Introduction to Shamanism

I have begun taking a 3 day workshop on Shamanism, one day a month for the next 3 months.

I recently became re-acquainted with a woman who was once my insurance broker and have discovered she is on her own personal journey of self discovery. A mutual friend kept saying, you and Angela should really get together, I hear you talking about many of the same things. I kept putting it off. Until I came across her on "facebook" and saw her company Divine Connections linked there. I of course checked it out. And became curious about just what it is she has been up to and just how my ex-insurance broker became this who new woman I never even knew about.

I contacted Angela and we set up a time to talk about what we have been doing in our lives. I had some questions about the types of services she offers and she in turn had questions on her own. I had questions about Shamanism; was it a religion? Was it about worshiping something or someone? Just what is it all about?

Knowing what I know now about myself I know that I have to learn more. I know that if I am curious and drawn to something then that generally means I have some lesson to learn about myself there.

As some of you may be curious as well I am going to let you know about my experience. The only thing I would have changed personally is I would have grounded myself more in my body before embarking on the "journeying"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Journey 1

She did some drumming and invited me close my eyes and journey to the 'lower world' with the intention of connecting with a plant (my choice), I chose this one I found at Oceanstone on my last visit there.

My entry point was the circle at Oceanstone… to the brook, walking down the centre into the ocean. Underneath the rocks in the middle of the water there was an archway… my entry point. As I moved down this tunnel with clear walls and ceiling, that meandered down, and down into the earth, all of the sudden I am in a rich lush forest.

I found and spoke to the moss I discovered my last trip to Oceanstone. I was not fully connected to myself during this experience and I can fully remember being aware of the room I was in at the same time as being aware of my experience… in snippets, my consciousness kept going from this journey to my everyday reality, and back and forth. Then I was invited to come back through the tunnel and open my eyes. My thoughts I wrote down afterwards are as follows.

The moss taught me: Beauty is in everything. Stop… notice. Moss was the most vibrant green… living… I'm living. Look at all that is round you and breathe it in, there is beauty in everything. Don't pass it by.

Journey 2

Again she began drumming and invited this time for me to enter through an entry point of my choice and to locate my 'power animal' and discuss what information it holds for me.

I chose the same entry point, I found it easier this time. I had preconceived notions of where I would end up and what my animal might look like… or so I thought. As I went down the tunnel I was very surprised when I dropped on an elephant. In the Savannah of some sort.

I remember thinking, man this elephant is in the way, and I turned to try to find my power animal thinking this can't be him. But I turned back and looked at him, and I knew I should ask him. So I did. It felt very right. How can you miss an elephant? We 'talked' about it being okay to feel immense, huge, and heavy like I do when I am in full connection with myself. We spoke about my not always feeling safe to allow my god force to shine through and that I am safe it is something that I just must accept and embrace. I'm sure there was more, but I remember playing. I remember riding this magnificent animal and being sprayed by the mud. I remember the feel of his skin and his presence. In retrospect talking about it now, it was quite awesome in it's own way. Then I was invited to come back through the tunnel and open my eyes. My thoughts I wrote afterwards are as follows.

Connection with the elephant. Breathing myself into him and him into me. We are one. My feeling of presence… of knowing… of heaviness… of wisdom… of remembering who I am… my source… that is us all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the past year I have been very blessed with the fact that I am awake and aware of the more that is out there. We bump through life most days without ever thinking about anything outside of our personal reality. Sometimes we know these things exist (like people from different cutures, people of different religions) but we shut out what doesn't impact us directly. Little do we realize that we each impact every single person and thing in our world, to one extent or another.

To learn about other peoples experiences or new experiences to you offers a greater understanding of the way you live your own life. I have found lessons in everything I engage in.

Life is good... tomorrow is a new day.

New Program/Workshops/Retreats

I'm in the midst of developing new programs to offer through Exploring our Potential Consulting (my business).

Conscious Parenting - is a weekend workshop that will invite parents (and parents to be) to consider a new way of parenting. To recognize parenting styles which they may employ now, but are not happy with and to choose to move through their world, as a parent, much differently... consciously. Read what participants had to say about the last Parenting Workshop here. The CD Living WELness ~ Single Moms: Struggles and Strengths is included with this workshop.

Reconnection Retreat - Not feeling quite right? Been slipping back into that restless sleep? Need a weekend to reconnect with yourself and have meaningful conversations with others? This 2 night experience will be at a luxurious location by the sea. Facilitated conversations that will invite you to slow down, breathe, and reflect on just who you have become in the world you have created... is it still serving you, are you feeling you are on the right track or do you need to re-focus on your intention of the unique signal you are in this world? An out of the box experience will await you on the second night, curious for more? The book Sekhment Rising is included in this workshop. Details will follow.

Explorigng Our Potential (work series) - four hours each, every 2 weeks until compeleted

• Decloaking
• Standing Along
• Stepping out of the Box
• Power of your Personal Potential
• Beneath the Bull and the Bravedo is Brilliance
  

Each of these 5 workshops will take participants deeper and deeper into discovering themselves, their voice, their intention, their potential... then the final workshop will bring them right back to seeing this very thing in each person they encounter. The book Fully Alive from 9-5 is included with this series.

Discovering Authentic Self - a total of 5 days to really become curious about your source, your authentic self. There will be two, 2 days sessions, a month apart, with one-on-one coaching in between, followed by a final session to check back in with discussions on just who else you can be. The book When the Horse Dies Get Off... and stop dragging it around is included with this series.

Letting GO - a 3 hour awakening to the "more" that is out there. In these 3 short hours you will begin to get curious, "are you living authentically" and come to the realization that by holding your intention high and letting go, Life Happens!

Watch for updates on the side bar under Products and Workshops in upcoming days.

Tomorrow is a new day and there is always more...

Conscious Parenting ~ Weekend Workshop

The first Conscious Parenting workshop was a roaring success (click here to find out what participants thought) and the Conscious Parenting workshop will now be offered on a regular basis.


This 2 day weekend workshop is being offered to parents or parents-to-be to consider a different way of living and nurturing their children’s brilliance and individual expression.


Through these sessions Lori will be inviting participants to discover a new perspective on parenting. Inviting them to find their authentic self and to consider how they can co-create meaningful family relationships with their children.


It is an invitation for participants to recognize their programmed behaviours (unconscious parenting) and to become more actively aware in the parenting behaviours (conscious parenting).

Date: July 14th and 15th, 2007 (Sat & Sun)

Location: Halifax Shamabhala Center, in the Snow Lion Room
1084 Tower RoadHalifax, NS B3H 2Y5

Time: 10:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. (Sat & Sun)

Price: $85.00 for complete workshop, breaks, workshop manual, 1 CD from the Living WELness Series.


Your workshop guide is Lori Walton, certified WEL-Systems® Master Facilitator and Quantum TLC™ Facilitator.


To find out more please contact Lori Walton at (902) 461-9169 or e-mail mailto:potential@eastlink.ca


Exploring Our Potential Consulting 2007

Conscious Parenting Workshop ~ Testimonials

This course means so many things to so many people. Some thought I was crazy as I asked my mom to join me. What a big difference it has made in our life. We are better able to understand each other and feel where each other is coming from. During the session I had said some things that my mom was wowed about. She knew these things affected me as a child but did not realize how much they still affected the person I was and how it was preventing me from being the person I wanted to be. This enabled her to look within side her own self and feel things she had never felt before, accepted things she would have rather forgotten. And hold her head high as she know felt important.

Me and my mom have always had a great relationship, best friends if you will. Since this course I see my mom doing a 180 on everything she does now. She stopped letting people push her around and she speaks. Man I love her for that………………

Donna Hunter
Dartmouth, NS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just wanted to let you know that I felt your Workshop was a definite benefit.
Although the material being presented wasn’t new to me, I still learned from the experience.

I will definitely continue to promote your Workshop to my clients, as this was an incredible 3 days.

You created an environment where I felt comfortable to express myself without any fears of judgement.

Good Luck with your future Workshops and I look forward to whatever new experience that you’ll be offering.

Amy McNaughton RNCP/RSNA
WEL-Systems® Facilitator

Letting Go

Wondering what, imagining when, considering where, allowing my imagination to be free.

Where will I be in a year, in five, in ten? Where will I be tomorrow?

Will I allow myself to fly? Freeing myself of self doubt?

Or I will I not fully trust and keep myself smaller than I know I can be.

Letting go…

Trusting…

Inviting…

Allowing…

Creating…

Manifesting my dreams into reality.

