake up tomorrow and my world has completely changed? Will I have regrets that I didn't authentically live my life with my family? Will I regret taking for granted the notion of there is always tomorrow? Why am I waiting?

When I am at home I am still my "culturally conditioned self" to some extent. At work people can really see the changes in me because I have no worries about living it. Why am I still afraid to decloak in front of my family and friends. What is still going on within me that I am not processing, that I feel the need to keep myself small in front of those I claim to love the most?

Many questions for me to consider. And there is always more.

Thank you to those who came to my Coffee event today, your questions, stories and presence has again invited me to become curious about myself.

I have much to reflect on and discover... am I willing to decloak in front of my family? The answer is yes...the question is when...

Witnessing the Power of a Woman

Today I had privilege to witness the power of two different women. How amazing it is to see it from someone else. When they finally stand raw in front of the world to see.

One woman was so clear on her true intention, clear on what she was not willing to put up with anymore and stood in all her magnificent glory to say "I am worth more". And then she acted on it. I was in awe... I still am. It was as if she filled the room when she told me her story. I still have Goosebumps thinking about her absolute power she claimed today, knowing all along it was in her (as it is in each of us) and having the honour of watching her come home to herself. I just can't do it justice with words. And if you are reading this (which I know you will) never again forget the feeling you experienced today... keep it with you for it is your own majesty that is your authentic self.

The other woman whom I had the chance to witness today... she finally found the power of her authentic voice. She had the opportunity to trust herself and voice her authentic voice and experience the brilliance with in her Self. She feels more empowered because of this and I know she is coming to awaken to her own potential and is trusting that her Self, her inner self, signal #1 will not steer her wrong. It is going to be awesome for me to see her fly, and fly she will… she is already unleashing her wings.

Speaking with her later on in the day she talks about how freeing it would be to be a child again... with out any of this culturally conditioned self to have to worry about... how fantastic is that? To feel once again that we can conquer the world, that we are absolutely able to shape our destinies, and be curious about everything again... to play.

And who says we cannot have this again? I know we can, if we choose it, own it and live it.

Quite the powerful day after a draining week. Just being in the presence of these women as they discovered and found their true selves has served as a great recharge for me.

Coffee Conversations & Catalysts is this Sunday (Nov. 5th) at 1p.m. If you are interested in what this might be or if you know what it is and need more details... drop a line and I'll fill you in.

Hats off to Teachers

Wow, I just spent the day with a group of Grade 9 students at my work. I was originally scheduled to give a brief presentation this morning, and it evolved into a full day event for me as co-facilitator with Andrew Al-Khouri, friend, co-worker and Chair of the Avant Guarde Youth Network at work.

Each student I met today had their own thing that they were interested in and passionate about. There was one who really enjoyed babysitting because she loved children; a young man who really enjoyed writing songs; a few young ladies who enjoyed writing & reading poetry; soccer; wake boarding; snow boarding; playing music; one young lady played a slew of sports... basketball, soccer, football, just to name a few. They were really quite amazing.

One of the activities they had to accomplish during the day was to build a bridge out of popsicle sticks, glue, and paperclips. Each group had such a different approach and the group who had felt their bridge wasn't completed at the end of the day was the group that built the strongest bridge. Just goes to show that you never know unless you try.

It was a pretty amazing day for me to see the energy these students had. And I only spent 5 hours with them. My hats off to teachers because I'm not sure I'd have it in me (I'm am ready for bed now!)

My presentation went well considering I was the first "presentation". Some of the children enjoyed it, some actively participated in it, others just listened, or not. As always it's not about reaching everyone, for me it is about speaking my truth and if I inspire just one person, I have moved one step closer to my intention. I haven't asked for feedback yet on my speech, I think I will ask Andrew tomorrow what he though (he heard me speak before a group in June... I spoke fast & my voice shook then). I know he will give me a good critique on my "presence" during my presentation. I know I did it differently today, and it will be interesting to hear how it appears from another party.

As soon as I can get my kids off to bed I'm going to be sawing logs.

And there is always tomorrow.

Take our Kids to Work Day

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I have been asked if I would do a presentation for "Take our Kids to Work Day" in our Department.

I have taken up this challenge and am quite excited over the prospect of being able to speak to a group of teenagers about not limiting their potential.

Something I learned from doing this is that there is no need to "neuter" my words because of the age group, we are all brilliant and capable of "hearing" what we are presented with, and if we are confused, we are all intelligent enough to ask for clarification.

I present during the opening first thing in the morning. I've posted my presentation below for your reading pleasure. ;o)

Leadership – What is it all about?

Personal Intro

I was asked if I would come and talk to you about some topic, my choice. In my job here at PWGSC I am a Project Assistant/Survey Clerk. What do you think an Assistant or Clerk does?

