Trust

On Friday a wonderful opportunity presented itself as an invitation to further my evolution and contribute to my intentions of working with women to help them awaken to the possibilities of their potential, future and hope.

I was elated on Friday, I shared with a few close friends/coworkers who were so very happy and supportive of this opportunity for me; who saw the big picture and the implications of just what I have to offer the world (who else).

And then I go to my mothers who I tell my wonderful news to... who just says "oh? that's nice".

I express to her my joy, my excitement, and how much of a huge deal this is to me and she comes back with a "well you have so much on the go right now".

Hmm, took me down a few notches. I resolved not to let her words take away from my success... yet they found a home with in my body.

Is shared with my spouse the opportunity that presented itself to me, he expressed his pride and shared in my joy then asked "is it going to cost us?"

I said no, yet then the comment combined with my mothers comment and cast doubt.

So yesterday I am at a party for my 2 yr old nephew and I'm talking with a friend of my sisters who is asking what I have been up to. I began telling her some of the things I have been doing over the past year and she said my sister told her about alot of them. I told her about my upcoming program "Discovering Authentic Self and Consciously Parenting" and told her about this new opportunity I will be taking on. She was very happy for me.

This is when I noticed the doubt that I allowed into my body.

So I began to struggle within myself.

I know what I know. I know that the person who offered the opportunity is someone who is truly supportive of me. I know that I have so much to offer and I have found my passion and joy again, and I can speak from that to people who need to hear it. I know I am resourceful. I know I am brilliant. I know I am ultimately the one who will make or break any endeavor I take on. All things I know we all are.

I know that doubt has served me in the past. I grew up "knowing" that I'm nothing special. I grew up "knowing" that when an opportunity comes there is always a price to pay. I grew up "knowing" that it's too good to be true. I grew up "knowing" that I should never be too big for my britches. I grew up "knowing" that I shouldn't start anything I wouldn't be able to finish (and knowing that I never started anything for fear of them being right).

And I allowed the culturally conditioned me (the person I was for 30 yrs) to begin to run it's program of doubt. I worked very hard this past year to not let that rule who I am. And now that I am awake and aware, I didn't allow that filter to continue to take a hold of me and I asked for clarification on this opportunity.

And all it was a filter, perception. My opportunity is a fantastic one that holds so much for so many others. I am proud of what I have done and proud and excited of what I will be doing.

I am aware now that I need to work on the whole trust issue. Trust in myself. Trust in believing my self. Trust that I will not be too big for my britches. Trust that I AM somebody special (we all are). Trust that I finish everything I start that holds meaning for me.

And consider that the price that there is always to pay, isn't always monetary. The price I am going to pay for this is my label of "Doubt".

Trust... not trust in others... as trust in others isn't important as trust in my self is all I will need.

And I know tomorrow will bring an opportunity for me to grow again and become more that I am today. Life is good... and there is always more.