World keeps turning 'round

Time flies by when you allow it to. I have been waiting and waiting for this upcoming week to arrive so the Diversity Forum will be over and done with. Not that I am wanting it to be over but for me when I am so involved with creating or co-creating something, when I have put alot of work, effort and me into it. I want to see it happen.

It seems for the past 3 weeks I really have not been doing anything but working on this Diversity Forum... not that it's a bad thing, I have fully, consciously devoted my time to the planning and other nuances that go along with trying to organize this event.

I also have a fantastic group I work with in my "day job" and I have been worrying that perhaps I have been neglecting my new co-workers... an unfounded worry as I made sure I communicated this with them. It is so nice to be working with a group of people who support the bigger picture of things by encouraging us (the employees) to become involved in these committees and groups.

I have so much to get back to. After the Diversity Forum is done for this year I am really going to work on creating a real basis of workshops and programs I can offer through my consulting business. I know travel will somehow be involved in all of this and I am really excited about doing a "travelling roadshow" as I've written it in my journal from time to time.

Lots of things happening with my eldest daughter and I lately too, this is for another post, another day. She is already such an amazing young woman, I am just so excited to watch her unfold day in and day out, always more than she was.

Tomorrow is another day, there is always more.

Aprés Workshop Thoughts and Insights

I sat down to write a piece or an article on my thoughts on my Parenting Workshop and it just didn't come out as I expected. Here is what did come out.

My thoughts on my Parenting Workshop... it wasn't about "parenting", just like it's not about "leadership" or any other nomilaization that is out there... it is all about stepping into yourself and knowing who you authentically are.

Opening up yourself to receive and relaxing into the feeling of the moment. Coming home to yourself in every single way and choosing to live your life by your own design.

This then outpours into your very essence, and you can carry it into all aspects of your life as you choose it. Whether that be relationships, parenting, leadership, home, work, whatever... it is simply who you are.

And choosing to create a future that is meaningful for you starts within... the power of one... yourself.

Awakening, realizing, remembering, reclaiming, being, coming home.

Standing witness to the sacred that is in you, in me, in each and everyone of us... in existence whether we choose to see it or not.

Connection, to self, to my source, to everyone and everything, we are all one though still very much unique individuals.

Choosing in the moment how do I want to live my life? Do I want to own it and shape it? Or do I allow my self to fall victim to it and be shaped by it?

Trusting in yourself, your soul, your instinct, your signal #1, to know it is the gift that will never lead you astray.

Knowing it, is as simple as breathing, relaxing, inviting and allowing yourself to know the truth of your own experience.

Life is good!

Completion of my first Parenting Workshop

Today was the final day of my very first parenting workshop.

I personally thoroughly enjoyed the experience. The energy that filled the room, the energy that came from each of the participants who showed up through the 3 days was simply amazing.

Each woman in that room brought so much to the workshop, they directed the flow of the days.

I can't begin to fathom the number of insights and awakenings that came into the awareness of each individual and the ones that will spawn from this workshop in coming weeks and months.

Nor can I fully fathom the impact they will have on others in their lives, the invitations they are now for their children and children to be to relax into their authentic self expressing with their own voice.

To know that if they want to, they can choose differently. To know that if it truly feels "right" to them they should say or do it and not worry about what other people think they should be saying or doing.

To step into themselves and welcome it. Welcome that feeling of peace, love, calm. The Bigheadedness is not a bad thing. Self acceptance, confidence and awareness are very different from Ego. To not feel guilt or shame for feeling "right" within your life, but to celebrate ti within your self knowing that this is the signal of who you are in the world.

I know that this is the first of many of this Parenting series of workshops I will offer through my new company Exploring Our Potential Consulting. I also am aware future programs will flow differently.

I am also working on Reconnection Retreats which will allow for participants to learn something new via an invitation for another to come in a provide an evening workshop, and alot of time to have facilitated conversations, reconnection and self reflection over the rest of the weekend.

In a few weeks time I am also very aware that I want to "give back" if you will to my work place. After the Diversity Forum and the planning for the Finance Conference I will take time to create this work event. I have yet to really work out the details but I want to create something at work where people can come and explore and step into themselves.

Witnessing the sacred as each woman discovered their authentic self, as each woman reclaimed a piece of their personal power that they had allowed to be taken from them. To claim their whole self as the brilliant being they are. Simply Amazing.

Tomorrow is another day... there is always more.

Diversity & Respect

I've been very busy over the past while with helping to plan a Diversity Conference at my work. It is going to be a fantastic event and the theme is "Diversity as our Future … Equity as our Potential", which for me really speaks of where it is at.

As I think about Diversity, I think of it in a much broader context as some of my colleagues at the planning table. I am thinking not of each of the identified groups (visible, gender, sexual orientation or ability), I am thinking of us each as unique individuals.

For me diversity is about respect.

It is about seeing the individual for who they authentically are, where they have come from, their hopes, dreams and aspirations for who they can become.

To look at their beliefs, values and attitudes and become curious about them.

Respecting them does not mean you have to agree with them.

Respecting them is recognizing this is a meaningful aspect of this other individuals life in which by learning about it can enrich our own. Or at least broaden our horizons and create awareness.

This can be taken to all areas and aspects of life. To embrace and respect another persons beliefs, traditions, lifestyle is simply that. Ask the questions, do the research, come out to learning events that will help you know something you didn't know before.

And RESPECT each other, don't impose your beliefs on others or your disapproval of another persons life, this ends up promoting ignorance, hard feelings, bigotry and hatred.

I know this is not the type of world I wish to continue living in. Person by person we can change this. Stand up and speak up in those situations where you feel you need to.

Those times when a group is gathered and someone makes a demeaning remark or tells an inappropriate joke, don't just laugh uncomfortable, do something, say something or approach the individual after the fact. 9 times out of 10 you weren't the only one there who may have been offended by it.

It all comes back to speak your truth, be clear and trust in who you are inside, your authentic self and don't be afraid to step out of the box or swim against the current. Doing so with encourage others to do what is meaningful for them. And our world changes, bit by bit, person by person.

Tomorrow is a new day... and there is always more.

A Reflection

This week I spent time in the emergency room at the children's hospital. I took care of a sick toddler. I learned of a friends passing. Worried over an injured cat. Shelled out unexpected cash for new breaks. Attended a funeral mass and reflected on those in my life who are sick.

The things I will remember about this week are...

• The undeniable love and calm I experience holding my two year old tight to myself.

• The beautiful and independent young woman my eleven year old is and is continuing to become. The pride in discovering what a talented photographer she is. The awe at seeing how a pair of glasses can make her look even older than she already does!!!

• A bus ride to work this week reminded me of the sheer beauty of innocence and openness. There were two gentlemen who got on the bus from one of the group homes or perhaps the mental health hospital on the route. These two gentleman made my morning. After taking their seats they greeted each an every person who got on the bus with a huge smile and a robust Good Morning! And it made me smile. There was a young man (maybe 22) sitting across from me tuned into his iPod and staring off into the distance. One of the gentleman kept looking his way and began to talk to him. I immediately judged the young man as someone who was going to be impatient and rude... I was quickly reminded by his actions that judgments of others are useless, human kind is full of surprises and potential. The young man each time took off his earphones and spoke to the gentleman who was wanting to connect with him. After a few interchanges of conversation like this the gentleman reached out his hand an introduced himself to the young man by name. It was a beautiful exchange to watch as I witnessed the joy come over the gentleman's face as the young man replied in like with a smile and a handshake. To know and keep that feeling within me... noticing how their energy and innocence effected everyone within earshot. How much it made my morning to bear witness to it and how it is such a simple thing to do.... say good morning to those you pass. Not to worry about what others may thing, stepping out of societies norm of not speaking to people you don't know and just allowing yourself to be and do what you are moved to do, say what you are moved to say.

• The power of simply being present. Speaking what you are moved to speak and letting the people whom you care about know it. For giving the gift of yourself to those who are grieving, simply being present and letting them know you are there for them in whatever way you can offer.

• I stopped to give some money to a panhandler who said to me, I hope you had a good day today miss. And I replied I did, I went to a beautiful funeral service. And the panhandler asked me what this persons name was and said "I will say a prayer for her and her family". And that moved me. To know that everyone is connected in the world and everyone can make the world shift by their words and actions. Who knew that this woman's offer of prayer would make me remember we are all connected no matter what our religion, beliefs, race, culture, gender or social status.

So I could choose to look at this week and reflect on the not so great things that happened. I can can choose to look at this week for the gifts that were presented to me... the gifts of light, caring, loving, laughter, innocence and connection.