That's right…I deal with a lot of information/administrative details such as creating databases, writing letters, doing contracts…and... that is not what I am going to talk to you about.

I am here to talk to you about Leadership.

When you think of Leadership Who do you think of? What types of jobs or titles does a leader hold?

For each of us when we think of leadership we will each think of something different; Boss, Parent, Teacher, Coach, Premier or Prime Minister.

Each person perceives / views leadership differently. Sometimes people in “authority” positions don’t always act as a “leader” should. And a leader can NOT lead if there is nobody to follow them.

What are some of the different traits or characteristics you think a leader should have?

And we will each associate different character traits with our own definition of leader; Powerful, Rich, Authoritative, In Charge of Group/Team/Office.

I’m going to read to you some quotes from various people on leadership and success.

“Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s the determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek.” – Mario Andretti, Grand Prix Racer

“Management is doing things right; Leadership is doing the right things.” – Peter Druker, Management Consultant

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.” – Oprah Winfrey, Queen of Daytime

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” – Albert Einstein, Nobel Prize Winner

“The only failure is not to try.” – George Clooney, Actor / Activist

As you can see, each one of these people has their own view on “leadership and success”. This is what I want you to understand… I want to make sure you know … you don't need a title to be a leader… Not when you enter the work place or at school.

You don't have to be president of any club or team to demonstrate leadership skills. At work no matter what field you decide to go into, you can be a strong leader if you come in with the right attitude.

A lot of you may not see how Leadership relates to you… you don’t see yourself as having any of these traits we talked about. I'm here to tell you Leadership is in each and every one of you and here are some key ways to engage in it;

Be true to yourself… don't listen to others if they are trying to make you do something or agree with something you know deep inside doesn't make you feel good.

Become clear with who you are and what you stand for… and have to courage to stand up for that if someone tries to sway you.

Speak clearly about your beliefs… and respect other peoples beliefs, after all we can all learn from each other if we take the time to listen.

Realize the way you already engage in leading is fantastic; whether it be with younger siblings; children you baby-sit; people you volunteer with or your parents and teachers; you all have something valuable to pass on to others to make them more! I learn from my children all the time. How to listen to them; how to not jump to conclusions; to realize how I had put my own insecurities on them by pushing them to do more and be more.

Encourage others to be true to themselves, become clear with who they are and invite them to speak about their opinions and personal beliefs… you can do this by setting a good example simply by your own actions or you can do this by becoming curious about others thoughts and opinions.

Recognize the potential within your self and come to know that everyone you meet has the same potential; they just need to explore it.

If you were all to engage as “leaders” and not forget that you all have it in you, our future is going to be amazing.

I’m going to share now with you my journey in leadership.

When I speak of myself… know that the same is true for each of you, we all have the potential to be more than we allow ourselves to be.

Last year I felt I was just a clerk… I would be nothing more… I didn't have a voice and I didn't have the courage or confidence to speak my opinion.

After all…who was I to stand up and speak my mind, voice my concerns on what was going on in my world?

I had convinced myself my life could be worse and I should accept that the life I was living wasn’t so bad after all…. …Was I selling myself short.

This past year I have become very clear with Who I am… my true self.

I have found my voice… it is a strong and intelligent voice… and I now use it because what I have to say is important.

I have become curious as to why other people don't recognize the intelligence within themselves and to why they no longer trust their voice or their message.

It has become my intention to help waken as many people as I can… through sharing my story and journey… so that they too can find that brilliant person within themselves.

I am now a Published Author… my articles all have to do with discovering yourself and leadership (particularly women in leadership). I am published through PWGSC’s online newsletter… I am published nationally …and internationally both through a company in Ottawa and one in the United States.

I am now an active participant in our Employment Equity & Diversity Council; I am chairing this years Women's Leadership Learning Event, "Developing our Leadership - Exploring our Potential".

I am an active member of our Union Executive Committee.

I am an advocated for change… I say this in the context of helping to change the way people view themselves. Trying to make sure there are resources available for those interested in becoming more and developing their leadership.

I have created a space for women leaders in the Community to come together 4 times a year to network and have discussions. Some of these women are politicians, business & community leaders.

And there is so much more...

As you can see, although my actual job doesn't sound like I would have anything to do with leadership…I am very much a Leader.

We all have that ability within us. We just need to find it and live it.

I hope I leave you today with an invitation for you to become curious about yourselves and just who more you can become... You are our future.

My hope is that the future will hold many young men and women like yourselves, who know you are already leaders … …and there is no limit to what you set your mind to. Recognize it, claim it, live it.

I’d like to draw your attention to the second last page of the hand out I gave you.