Tomorrow is a new day. There is always more.

Cancer… What’s it all about?

An old friend of mine… not a close friend, but more than an acquaintance… was diagnosed with Leukemia on December 1st, 2006. She was 35 at the time. She was a childhood friend of my sisters, and I was her sister’s friend. That was in the 80’s.

A few years ago while visiting a good friend of mine I had the opportunity to meet her again in Jen’s living room. She apparently was a neighbour and friend of Jennifer’s. We had an opportunity to met again, catch up, reminisce. She has 2 daughters and a husband whom she loved. It was nice to see her again and get to know a bit about the woman she had become.

In December my friend Jen called me up to tell me about Carla’s illness. At that time I thought of my good friend Norm who has been diagnosed as having terminal cancer for 4 yrs now, and was still very much living and living large, so I was very optimistic when consoling Jen who was very distraught at the news.

Life went on. I heard when they found a “perfect” match for a bone marrow donor for Carla. Again I was very optimistic in my mind frame, she would come through they found a donor for her.

Yesterday morning Jen called me at work. Telling me she just heard from Carla’s husband. She was dying that day. A bit of denial when through me… are they taking her off life support? No she wasn’t on any… her kidneys are failing. Still I thought she can come through. Jen called me yesterday afternoon. She was gone.

Shock, I suppose. She was only 36 (although I thought she was 34). 2 girls 14 and 8 yrs old, husband, and family who loves her. She just had a transfusion… how can this be? This is wrong all the thoughts. Wanting to be there for my friends, wanting to be there is some way to comfort, offer my thoughts, and offer something.

And I couldn’t figure out why I was crying. After all, we weren’t close; we didn’t really talk like I do with most of my friends. Why did this resonate so much with me? Was it her age, her kids (both girls like me)? Who knows? It doesn’t matter.

Then all of the sudden I begin thinking of Norm again. And I am saddened. A man loved by many, and still very much alone when it comes to a family of his own. A man who created a bond with me at my first work Christmas Party, as a roll of my protector… who I didn’t need but it certainly endeared me to this man.

And he has terminal cancer, a slew of experimental drugs and new tumours have come and gone, he has had many ups and downs with his health, he has changed his way of living and his outlook on life in so many ways, taken down his shell and began to let people in more and more.

And I have danced around the sidelines, wanting to be there for him, do things with him, but not knowing what to do, what to say or if he even wants me to.

Yesterday I decided to stop dancing. I’ve left a message with Norm last night; I hope he is able to call me back. I am hoping to spend Sunday morning with him (and Coronations Street), and let him know just how much I think of him. How much he is loved by so many, including myself. How much I wish I could do more for him that just be there.

It’s time to get off my ass, Carla’s passing has brought an urgency to me to engage with Norm and let him know all of these things I think and feel about him while there is time.

The message I think that I will carry from this is the time is now. Say what you want to say to the people who are meaningful in your life. Don’t just sit around thinking about. Get up and DO SOMETHING…. Engage! And life will happen.

Believe it or not life is good, and there is always tomorrow, the question is where will you be?

Gawk & Gab - Oceanstone

A few weeks back a good friend of mine Margot decided she wanted other people to see a movie she enjoyed. "Lady In the Water" by M. Night Shyamalan.

I had always assumed this film was a horror movie and had no desire to watch it, however the title laid in my mind. And sure enough, here was Margot with this vision of creating a space for others to see it.

Well Margot went with it. She contacted Carole McInnis from Oceanstone to tell her about her vision. Next thing I know we are having a WEL night out at Oceanstone. Dinner at Rhubarb's Grill, Movie in the Great Room at Oceanstone and a night in a cottage by the Atlantic Ocean.

It just happened to fall on one of the most beautiful weekends so far this spring.

There was 13 of us women (including my daughter Jessica) in the private dining room on the upper floor of the restaurant. Drinks, Appetizers, Entrees and even desert was had by those of us who could handle it. The conversations were great, the energy was thick, the women amazing and welcoming to those who "we didn't know".

As we got ready to move down to the main building to watch the movie Jessica and I went to get into our pyjamas and grab a blanket. The great room has recently been renovated and is beautifully done with an additional area and view of the setting sun. There was enough comfy seating for everyone in a horse shoe around the screen. And the movie begun.

The movie is a fantasy of a Narf (water nymph) named Story and of her purpose of coming to make contact with man and awaken something within in them to allow themselves to find their purpose in life. There were so many metaphors scattered throughout this movie it was unbelievable to me. It was also very interesting how each woman's perception of the movie was so vastly different. Some saw a connection of peace, some experienced a bit of fear, some thought it was just plain bizarre, I found it quite moving in most parts.

All though this movie the character Story is in need of certain people around her to make her journey complete, and it takes the main character a long time to remember who he is. He is the healer, he has just been so full of grief and misery with events that happened in his life that he lost faith in his abilities and capabilities. He had to find himself for Story to be able to return from where she came from.

I found it an amazing movie and I really would enjoy watching it again and seeing MORE that I didn't pick up on... metaphors that are relevant to things going on in my life at this time.

After the movie we had fantastic conversations on things that came up for us during the film. We stayed and talked, then after a while Jessica asked if we could go back to the cottage.


Out into the mild night we go. The stars are so amazing when there are no lights from the city taking away from it. Once we finally got into the cottage we decide to do some painting. I bought some acrylics and tempra paints for canvases and for rocks. And we created.

Jessica created these two pieces and about 7 ladybug rocks. It was fun to see how she creates and works.

I have some pictures of her actually doing the paintings but that will have to come online later on.


It was good to have that time with my daughter who is almost 12 (four months today she will be). To have her with me there, to paint, to talk, to walk, to cook, to just be. I certainly won't forget this night we had at Oceanstone.

I look forward to more in the future Gawk and Gabs.

It was a perfect opportunity for me to show Jessica fully, just who I am and to get to know just a little bit more about the woman she is and who she is becoming.

Thank you Margot for creating the space! Life is good... and there is always more.

Single Moms CD Testimonials

I couldn't wait to purchase and listen to Lori's CD Single Moms: Struggles and Strengths. I did so on Wednesday and to date I have listened to it 3 times. While listening to Lori and Louise's dialogue, I found myself more then a little engaged! I found out many things. One was why I have always had a deep respect for Lori, almost from the time I met her. Her single Mom struggles were not lost on me and now listening to her CD I realized how much her life mirrors my own Mom, who was a single mother during the 70's (not a very socially acceptable time). My Mom did the same things that Lori did, but the money she earned was still far below what she needed to make, to maintain a good life for me and for my sister. She chose to marry a man she didn't love to provide us with a home and security. That is a profoundly hard thing to understand, except when listening to Lori I realized, it was a different form of pride. She had a job, but by providing us with what was perceived as the "proper" family and home, she felt good.
It's amazing how much impact the conversation between Louise and Lori had on me. Lori is so real to me, not just because I know her and she's my friend. She has a way to make the WELness™ series accessible, not only to me, but to so many other women. As Louise put it so well, Lori is the poster child for the WELness™ series . She attained all the goals she set out for herself and she's just keeps evolving! She inspired me to reach out for my dreams as well, and it's an amazing thing to have someone in your life where it's all positive and welcoming.

Thank you Louise for showing Lori this amazing path to self awareness and discovery, you're presentation of the series engaged her to reveal and "decloak" the real Lori, who was there all along. I love what you said about her, who is this amazing 'unmasked woman'!

There are so many different facets to Lori, but the outstanding personality traits are her teaching abilities, her leadership qualities and she's an amazing Mom! I feel like if I had to describe her in one word it would be EXTRAORDINARY!

Again, thank you both.

Laura Beaton
Dartmouth, NS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I finally broke down and decided to listen to Lori Walton's Interview of Struggles and Strengths of a Single Mom. As I was listening to it in the car on my way to work this morning, I heard the voice of a very powerful women. I am constantly absorbing her words even once the car is parked and I am climbing on the ferry for my morning commute to work. I feel the urge to take out my journal and jot down my thoughts. Meanwhile I can't wait to get to work to hug Lori. Hug her to show her that she will never be alone…….hug her to show her how truly beautiful and intelligent she is……hug her to say I am glad you are in my life…..hug her to thank her for sharing…sharing a life experience with me that has so impacted her life and molder her to the confident women she is today. She is a gift and I know in my heart of hearts she has been sent here to us to share that gift of love, courage and strengths.