I will leave you with these last thoughts Louise LeBrun once said “As we step into and claim the undeniable truth of who we are, our world changes – and yet, all we’ve done is show up for our own life.”

When it comes to leadership are you showing up for yours?

Impeccability - The Power Deck by Lynn V. Andrews

So after I write my blog entry "Taking Time for Self" I pull a card from The Power Deck.

The card I pull is Impeccability... "Gather your power with impeccability. With the intensity of a rubber band pulled and held at its breaking point, gather your intent and focus on your impeccability, for the job about to be done."

What a metaphor for what I just described, trying to make sure everything I am doing is on track...

Taking Time for Self

As I'm coming to the end of a very busy day of making sure everything I am doing is on track, I find myself wondering why I drove myself at such a pace today?

Why did I feel the need to try to finalize so much instead of taking the time to breath an enjoy each of the tasks as I was doing them?

Am I still trying to prove myself? And if so to who?

As I check in with myself I feel okay (now). Maybe a peice of me thrives on chaos? Needs to be driven by a sense of urgency? Or perhaps I am trying to do everything I want to do and more... all at once?

As I reflect on my day today I know that I must just take time for myself.

To play.

To recharge.

To just be and know all that I do will be done whenever it gets done.

I know in my Self this is not the type of day I am used to, I am relatively a laid back person and perhaps today was just a reminder to BREATHE...

So I will leave it alone, sign off, play with my beautiful childern, and take a nice soak in the tub tonight, with a book or not. And breathe...

So Far... So Fast

It strikes me as funny that everything I do, everything I touch seems to have to do with my intention. I have never in my life experienced anything quite like this. It really is amazing to finally see all that has been manifesting in my life.

The people I have been meeting lately have all seemed passionate about the same sort of things I am passionate about. Women's Leadership, Diversity, how we all carry such amazing potential yet still such of a small amount of women realize what they hold.

People have been seeking me out as well. Interested in the changes they have seen in me or drawn to my essence of being (as hoakey as that may sound). They are people wanting change in their own life, who have been touched by my stories.

I am wondering if it is just me who feels acceleration in the area of Women's Leadership; an increase of those who are interested in more... or maybe this is just because I am so much involved in it all now. After all it is all about me and it is my holodeck.

I am going to have the opportunity next week to speak to a group of grade 9 students who will be coming to my department for "Take your Kids to Work Day". I was approached by someone to talk about anything I wanted to talk about (they were looking for speakers). I told them I would think about it, went back to my desk and jotted a note to myself to think about it... while I did that I wrote down 2 possible topics and as soon as I wrote down "Leadership" I kept writing... and had my presentation done in 45 mins. :o)

So next Wednesday I am the third speaker scheduled for the morning and I am so excited that I will get to speak to these fantastic individual and let them know that they are already brilliant leaders who hold lessons for all of us, and to never forget that you don't need a title to engage in "leadership". What a great opportunity... and yet another forum that has opened up to me to get my message, my story out.

Life is evolving and unfolding at an amazing pace, and I love every second of it.

A good friend e-mailed me today commenting on my blog. In her e-mail she came to some really great insights and raised some really good questions. I would like to share them with you all (with her permission).

(Any comments I may add are in purple)

Sarah Witherell wrote:

I just read your blog again:) I got to read your articles. AWESOME. Lori.....it was as if I was reading something out of one of Louises books. (quite a grand compliment, thank you) Really awesome for you to share your inner most thoughts so bravely and fearlessly....it certainly has inspired me to do the same :)

The article on bullshit, really got things moving in me.....because that's something I still struggle with. I know because of the closed loop systems that I have grown up in and worked in (not through their bad intentions but through being socially conditioned too) that its caused me to really take things personal and to let others hold the power of me(or I should say...I believed that they held the power of me). So constantly trying to achieve power and confidence has been a downward struggle directly relating to what others think of me. Which is not only unfair to me but also unfair to them. By becoming responsible fully for my own power (looking in myself...not to others, decloaking, speaking my truth, allowing my body to tell me the truth) will allow me to be free from the preconceived idea that I truly was a product of my environment and of my genes. Which to me feels like bricks being knocked off of my shoulders. I still feel abit unsteady but I am sure by the end of ITS...i will be grounded.

I have been procrastinating starting my article for ITS. but I think i am almost ready to start writing.

I feel like i am definitly a ripple in the tsunami......and i really hope I can cause major ripples in others lives as well :)

My view of humans beings has totally changed. Our society has absolutly not created a life supporting environment or helped us be what we are meant to be....it has turned us into very selfish, closed off, low level thinking creatures for the most part. Welsystems brings a breath of fresh air and hope, and goodness, and inspiration back to living. What I have a really hard time coming to grips (peace) with is why......why have we (super smart information processing machines) allowed ourselves to contribute and participate in how society has taken shape? Maybe it was our habitual tendencies overriding our briliance? Where did it all start? Who started human beings off on such a self distructive path? And why did it take so long to recognize this? or was it recognized and noone had that courage to speak it?

i am so full of questions....more so then answers!!!!