I too am a single mom. I guess you could say some of us live each day with that fear of society being right, that children who grow up with a single "MOM" are more likely to be high school drop-outs, unintelligent, criminals who will never amount to anything. Far to often we find ourselves pushing our children to the brink in hopes that people will see only the perfections. It breaks my heart that as a single mom, I too hold that fear for my son.

I know what it is like to lose a job because your boss was of old school and said that you had no right to be a single mom. How dare he. So I found myself pregnant for a new baby, a mortgage I did not know how I was going to pay and no job. Talk about a let down. Hanging your head was all you wanted to do. But something in me said "NO", I want my son to know that, that is not what life is about and I pushed to have his beliefs and discriminations removed from the workplace. I never got my job back but he too got to experience the humiliation and the shame he put so many others through.

I have such a sense of pride in knowing that my son loves me and taking this course with Lori has helped me to be a better mom to him at his level not at mine. Even at the age of 6 he can see how hard I am trying each day to be that better person, who loves him unconditionally. It is so easy to let your own fears and anxieties rub off on your children. We need to be strong and teach then respect and confidence…..Love the world and it will love you back.

Donna
Dartmouth, NS

Excitment and Moving Forward

My CD is completed.

It's the first one in the Living WELness™ series Single Moms: Struggles and Strengths is a thought provoking conversation between myself and Louise LeBrun. It will soon be available online at the WEL-Systems Online Storefront.

On this CD we discuss my experiences of being a Single Mother and a Single Mother on Welfare, we discuss what culturally conditioned beliefs I held about my self when I was in that position. We explored some things to consider if that is your situation and looked at some "if I knew then what I know now how would I have moved through my life differently?"

My intention behind this CD was for women to know they are not alone, not in your thoughts, actions, or feelings. There are different things to consider about who you are, what you are capable of and the difference you can make in this world, if you only consider and awaken to the massive amounts of potential you hold.

My intention was to also bring awareness to others that single mothers have just as much to offer as you do.

As you sit in your home or office reading this, you may wonder from time to time... what kind of difference can I make, what kind of mark can I leave on this world... and you do nothing but wonder and entertain those thoughts. It is my firm belief that if we just start to speak to what is meaningful to us, share our experiences and stories and start to move forward living authentically towards what we are passionate about... the world with change.

I've made changes in peoples lives already. I always have even when I wasn't aware of it. You are too, you just may not know it yet. Now imagine if you consciously choose to contribute... the possibilities are endless.

Life is good, and tomorrow is a new day!

Letting things sink in

Last week I joined this internet network place that everyone seems to be talking about lately.

What is really neat about it is people from your past can find you easily and reconnect with you, if even just to say hi.

For me where my father was in the military for 33 yrs it was good to hear from friends I wouldn't have known for very long, I was in a different school every year from grade 2 to grade 11.

A few nights ago I made a profile for Mike on face book.

And last night after not seeing her for 16 years he talked with his half sister who is now 23 yrs old. What an experience that was for me to witness.

I had the opportunity to speak with this young woman for quite a while and I could just feel the sheer joy and disbelief she was experiencing.

All of the sudden a brother she barely knew has arrived again.

One she never thought she would ever get a chance to talk to.

That is pretty huge in my book.

I have such a sense of joy inside of me as I know that this event will forever change the life of this young woman… how could it not?

And isn't that what it's all about? Personal growth?

Events like these are surely a part of her own evolution… Mike's as well. Whether he cares to admit it or not (I don't know we haven't had this conversation yet) there is a young woman out there who is so overjoyed with finding him, her big brother, that this will also have a huge impact in "our" world as well.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? There is always more.

Reflection of Day 1

Since January when I finished creating my workshop out line I have been anxiously awaiting it to begin.

As weeks went by I would think of the things I needed to do in order to put this together, from posters, to target audiences, from room rentals to proposals it all came down to this past Saturday.

On Friday night I got the keys to the community centre to set up for my early morning on Saturday.

After I had the room all set up just how I wanted it I sat in the middle of it and soaked it all in.

I visualized myself there in the morning, with a group of woman, and just allowed myself to let the feeling of fullness back into my awareness. And I breathed it all in.

Saturday morning arrives and the women begin to file in. The location was a little confusing as there are multiple entrances on the building, yet there are totally separate spaces. So many were going to the School entrance not realizing what was behind was where they needed to be.

It turned out just fine. 5 amazing women came into the program room yesterday morning. Some who have taken WEL-Systems certification, some who have experienced a WEL-Systems workshop, some who I have coached and some who can in blind with no real inkling of what it was all going to be about.

I don't remember the words that came out of my mouth, I can't remember for the life of me as each minute passed. It seems as though time FLEW.

The conversations and insights that were coming up for the women were pretty awesome and very intense for some of them. I've come to discover that workshops / programs like these take on a very life of their own (which I knew, but I didn't really KNOW it). Before I knew it it was noon and we hadn't even finished all the models I had planned for the day.

My subconscious mind kept me referring to "tomorrow we will... we can talk about that tomorrow..." etc. etc. This tells me that I would prefer facilitating/guiding an experience where we go for a few days in a row, and I really feel that is right for my future programs.

Things I have learned, go wherever your awareness takes you. If I feel I start talking about something that seems so out of context stay with it until I feel it is done being said... this seems to always prove relevant to someone who is listening in a big way (sometimes bigger than I will ever know).

I felt sad when I had to close the space. I had promised to take my niece & my 2 yr old to see the Big Comfy Couch Live in Halifax at 1 p.m. The conversations needed to continue happening and some big waves came for some people as I was packing up. Note to self for next time... leave at least 2 hrs free after a workshop experience to talk with anyone who needs some more time.

Inhale.

Counting down the days until next Saturday. Riding the waves that are my life.

Power Deck by Lynn Andrews

Dream

One day you will remember the Great Dream, and the way will become known to you.

You entered into life through the veil of the Dream, because your reason for being here must be kept secret from you until you find your way home.

You don't know who you are, but one fine day you will remember.

It is like creation looking for itself.

You are in oneness with all life, though you are not aware of it.

You will awaken from the Dream.

Let the Great Mother rest within your spirit. She is the universe. She is the womb of all life. She is the light that shines from your eyes, illuminating your daily dreams.

The possibilities you dream of will become your reality.

How is that for a metaphor for my life right now? There is always more.

Connecting with Myself

A Deep Breath.

The kids are gone... I am home.

Jessica went off to school and Sara is at the babysitters, Mike is at work. The cats are curled up in a ball on the chair.

It is raining/snowing and I sit in my flannel jammies with a hot cup of coffee and begin my day.

This is how I will be beginning my days in a few years time. Not having to worry about getting to the office for 8 a.m. simply allowing myself to awaken in a slow and luxurious way. Letting my creativity move through me and deciding in the moment what I want to do.

Today I begin my day reflecting on what days like these are going to mean for me in my near future. Reveling in the feeling of peace, relaxation and excitement in the knowledge that I create my days and how they flow.

My first workshop begins tomorrow. I have facilitated on my own in the past, co-facilitated with others, but never a workshop that I created that will span over a few weeks.

This feels different from Coffee Conversations & Catalysts, this is not just an open forum, it will have structure, yet still the freedom of flow, who knows where the conversations will lead and what will come up for us during these next 3 Saturdays?

There is a group of 7 participants coming in tomorrow morning, some are friends, some are colleagues, some are co-workers, some are parents and people I have not yet met. What I know is the people who are coming will be the right ones to be in the program room at this time.

When I close my eyes and allow myself to consider the outcome of my workshop, I quickly feel myself tapped into the fullness of my Self.

This is what it is, this is what I am meant to be doing at this time in my life.

How many people can I touch by sharing my story, sharing my experiences, presenting a different world view to consider of your own lives and how you are living, by simply showing up?

If I knew how many people have been moved or affected by my words in some meaningful way I know I would be shocked at the numbers (this is not cockiness this is fact). I think we all are unaware of just how much impact our stories have on other peoples lives. I think this is a really important reason to live your live authentically and speak your truth.

Today I prepare, I relax, I reconnect and settle in with the person I am. Tomorrow the world with shift a little more, once again.

There is always more... tomorrow is a new and fantastic day.

Peace and Traquility

Last night I discovered a place of peace and tranquility.

I discovered a quiet niche.

I discovered a place to be with my thoughts that inspired me to write.

Who Knew it was in my own room?

For a few years I have had an old desk in my room unused (with exception to store my "need to iron" laundry on) at the end of my bed.

I needed to collating the papers for the hand book for this weekend Parenting workshop so I chose to do so in my room. I decided to light the candles (I never use) and get to work.