And to this I say... we are contining to evolve, there are always questions, reasons to become curious... there is always more.

Ripples...Waves...Tsunami - Article

I often hear people asking; how can I get the message out? How can I make change happen? Those who need to hear the message don’t come out to the forums where the message is being delivered… how can we make sure they hear it so they recognize the importance of it? Why don’t people listen to me? How can I change them? Make them see what they should be doing? Hear and understand the message?

You can’t. Simply put you cannot change anyone. You cannot “make” them see what they “should” do. They will not “hear” and “understand” anything if they are not willing and curious about it to begin with. And how do they get that way if it all seem hopeless.

Some good ways to do it with out having to twist somebody’s arm are:

• Lead by example
• Create the space to invite others to become curious
• Speak from your authentic self
• Speak your truth and encourage others by being curious about their truths
• Tell people what you have experienced that is meaningful to you
  

There is nothing special or extraordinary about these things. There is no need to take a special course, it is something we all have access to right now, within each of our beings; our authentic sound/voice and the ability to be curious and have fun.

You can lead by example by simply being your authentic self, decloaking your brilliance for all to see. Other can see this and may become curious about your message, your passion. They will see the confidence and clarity in you and perhaps become curious about how they too can engage in life differently.
If just one person is moved by the message you have or story you hold they will speak of it, perhaps be so moved by it they will tell everyone they see. If they relay the message to another, because your story moved them enough that they are still talking about it, they will in turn make someone else curious about it. That person begins to speak and so the ripples of change begin.

We cannot expect cultural, organizational or generative change to happen in an instant. However the ripples grow into waves, the waves grow into tidal waves… and eventually the tsunami will come. I feel that tsunami is imminent, we are literally on the cusp, the tipping point as it has been referred to by many. The momentum is out there. All organizations are buzzing about it, through the public and private sector, through all levels of government. Change is needed and the old way of running business just isn’t working anymore. Women, now more than ever, want to be an actively engaged part of this change. And it will happen with women in the lead.

Every where I turn I am meeting people who want more, who know they can make a difference and want to be ignited and empowered.

The culture is primed for it. New employees coming into organizations are not always going to be content with sitting around doing the work and not having a voice. This needs to be addressed and recognized immediately if we want to retain these individuals who are already ignited and willing to engage. We need to celebrate our diversity, not just accept it or deem it equal. We are each brilliant individuals regardless of race, nationality, religion, gender, sexuality or ability. We each have a unique story to tell that if celebrated would enrich us all as an individuals, an organization and more importantly our society.

We all have a story to tell, one that will bring up information within ourselves which we can grow from.

We can all get the message out, what ever the message may be. We all have a brilliant voice that deserves to be heard and we should all live authentically to encourage change; the changes that are so desperately needed in our society.

Come to recognize your authentic voice, have the courage to speak your truth, we can facilitate change. One by one, ripple to wave…

© Lori Walton 2006

Wonderful Women

Had a fantastic lunch today with some of my friends, colleagues and women who attended Igniting the Self (WEL-Systems certification program) at the same time I did in June of this year.

I have been asked to Chair our departments Women's Leadership Series Learning Event, which I accepted. I am enjoying the prospect of having yet another forum for me to speak of my views on Women's Leadership and perhaps help to invite others to waken to the power of their own personal potential. The theme for this event is "Developing our Leadership - Exploring our Potential", I feel this captures my vision for this event. Developing the way we are already engaging in leadership and exploring the possibilities of our potential, just how big can we go?

At lunch with these 4 phenomenal women we discussed the Women's Leadership Event and had some really great conversations abut where we are at in each of our journeys. Always good to reconnect like that. As I was sitting there listening to the conversation going on at our table, I could feel the energy... it was tangible. There is definitely something about leadership that gets our fire moving. I loved sitting back and seeing how we were ignited & engaged just at our table. As we discussed the topic at hand, what did we feel, would best serve our co-workers at the leadership learning event, each of us keep wanting to create more space. Who else can we invite? How can we bring it to our colleagues in the regions? Can we do something like this for the young men in our organization who are wanting more, needing to engage? The possibilities are endless... and there is always more.

Things I noticed today:

• Women's Leadership is taking up more and more space in my life
• Living Authentically is effortless
• The only person who limits us are ourselves
• People come onto your radar for a reason... connections are made

As I was speaking with Cathy Carmody (good friend and facilitator for the Women's Leadership event), she asked if though more about being the keynote speaker at our event. I will. I don't know exactly what I will speak about yet and as Cathy wisely mentioned to me, I will be fresh out of Resourcefulness in Action, my next certification level through the WEL-Systems so I will be all fired up.