When I was done I sat at the desk facing my wall (Shirley Valentine moment) and I felt the urge to write. I put on some relaxing music and wrote a short piece entitled "Believe" which I am including at the end of this post.

Who knew I had this inspired space in my sanctuary... my room?

And it beacons me again tonight, come sit, relax, quiet your thoughts and listen to your inner whispers.

Finding time to be with myself is very meaningful for me right now. Centering myself, focusing on my intention for my workshop this weekend.

Life is indeed good, and tomorrow is a new day.

Believe

Believe in Self.

Believe in your Truth.

Trust your Experience.

Trust in your Sacred.

Stand in your Majesty.

Know this is who you are.

Know that I am... I am all I need.

I am full of Potential.

I am Capable.

I am Brilliant.

I am a god force expressing myself through this body.

I am... just as you are...

Believe it.

Countdown to Parenting Workshop

4 more sleeps until the first day of my parenting workshop "Discovering Authentic Self and Consciously Parenting".

Louise says she and Paul have finished the editing and are in the process of completing the visuals for my CD. Copies are being sent to me as we speak!

I am getting together the final details and supplies. I still have a couple of spaces left (*wink*).

I know this workshop is one that is beneficial to ALL not just parents as it has so much to do with who we really are, authentic self and who we can become, unfolding self, unlimited potential. Recognizing our unconscious behaviors and asking the question... does this still serve me in my evolution of becoming my potential self? Owning the response and acting accordingly.

There is the perfect amount of people already registered and I am really looking forward to engaging with them.

I am also aware of this building excitement inside of me. Just who am I going to become after the workshop is all done? Who knows?

There are many interesting things happening over the next 30 days and it is a good time to be a WEL-Woman in the East Coast! More details for other events in later blogs. Stay tuned!

Tomorrow is a new day... life is good.

Matching the outside with the in

I'm beginning a journey to physical health today.

I have been very aware with how icky my body feels from carrying so much weight around with me.

I am creating a parallel blog that will have everything to do with WHOLE Health & Me, and in some way I think I will incorporate a weekly video journal... although I am not sure how / if I can do all of this on my own.

That blog will be separate from this one as I want to continue to dedicate this one to inner curiosities, inner growth, and what it means or could mean for others.

I am also not sure when my "parallel" blog will be live yet, but watch for it and know it's coming as soon as I allow myself to decloak that side of my self.

Be well.

Greater Reality

I’m still blown away each time I explore the definition of reality. I don’t think we ever stop to consider it. We go about living our lives just accepting reality is just us, and assuming it is the same for each of us.

So why not take the time to stop and consider… What is my personal definition? What is my reality? Ask a friend or family member the same question.

Dictionary.com definition of Reality:
1. The state or quality of being real.
2. Resemblance to what is real.
3. A real thing or fact.
4. Real things, facts, or events taken as a whole; state of affairs: the reality of the business world; vacationing to escape reality.
5. Philosophy.
a. something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.
b. something that exists independently of all other things and from which all other things derive.

Now consider a person with a disability; a woman in China; A man in New Zealand; a student in Rio de Janeiro.

Each person will have a different perspective, a different concept of what is reality for them. Not one of us has the same experience of reality because each of us is unique.

The population of our global community is approximately 6,586,804,171 people… this is how many different “realities” there are out there.

I do not have the same life experiences as my sister; therefore even though we were brought up together we did not have the same experiences shaping our realities. My reality is not hers.

Stop and listen… respect & learn from each others experiences/realities. Consider the possibilities.

What if we as a global community came to know this “Structure of Reality”*? We could no longer look at people in the same light; we could see the knowledge and wisdom in everyone from the street beggar to the Queen of England and everyone in between.. Just because you have no personal experience or knowledge of something does not make it less real.

If we all knew this as second nature I don’t believe there would be wars or intentional killings, we would simply know that we all can be right, believe what we believe; be a Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Pagan, Atheist, whatever. And be concerned only with ourselves not with converting or conforming others to our views. Think about it… how many wars are happening in our world because someone is trying to impose their way of life on others?

If we could just accept other people’s views and our individual rights, the world would be a much different place.

Tomorrow is a new day… there is always more.

* Structure of Reality is a WEL-Systems Model

Getting Over Yourself

How many times in our lives do we remain silent?

How often do we think we “know” how someone will react if we approach them?

How many times do we allow ourselves not to go that route because we think we know the outcome?

How often are we selling ourselves short, limiting our own growth, allowing relationships to get stale… all because we doubt ourselves… doubt in our truth, doubt in our voice, doubt in our magnificence.

Get over yourself.

If you perceive someone as limiting you at work, are you going to be the victim?
If you perceive your relationship as hitting a rough spot, do you remain silent?
If you perceive others of turning away from you if you speak your truth, do you live a lie?

Get over yourself.

What I have come to realize in my life is that 95% of how I believed others would react to something I had to say, do or ask was in fact made up in my head. You don’t know how someone is going to act / react until you open your mouth to engage with them.

The majority of the time you have worried yourself sick thinking about saying something and if you actually gather up the courage to do it you are pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

What is the right thing to say?

Should I even bring that up?

What if they laugh?

What if they think I’m stupid?

What if he/she leaves me?

What if they take offence?

What if?

What if you don’t? You will never know. You will never grow. Things will never change.
What if you remain silent? People may not have seen what you saw; they won’t have the opportunity to make different choices.

Get over yourself.

By remaining silent about what is important to you, by allowing your fear the unknown and kept silent (not engage) you are limiting yourself.

By not asking for what you want others will never know and it will be 100 times harder to get it, don’t let the stories you tell yourself get in your way, people love to help other people… just ask.

It boils down to voice.

Being willing to speak authentically, about what is meaningful to you.

Being willing to take a breath and engage with the person you hold as having something you want or the keeper of that thing and let them know how you feel.

Being willing to be vulnerable, to say “I am nervous about asking you this and it has prevented me from approaching you in the past but…” I have seen this open up a whole different dynamic between two people. One who was always intimidated and the other who didn’t even know they were being perceived as being intimidating.

Being willing to accept the consequences and being resourceful with yourself, what ever the outcome may be. This is what I want in my life, nothing less, can you do that? If not I am happy to be on my own.

And if you don’t speak, nothing will change, except for inside of you when you become bitter, cynical, and depressed.

Get over yourself.

You are the only one who controls your life.

You are the only one who makes choices on your own behalf from moment to moment.

Own those choices.

Celebrate in the knowledge that they are your choices.

Take control of how you move through your world.

Live at Cause.

And live a full and meaningful life by your own design.
Tomorrow is a new day… there is always more.

Is it too late?

I read Anita's blog entry today and I began to think about how much I missed of Jessica's childhood and how much I made her miss out on the wonderment of it all.

When Jessica was 2 yrs old I was a single mother, I was 21 years old. I can remember resenting being a single mother so much that it ate away at me.

I was so preoccupied with how hard it was to be home all day long with a child, to not have money, and to not have the luxury of being able to go out with my friends without my child... I was so busy worrying about being the sole caretaker that I forgot to enjoy my child.

Jessica learned from a very early age to grow up quickly. She always had to take on more than your average child. I was so concerned with what other people thought of me and how I was doing things that I spent alot of my time at home stressed out, depressed and trying to get things in order. Try doing this with a 2 yr old... not an easy task so I had her do chores with me.

Being 2 and helping with the dishes or sweeping the floors can be a fun thing, but when you are 2 with an adult who is stressed or depressed the feelings associated with these tasks are not ones of fun.

I was also preoccupied with playing "the game". I wanted to hurt Mike and the only way I could was with Jessica. I tried to make him feel guilty for not spending time with her. At times I would say she couldn't stay over when he wanted her too. There were even times I would have Jessica talk to him on the phone and say she wanted to see him. I was angry at him for leaving and was blind to what I was doing to our daughter in the process.

I also was lonely. For those who know me and know my past you can understand where this is coming from. I always felt a hole in myself. I felt unworthy. I felt unlovable. I felt isolated. I felt incomplete. So when another "man" came along and paid me compliments I was preoccupied with him, not my daughter.

During an almost 5 year period Jessica learned to rely on herself. She was used to a mother who was there but not fully there. She was used to pitching in to keep house. She was used to comforting and consoling her mother.

When Jessica was 7 yrs old, Mike and I got back together. Both more "mature" however I for one was still lost (i.e. felt like I was missing something, not whole).

Another 3 years go by. We have another baby girl, I am trying to be a caretaker, a mother, a disciplinarian, a bread winner, a volunteer, etc.