How exciting. Until next time.
Lori

The Beginning

Alright, I have finally gotten started on this Blog Spot. To create space for myself to reflect on my journey and allow others to join me for this ride.

Life has been unfolding so quickly for me since I have begun this journey in January 2006. Much has been happening, yet it is all so effortless. I simply do things because I want to do them. I don't think too much about it anymore.

I know that stories are powerful tools in everyones unfolding self. Everybody has a story and in that story so much can be learned by others about themselves. In this space I will be telling my story, and by doing so perhaps it will bring something up within yourself. Stir up some feelings. Cause you to pause and become curious about what is happening in your life, and how is it serving you?

This is my story, my journey, my life. Welcome, come along for the ride!

Reflections of my Self - Article reflecting "Decloaking" being published

It seems since I have taken “Igniting the Self” (ITS) my life is unfolding at an extraordinary pace, yet I don’t feel any different. I am simply me, at the same time there is so much that is happening in my life.

My articles of my awakening and my journey are being published regionally, nationally and internationally.

My “Leadership” at work is being recognized, not in my actual “job” but in committees, councils and groups. Many managers and directors in my department have encouraged me to continue my journey, continue to question, and continue to engage at work.

One manager in particular wanted to discuss the notion of “leadership” and what my experiences have been. He encouraged me to continue on my leadership path and to surround myself with positive people.

Another manager and I discussed our views on Women’s Leadership in particular and how he has observed that most women managers do not embrace their unique skills, they manage like all the other male managers. Interesting that a male manager would make this observation.

As I write this, I’m noticing how funny it is to be writing these words of leadership and my leadership journey, if you read my article in the May 2006 ChoicePoints Newsletter “My Awakening” you would see how different it is for me to be speaking in this way now. It hasn’t even been a year yet that I have come to awaken to my Self.

Many people have positive comments for me, although some just can’t put their finger on “what” is different, I just “glow”, something is “working for you lately” but they can’t figure out just what it is. Inside I think…HELLO, this is me! This is the magnificent, brilliant Lori Walton I forgot about for all of my life.

So many things are happening, yet I just am. I am not mindful of these things; I do not have a check list “go talk to the manager today”, “discuss leadership with this person”, etc. I set my intention and I focus on that intention, my intention seems to have taken on a life of its own. All these things, opportunities, conversations… are manifesting themselves towards my intention. Quite powerful to step back and notice these changes. All because I was willing to decloak and stand in my true authentic self. “Igniting the Self” provided me that clarity.

I had written an article called “Our Authentic Voice” for my department on behalf of the woman who participated in this Women and Leadership Program. What a croc that was… it definitely wasn’t MY authentic voice. My personal experience with the program was so life changing (My Awakening); I was so frustrated with myself for the article I wrote on behalf of the group. It was so small in comparison. At "Igniting the Self" (ITS) I began to get curious about what I can do about it. I decided I would approach my communications department about doing a series of articles about my experience and my journey.

When I got back to work after my week at ITS, I put together a proposal, I had already written some of the articles and I had the titles for the remaining ones. I met with my Director and discussed it with her; she was very supportive and sent me to speak to the correct people to pitch my proposal. After my pitch my department’s newsletter was not only going to publish my articles but they were also going to give me my own space on the newsletter which I have called “Exploring Our Potential”.

The first of the series of 5 articles I originally proposed was “Decloaking” and it was written to start readers off with my realizing, understanding my fear of writing my truth in the last article “Our Authentic Voices”. It was a liberating article for me to write, to decloak and stand raw in front of my co-workers, and be proud of who I am. I surprised myself when it was published by sending the link to all of my co-workers so they would be sure to read it. Funny how I was once so afraid of what they would think.

I included my e-mail with the article so, if they so choose to, my readers could contact me and comment or ask questions about my article. Other than those I already know congratulating me, I did receive one e-mail from a woman I do not know, expressing her thanks for the article and commenting on my bravery for writing it. This is one person I know I’ve touched with my story, and perhaps invited her to begin to awaken to her own self.

One by one, person by person, the word spreads, of how easy it really is, once you discover who you are, and are true to yourself. Once you are free in your own skin, to decloak for all to see.

Enjoy my article “Decloaking” and the remainder of the series that I will include here on ChoicePoints. As well, I’m including my story of releasing each article for my department, standing raw in front of my coworkers, Decloaking, for all to read.