Life is stressful, life is serious, we don't ever have money or time for fun.

And then I take a breath, I started taking course, I discovered who I am and who I can become, I learned to look at my whole life and my children for the brilliant perfect beings they were and can be again (after they can get rid of the crap I detailed above).

I looked at my daughter and saw she is no longer a little girl, she is a beautiful young woman who is just beginning to explore some Independence, who makes fantastic decisions, who is helpful and caring, to her friends, children, animals, and sometimes even her parents!

Time has gotten away from me. From us, I see her at 11 yrs old, so grown up, and I want to tell her to stop.

WAIT! I'm sorry I encouraged you to grow up so fast, don't forget you are still a child, don't forget to have fun.

Let's run, let's skip, let's laugh, let's play.

But she is almost a teenager and that just isn't cool do do with your mom anymore. I've missed the boat.

Did I cause her to totally forget how to be a child by my parenting style? Is it too late?

I believe it is never too late. As I have changed the way I move through the world this past year, I began to change how I engage with my kids, and I am seeing a difference.

My daughter has a voice, she is no longer afraid to speak up when she feels she has to. She is laughing more, especially this past month with Mike on board. She is exploring more, she is choosing more, she is fantastic.

Maybe one day she will not worry so much about what other people think and maybe one day she will shock me and hold my hand in public... (GASP!!)

It is never too late to be there for your child... to listen to his or her concerns... to allow them to have a temper tantrum, to witness their anger or tears and not dismiss that. To allow them to be exactly who they are in the moment it happens.

Life is good, there is always more.

Managment Skills

I received a course notification today for a course for managers & supervisors called “Managing Employees Who Have Rotten Attitudes or Lousy People Skills”.

My first instinctual reaction was this is going to be a joke e-mail. When I opened it the content looked like the real thing, and thought man someone has way too much time on their hands to make up a fake poster like this. Then I realized this is an ACTUAL course.

So the concept behind the course I suppose is good, trying to get the best out of the people you work with.

However the language used on in this course poster holds a lot of presuppositions which are unbelievable to me when I think that they are targeting leaders in our organizations.

First you have the course title “Managing Employee Who have Rotten Attitudes or Lousy People Skills” then speckled throughout the description the author repeatedly refers to employees and their attitudes as “weak”, “crummy”, “lousy” in one instance “just plain stink”.

By the language alone this begins to devalue the “problem” employee in the eyes of the manager/supervisor and is actually quite demeaning to read.

The second thing that stands out for me in the course is as statement that “Employees who don’t know how to get along with others – or worse yet, WON’T get along with others – make life hard for everyone around them, especially you, their manager.”

It talks of making them feel like you “hear” them. (And yes it put it in quotes)

The pictures in the poster of the employees look like they are depressed not weak or crummy. They look truly unhappy.

The course description ends with, “Enroll today and end your frustrations for good!”

How ominous does that sound?

Is this really what this company thinks are skills leaders in our society need? Tools to take care of the trouble makers (them)?

Where is ownership, where is the compassion? (Where is the "me"?)

Where is the let’s get curious about what is underlying all of this behaviour to truly make a difference in way you (and the employee) engage with each other?

I look at my workplace and I see the leadership within. There is such a variety of leadership styles in our workplace. And I see the leaders who make the biggest impact and have the happiest employees in our organization. They are the ones who are showing up… authentically being themselves and encouraging others to be their selves. Encouraging growth and valuing it, in their selves and others. This is what true leadership is.

What is it going to take for people to get it? Just sit back and allow yourself to imagine what a fantastic environment “work” would be if the leaders who were there showed up and encouraged you to do the same?

Breathing is good. There is always more.

Stopping the Cycle

I had a big night of insights last night and I metabolized quite a bit, yet for this insight I know that it is just the tip of the ice burg.

At the same time I know I have stopped history from repeating itself, by speaking of my past experience.

By voicing it as I see it happening again and saying "Wait, this is how those words affected me.... I don't want to see that happen here."

And it stops... at the very least it will be noticed when it begins to happen and a choice can be made in that moment... "Is this who I am and how I choose to move through my world? Or is this a demon from my past running a tape from my childhood of behavior that may have been modelled to me?"

With that, it already is different. You can no longer not know.

As we move through generations we evolve. We don't have to be our parents, we can be different.

And by no means is that meant to show disrespect to them, they worked with what they had and what was modelled to them by their parents, etc.

It is simply growing and recognizing... if it doesn't feel right to me I don't have to choose this way of parenting my children.

And there is always tomorrow...

Woman Awakening

I look around me with my eyes wide open and my breath deep in my body. And I see you.

I listen with my ears and my attention deep at the base of my spine. And I hear you.

I close my eyes and know with in myself that you are present, you are home.

My journey is so new, yet it seems I have been doing this forever, it feels so right.

To see other people begin to wake up to their own potential is intoxicating.

To be present when some else finds the sacred within themselves is inexplicable.

To witness a woman claim back her LIFE is simply brilliant and awe inspiring.

Knowing that I have been an invitation for women to awaken to this in themselves has been fantastic, to be a witness to their brilliance, their unlimited potential just by being themselves… there is nothing like it.

Yes our lives can change in an instant, if you allow yourself to become curious and ask the bigger questions. If you take ownership for your life, it will never be the same.

Breathe, follow the impulse, and “know” you are so much more.

Life is good… and there is always more.

Beauty of Innoncence

I was sitting with Sara playing with her "guys" (small stuffed bears) and she started pretending one was sick. So my bear was supposed to be the doctor bear.

Well her "guy" was getting upset at my doctor because I wasn't playing right. I was supposed to make him feel better.

Ready for this?

With some deep breaths and by holding him close.

The beauty of innocence, the power of being you.

Through the Eyes of a two year old

What an adventure our walk turned out to be.

It seemed like everything was "new" for Sara, and it probably was.

Who knew the ducks wouldn't be like the cute little yellow ones Sara knows from TV?

Who knew that the squirrels would run away from an excited two year old?

Who knew that encountering dogs along the way would be a scary thing?

Who knew the little girl would walk around singing at the top of her lungs through the forest!

What a joy it was.

And what is in store for Jessica & her Dad this afternoon? Ha, ha, ha I know but she is sitting here reading it so I won't say!

Who knew?

Spring has Sprung

the grass has ris... I can never remember the next part of the saying.

Today is a beautiful sunny day in Dartmouth, the skies are blue, the temperature is above zero, and my FAMILY is going out for a walk in the park.

Mike suggested the place for the outing, Sara of course loves to be outside, I am estatic my family is actually going to be doing something together, and Jessica doesn't want to come.

Breathe. I am frusterated beyond measure and I found words coming out of my mouth that very much the "command and control" way of parenting.

"You are coming whether you like it or not". I cringe as the words come out, yet at the same time I am longing for this family outing to happen.

So now I have a choice point. Allowing her to go back to her friends house as the rest of us go out as a family, if she chooses to. Or making her do what I want her to do.

Breathe, follow the impulse, and stand in what your body knows is the right thing.

I'll give her the choice.

In each moment we have the power of choice...

The power of coming home

For those who know me, you know how I find it important to me to stay connected with the women I have been on this journey with over the past year and a bit.

I find it refreshes and brings joy back into my life to have these bigger conversations with people. Not to bitch and complain. (like I did in my last post... so easy to slip into what we "knew" for so long). But to have real conversations about things that are meaningful to us.

Reconnecting with women who have felt within themselves the power of coming home.

These days I have also been blessed with attracting new people into my life. Women who are searching, women who are seeking, women who are through doing what they have been doing for the past 35-45 yrs of their lives.

They have come to seek me out. Perhaps seeing how I am moving through my world. Perhaps having read some of my articles or having seen my programs advertised. Asking if I would take some time to listen. Take the time to talk. Take the time for a new friendship.

And it never ceases to amaze me, the number of them who are game. Who are up for the "what else is out there for me"; the "I know there is more to it than this" in their lives.

And I've seen them. I've witness their sacred moments when they have claimed back their own power (no longer giving it to the boss, boyfriend, mother, father). I've seen them know within themselves... deep down in that place where spirit touches tissue, that they are worth more and capable of more. And then they step into it.

I'm thinking of a woman now who I have been coaching for almost 6 months now and she is simply blossoming... coming home.

And I'm not the only person who sees it... and it is simply fantastic. I have learnt so much about myself in witnessing her courage and strength coming forward.

Witnessing the power of someone coming home... this is where it's at. This is where I want to be, growing, evolving, decloaking, BEING... all the while witnessing that sacred in other women... welcome home.