© Lori Walton, 2006

Beneath the Bullshit and Bravado is Brilliance - Article

During my journey of discovering my own personal potential, I would often think about the people I had perceived to have kept me down. I thought of the people I bump heads with. I know now that this is all about me, they don’t know what feelings / energy they were bringing up within me. In reality they weren’t trying to keep me down, really who would consciously do such a thing?
One morning while I was doing my “Igniting the Self” training session I woke up very early and wrote down the title to this article. Once again there is an invitation right here, demanding my attention.

As I let this notion sit with me “Beneath the Bull and Bravado is Brilliance”, I allowed my attention to shift to the potential I know I have. If I have all of this potential, and I know there is more out there in my future… why am I holding others to being less. Just because in the past I held a belief that it was their actions or statements that kept me small. Who am I to sit in judgment, as I myself had at one time felt judged?

It struck me… The very people I bumped up against, are just as full of potential as I am. They can each claim their brilliance that is within them, as we all have it just waiting to be tapped into. Perhaps their need to try to put us down or scoff at our actions is something within them screaming to be recognized? How can we, knowing what we know now, not recognize this magnificent within them?

So yes, the bullshit & bravado people convey is more than likely a front or a strategy. It is an invitation to them to recognize it on their own and claim the message for themselves. Beneath of all that façade is the Brilliance that we all have.

What other people think of me is not about me, this is the same truth we can each claim, and we just have to choose to claim it.

As each of us go through our own journeys in life, remember that there is so much more out there for all of us, never limit yourself to being less than. We each have it in us.

© Lori Walton, 2006
Unlimited Potential. Ever Unfolding. Continually Discovering. Authentic Self.

Power of our Personal Potential - Article

When we step out of the box, and realize we have so much more to offer, how are those around you reacting to it? Do they embrace and support your growth? Are they cynical and judgmental about the changes? How interesting is it that people actually scoff at the notion of Unlimited Potential that we each hold.

When you are presented with the fact that we all have so much potential within us, and how amazing it would be to tap into it, and understand there is so much more we have yet to realize, what is your first instinct/reaction?

Do you scoff to yourself like some might if presented with the same question surrounded by their peers in a group setting? Or do you actually get curious about the potential you personally hold?

When I refer to our Unlimited Potential through these articles, my intention is for you to get curious about what you personally hold.

When you become curious about it, you will begin to get comfortable with the knowledge of the massive amounts of potential you hold. When you become comfortable with that knowledge, you can choose to own your concept of potential. When you own it, it becomes your truth. No one can change that truth but you.

Once you realize the potential you hold, and you choose to own that potential, you may notice you begin to act differently. You may become more confident; you may choose to become responsible for your own future, creator of your own destiny (take ownership as you make your choices). When you can realize how much you have to offer to whatever you put your mind too, you decloak your brilliance for others to see.

By having the courage to decloak your brilliance in front of others, you create the space for them to become curious about their own potential about their own brilliance.

If we all realized our personal potential and accepted the notion of continuously unfolding potential, we could speak our truths with the knowledge of there always being something more. Creating space for others to grow, recognizing that everyone; even those who you bump up against; are full of unlimited potential as well.

To recognize that even with those who are critical of you and your abilities, that somewhere deep down within them, Beneath the Bull and Bravado is Brilliance.

© Lori Walton, 2006
Unlimited Potential. Ever Unfolding. Continually Discovering. Authentic Self.

Stepping out of the Box - Article

Have you ever considered that there may be more out there for you to discover… if only you would have the courage to step out of your box?

If you are anything like I was; you are content with your life as it is now, feeling safe within your box. Perhaps you think, this is who I am, this is all I will ever be, this life is pretty good, I can’t do anything different now anyway so I will just live with it. Notice that voice deep down within your body that knows you could be so much more. Up until this year, I would never listen to that voice, after all I was content in my box.

From an early age I was taught to doubt my Self. My thoughts and ideas were put down or dismissed as being foolish, or ignored completely. When I did or said something I felt my Self needed to say or do, I was humiliated to the point of tears, then told that I should be good (meaning to my child self, ‘don’t speak or act independently’). So by the time I came into my adult hood I had lost my Self. I allowed others through the years to define who I was. After many bouts of depression and self hate, sadness, and loneliness I finally just accepted my lot in life…and I resolved myself to be content with that.

I put on a great façade, always smiling, laughing having a good time. Always keeping in my place, not speaking up about my feelings and opinions. Always doing for others, never able to say “No”. I was a just mom, I was just a clerk, don’t look at me for something special, I doubted my ability to step out of my box. After all, if I stepped out of my box, what would people say? I didn’t have anything to offer.

Then one day I got curious about who I defined my Self to be. As I wrote down the traits I had believed defined me, I discovered that none of those were definitions I had for myself… they were imposed on me. I was not going to be a victim anymore and right then and there I decided I would define my Self, I was stepping out of my box. After all who’s life is it?