No Content...

I find myself compelled to write tonight and I don't have the slightest clue what about yet, so as I often do, I will let my fingers do the talking.

I've been finding at times I am exhausted. I don't feel burnt out... just tired. It is almost as if I am trying to pack too much into my days, trying to be there for everyone who asks, and getting back into the dance of wanting to please.

I just started a new job, the people I am working with are fantastic yet I am feeling inside myself that I should be doing more for the group. I don't have the slightest clue what that "more" is yet because I haven't yet claimed my space in the group. This feeling of in am I enough for them still plagues me although I thought that was the old me... things still creep up. Oh how the old culturally conditioned / early childhood systems stick with you.

The good thing is I can now recognize these as habit or strategies I used in my past, and choose to move through my world differently.

At work it's Year End, so my co-workers at my old position are going crazy with the additional workload I used to take care of for them (year end was mostly my job). My replacement is a temp who has not mastered the financial systems, so I have offered to help see them through year end. Well time is ticking and I'm still waiting...

Each time I would go to show the temp how to do something (to assist them) I would get bombarded with requests and questions from the 3 project managers.
1. Overwhelming
2. Where is the respect when someone is working with someone else?
3. I have allotted my time for a specific purpose, I have a full time job and you need to respect that.

I asked my old boss the other day to talk with the other 2 project managers and make a list of the things they would like me to work on for them this year end (and also to make sure it is not something either they or the temp can do) and I would come in on the weekend to complete the tasks. To help ease their work load.

Tomorrow I go to meet with my old boss to go over his projects, I have allotted an hour of time and I also asked that he get that list and that I not be bombarded with the other stuff when I am meeting with him. I told him my work load in my current job and that I would appreciate it if we could keep on task.

This post is way too much like bitching and complaining... it is making me feel blah!

I'm going to start a new post right now on some of the more important things going on in my world right now!

Stay tuned...

The Dance...

Single Mothers / Single Mothers on Assistance this is where my attention has been going towards. This is an area in my life where I know I can make a difference and impact... on how many it's unimportant, so long as I reach one I am happy.

I find myself consider alot lately this whole parenting paradigm.

I find myself most times feeling like I still am a single mother, even though my children's father is back in our lives. I feel very much alone in this "adult" world of parenting.

Having to be responsible, taking care of the house, taking care of the kids, taking care of their health (mind, body and spirit). And then having to make up stories about this man I want my children to look up to. This man I want very much to be a partner in our relationship, after all he is also a parent of our two girls and thus begins the dance of deception.

Dancing is a metaphor for this game I play where I know the type of man I want my children to look up.

I want my girls to be able to see their father loves them, by his actions, not his words. I want them to know he is interested in them, in who they are and who they are becoming. I want them to know he considers them a priority and not a burden.

And I have found myself in the past doing things to cover for him, not because he asked me to but because I felt compelled to make it "alright" for my kids. Making up stories (that I wasn't even sure were true as actions speak louder than words) about how much he really does love them, how proud he is of them, how much they mean to him... and I know because children are brilliant and that they know how they feel... and these words I tell them are contradicting what their bodies and emotions are telling them.

And what I know now is that is crazy making stuff. Imagine, if you (as an adult) met someone who had no interest in what you were doing, what you were accomplishing, not even really willing to talk with you except to criticize or occasionally inquire about your day. And imagine, if you had a mutual friend who kept telling you, they really like you, they really are proud of your accomplishments, they are so interested in your life.

How would you feel?

Now imagine being a child and these people are your parents.

I'm sure there are a few of you who did experience this in your own childhood.

So how do I end this dance I find myself dancing? I have already spoken up and said I was no longer willing to settle for less... and yet I find myself sucking it back up for a bit. I have seen changes being made already.

I figure I will wait a bit then enter the conversation again. Are these changes happening because it is what I want or are they being made because this is something you have found within yourself that you would like to improve upon? And how long do I wait?

The song has changed but I am still dancing.

Words Flooding on to the page...

My friend Sarah and I met last night with an amazing woman Louise connected us with . This woman is one of the few in our world who has discovered her authentic self is where she wants to be (and she discovered this on her own).

Thinking, being, feeling, healing in ways that are deeply meaningful to yourself. KNOWING your own truth. Coming home to yourself. There is no way to explain it other than feeling "right" with yourself.

Trusting in that truth, your truth. And knowing that is where the power lies.

The next step… allowing yourself to surrender. Surrender to the full expression of your unique signal in this world. Letting your culturally conditioned beliefs about what you are "supposed" to be like (quiet, loyal, obedient, a good girl) fall away, and be still as you stand in the sacred of your own truth.

Recognizing that what others think of you isn't your business. Living your life for yourself, in ways that are meaningful for you.

Because your reality is not my reality. As my reality is not hers. We are individuals experiencing our own lives each in a unique way.

We are the creators of our reality. How we choose to act or react at any given time alters the direction we are going on our personal journey. How choose to look at the events in our lives (our outlook) impacts the direction of our futures. The attitude and energy we express in our world either attracts or repulses things in our lives… but ultimately it is our choice on how we proceed.

As Winston Churchill once said "You create your own universe as you go along".

One connection brought these thoughts flooding into my awareness. The words are not what I set out to write about, but here they appeared before me… it is what I needed to be said.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new adventure. What is in store? Who will I become? Who knows? There is always more.

Not there yet always there...

I just wanted to give a shout out to Anne, welcome home from your trip and I am very happy to see a new post from you.

Equally surprising was to see Ray's return with some words of wisdom and living in the "now". It was nice to see your words Ray!

So I think of how sometimes we begin to think we are going through life alone. Alone in our thoughts, alone in our troubles, alone in our successes, alone in our utmost joy... yet we are never alone... there is always someone there (whether we see them or not) on the same wave length connected to us in what we are moving through... yet not necessarily standing beside us.

Welcome back onto my holodeck Anne & Ray... Your words always have some resonance for me.

Awaiting April...

As a good friend of mine says (and I love it) I am "all jazzed up" about stepping into my workshops next month. I am excited about who I can touch and what I can invite them to consider. I am excited about what each person who shows up will in turn bring to me.

Things seem to be really moving full steam ahead with my workshop "Discovering Authentic Self and Consciously Parenting" and I can hardly wait for next month to arrive so I can begin this new chapter of my evolution, directly facilitating a program that will ultimately cause an awakening in others.

A co-worker signed up for my workshop today and it served as a big reminder to me how I was revealing my workshop to only a selected audience. It never even occurred to me that people in my work place may be interested or may know people who are interested. It never occurred to me that my friends and family may be interested or know someone who would be interested.

Not occurring to me... the one who is always speaking of living large and being out there "in all aspects of my life". Yet still found myself sectioning off parts of myself for this experience.

I am so happy this came into my consciousness now... before the workshop is completely filled up. So I can share and get a good cross section of people who are interested in taking back their own lives.

This looks very much like the future I envisioned for myself... working with others, inviting them to consider their own potential and how they can shape their worlds in a way that holds meaning for them.

Life is indeed good, I can't wait for tomorrow...

ONLY 36 more sleeps until my workshop begins! *grin*

International Women's Day

This afternoon I had the opportunity to step back into a room full of women who had just spent the day with each other for a Women Awakening program Louise created with a celebration of women, International Women's Day twist.

I came in for the final 2 hours of the day. I came into a room full of energy and bonding of women who knew each other, women who work with each other, and a whole lot of women who just met each other today.

I arrived for the book signing event. There were several authors of the Sekhemet Rising book project on hand to tell their stories, speak of their experiences and sign their chapters of the books.

And I had the opportunity to connect with some new women who can give me contacts for my workshop "Discovering Authentic Self and Consciously Parenting". For future programs... to create space that is free to the Single mother on social assistance ... or mother on social assistance, funding obtained by community programs for me to travel to their communities to provide this to them.

I came home from this event, and there is an e-mail from a journalist of a local paper, who saw my workshop poster and was curious to find out more about it. Who knows where this will go?

I am excited about what the upcoming months hold for me. One foot in front of the other... constantly moving forward... keeping time for me to breath, be still, and engage.

Life is good, tomorrow is another day.

Living BOLD

Finished recording a CD conversation today with Louise for the Women Awakening Series called "Single Moms: Struggles and Strengths" The CD will be a complement to my workshop Discovering Authentic Self & Consciously Parenting next month.

I can hardly remember what we actually talked about while doing the CD other than in broad terms it was my experiences as a Single Mother. It will be a surprise for me to hear the first cut when the editing process begins.