I invite you to consider the following questions, notice how your body feels when you read them, and pay attention to that…

Is your definition of Self truly your own definition?

Are you holding yourself in a certain box because of uncertainty or fear?

Do you believe that you are capable of doing more, living more, being more?

What is holding you back from awakening to your own brilliance and true Self? Realizing the Power of your Personal Potential?

© Lori Walton, 2006
Unlimited Potential. Ever Unfolding. Continually Discovering. Authentic Self.

Daily News Article

Stand Alone - Article

As women, we tend to stay out of the spotlight. We wait to be invited to speak. We wait to be asked our opinion. Rarely do we stand up alone. Is it fear or uncertainty that keeps us from shining?

Why is it that when asked to do something we step up to the plate and complete the job successfully? Why are we waiting to be asked? If every woman did what was important to them, authentically important, our lives would change. If each woman tapped into her magnificence without waiting to be asked, we could realize our personal potential. If each woman found their voice and refused to be silenced again, our future would be glorious.

Think about it… women are creators, we are nurturers, we are financial planners, we are managers, we are master schedulers and able to keep, not only ourselves, but others on target and we work on top of all this. We have the ultimate power, the ability (if we chose) to create life within ourselves. Why do we keep ourselves small? We have everything we need to create a successful life for ourselves right here within ourselves. Why do we continue to doubt our power, our magnificence and our absolute brilliance?

When did someone in our lives, make us feel that our voice wasn’t important? What was going on with that person that they felt threatened by our voice? Why did we allow it to happen? Was it what society at the time dictated or just how the workforce was? It doesn’t have to hold true for you forever.

Times have changed and society is changing; we are all brilliant and have a valuable voice. A voice that is strong and true to our values. We only need to speak. Think of what knowledge we could learn if we all spoke our authentic voice and listened to each other’s wisdom.

We can choose to listen to our voice, to realize our potential and by trusting ourselves we can change the world we live in.

Each and every one of us, woman or man, has this power somewhere within ourselves, we just have to create the space, for the information our bodies already know to move, so our brilliance can flow.

Think about Stepping out of the Box that you hold yourself to be in. By finding our authentic self and trusting our voice, it is easy to stand alone. By having the courage to stand alone, we become a beacon for those who want to do the same.

© Lori Walton, 2006
Unlimited Potential. Ever Unfolding. Continually Discovering. Authentic Self.

Decloaking - Article

Isn’t it curious how when we experience something that is meaningful to us, even life changing, we don’t talk about it as we should? I’m curious, is this something that everyone does? When have we let someone silence us - to make us think that what we have to say isn’t important?

It was very freeing for me to begin to speak like this, “From my experience” - those are powerful words when you think about it … nobody can argue with your experience, because it’s yours, you own it.

Too often we ignore the voice of brilliance and truth inside of us. We begin to have an inner dialogue with ourselves asking questions like, “what do other people want to hear?” “What will happen if I say that?” We second-guess ourselves. When did we stop trusting our magnificence and stop believing in ourselves?

I did this with the article I penned for my Departmental Newsletter on a “Women’s Leadership Pilot” program I was part of. Instead of writing about my experience and how it changed my life, I “neutered” my words, thinking they would be more acceptable to my co-workers. I used the excuse that I was writing on behalf of the group, so how could I express my life changing experience in this group collective.

As days went on I didn’t feel satisfied with the article. This was an invitation for me to get curious about why I felt that way. The article was so much less than the experience. It struck me that I had used the group collective as a scapegoat. I was afraid to decloak and reveal my true voice in front of my co-workers. Heaven forbid that people might look at me differently.

Through my experience with Women’s Leadership and completion of the “Igniting the Self” program, I became aware that I have something to say, I can contribute, and I have a voice. If I decided to finally speak up and say what I think, what I feel, what I am, I can make things happen. I can share the changes I have experienced in my life. Some people might not agree with me, and that is okay, what other people think of me is not about me and is not my business. What is important to me, is that those who are interested in what is happening are able to hear about my truth, my experience, and perhaps it will invite them to get curious about what is speaking to them from within.

I am now willing to decloak, to not silence myself, to not neuter my experience anymore. This is me, this is who I have become, take it or leave it. I just am, and I now have the courage to Stand Alone and share this with others.

© Lori Walton, 2006
Unlimited Potential. Ever Unfolding. Continually Discovering. Authentic Self.

My Awakening - Article

Static
By L.Walton

Asleep, unaware, voiceless and needy,
To dream of more was just fantasy.
Dependant, eager to please, no sense of self,
Settling for less, just static.

Feeling insignificant, worthless and small,
Lowly, less than others, stupid, not me.
Doubting my ability to become a leader at all,
Not knowing there’s more, just static.

My highest intention, was to become,
An empowered woman, nothing more.

It seemed unachievable at the time,
Now I know there is much in store,
I will remain static no more.

It is pretty amazing for me to reflect on my journey of awakening, of allowing myself to get curious and unfold as I was always meant to do. To read my journal and see the stages I have gone through, realizing there will be many more journals in my future.

My awakening began in January 2006, through a pilot leadership program my Regional Director created with the help of Cathy Carmody, a WEL-Systems® Catalyst. The program they developed was to take 10 – 12 women and over a 3 month period, offer a number of group sessions, and one-on-one coaching in between sessions, with the assistance of Cathy’s co-facilitator Celine Burlock, also a WEL-Systems® Catalyst.

My highest intention (which I didn’t believe I could obtain) for becoming a leader, was to be an “Empowered Woman”. My definition of this was “An empowered woman has their poop together, she doesn’t carry around any baggage, she is confident in how she speaks, looks and feels. She is calm in the face of conflict. She has good self-esteem. She knows where she is going in life and has the tools to get there. She makes others feel good about themselves, inspires them and is a role model”.

Through the next few months, things began to happen for me. I had begun to be that “Empowered Woman” I had hoped to become before I started the program. Day by day, life was unfolding, never the same as yesterday, always more than today. I am now an empowered woman through this program and I see there is so much more I can do. The possibilities are limitless, as is our potential to shape our models of the world.

I found my voice, I began to speak, I spoke to the Regional Director General to share my vision on the future of our department, I spoke to my Supervisor about my opinions and ideas on the future of our section, I spoke with my family who I needed to hear my truth. Each conversation I had, I began to feel lighter. At the end of each conversation I felt at peace, knowing what I said was from my truth. I felt that my voice was not just listened to, but heard. I’ve never experienced that before.

Through the WEL-Systems I have learned that everything I feel or perceive about a person or situation, is all about myself, I own it. By knowing this and living this I have been able to find the confident me, the leader in me who is a leader of my own destiny.

I have created a business case to further aid me in my perusal of growing through the WEL-Systems and have been accepted to attend “Igniting the Self” in June at Oceanstone, NS. I have taken steps to advance my career, by meeting with people who work in areas that interest me. By taking courses that will assist me in that transition, by manifesting things as I want them to be, because we all have that power and potential do shape our destiny, to have an impact on our world.

My current intention (I say current because it evolves as I unfold each day)… my current intention on being a leader is that I can help change the world I live in. In getting curious about the potential in all of us and in our communities, inviting others to become curious and realize their limitless potential. Helping to create a world in which we all have space to speak our truths and impact our futures.

This can be achieved by remaining clear about my intention, by always speaking my truth, by continuing to evolve, by never becoming static again… If we all did this can you imagine what an awesome world we would live in? Think about the potential. Then think about how much more that there may be out there, that we don’t know, we don’t know. It’s amazing to me to imagine this possibility. It’s almost unexplainable the hope, love and light that fills me when I get curious about this possibility. Truly awesome. I feel excited and at peace in the same moment.

I now believe that we all hold the universe at our fingertips, if only the rest of the world would be willing to recognize this potential and become awake and aware, we really could shape the future of humanity.

What Louise LeBrun has started and nurtured, and what Catalysts like Cathy Carmody and Celine Burlock have invited us to become involved with, is causing huge waves. People are standing up and getting curious about what is going on in our lives as they watch us evolve and excel in whatever we set our energy to do.

It begins with a change in your dialogue with yourself; it eventually leads to a change in dialogue with others, to changes in how people react to you, changes to your life and eventually your world.

For me I have omitted words from my vocabulary, particularly those words that I had used to define myself in the beginning, which no longer serve me.

I know that my highest intention now will change as I evolve, as each days passes, as each new insight is learned, as each piece of energy is moved, as each way of thinking is shifted.

There is no end to this process, no end to the potential, no end to the possibilities. Why limit our thinking? Life is ours to continuously explore, question and shape. We can start ripples of change by being clear and speaking our truth. Unlimited potential, ever unfolding, continuously evolving… our journey continues. The universe is ours to shape and mould.

I look forward to continuing on this journey, to never be asleep again, to never be static.

Something More
By L.Walton

Waking up, moving through, questioning why
… there is always something more.

Finding out, looking back, working through
…knowing there is always something more.

Discovering, realizing, finding self
… yet still knowing there is something more

Expectations, anticipations, curiosity
… realizing there is so much more.

Dreaming, hoping, living, unfolding,
Into what you used to just dream about.
Knowing there will always be… something more.



© Lori Walton, 2006
Unlimited Potential. Ever Unfolding. Continually Discovering. Authentic Self.