What keeps coming to mind in how much of a difference we can make in peoples lives by simply being ourselves, and standing alone, speaking up and being heard.

I understand this can be a scary thing for some people. What will other people think? Who am I to talk about what is meaningful to me? Who am I to be able to do that and feel good about it?

Who are you not to?

I enjoy living BOLD and unapologetic... I enjoy engaging in life respectful to my authentic self and not harming others. I enjoy living my life in a way that I find meaningful. I enjoy speaking my truth. And I can't imagine living a life that I do not engage in this way.

For me, the notion of not being bold and unapologetic means I lose myself. It means I make myself small again, it means that years of culturally conditioned self (you can't do that, say that, you are worthless, you are stupid) wins again. It means I go back to sleep.

For me, the notion of not engaging in life respectfully to my authentic self means I rob myself of joy, passion and meaning.

For me, the notion of not speaking my truth means I keep others small. Now I'm not talking about going out and preaching or dictating to others how I think they should live; but standing alone speaking what is true for me, not only writing articles, but having them published with the intention of awakening others, means so much to me. For me, to remain silent is equivalent to "shutting up".

I am living BOLD... and will continue to do so. It is my intention to continue to grow myself and to wake up others (who are restlessly sleeping) to the notion of the unlimited potential. To keep this intention being BOLD will serve me well. I can become a beacon for those restless women to see and hear, I become an invitation for them if they chose to awaken and engage.

Life is good. Tomorrow is a new day.

Global Theatre

One of the things that struck me last week during one of our conversations in Engaging was just how messed up our "culturally conditioned" selves are.

Taught to us from almost day one is not to cry, not to be upset when it's inconvenient for our parents, to "use our words" (even though we may not have grasped them yet), be nice, share, don't hit, give "so and so" a hug or kiss good bye (and when we don't we get scolded).

As we grow up, we are told to shut up, don't be stupid, be a good child, don't talk back, don't be unpleasant, say thank you, say you are sorry (when you really truly are not).

As teenagers trying to gain independence we are told we are being stupid, think before you speak, you are worthless, you will amount to nothing, if you keep that up you will see what you end up with, or I can't wait until you move out of this house.

All in the name of "love".

And then I look around at some of the people in this world...

• People who do things because they don't know how to say "No". They do things because they feel intimidated. They gossip, they talk about others to make them seem so much worse that they must look better in comparison. They do things and then resent others for "making" them do it. Or they do not do it and find an excuse as to why it hasn't gotten done. And they become sick, stressed and cynical; they are often out on leave or spend their days complaining to co-workers about their miserable work lives (busy being the victim).

• People who relish in the misery of others because it makes them feel "big". They find people to intimidate, make fun of, push around. They pass the buck, the paperwork, the responsibility, the blame. Although they appear to be in control of things and all the people around them they are often compensating for some inadequacy that is buried deep within themselves. They also find themselves getting sick, often have heart attacks or suffer from high blood pressure.

Many other types of people out there... people who are also sleep walking. Zombies not awake to themselves. Not will to stand up and take responsibilities for their own lives. Not willing to create their future.

And last week it struck me... All around us are millions of actors, and the world is a stage.

People pretending to like you, to enjoy this, to do that.

People PRETENDING to be happy with their lives... settling for less.

People talking about the weather or the ball game, never really taking the time to TALK to the people they pretend to care about.

Pretenders... acting like they are living a meaningful life... are they?

Are you?

What is stopping you?

Going big... and reeling it back in...

Over the past week I have really allowed myself to engage in the "what if's" of my life.

I have made some huge declarations and set things in motion. Loving it, Living it and moving forward.

Now it's Sunday.

Hmm, I start a new job tomorrow with the Finance Branch in my department. I am excited to work with the people who I will be working with. I am also mindful of how "Monday" will be serving me in the now.

This is a weird feeling for me... I'm not feeling excited about starting this new job today. I'm kind of feeling... empty.

And what comes to mind is how big I allowed myself to plan things out last week. How fantastic my workshop is going to be in April and how many other programs I can get into place in the immediate future, to work with and ignite women, single mothers, and single mothers on assistance.

I am very mindful of what holds PASSION for me in my life... do what you love and love what you do. Those who are successful in life are following their passion, and all of the other cliches.

Today I'm feeling a little empty. I'm feeling a little bit of "it's in all about the details" which is hard to wrap your head around when you have been engaging in the Bigger Picture things in this world.

And I know that getting up and starting this new job tomorrow will be interesting and enjoyable... and it's not what I am passionate about, but it serves me for the NOW.

So as I contemplate tomorrow, I may as well start doing my taxes while I'm in a detail and empty mood.

:o)

Finance... taxes... if anyone knew me as a child and watched me do math they wouldn't be surprised that as a 31 yr old woman I have been known to still count on my fingers...

Bah, thank god there is always tomorrow... and there is always more.

Can no longer not know... what I know

Engaging... what a week.

The things I discovered about myself this week have forever changed who I am. I can never forget the things that moved through me.

I made some big decisions on just how I will be leading my life from now on. Just how I will engage with my world.

And it is huge... much like who I know I am.

I am no longer settling for less than I deserve in any aspect of my life.

I am no longer going to wait for my ideal future (the one I envision) to happen TO ME. I have already begun to take steps for my future... to create and manifest a life that is meaningful to me.

My home life is evolving, finally. Funny how I found it easy to decloak and be myself at work and with friends, but not at home with my family (the people who I love most in this world). So this week I chose to decloak, to reveal the massive presence I have become in the world, and invite Mike to continue the ride. I made clear what I wanted... and that I was no longer willing to settle for less than. I want to be seen for all I have done and all I am creating, in ALL aspects of my life.

And because I chose to decloak and engage, it will no longer be the same... and this is fantastic.

My passion... my passion for working with women and awakening others to their potential and their lives. I am taking steps to making this a larger part of my world... of my future. I have some upcoming meetings this week to discuss outside funding for future Workshops. So perhaps I can give them directly to Single Mothers on social assistance, so they too can come to discover that their are brilliant and full of potential as well.

I have gain great clarity on how my life will be and I have begun engaging to manifest my future towards that goal.

I can no longer not know... what I have come to know this past week.

Life is good, and tomorrow is another day.

Anticipating the Unknown

Tonight I sit here exhausted.

It has been a intense week with the women who have chosen to step into the Engaging process.

I have gained such clarity on many aspects of my life and in particular in the direction I am going.

After lunch today I went over to my work and took care of some loose ends that I knew I had to do. I withdrew myself from a competitive process for a higher paying job.

I have become very clear that I need to be passionate about what I do... money doesn't create happiness for me so why continue pretending that I would be happier at that other job.

I am clear that my future lies where my passion is, and in the meantime why expend my energy on competitions for a series of jobs I am not passionate about?

What I know.

What I know is the job I begin on Monday is one where I will be working with people who communicate and work as a real team.

What I know is that the people I will be working with already value the leadership skills I have discovered over the past year and are already recognizing ways that I can engage to the benefit of the group.

What I know is that this position I have will be a fantastic place for me to be at this stage in my life.

What I also "know" is that not many people decide to drop out of a competition that is at a higher level simply because they are clear they do not want to do that kind of work.

What I "know" is that other people are going to look at that and question why is she dropping out?

AND what I KNOW is that I am very clear that money does not equate happiness for me any longer.

The interesting thing is that right after I did all of this (i.e. withdrew from the competition) my throat started to feel funny (left side, thick) and I started to get hot (feverish).

I am curious how much of this is tied to what I know will be my mothers reaction to my decision, and I am also very aware how her model of the world (go for the job with the most money, financial security is of utmost importance, etc) is not my model of the world any more.

And what I know is that if I am getting curious about this, it holds resonance for me...

Big Week.

I have also had very tough conversations with someone I love very much this week. I have been clear to who I have become and what I need to move on and grow. And I am still anticipating the unknown with this one.

So I have been very clear... I want to be seen... for who I have become. I will no longer settle for anything less than that.

The person who I was last year would have settled... the person I am now and who I continue to become will not.

And I am not this person, so I don't have the slightest clue how they are processing this one... for me it is an unknown... and I wait.

The thing about the Unknown is that I know it will hold growth for me. Which ever way this thing turns out... I am clear in what I stand for.

What I want in my life and what type of people i want in my life... all of it.

I am clear that I will continue to be just who I have become... always growing... always engaging... living large, with passion and drive... for everything that is meaningful to me and for the future I know I am creating.

Tomorrow is another day... and there is always more.